Offended at a funeral?

Salty · 15-07-2011 12:51AM

round tower huntsman wrote: »

dont understand that tbh. if someone was mouthy or out of line at a funeral i'd understand that but critisicing them for what they wear is silly imo.

There were other things besides what she wore..it's a bit complicated so I don't want to get into it here..sorry if I'm coming across as highly strung or as an "old biddy" but it bothered me a bit. I didn't confront her about it at all, I had more important things to deal with.

round tower huntsman · 15-07-2011 12:54AM

_meehan_ wrote: »

There were other things besides what she wore..it's a bit complicated so I don't want to get into it here..sorry if I'm coming across as highly strung or as an "old biddy" but it bothered me a bit. I didn't confront her about it at all, I had more important things to deal with.

fair enough.

Guy:Incognito · 15-07-2011 12:57AM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

That said, if it was a funeral for one of my family members, I would still thank them for coming, no matter how dressed.

I noticed a massive decline in the dress standard of the peopel comign in to hand in CV in my last job in retail. People just dont make an effort anymore.

Was talkign to my cousin recently and it came up. He was in the head office of his job (hes an engineer) . On his way out there was a group of people in a waiting room goign for interviews. One guy was in a tracksuit :rolleyes:.

southsiderosie wrote: »

I'm surprised by the number of people on here who have said they don't own a suit at all...is this not part of being an adult? I can't imagine not having one 'go-to' suit for weddings/funerals/job interviews.

and court

baby and crumble · 15-07-2011 12:59AM

When my Mam died a couple of years ago I don't think any one of us thought we wouldn't be wearing a suit. All of my friends came in similar clothes, as did all my brothers' friends. I'll be brutally honest, I would have been annoyed if someone close to me or close to a member of my family had come in jeans. I think it's incredibly disrespectful. I'm only 28, but I'd be mortified if I had to go to any funeral in jeans or anything other than trousers and a shirt or top, with a fairly smart jacket.

I did notice people at my Mums funeral who weren't dressed what I would consider appropriately. There weren't many though. I was very upset, tired after a full week of round the clock vigils in the hospital, and overwhelmed by the entire thing, but I did notice, and so did all my family.

It takes 2 minutes to wear something other than jeans, and I do honestly think that everyone should have a suit or something similar to wear once you pass the age of about 18/19. It's just part of being a grown up- doing things you don't necessarily feel comfortable in because it's expected of you. I remember a similar thread about the new TD's in the F&A forum. I said the same thing then. It's a mark of respect to dress in clothes appropriate for the occasion.

I'm actually shocked by people saying it's ok to wear a tracksuit???

Then again, there are people who think it's ok to wear a black trainers with a suit "sure aren't they black?". *shudder*

round tower huntsman · 15-07-2011 01:00AM

Guy:Incognito wrote: »

I noticed a massive decline in the dress standard of the peopel comign in to hand in CV in my last job in retail. People just dont make an effort anymore.

Was talkign to my cousin recently and it came up. He was in the head office of his job (hes an engineer) . On his way out there was a group of people in a waiting room goign for interviews. One guy was in a tracksuit :rolleyes:.

so what?? i know men that dress like paupers but have forgotten more about mech eng that most suited up engineers know............

Guy:Incognito · 15-07-2011 01:21AM

round tower huntsman wrote: »

so what?? i know men that dress like paupers but have forgotten more about mech eng that most suited up engineers know............

They need to make mor of an effort so. They'll be plenty of people that "have forgotten more about it ......" that will dress properly to a meeting.

Fulton Crown · 15-07-2011 01:36AM

Im Only 71Kg wrote: »

..i managed to upset quite a few people today by not wearing the uniform to an aunt's funeral. one of the family members was in their words. "glad to see i dressed up for the occasion". needless to say i felt like a dick.

Good ! You deserved it !

Fulton Crown · 15-07-2011 01:37AM

baby and crumble wrote: »

When my Mam died a couple of years ago I don't think any one of us thought we wouldn't be wearing a suit. All of my friends came in similar clothes, as did all my brothers' friends. I'll be brutally honest, I would have been annoyed if someone close to me or close to a member of my family had come in jeans. I think it's incredibly disrespectful. I'm only 28, but I'd be mortified if I had to go to any funeral in jeans or anything other than trousers and a shirt or top, with a fairly smart jacket.

I did notice people at my Mums funeral who weren't dressed what I would consider appropriately. There weren't many though. I was very upset, tired after a full week of round the clock vigils in the hospital, and overwhelmed by the entire thing, but I did notice, and so did all my family.

It takes 2 minutes to wear something other than jeans, and I do honestly think that everyone should have a suit or something similar to wear once you pass the age of about 18/19. It's just part of being a grown up- doing things you don't necessarily feel comfortable in because it's expected of you. I remember a similar thread about the new TD's in the F&A forum. I said the same thing then. It's a mark of respect to dress in clothes appropriate for the occasion.

