Invitations and asking for cash presents

wexford12

Hi guys we are getting married in a couple of months and are doing the invites now. The question is should or can we put that we would like cash presents rather than vouchers or sets of glasses etc. We have a home together and its fully kitted out but are hoping to buy a site and a few quid would be a great help. Is it very rude to put this on the invites or if not any ideas on ways to phrase it on the cards
Thanks for the help

emarfrog

I would strongly advise against putting any reference to cash gifts on your wedding invitation. We received an invite a few months ago to a wedding where the couple requested "a monetary donation" on their invitations. For our group of friends the first thing to be commented on was THAT request! People were totally miffed and embarrassed for the couple that they would be that blunt!

99% of your guests will give cash, they don't need to be asked/told. If I had thought that people would be so ridiculously generous I actually would have told them not to give anything!

I think that if you are hoping/expecting to make some profit (might be a bad choice of words here) from your wedding you may end up a little disappointed. If you ask people for cash you will definitely end up disappointed, people really don't like being told what to do.

rainbowtrout

+1 on everything above.


Also a point will come where your parents and future in laws, bridesmaids, best man etc will approach you and say some people have been asking us what to get you. You can spread the word far more subtly by letting the immediate wedding party know that given the choice you would prefer cash. They will spread the word for you without you putting it on an invite which looks really tacky.

if you read simillar threads about this issue you will find that the majority of people find it rude and vulgar to be asked for money, people mostly give money anyway these days -especially if they know the couple are living together and probably have all the stuff they need. Nobody likes being told that they "have" to give money, and there is no nice and tactfulway of wording it on your invites.

you probably will get mainly cash gifts because its more conveniant for people, but the minute you imply that you WANT cash people may feel that you are being cheeky and would you really want your guests to feel uncomfortable?

titanium feather

I think it's about the rudest thing you can do!

Presumably the people going to the wedding know you and know that, because of your circumstances, cash gifts (should they decide to give a gift at all) may be more useful to you than other gifts. However it is entirely up to the guest to decide whether to give you a gift, and if so, what sort of gift to give!

It's extraordinarily presumptuous to expect people to not only take a day out of their busy lives and spend (up to) a few hundred euro just to attend your wedding, but also to demand a cash gift from them! I love weddings, I've always given generous gifts to the couple (usually cash), and I always have a great day out ... however I've always felt like a guest, and was treated as such - not like a paying customer! A gift should be just that - a gift, chosen by the guest, given voluntarily, and not automatically expected by you in exchange for the "privilege" of attending your wedding.

I don't know, if I received an invitation looking for cash, it would leave an extremely bad taste in my mouth and really affect my opinion of the couple in question. And to be honest, if I did attend the wedding, I would probably make a point of giving a non-cash gift (if even that!) just for the sake of it! :pac:

bigjohnny80

rainbowtrout wrote: »

+1 on everything above.


Also a point will come where your parents and future in laws, bridesmaids, best man etc will approach you and say some people have been asking us what to get you. You can spread the word far more subtly by letting the immediate wedding party know that given the choice you would prefer cash. They will spread the word for you without you putting it on an invite which looks really tacky.

This is what we did and worked well for us.

Penny Dreadful

wexford12 wrote: »

Hi guys we are getting married in a couple of months and are doing the invites now. The question is should or can we put that we would like cash presents rather than vouchers or sets of glasses etc. We have a home together and its fully kitted out but are hoping to buy a site and a few quid would be a great help. Is it very rude to put this on the invites or if not any ideas on ways to phrase it on the cards
Thanks for the help

No matter how you phrase it such a reqest would come across as rude, greedy, grasping, nasty, tacky, presumptious and so on and so forth to me. If I did go to the wedding I'd give a two slice toaster as gift.

daveyboy_1ie

Had my own wedding a few months back and almost everyone gave a cash gift. Had thought we would get a few toasters and what not but really everyone gave cash or cheques. I think one person who could not make it on the day says he will send up my gift, still waiting but I heard it won't be cash

angeldelight

I 100% agree with everyone else. There is no possible way of phrasing it that is going to make it sound any better. I am getting married next year and similarly we would prefer cash gifts as will be starting to save for a deposit on a house once the wedding is done but I would never put it on the invitation. As above, we will let our parents, bridesmaid and best man know so if someone asks them they can let them know but similarly if someone chose to give us a non cash gift it wouldn't be the end of the world; we just want them to be there on the day

Plazaman

For your invites.

We've got Toasters, Glasses, Kettles, Jugs
Lamps and all the rest
So when your thinking of a gift
Hint : Money would be best


And I still don't know why Hallmark wouldn't hire me.

