Public displays of awful parenting

Kevin Duffy · 13-07-2011 06:28PM

kippy wrote: »

My parents, my mother in particular, had a brush that she used to "hit" us with, as well as threatening "Violence" (some just a threat) on us. She also slapped us, as did my father (not to hard)

And you turned out non-confrontational yourself, eh?

kippy wrote: »

You're an expert then?

kippy wrote: »

You've a few yourself? Yeah?

And rational.

kippy wrote: »

In the same way as threatening that the boogy man will come and get them if they are bold.

kippy wrote: »

Were any kids killed in the making of that threat?

They have to be killed, that's the line for abuse?

kippy wrote: »

Really,
You think the kid will remember that in a negative light?
Kids get on with it.

Yes, clearly kids who are dealt with through threats and violence remember nothibng of it in later life, famous fact of human nature that.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:37PM

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

And you turned out non-confrontational yourself, eh?

I did indeed - a bit too "non-confrontational" according to some. Apparently I let some people walk all over me.

And rational.

Yep, as rational as they get.

They have to be killed, that's the line for abuse?

Not sure what you mean here.......

Yes, clearly kids who are dealt with through threats and violence remember nothibng of it in later life, famous fact of human nature that.

[/quote]
Violence is a very strong word. Parents threaten their kids on a daily basis, whether that thread be of some slapping, a reduction in treats, or the "naughty" step among others.

Feeona · 13-07-2011 06:38PM

spurious wrote: »

In Marlborough Street a couple of years ago...
Child aged about 6 standing in middle of road.

Female person: 'I don't want him, you take him'.
Male person: 'I never fÚcking wanted him, you know that'

Lovely.

Research has shown that a child's self esteem can be affected if you say he/she is bold, instead of saying 'What you did was bold'.
What chance has the child in the above situation got?

Acacia · 13-07-2011 06:39PM

This actually p1ssed me off royally...

I was on the train into town (that's Dublin town, for the country folk!:p) and there was a woman of about forty and her daughter sitting on the four-seater opposite me.
It took me awhile to cop on to the fact that the skanger-y young fella beside yer one was actually her boyfriend, cause he seemed quite young. Anyhoo, the woman was a bit of a howya and was pawing at her boyfriend consistently, which would have been fine, only it seemed her daughter, who was playing by herself but getting bored, kept annoying her. It seems her child was getting in the way of her time spent with her boyfriend, and she would rather snog the face off him than interact with the little girl in anyway. The daughter would try and get her attention and be met with a barrage of abuse "Wudja fcuk off, I'm busy..." the whole way into town. Bearing in the mid, the girl was no more than 6.

Well, we pulled into Connolly, the mother and her fella feck off the train, leaving the little one to make her own way off. She was trying to step off the train and she had a scooter with her, which obviously would be difficult for a young child to manouevre around without adult help and she fell on the platform. The mother turned around, having been engrossed with her toy-boy, and let out the worst torrent of abuse I've heard a parent use towards a child- "You fcuking stupid cnut!", etc, etc. What a charmer. You wouldn't have spoken to a dog the way the she talked to her own daughter.

I thought, "If that's what she says to her in public, imagine what goes on behind closed doors. " It's sickening to think of it.

hoodwinked · 13-07-2011 06:40PM

syklops wrote: »

Goes to show how spoilt some kids were. I went to McD's on my birthday, and toys at Christmas. And we had to play in the rain.

But didn't that wreck your iphone?? :eek: and what about your hair? omg like....

Chuck Stone · 13-07-2011 06:40PM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Ha, I used to do that with my dad, I always loved going to the bookies with him, and he would take me to the races with him too.

I loved it when my Dad brought me to the pub - it was really rare so it was a real treat. Those glass bottles of coke with a straw and loads of packets of crisps.

spurious wrote: »

Female person: 'I don't want him, you take him'.
Male person: 'I never fÚcking wanted him, you know that'

Lovely.

That makes me feel a bit sick.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:42PM

strobe wrote: »

I dunno. A former girlfriend (and still good friend) of mine works in a charity type thing for kids from the rougher areas around Tallaght. Some of the kids are there over 6 hours a day. There are about 20 kids at times when I have been in there, aging from 3 to about 10, they have a few jig saws and things and crayons and paper and stuff but no DVD's and no trip to McDonalds, the kids aren't allowed sweets or bottles of coke either, except special occasions like someones birthday where they might get some fairy cakes.

20 kids of different ages at the same time from areas like Kilinarden and Jobstown all behaving themselves incredibly well all day long with no Dvd's, no modern distractions/awards, and no hitting whatsoever.

The explanation? Some kind of gypsy magic? Mind control device? Or maybe it's the fact that my friend and anyone else that worked there had proper training on how to deal with children without threatening or inflicting violence?