I'm actually shocked by people saying it's ok to wear a tracksuit???

Then again, there are people who think it's ok to wear a black trainers with a suit "sure aren't they black?". *shudder*

Great post....says it all

SirenX · 15-07-2011 01:43AM

people shouldn't wear bright cloths to funerals. I wouldn't care what they wore so long as they were dark in colouring, black navy etc...

neon pink/orange/green is not appropriate impo, which btw, I have seen before

Aoifey! · 15-07-2011 03:17AM

Although I think it looks better if everyone is well dressed, what people are wearing wouldn't really annoy me. The funeral is about the person you are there to mourn, not what you are wearing whilst mourning.

moonflower · 15-07-2011 03:47AM

I would never wear a tracksuit or something ripped or dirty to a funeral and I imagine most people wouldn't either, but other than that I wouldn't give a damn what people wore. I've seen some people have small freak outs over what to wear to a funeral and tbh I'd rather people turned up than stayed at home because they felt they had nothing to wear.

I have no 'smart' dark clothes, so to the last funeral I went to I wore black jeans, a dark top and a clean pair of shoes, most people their seemed to be wearing something similar. I did notice a lot of the older folk were very dressed up though, a lot of the older women were wearing fancy dresses and heels that seemed more suited to a night out.

antodeco · 15-07-2011 04:07AM

At my funeral, I'd want people to wear whatever they want. I want balloons, bouncy castles, fun games at mine. In my mind, I want people to have a good fun day on my funeral, rather than having everyone sad and ruining a few days of peoples lives. It should be a celebration of what's been. To get to have a funeral with people who care about you, is more than what some unfortunate people out there get.

Mike 1972 · 15-07-2011 08:26AM

southsiderosie wrote: »

I'm surprised by the number of people on here who have said they don't own a suit at all...is this not part of being an adult? I can't imagine not having one 'go-to' suit for weddings/funerals/job interviews.

In my younger days I didnt have a pot to pi5s in so It wasnt until I finished college that I got my first suit. Even then it was strictly reserved for job interviews as I was was worried about anything happening to it.

Not all of us are celtic cubs you know.........

Snowie · 15-07-2011 08:28AM

i get offeneded listening to priests

gbee · 15-07-2011 08:29AM

MagicMarker wrote: »

No. They took the time to come, what the fúck is there to be offended about?

Funeral crashers? There are 'professional' crashers who attend every funeral for the free drink and food, often a clue is their attire.

Mike 1972 · 15-07-2011 08:34AM

gbee wrote: »

Funeral crashers? There are 'professional' crashers who attend every funeral for the free drink and food

Also known as TD's ?

Azureus · 15-07-2011 08:48AM

I'd think it very unsuitable if someone turned up in a tracksuit/dirty/torn clothes and I would find it a slight disrespectful, but I wouldnt be offended as such.
People have lost all sense of what is appropriate and whats not imo-Im a very casual person day to day, but there are some situations where a bit of decorum is required and this can be put across in what you wear.

Fulton Crown · 15-07-2011 09:09AM

Azureus wrote: »

I'd think it very unsuitable if someone turned up in a tracksuit/dirty/torn clothes and I would find it a slight disrespectful, but I wouldnt be offended as such.
People have lost all sense of what is appropriate and whats not imo-Im a very casual person day to day, but there are some situations where a bit of decorum is required and this can be put across in what you wear.

Well said poster ...standards are definately falling as to what is appoopriate.

Them muppets in the Dail ...like Pinko Wallace and that hash smokin guy from Roscommon don't exactly help.

Wouldnt you think ?

kingelmo · 15-07-2011 09:23AM

i have to agree with you OP,

I believe that the family should be in suits, but the people attending should put in some effort to say there final fair well but it only seems to have deteoriated in the past few years.

I will always remember at my Grand mothers funeral, a family friend of mine coming in wearing a vivid royal blue tracksuit (top and bottom) and white runners, i taught it was so disrespectful. He is a PE teacher obviously school finishes at 4 he could have at least changed before it.

Myself personally, i always wear a black pants and a shirt to a funeral, who ever it may be, i just think its a matter of respect but maybe thats just me

dafunk · 16-07-2011 02:29AM

I am always offended by collection buckets being passed around at funerals. It's crass, offensive and disgusting.

I couldn't care less what anyone wears.

dafunk · 16-07-2011 02:29AM

I am always offended by collection buckets being passed around at funerals. It's crass, offensive and disgusting.

