Invitations and asking for cash presents

wexford12 · 16-06-2011 11:32AM #1

Hi guys we are getting married in a couple of months and are doing the invites now. The question is should or can we put that we would like cash presents rather than vouchers or sets of glasses etc. We have a home together and its fully kitted out but are hoping to buy a site and a few quid would be a great help. Is it very rude to put this on the invites or if not any ideas on ways to phrase it on the cards
Thanks for the help

emarfrog · 16-06-2011 11:54AM

I would strongly advise against putting any reference to cash gifts on your wedding invitation. We received an invite a few months ago to a wedding where the couple requested "a monetary donation" on their invitations. For our group of friends the first thing to be commented on was THAT request! People were totally miffed and embarrassed for the couple that they would be that blunt!

99% of your guests will give cash, they don't need to be asked/told. If I had thought that people would be so ridiculously generous I actually would have told them not to give anything!

I think that if you are hoping/expecting to make some profit (might be a bad choice of words here) from your wedding you may end up a little disappointed. If you ask people for cash you will definitely end up disappointed, people really don't like being told what to do.

rainbowtrout · 16-06-2011 12:04PM

+1 on everything above.

Also a point will come where your parents and future in laws, bridesmaids, best man etc will approach you and say some people have been asking us what to get you. You can spread the word far more subtly by letting the immediate wedding party know that given the choice you would prefer cash. They will spread the word for you without you putting it on an invite which looks really tacky.

16-06-2011 12:05PM

if you read simillar threads about this issue you will find that the majority of people find it rude and vulgar to be asked for money, people mostly give money anyway these days -especially if they know the couple are living together and probably have all the stuff they need. Nobody likes being told that they "have" to give money, and there is no nice and tactfulway of wording it on your invites.

you probably will get mainly cash gifts because its more conveniant for people, but the minute you imply that you WANT cash people may feel that you are being cheeky and would you really want your guests to feel uncomfortable?

titanium feather · 16-06-2011 12:06PM

I think it's about the rudest thing you can do!

Presumably the people going to the wedding know you and know that, because of your circumstances, cash gifts (should they decide to give a gift at all) may be more useful to you than other gifts. However it is entirely up to the guest to decide whether to give you a gift, and if so, what sort of gift to give!

It's extraordinarily presumptuous to expect people to not only take a day out of their busy lives and spend (up to) a few hundred euro just to attend your wedding, but also to demand a cash gift from them! I love weddings, I've always given generous gifts to the couple (usually cash), and I always have a great day out ... however I've always felt like a guest, and was treated as such - not like a paying customer! A gift should be just that - a gift, chosen by the guest, given voluntarily, and not automatically expected by you in exchange for the "privilege" of attending your wedding.

I don't know, if I received an invitation looking for cash, it would leave an extremely bad taste in my mouth and really affect my opinion of the couple in question. And to be honest, if I did attend the wedding, I would probably make a point of giving a non-cash gift (if even that!) just for the sake of it! :pac:

bigjohnny80 · 16-06-2011 12:06PM

rainbowtrout wrote: »

+1 on everything above.

Also a point will come where your parents and future in laws, bridesmaids, best man etc will approach you and say some people have been asking us what to get you. You can spread the word far more subtly by letting the immediate wedding party know that given the choice you would prefer cash. They will spread the word for you without you putting it on an invite which looks really tacky.

This is what we did and worked well for us.