I amn't going to disagree with that at all. Why would I. My wife, who is a teacher manages a class of 30 odd 5 years old without any problems either (she has worked in tallaght in the past)

There are major differences in managing kids in a "controlled" environment where other adults are there to help out and the adult minder can head off home back to their own lives afterwards versus a parents role.
They kids have obviously been brought up well (how are you, or anyone else to know,) whether their parents have used slapping as one method with which to teach the children to respect adults (which of course would help in their interactions with adults elsewhere - such as in schools and places you describe)

strobe · 13-07-2011 06:50PM

kippy wrote: »

I amn't going to disagree with that at all. Why would I. My wife, who is a teacher manages a class of 30 odd 5 years old without any problems either (she has worked in tallaght in the past)

There are major differences in managing kids in a "controlled" environment where other adults are there to help out and the adult minder can head off home back to their own lives afterwards versus a parents role.
They kids have obviously been brought up well (how are you, or anyone else to know,) whether their parents have used slapping as one method with which to teach the children to respect adults (which of course would help in their interactions with adults elsewhere - such as in schools and places you describe)

Some of the kids might have been brought up well. Some (quite a few) are little 7 year old scumbags when they come in at first. Throwing tantrums and wanting to fight with the other kids. Even these kids are dealt with without giving them a slap.

If you learn how to deal with them properly hitting them is simply unnecessary. The earlier you do, the easier it is obviously.

She has three kids of her own now btw. Some of the best behaved kids I have ever met. Which to the best of my knowledge she raises the same way. So I'd contest the 'if they were her full time kids it would be different' musings.

spurious · 13-07-2011 06:50PM

spurious wrote: »

Female person: 'I don't want him, you take him'.
Male person: 'I never fÚcking wanted him, you know that'

Chuck Stone wrote: »

That makes me feel a bit sick.

I know and I'm fairly sure in another couple of years I will have that child in front of me in a class. It explains a lot about why some of them behave the way they do and to be honest it hasn't changed in the over 25 years I have been teaching in the area.

It's a miracle more kids don't turn out much worse than they do.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:54PM

strobe wrote: »

Some of the kids might have been brought up well. Some (quite a few) are little 7 year old scumbags when they come in at first. Throwing tantrums and wanting to fight with the other kids. Even these kids are dealt with without giving them a slap.

If you learn how to deal with them properly hitting them is simply unnecessary. The earlier you do, the easier it is obviously.

She has three kids of her own now btw. Some of the best behaved kids I have ever met. Which to the best of my knowledge she raises the same way. So I'd contest the 'if they were her full time kids it would be different' musings.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to insinuate she would be any way different with her own kids.
Again, I had a post there about my main issue with the thread. What the OP see, was in my opinion not even close to bad parenting and was a very narrow few on the way in which those parents brought up their kids.

hdowney · 13-07-2011 06:58PM

bad parenting is a joke. now this parent never hit the child or anything but:

walked into tesco in wicklow the other day, there was a girl and boy (am assuming siblings) just inside the door, standing next to a basket of groceries that the parent had left them with. wouldn't say either were much over 10.

newho the boy suddenly full force pushes his sister to the ground, was pulling her hair, thumping her and kicking her in the stomach (like thugs would to a victim if you can imagine). he was stomping on her flipflopped toes and just being completely nasty to her.

mother wanders over, picks up her basket and wanders to the selfscans. not a bother on her, no mention to the boy beating up on his sister.

i wanted to haul the little fcuker off of her but then the mother would be screaming me down for assault i am sure.

her parenting skills are obviously fabulous :mad:

whatdoicare · 13-07-2011 07:00PM

Most kids take no notice of screaming - they get used to it.

My Mam used to scream blue murder at us on an almost hourly basis and throw random objects at our heads if we pushed her far enough but we never took any notice of her. She once threatened us with a riding crop she found on the road and we thought it was great sport to taunt her to see what she would do!:pac:

BUT my Dad....all that man had to do was look at us with pure disappointment in his eyes and it was like the end of the world to us. This man never raised his voice or his hand to us - not once. He didn't have to.

Feeona · 13-07-2011 07:03PM

kippy wrote: »

The OP does not know how well those people actually bring up their kids or what what do for them - they judge them simply on a very small sliver of time that they seen them in, which in my opinion is completely unfair and shows a serious lack of understanding of the bigger picture.

I agree. Bringing up children is a tough job. I wouldn't judge a parent for losing the rag. Which is not the same as saying I wouldn't step in if I saw a child being mistreated.

Wetai · 13-07-2011 07:18PM

mikemac wrote: »

And the driver will be traumatized and blame themselves but really, it wasn't their fault.

