Public displays of awful parenting

Chuck Stone · 13-07-2011 05:54PM

kippy wrote: »

My parents, my mother in particular, had a brush that she used to "hit" us with, as well as threatening "Violence" (some just a threat) on us. She also slapped us, as did my father (not to hard)
There were five of us. I have great parents. Respect them

Sounds quite similar to the family I grew up in only my Father did most the hitting.

I too love my parents but I don't think the hitting and threatening was at all commendable. Aren't we supposed to learn from the mistakes of our parents and forebearers?

Sometimes I hear people of my parents generation (60+) talk about being hammered by their parents almost with pride and it completely baffles me.

Wolfe Tone · 13-07-2011 05:54PM

stovelid wrote: »

This makes my blood boil!

The idle little fuckers should be fetching snacks and dropping the dockets up instead of standing around doing nothing.

Ha, I used to do that with my dad, I always loved going to the bookies with him, and he would take me to the races with him too.

One day in the bookies some gimp said to my Dad kids shouldnt be there and it was bad parenting, he was quite rightly told what to do with himself.

SEPT 23 1989 · 13-07-2011 05:55PM

Kids have no fear anymore,if i got really out of hand as a kid i got a smack and i learned from that not to get out of hand

stovelid · 13-07-2011 05:55PM

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Ha, I used to do that with my dad, I always loved going to the bookies with him, and he would take me to the races with him too.

Same. Always got a cut of the winnings too if I didn't tell my ma he won...

Millicent · 13-07-2011 05:56PM

kippy wrote: »

Were any kids killed in the making of that threat?

No but one's spirit was. :mad:

syklops · 13-07-2011 05:57PM

the groutch wrote: »

shows how spoilt some kids are, growing up I'd be lucky to go to Mickey D's once a month
and I only got toys for birthday/crimbo or bought them with pocket money

Goes to show how spoilt some kids were. I went to McD's on my birthday, and toys at Christmas. And we had to play in the rain.

kippy · 13-07-2011 05:58PM

Millicent wrote: »

No but one's spirit was. :mad:

Really,
You think the kid will remember that in a negative light?
Kids get on with it.

TheZohanS · 13-07-2011 05:59PM

Dangerous Man wrote: »

I've seen some magnificent examples of this in my time. None better than in Dolphin's Barn Dublin. On one occassion I overheard a woman yell at her infant son, 'I'll dance on your head if you keep it up.' Another time, a different woman, 'I'll **** you out under a bus ya little bastard' and so on.

A barn? With dolphins? Sounds like a wonderful place! One would have thought that staff would have stepped in to stop this tourist abusing her child?

Millicent · 13-07-2011 05:59PM

syklops wrote: »

Goes to show how spoilt some kids were. I went to McD's on my birthday, and toys at Christmas. And we had to play in the rain.

17 miles to school with no shoes. Both ways. In the snow.

(I actually agree completely!)

Millicent · 13-07-2011 06:01PM

kippy wrote: »

Really,
You think the kid will remember that in a negative light?

Eh, it was a joke. I had a friend who used to tell her child she'd throw him out the window and he thought it was hilarious.

That said, it all goes to intent. If you [hypothetical you, not you] are genuinely menacing a child with the threat of being thrown under a bus, you need the **** kicked out of you.

stovelid · 13-07-2011 06:02PM

TheZohan wrote: »

A barn? With dolphins?

Certainly a stable environment by the sounds of it.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:02PM

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Sounds quite similar to the family I grew up in only my Father did most the hitting.

I too love my parents but I don't think the hitting and threatening was at all commendable. Aren't we supposed to learn from the mistakes of our parents and forebearers?

Sometimes I hear people of my parents generation (60+) talk about being hammered by their parents almost with pride and it completely baffles me.

There is a fine line between "hitting" "slapping" and "abuse". I'll give you that much.
However there is, in my opinion, a place for slapping in parenting. (Goes totally against all the fuddy duddy modern parenting lark but there ya go.)
They didnt have TV, DS's, DVD's, Playstations, even books and less and less devices to keep kids entertained through out the years so it's hard to really hammer parenting back then when times were completely different.