Penny Dreadful · 16-06-2011 12:10PM

wexford12 wrote: »

Hi guys we are getting married in a couple of months and are doing the invites now. The question is should or can we put that we would like cash presents rather than vouchers or sets of glasses etc. We have a home together and its fully kitted out but are hoping to buy a site and a few quid would be a great help. Is it very rude to put this on the invites or if not any ideas on ways to phrase it on the cards
Thanks for the help

No matter how you phrase it such a reqest would come across as rude, greedy, grasping, nasty, tacky, presumptious and so on and so forth to me. If I did go to the wedding I'd give a two slice toaster as gift.

daveyboy_1ie · 16-06-2011 12:12PM

Had my own wedding a few months back and almost everyone gave a cash gift. Had thought we would get a few toasters and what not but really everyone gave cash or cheques. I think one person who could not make it on the day says he will send up my gift, still waiting but I heard it won't be cash

angeldelight · 16-06-2011 12:15PM

I 100% agree with everyone else. There is no possible way of phrasing it that is going to make it sound any better. I am getting married next year and similarly we would prefer cash gifts as will be starting to save for a deposit on a house once the wedding is done but I would never put it on the invitation. As above, we will let our parents, bridesmaid and best man know so if someone asks them they can let them know but similarly if someone chose to give us a non cash gift it wouldn't be the end of the world; we just want them to be there on the day

Plazaman · 16-06-2011 12:41PM

For your invites.

We've got Toasters, Glasses, Kettles, Jugs
Lamps and all the rest
So when your thinking of a gift
Hint : Money would be best

And I still don't know why Hallmark wouldn't hire me.

OK + 1 on rainbowtrouts idea

tinkerbell · 16-06-2011 01:14PM

Do NOT ask for money on your invitation. It is extremely rude and vulgar. If you write that, prepare NOT to get many gifts on your day I'd imagine.

wexford12 · 16-06-2011 04:04PM

LOL Well thats me told god i didnt think it was that bad an idea.If i got an invite it wouldnt bother me at all but thanks for the time to answer

amdublin · 16-06-2011 07:20PM

Plazaman wrote: »

For your invites.

We've got Toasters, Glasses, Kettles, Jugs
Lamps and all the rest
So when your thinking of a gift
Hint : Money would be best

And I still don't know why Hallmark wouldn't hire me.

OK + 1 on rainbowtrouts idea

Phew!!!!

I thought you were serious there and I was about to post to say how horrendous that rhyme was.

But seeing as you are joking: you are a talented poet young sir

The Big Red Button · 16-06-2011 10:02PM

amdublin wrote: »

Phew!!!!

I thought you were serious there and I was about to post to say how horrendous that rhyme was.

But seeing as you are joking: you are a talented poet young sir

I actually saw quite similar on a wedding invitation before! :eek: It was a longer rhyme, but the same gist.

The woman who received the invitation (the bride's aunt!) politely declined the invite purely because of this.

She did send the happy couple a nice scented candle though ... :pac:

amdublin · 16-06-2011 10:17PM

chatterpillar wrote: »

I actually saw quite similar on a wedding invitation before! :eek: It was a longer rhyme, but the same gist.

The woman who received the invitation (the bride's aunt!) politely declined the invite purely because of this.

She did send the happy couple a nice scented candle though ... :pac:

I'd do exactly the same...

Acoshla · 16-06-2011 10:40PM

A friend of mine received an invitation with not only a request for cash, but two bank account details, one Irish, one in their country of residence :eek:

She then contacted them to let them know about a particular allergy she has with regards to food, they told her to contact the hotel herself as they didn't have time to deal with it.

She made a donation to a charity in their name as their wedding gift, well played

City boy turned country · 17-06-2011 08:37AM

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.

Beruthiel · 17-06-2011 08:47AM

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

:eek:

I wouldn't go to a wedding of somebody who would send something like that.
In fact, I don't think I would/could be a friend of someone that crass.

The way I see it, you invite people to your wedding because it is such a special day and having them there will add to that magic.
You invite them because you care about them and they about you.
You don't invite them because of the money they will bring to the table.

We told people we did not want/need any prezzies. All we wanted from them was their presence on the day.
If you cannot afford to have people unless they can pay their own way, well then, do what we did and just have a small wedding that you can actually afford.

wexford12 · 17-06-2011 12:47PM

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

rainbowtrout · 17-06-2011 12:55PM

wexford12 wrote: »

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

However people don't like to be dictated to as to what they should give as a gift or that they should give a gift at all. The reality is practically everyone going to a wedding will give a gift and nowadays most will give cash, but do not tell them to do this. As you can see from the majority of replies it gets peoples backs up, and they are more likely to buy a present than give cash or give nothing at all in that instance.

