Offended at a funeral?

Cormic · 20-07-2011 11:34PM

Reading through this entire thread in one sitting a number of things occur to me.

1. A lot of people on here don't give a monkeys about what people will wear to their funeral. However we can assume that as this is AH that the average age of respondents is < 13. This means nothing.

2. Most, but not all, of the people who replied with personal stories of loss did agree that there should be a certain standard of dress at a funeral. This was especially true if you were part of the family.

My own experience leads me to believe that if you are part of the family get into a suit. No one will accuse you of being overdressed.

If you don't have a suit this is one of the occasions where someone in the extended family will throw you a couple of quid to at least buy a pair of black trousers, a white shirt and black tie in Penneys.

Steodonn · 20-07-2011 11:44PM

Been to two funerals in my life of close family members. I wore a tracksuit. I don't care if anyone was offend because getting a suit was the last thing on my mind and I know the people who died wouldn't of cared

The_Thing · 20-07-2011 11:50PM

Don't forget to put your phone on silent or turn it off altogether.

mackeire · 21-07-2011 12:06AM

The_Thing wrote: »

Don't forget to put your phone on silent or turn it off altogether.

i was at my mates funeral yesterday and at least 4 phones went off. The worst time was near the end when his older brother was giving a speech about him and a phone was ringing for ages.

Just put the feckin thing on silent!!

stinkle · 21-07-2011 12:26AM

Hmm despite remembering in horrible detail the worst funeral I've ever had to attend (young person, good friend, long illness), I couldn't tell you what I, or anyone else wore. We had better things to care about. Now everyone was reasonably "mournfully dressed" in dark clothes, in fairness. Although I do remember some evil old nun from our school giving one girl grief over her choice of earrings (some kids were in school uniform). As if anyone cared!!!!

seandeas · 21-07-2011 12:53AM

Corvus Maximus wrote: »

My dad died last year (RIP) and a lot of people praised my brothers and I for wearing black suits & ties. It's a personal thing though really. Since dad was a former Army man, we all thought it was appropiate to dress smart for him. Now a lot of people were casually dressed, but it was nice to see them pay their respects so it didn't bother me.

are you for real ?..."a lot of people praised my brothers and I for wearing black suits and ties..". It was your father's funeral for God's sake, what were you supposed to wear, Jeans and a tshirt ? I've never heard the like. Even the scobies in the inner city dress up for a "funerdal". Where on earth are you from ?

MagicMarker · 21-07-2011 07:48AM

Steodonn wrote: »

Been to two funerals in my life of close family members. I wore a tracksuit. I don't care if anyone was offend because getting a suit was the last thing on my mind and I know the people who died wouldn't of cared

Tracksuits are wrong no matter what day it is.

pickarooney · 21-07-2011 09:49AM

I haven't got a suit. I think the last one I wore was in 1998 and I haven't needed one since. I also don't own overalls or a donkey jacket but consider myself an adult.

prinz · 21-07-2011 09:59AM

If it was a close relative I'd have more things to worry about on the day, but it's definitely something that would stike me as **** before long tbh, strikes me as putting yourself before the dead person and/or their family.

I don't mean you have to wear a suit and tie combo, but at least be dressed smartly and dressed down colourwise. Not a bloody tracksuita and runners.

Unless someone left clear instructions that casual dress for example was to be worn at their funeral I'd dress up, suit, tie, shiny shoes, the lot.

petes · 21-07-2011 10:29AM

I was at a friends mothers funeral last week and I wore a pair of jeans a t-shirt and fleece. I was working afterwords (that didn't happen) and thats what I wear in my place of work.

Would give two fooks what everyone else is wearing if they came to the funeral of one of my family members. I'd just be glad they came to show their respects and support.

Sticky_Fingers · 21-07-2011 11:02AM

pickarooney wrote: »

I haven't got a suit. I think the last one I wore was in 1998 and I haven't needed one since. I also don't own overalls or a donkey jacket but consider myself an adult.

I have one god awful suit that is too small for me, only got it for my Uni graduation and that was going on 6 years ago. Have wore it 4 times since then. It would have been cheaper to just rent the fecking thing for all the use I get out of it.

orourkeda · 21-07-2011 11:26AM

The fights can be interesting

southsiderosie · 21-07-2011 12:53PM

seandeas wrote: »

are you for real ?..."a lot of people praised my brothers and I for wearing black suits and ties..". It was your father's funeral for God's sake, what were you supposed to wear, Jeans and a tshirt ? I've never heard the like. Even the scobies in the inner city dress up for a "funerdal". Where on earth are you from ?

Have you read this thread?

aujopimur · 21-07-2011 01:27PM

I was at a funeral recently, one of his sons wore a lime jacket at the removal and a mustard one at the funeral, I did'nt hear any remarks passed by anyone.
I've banned black at my funeral, whenever that is.

bamboozle · 21-07-2011 01:45PM

mackeire wrote: »

i was at my mates funeral yesterday and at least 4 phones went off. The worst time was near the end when his older brother was giving a speech about him and a phone was ringing for ages.