I wouldn't be suprised that, if it were to happen, the parents would blame the driver(s) for it too, despite it being the parents' fault.

pragmatic1 · 13-07-2011 07:44PM

Seen a woman really battering her small child. Borderline abuse. Me and some mates started roaring at her and she stopped.

Chuck Stone · 13-07-2011 07:50PM

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Seen a woman really battering her small child. Borderline abuse. Me and some mates started roaring at her and she stopped.

Fair play.

I think it's becoming less and less acceptable to hit, threaten, or roar at kids in public and if someone does it's quite likely they will be told to stop these days.

UpCork · 13-07-2011 08:01PM

Italia wrote: »

Today's kids are in MANY cases a bunch of rude, disrespectful, uncouth, crass dipsticks.
Do I blame them? In most cases no. I blame their parents for being soft, too PC and in many cases disinterested in what their kids do or where they are..... until it is too late.

I don't belt my kids or have to shout (neither does my wife), but they know exactly where the line is. We apply basic old-fashioned standards in the house and everyone (me included) abides by them.

I agree. My Mother never shouted, nor laid a finger on me. Yet, she instilled in me respect, honesty and decorum. She wasn't a strict Mother, but you knew that there was a line and if it was crossed there was reprecussions (not getting to watch favourite television show, not going out at the weekend etc).

You don't have to roar and shout and children to get your own way. Yes, there are a lot of brazen kids around these days, but the problem is, in the main, they are left get away with the bad behaviour. When I see and hear a child being rude and swearing, I look to who is with them (in the majority of cases, their parents) and I have to say they have usually learned such behaviour from them.

I, too, hate it when a mother is standing on the pavement and she can't be bothered to wait for the green man before she pushes the buggy or pram out in front of on-coming traffic.

Bubs99 · 13-07-2011 08:04PM

I must say first that i am not a parent...yet, and I know many will think this doesn't make a difference but it does imo...I have babysat since I was 9 years old (Im now 27) and that was a 9 month old baby too and many many more for years.

I dont think anyone would even dream of allowing a 9 year old babysit a 9 month old nowadays.

Anyhow...I have had an average childhood. I was a very quiet girl but I used to get smacked ALOT by some of my family, they used whatever was available, usually wooden spoon, steel spatula, slippers and ofcourse...the hand!

I hated it obviously but I'm not a violent person, thankfully my parents did teach us manners and very strictly too.
Its a tough one, mainly what Im saying is, not all people who were verbally and physically abused (me) end up evil.

But I must admit, I think it's disgraceful how much kids get away with these days. The things they say and do are unreal and shocking but the parents turn a blind eye.

But if they cant "smack" nowadays...what can you do really? I think the "naughty corner/step" technique has gone stale for many.

Angron · 13-07-2011 08:06PM

Worst parenting I've seen was a mother lighting up a cigarette for her son, who looked to be no more than 10 or 11.

wild_cat · 13-07-2011 08:13PM

Denny M wrote: »

Worst parenting I've seen was a mother lighting up a cigarette for her son, who looked to be no more than 10 or 11.

Really? Oh god.

Chuck Stone · 13-07-2011 08:21PM

Babies know what they want.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_TD4bGEedAAo/SYd8F3DP39I/AAAAAAAABEM/bOJMrImrAjY/s400/Top+seven+worst+parents6.bmp

Atheist?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_6I27LgG9bck/Si3OXa1xIjI/AAAAAAAAMLQ/FmMt094T_0U/s400/bad+parent+16.jpg

No need to hit - try this instead!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_mmBw3uzPnJI/R3QPueqaBhI/AAAAAAAAKxc/1FTu5EQiOJ0/s400/worst_parents_001.JPG

Nightmares about suffocating. Expect them.

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/worst-parents-20.jpg?w=500&h=445

UpCork · 13-07-2011 08:21PM

I'll never forget one Saturday afternoon around Christmas time, I was in Mahon Point shopping centre (large shopping centre in Cork). I was in a shop looking at CDs and the next thing I hear this almighty thump and screaming, followed by a string of expletives. The whole shop stopped and looked out into the public area nearby where a child of no more than eight or nine was running away fom his father. The thump was the father's hand connecting with the child's head. The scream I heard from the child that day I don't think I'll ever forget, coupled with the look of blind fear in his eyes. I don't care what kind of a runt the child was - he may have been no angel - he was still a child and if he was misbehaving then the father should have taught him right from wrong. What's worse is the Mother was walking along beside the father keeping her mouth shut. Having said that, given the look of him (very gruff and rough big built man), if she had said anything she'd have probably got a smack aswell I'm not saying parents don't shout at their children, afterall, they are pushed to their limit a lot of the time. I felt so sorry for that child - as another poster said, if that's how the parent behaved in public Lord knows how he behaved at home

mikemac · 13-07-2011 08:24PM

Saw a mother driving along with one of these car stickers, you know the pink ribbons for breast cancer.