People don't dictate presents for their birthdays or any other occasion. Weddings should be no different.

I got an invite to my cousin's wedding a while back and so did my brother. I'm not going because it's in England and it clashes with something else I have on, but I rang my brother to see if he was going. He's a bit younger than me and not in the loop yet of attending weddings on a regular basis. The first thing he said to me was 'Did you see the rhyme on the card where they're asking for money, I'd nearly get them a set of towels just to annoy them' which were pretty much my sentiments. The gist of the rhyme was : we have a house and if you buy stuff for it, it probably won't be to our taste but we'd like a cash contribution towards our honeymoon.

My initial thought was : 'Pay for your own bloody honeymoon'

Penny Dreadful · 17-06-2011 12:59PM

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.[/QUOTE]

To the cat

kandr10 · 19-06-2011 03:55PM

wexford12 wrote: »

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

That's perfectly reasonable, considering most people will probably give a gift. I like the idea of spreading the word via the wedding party better than putting it on the invite though. We've had a few friends just ask us what we'd like and we were able to tell them discreetly that money would be appreciated if they want to gift anything.

Thomas1981 · 19-06-2011 05:11PM

Its a difficult one to mention but sometimes being blunt is necessary. I told my sister I wanted cash as I need it but she doesnt like giving cash so now i have a painting. Its a nice painting but would have preferred the cash as I need it to pay for the cost of the wedding. Best way to request money is to make sure your parents and your best friend understand you want money. Most people will ask your mother or your best friend what to get. Get them do the dirty work for you.

mikemac · 19-06-2011 05:15PM

Your greatest gift to us is your company, please join us on our happy day

Ah bless, who said Hallmark were hiring?

You're getting cash from most anyway OP
Don't ever ask for it.

January · 19-06-2011 09:59PM

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.

I'd have seriously sent the R.S.V.P. back with a polite note telling them to please feck off!

amdublin · 20-06-2011 12:10AM

Thomas1981 wrote: »

Its a nice painting but would have preferred the cash as I need it to pay for the cost of the wedding.

Why didn't you just save up for the wedding?

Why should your guests have to pay for a party that you are throwing

goat2 · 20-06-2011 12:17AM

i would never give anthing other that cash, we all have our own style, then the couple can do what the need most with the money, it is an expensive time, i would leave the bridesmaids, best men and friends and family just say when asked, that you like everything in your new home matching, so it is best to give cash, so ye can buy matching things

lazygal · 20-06-2011 01:57PM

I'm recently married and trust me this will not go down well. You WILL be known as the couple who were cheeky enough to ask for cash. You will get gifts because people like to give something and these might range from a card with nothing at all to a very generous cheque but DO NOT ask for cash, its beyond rude.

John Mason · 20-06-2011 02:04PM

Look, the whole point of giving wedding presents and cash is to help the new couple set up their home and life together.

this does not apply in your case as you have already set up your home.

this giving presents thing is completely out of date.

You should be telling people no presents, just their presence is required or else a donation to a charity of their/your choice.

neris · 21-06-2011 09:19AM

I think people who look for money are sending out the signs of either being stingy or greedy (or both in some cases). i didnt want presents for our wedding just people to be there but had my arm twisted so got a present list done up in a store in town.

wexford12 · 21-06-2011 01:12PM

neris wrote: »

I think people who look for money are sending out the signs of either being stingy or greedy (or both in some cases). i didnt want presents for our wedding just people to be there but had my arm twisted so got a present list done up in a store in town.

And i'm sure you wanted or needed they items that you picked out in the store
If you had a house full of all you need would you still of done a shopping list. Maybe you should of stuck to your guns and asked for no gifts !

Invitations and asking for cash presents

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