Just put the feckin thing on silent!![/QUOTE]

some idiots cannot turn their phones to silent

its not too difficult to throw on a suit & if you dont own a suit then a shirt and slacks or female equivalent. if you can dress formally for weddings, interviews etc you can do it for funerals.

bamboozle · 21-07-2011 01:47PM

Steodonn wrote: »

Been to two funerals in my life of close family members. I wore a tracksuit. I don't care if anyone was offend because getting a suit was the last thing on my mind and I know the people who died wouldn't of cared

would you wear a track suit to a job interview or wedding?

Dub Ste · 21-07-2011 01:47PM

I've told my wife that if I kark it before she does,I don't want ANYONE,other than the funeral director lads,in a suit or anything like that.

It's MY day,although technically I won't be there,I hate wearing suits,it's not me.
I want everyone wearing either Leeds,Dublin or Ireland jerseys,I want them dancing down the aisle as the curtain closes,and my last song is played out..."Burning Love"..

This may not be to everyone's taste,some may I'm being disrespectful,but it's my choice,it's what I want...

MariaBlaah · 21-07-2011 01:54PM

at my grandmothers funeral our parents (her children) dressed in "sunday" clothes.. that is, nice clothes that youd wear to a baptism/wedding just a bit more sombre.. my cousin who spoke about my nanny, wore blue jeans, boots and a red sweater. the rest of us wore much the same. none of us turned up in tracksuits, low tops, short skirts, high heels but we wore what we would wear on an ordinary day going into town shopping or whatever. before anyone says anything, it wasnt disrespectful, no one passed remarks, it was what our grandmother would have liked as she wasnt the fussy type. i think people should dress for a funeral with the person they are mourning in mind, if that person is like my grandmother - wear ordinary clothes (she would have gone mad if people were out buying clothes just for the day! waste of money she would have said!) if you didnt really know the person - go reserved!

moomooman · 21-07-2011 01:55PM

I was at a family funeral and a closer relative to the deceased than me arrived in a "Miss Bitch" t-shirt.

No one said anything to her, but juding by the comments, she fell in the estimation of a lot of people.

Least anyone can do is dress respectably, if you wouldnt get into a pub like that, you shouldnt be going into a church/mosque/synagogue..

cofy · 21-07-2011 02:01PM

At a funeral I think that the most important things are to show support for the bereaved and respect for the person who has died, not what you wear - it's a funeral, not a fashion show.

Mike 1972 · 21-07-2011 06:39PM

Last funeral I was at I was sitting behind some bint who was dressed to the nines but her hair looked like it hadnt been washed for six months :eek:

whatswhat · 21-07-2011 08:00PM

Would have to draw the line with Swim wear though.

later12 · 21-07-2011 08:22PM

I don't think I would care about what clothes someone wore, I think the whole funeral scene is bizarre and antiquated to begin with.

I mean I've refused to have a birthday party since I was about 7, so I have no interest in having a funeral. This is my body, and even in death I don't want to be dressed up and carted out in front of a crowd of strangers whom I had hardly known, just so that these randomers can tut-tut and say 'what a shame/ I know his sister/ I once marked him in hurling'. Oh God, it's a good thing I'll be dead for my funeral, because if I wasn't I should want to f*ck off the pub for the duration, and only come back for the part where I'm plonked into the earth and they've all f*cked off!

So if I do ever die, and one never knows what science shall dig up, I would be disappointed with any attempt to have any sort of event with more than about 12 close friends - and I mean close friends, not facebook aquaintances - people whom I have loved and in whose presence i have been naked (& sober). And nothing ceremonial at all. No music. Of course it isn't my choice, nor would a funeral be for my benefit, but it would just be in character, and I'd hope people would respect that.

And if someone who did attend was 'offended' at the outfit that another attendee wore, I (although organic matter by then) would probably be more annoyed with the offended party than anyone else.

pragmatic1 · 21-07-2011 08:30PM

In theory yes. But if I was at the funeral of a family member, I dont think I'd be too distracted by what people were wearing.

nacho libre · 22-07-2011 02:28PM

cofy wrote: »

At a funeral I think that the most important things are to show support for the bereaved and respect for the person who has died, not what you wear - it's a funeral, not a fashion show.

i've slightly changed my mind on this issue, if the deceased was fashion conscious and appreciates people being well turned out, then it would be a courtesy to their memory to be well turned out. However, if those left behind are more concerned by how a person is dressed, rather than focusing on the person being there, i'd find that fairly strange.

purity · 22-07-2011 04:13PM

I think the least of your concerns and worries would be the fashion at the funeral. Any normal person would be too concerned over the death of their loved one to take notice of anyone else.

Offended at a funeral?

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