Millicent · 13-07-2011 06:03PM

kippy wrote: »

There is a fine line between "hitting" "slapping" and "abuse". I'll give you that much.
However there is, in my opinion, a place for slapping in parenting. (Goes totally against all the fuddy duddy modern parenting lark but there ya go.)
They didnt have TV, DS's, DVD's, Playstations, even books and less and less devices to keep kids entertained through out the years so it's hard to really hammer parenting back then when times were completely different.

Meh, I used to think that way but honestly, what lesson are you giving kids?That the way to deal with anger to another is violence?

stovelid · 13-07-2011 06:05PM

While I agree that the pendulum seems to have swung alarmingly (and s little daftly) from smacking being almost mandatory when I was I a kid to being viewed as akin to child abuse these days, I'm not sure I agree with misty-eyed reminiscing about getting whacked with wooden spoons, belts and slippers either.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:05PM

Millicent wrote: »

Meh, I used to think that way but honestly, what lesson are you giving kids?That the way to deal with anger to another is violence?

Not at all.
Thats not what I picked up from it anyway.

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 13-07-2011 06:07PM

Fat parents sitting in takeaway feeding their fat kids.

orourkeda · 13-07-2011 06:08PM

Baby orourkeda junior would get a good hiding if i had any of the little gets

Millicent · 13-07-2011 06:09PM

kippy wrote: »

Not at all.
Thats not what I picked up from it anyway.

But you would smack your kid if they were being a little fecker? I'm not about wrapping a child in cotton wool (kids are far too bloody clean and allergic to EVERYTHING these days) but you can usually teach them to deal with stuff better than with a slap, IMO.

orourkeda · 13-07-2011 06:10PM

Millicent wrote: »

But you would smack your kid if they were being a little fecker? I'm not about wrapping a child in cotton wool (kids are far too bloody clean and allergic to EVERYTHING these days) but you can usually teach them to deal with stuff better than with a slap, IMO.

a good kicking works a dream

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:12PM

Millicent wrote: »

But you would smack your kid if they were being a little fecker? I'm not about wrapping a child in cotton wool (kids are far too bloody clean and allergic to EVERYTHING these days) but you can usually teach them to deal with stuff better than with a slap, IMO.

I might depending on the circumstances. I certainly wouldnt rule it out. But my parents slapping me, didn't teach me to deal with adults getting out of line with a slap........

In an ideal environment you probably can, but with kids things are rarely ideal especially if you:
a. Have more than one.
b. Lived in the past with less distractions/awards for use with these techniques.

banquo · 13-07-2011 06:13PM

Teenagers getting new cars.

No.

Millicent · 13-07-2011 06:14PM

orourkeda wrote: »

a good kicking works a dream

AH answer: I'd punt that little fucker like a football!

Serious answer: It's lazy parenting, IME. Much easier to slap a child than deal with them. Doesn't work either, again IME. We just got better at not getting caught rather than started to behave.

Millicent · 13-07-2011 06:16PM

kippy wrote: »

I might depending on the circumstances. I certainly wouldnt rule it out. But my parents slapping me, didn't teach me to deal with adults getting out of line with a slap........

In an ideal environment you probably can, but with kids things are rarely ideal especially if you:
a. Have more than one.
b. Lived in the past with less distractions/awards for use with these techniques.

But what did your parents teach you for dealing with adults then? Cos I know slaps didn't teach me how to handle conflict at all.

And sure, things are rarely ideal. I can understand slapping a child's hand if they're putting towards a fire but not if they're just being a little brat.

diddlybit · 13-07-2011 06:16PM

It's not just confined to poorer areas. I used to live across the road from Morton's in Ranelagh and my grilfriend saw a woman kick a child twice for dropping her apple tart on the pavement. She tend hauled the child up by one arm into some type of Lexus and then sped off.

Seriously if you can afford a Lexus, you can afford to buy another f***ing apple tart. My girlfriend was traumatised by it all.

Chuck Stone · 13-07-2011 06:16PM

kippy wrote: »

There is a fine line between "hitting" "slapping" and "abuse". I'll give you that much.

I don't think it's that fine myself. I guess I said 'hitting' because it's difficult for me to say (and think) that I was basically assaulted as a child by my parents. this is probably as un P.C. as saying hitting children is okay but it's how I think about it now.

I mean this is the terminology that would be used if I slapped an adult for doing something which I didn't want them to.

However there is, in my opinion, a place for slapping in parenting. (Goes totally against all the fuddy duddy modern parenting lark but there ya go.)