I couldn't care less what anyone wears.

booboo88 · 16-07-2011 05:43AM

this whole guilt tripping you for not wearing a suit is a joke, at least you were there.
but dress code depends very much on the deceased person, my cousins funeral we wore white or pink. as she would have hated us all wearing black

16-07-2011 10:18AM

southsiderosie wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting old and fussy, but I am increasingly bothered by this. I cannot believe the state of some people at funerals, weddings, baptisms, and the like. Perhaps I am annoyed by the fact that it seems like people make more effort to get dressed to go to the club than they do to pay their last respects.

These days there are so few events that people actually do have to be arsed to be nicely dressed for (including work); how hard is it to make an effort for major life (and death) events?

This would be my opinion. There are cheap shops now to buy things like suits and shirts (and dresses/smart trousers for women), so there's really no excuse for not being arsed to wear appropriate clothing. I think the whole 'you should be grateful they came' thing is a total cop out. If they're going to come, could they not put a bit of effort into looking smart instead of looking like they're about to change a tire? It has nothing to do with being snobby, it's a matter of being respectful and behaving appropriately. You wouldn't go to a job interview in a tracksuit, so why is it OK for a funeral or a baptism?

I went to my aunty's wedding last week and I couldn't believe what some of the people were wearing. Men in black jeans and scruffy T-shirts, women in short, tight dresses with their bra straps hanging out. Who thinks that's OK?

southsiderosie · 16-07-2011 10:56AM

Mike 1972 wrote: »

In my younger days I didnt have a pot to pi5s in so It wasnt until I finished college that I got my first suit. Even then it was strictly reserved for job interviews as I was was worried about anything happening to it.

Not all of us are celtic cubs you know.........

Not only am I not a Celtic Cub, I got through uni via scholarships and working 25 hours a week. And I still managed to have one suit that was appropriate for job interviews. In retrospect, it was laughably awful, but I suppose employers applauded the fact that at least I tried since I pretty much always had a job.

Nobody expects a 20 year old to show up in a Armani suit; they just want you to look like you give a damn. I really don't think it's that complicated.

Fluorescence · 16-07-2011 10:57AM

I'm a bit torn. Most of the time I couldn't give a flying fig roll what anyone wears at all, and I don't think anyone bar the immediate family needs to wear a suit as such. That said, it's a little disrespectful if you wear the crappest lot of dirty clothes you own, IMO.

Normally I dress very casually - jeans and jumper girl for life :pac:. However, for my cousin's funeral last year I made sure to take 10 minutes to run into Dunnes and buy a modest, sombre dress to wear. Threw on some dark tights and a black cardigan as well and made a more of an effort than I usually would. All the younger lads wore black slacks and shirts, and the older men wore suits (some with ties, some open shirt). Everyone else looked presentable. Those who wore casual clothes at least dressed in muted colours and had nothing indecent on display :pac:.

So, coming from a self-admitted slob, it's a nice gesture for you to make a bit more of an effort than you do for a normal day. You don't need to be dressed to the nines to look respectable and presentable. It doesn't really matter at all what you wear in the grand scheme of things, but it's still nice to make the effort all the same.

Tipsy McSwagger · 16-07-2011 11:58AM

After my friends funeral his mother commented on how well dressed all his friends were. She was very proud that we all wore suits and this showed the respect we had for him.

Liam Byrne · 16-07-2011 12:17PM

Fulton Crown wrote: »

Well said poster ...standards are definately falling as to what is appoopriate.

Them muppets in the Dail ...like Pinko Wallace and that hash smokin guy from Roscommon don't exactly help.

There's a whole other thread related to "muppets in the Dáil" but I'll just say this.......if what people in the Dáil wore was the only example of falling standards there we'd be doing OK.

There were far bigger muppets in there than those two even when they all wore suits.

And falling standards also apply to the English language, considering that the phrase "Them muppets....." is not correct; the correct phrase is "Those muppets....."

Fulton Crown · 20-07-2011 10:29PM

Liam Byrne wrote: »

There's a whole other thread related to "muppets in the Dáil" but I'll just say this.......if what people in the Dáil wore was the only example of falling standards there we'd be doing OK.

There were far bigger muppets in there than those two even when they all wore suits.

And falling standards also apply to the English language, considering that the phrase "Them muppets....." is not correct; the correct phrase is "Those muppets....."

I stand corrected there Buddy.

Coming from Limerick you obviously have an excellent grasp of English grammar.......

Hmmmmmmmm ?

Mike 1972 · 20-07-2011 10:36PM

nacho libre wrote: »

The only time i ever got offended at a funeral was when someone tried to take a picture of the corpse.

Seemingly its the done thing in parts of the US

KittyeeTrix · 20-07-2011 11:25PM

I can honestly say that on the day I eventually bury my parents that the last thing on my mind will be the clothes that people wear to pay their respects.......

Stuff like that has never bothered me nor my parents.

For me, it's enough to turn up to see a person off and I don't believe the style of clothing (obviously within reason) is a barometer to the respect/grief felt by the person attending a funeral.......

Only my opinion

Offended at a funeral?

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