Puffing away on her cigarette, windows closed and two children in the back

But it's ok I guess, she has her pink car sticker and wants to highlight awareness of cancer :rolleyes:

dashboard_hula · 13-07-2011 08:24PM

Not bad parenting, good parenting backfired:

Dad was standing at the back gate one morning, talking to the neighbour. Unbeknownst to him, I had turned on the cooker to make toast, because I was 9, I was a big girl, and I knew exactly what I was doing, despite being told not to touch it. So anyway, the toast burns, loads of smoke, mad panic, nothing a bash with a towel and removing the toast wouldn't fix, but I thought the world was ending. Dad at the time was trying to get me to stop interrupting people when they were talking to each other. I go running out the back door.

Me at 9: Daaaaaaaaaaad!!!
Dad: Now, dashboard_hula, what did I tell you about interrupting people?
Turns back to neighbour.
Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddd!!
Dad: Wait your turn, I'm talking to Jimmy.
I stand there in silence, hopping from foot to foot.
Jimmy: Ehhhhhh Chris, there's smoke coming out your window.
Dad: Wtf, dashboard_hula, why didn't you tell me???
Me: You told me not to interrupt!!! *hands on hips* Dad, the cookers on fire.

Smoke dowsed, fresh toast made, me hugged, Dad learned the hard way his pedanticness was passed to his daughter.

biko · 13-07-2011 08:29PM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Maybe the child was a little bastard

In my view bastards aren't born, they're made that way by bastard parents.
They all come from a long line of bastards starting with Mister B.Ass-tard, who was actually born that way.

Kevin Duffy · 14-07-2011 11:33AM

kippy wrote: »

I amn't going to disagree with that at all. Why would I. My wife, who is a teacher manages a class of 30 odd 5 years old without any problems either (she has worked in tallaght in the past)

Oh, the horror. How did she cope?

kippy wrote: »

There are major differences in managing kids in a "controlled" environment where other adults are there to help out and the adult minder can head off home back to their own lives afterwards versus a parents role.
They kids have obviously been brought up well (how are you, or anyone else to know,) whether their parents have used slapping as one method with which to teach the children to respect adults (which of course would help in their interactions with adults elsewhere - such as in schools and places you describe)

What's obvious about it? This says a lot about your argument, which is based on observing people in a short space of time and judging them, as you see it - if you are good with your kids a lot of the time, then batter them in the street, call them horrible names, make them feel less valued and unsafe, that is not bringing them up well.

Your first two posts challenged people to say if they had kids, in an effort to undermine their arguments. I may be wrong, but I can't see in the thread where you said you had kids, despite being directly asked more than once. Your experience seems to be based on your own upbringing and your wife's occupation. Your upbringing wasn't everyone's and your wife's job may overlap, but it is not, as you observed yourself, the same as being a parent. It is also second hand to you, it's her job, not yours. If you're going to challenge other people's experience and expertise, make sure your greenhouse is well armoured. Got anything else?

phasers · 14-07-2011 11:43AM

On the 78a one evening, two classy individuals got on at cherry orchard hospital with their child, I'd say no older than 3. Well this lovely couple sat upstairs at the back smoking hash and getting their child to shout 'go **** yourself' out the window at people.

bronte · 14-07-2011 11:52AM

Years ago myself and my family went to Ibiza on holiday.
We were sitting in the hotel lobby waiting for my mum when this lady and her little girl walk in. Little girl is about 4 and has an ice cream.
Her mum stops suddenly and the little girl accidentally knocked her ice cream against her mum's bag. The mother saw it and slapped her hard across the face.
My Dad got up and had a go at the mother telling her it was totally unnecessary to hit her like that..it was an accident etc. She started roaring at my Dad in German...I thought she'd hit him too.

I felt so fcuking sorry for that young girl.

Frank Black · 14-07-2011 12:16PM

strobe wrote: »

20 kids of different ages at the same time from areas like Kilinarden and Jobstown all behaving themselves incredibly well all day long with no Dvd's, no modern distractions/awards, and no hitting whatsoever.

The explanation? Some kind of gypsy magic? Mind control device? Or maybe it's the fact that my friend and anyone else that worked there had proper training on how to deal with children without threatening or inflicting violence?

I'm not 100% on this but I'm going to guess A) Gypsy Magic.

When will you be posting the correct answer?

prinz · 14-07-2011 12:25PM

kippy wrote: »

Again, I had a post there about my main issue with the thread. What the OP see, was in my opinion not even close to bad parenting and was a very narrow few on the way in which those parents brought up their kids.

Yes calling a small child a litte bastárd and threatening to dance on anothers child's head is not even close to bad parenting.........:pac: Having a laugh.

Public displays of awful parenting

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