Well I disagree with you. I think now more than any time there is less place for it seeing as we have access to so much information on the effects of hiting children and how to deal with children without hitting them.

They didnt have TV, DS's, DVD's, Playstations, even books and less and less devices to keep kids entertained through out the years so it's hard to really hammer parenting back then when times were completely different.

Imo (and exp) kids don't really need loads of modern 'stuff' to keep themselves amused. I remember getting a great buzz out of playing with a large box or a couple of chairs and a sheet when I was a kid.

I think people were just more violent with each other in families back then.

I mean most parents will say 'don't hit your sister' or 'don't hit your younger brother' and then will hit the child! On top of being violent that's just confusing children and tellling them that you can get people to do stuff by violence or threatening them with it.

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:17PM

Millicent wrote: »

AH answer: I'd punt that little fucker like a football!

Serious answer: It's lazy parenting, IME. Much easier to slap a child than deal with them. Doesn't work either, again IME. We just got better at not getting caught rather than started to behave.

Im not saying that it's all about slapping. Its part of a number of measures you do/take to bring up your children. Obviously it's not the only thing you do.
The OP does not know how well those people actually bring up their kids or what what do for them - they judge them simply on a very small sliver of time that they seen them in, which in my opinion is completely unfair and shows a serious lack of understanding of the bigger picture.
That being said, this is AH and I shouldnt expect much more tbh.

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 13-07-2011 06:20PM

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I mean most parents will say 'don't hit your sister' or 'don't hit your younger brother' and then will hit the child! On top of being violent that's just confusing children and tellling them that you can get people to do stuff by violence or threatening them with it.

Fair enough,but some children make you think they where being raised by themself,instance if you saw one dancing on your car bonnet or throwing stones at your window,you could give them a wallop but of course the feckless parents would have you up for assault :rolleyes:

kippy · 13-07-2011 06:21PM

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I don't think it's that fine myself. I guess I said 'hitting' because it's difficult for me to say (and think) that I was basically assaulted as a child by my parents. this is probably as un P.C. as saying hitting children is okay but it's how I think about it now.

I mean this is the terminology that would be used if I slapped an adult for doing something which I didn't want them to.

Well I disagree with you. I think now more than any time there is less place for it seeing as we have access to so much information on the effects of hiting children and how to deal with children without hitting them.

Imo (and exp) kids don't really need loads of modern 'stuff' to keep themselves amused. I remember getting a great buzz out of playing with a large box or a couple of chairs and a sheet when I was a kid.

I think people were just more violent with each other in families back then.

I mean most parents will say 'don't hit your sister' or 'don't hit your younger brother' and then will hit the child! On top of being violent that's just confusing children and tellling them that you can get people to do stuff by violence or threatening them with it.

We've obviously different opinions and backgrounds and I realise that my views aren't that welcomed in many areas but I amnt advocating slapping as the only means of bringing up your kids. See my last post for my main issue with the thread.

strobe · 13-07-2011 06:25PM

kippy wrote: »

I might depending on the circumstances. I certainly wouldnt rule it out. But my parents slapping me, didn't teach me to deal with adults getting out of line with a slap........

In an ideal environment you probably can, but with kids things are rarely ideal especially if you:
a. Have more than one.
b. Lived in the past with less distractions/awards for use with these techniques.

I dunno. A former girlfriend (and still good friend) of mine works in a charity type thing for kids from the rougher areas around Tallaght. Some of the kids are there over 6 hours a day. There are about 20 kids at times when I have been in there, aging from 3 to about 10, they have a few jig saws and things and crayons and paper and stuff but no DVD's and no trip to McDonalds, the kids aren't allowed sweets or bottles of coke either, except special occasions like someones birthday where they might get some fairy cakes.

20 kids of different ages at the same time from areas like Kilinarden and Jobstown all behaving themselves incredibly well all day long with no Dvd's, no modern distractions/awards, and no hitting whatsoever.

The explanation? Some kind of gypsy magic? Mind control device? Or maybe it's the fact that my friend and anyone else that worked there had proper training on how to deal with children without threatening or inflicting violence?

spurious · 13-07-2011 06:25PM

In Marlborough Street a couple of years ago...
Child aged about 6 standing in middle of road.

Female person: 'I don't want him, you take him'.
Male person: 'I never fÚcking wanted him, you know that'

Lovely.

Public displays of awful parenting

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