OK + 1 on rainbowtrouts idea

tinkerbell

Do NOT ask for money on your invitation. It is extremely rude and vulgar. If you write that, prepare NOT to get many gifts on your day I'd imagine.

wexford12

LOL Well thats me told god i didnt think it was that bad an idea.If i got an invite it wouldnt bother me at all but thanks for the time to answer

amdublin

Plazaman wrote: »

For your invites.

We've got Toasters, Glasses, Kettles, Jugs
Lamps and all the rest
So when your thinking of a gift
Hint : Money would be best


And I still don't know why Hallmark wouldn't hire me.

OK + 1 on rainbowtrouts idea

Phew!!!!

I thought you were serious there and I was about to post to say how horrendous that rhyme was.

But seeing as you are joking: you are a talented poet young sir

The Big Red Button

amdublin wrote: »

Phew!!!!

I thought you were serious there and I was about to post to say how horrendous that rhyme was.

But seeing as you are joking: you are a talented poet young sir

I actually saw quite similar on a wedding invitation before! :eek: It was a longer rhyme, but the same gist.

The woman who received the invitation (the bride's aunt!) politely declined the invite purely because of this.

She did send the happy couple a nice scented candle though ... :pac:

amdublin

chatterpillar wrote: »

I actually saw quite similar on a wedding invitation before! :eek: It was a longer rhyme, but the same gist.

The woman who received the invitation (the bride's aunt!) politely declined the invite purely because of this.

She did send the happy couple a nice scented candle though ... :pac:

I'd do exactly the same...

Acoshla

A friend of mine received an invitation with not only a request for cash, but two bank account details, one Irish, one in their country of residence :eek:

She then contacted them to let them know about a particular allergy she has with regards to food, they told her to contact the hotel herself as they didn't have time to deal with it.

She made a donation to a charity in their name as their wedding gift, well played

City boy turned country

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.

Beruthiel

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

:eek:

I wouldn't go to a wedding of somebody who would send something like that.
In fact, I don't think I would/could be a friend of someone that crass.

The way I see it, you invite people to your wedding because it is such a special day and having them there will add to that magic.
You invite them because you care about them and they about you.
You don't invite them because of the money they will bring to the table.

We told people we did not want/need any prezzies. All we wanted from them was their presence on the day.
If you cannot afford to have people unless they can pay their own way, well then, do what we did and just have a small wedding that you can actually afford.

wexford12

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

rainbowtrout

wexford12 wrote: »

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

However people don't like to be dictated to as to what they should give as a gift or that they should give a gift at all. The reality is practically everyone going to a wedding will give a gift and nowadays most will give cash, but do not tell them to do this. As you can see from the majority of replies it gets peoples backs up, and they are more likely to buy a present than give cash or give nothing at all in that instance.

People don't dictate presents for their birthdays or any other occasion. Weddings should be no different.

I got an invite to my cousin's wedding a while back and so did my brother. I'm not going because it's in England and it clashes with something else I have on, but I rang my brother to see if he was going. He's a bit younger than me and not in the loop yet of attending weddings on a regular basis. The first thing he said to me was 'Did you see the rhyme on the card where they're asking for money, I'd nearly get them a set of towels just to annoy them' which were pretty much my sentiments. The gist of the rhyme was : we have a house and if you buy stuff for it, it probably won't be to our taste but we'd like a cash contribution towards our honeymoon.

My initial thought was : 'Pay for your own bloody honeymoon'

Penny Dreadful

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.[/QUOTE]

To the cat

kandr10

wexford12 wrote: »

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

That's perfectly reasonable, considering most people will probably give a gift. I like the idea of spreading the word via the wedding party better than putting it on the invite though. We've had a few friends just ask us what we'd like and we were able to tell them discreetly that money would be appreciated if they want to gift anything.

Thomas1981

Its a difficult one to mention but sometimes being blunt is necessary. I told my sister I wanted cash as I need it but she doesnt like giving cash so now i have a painting. Its a nice painting but would have preferred the cash as I need it to pay for the cost of the wedding. Best way to request money is to make sure your parents and your best friend understand you want money. Most people will ask your mother or your best friend what to get. Get them do the dirty work for you.

mikemac

Your greatest gift to us is your company, please join us on our happy day

Ah bless, who said Hallmark were hiring?

You're getting cash from most anyway OP
Don't ever ask for it.

January

City boy turned country wrote: »

Recently received a wedding invitation with a sentence on it 'The couple would appreciate a gift of €200 from each couple'.

I was very close to using it to clean the cats toilet out but thought that would be too mean.

I'd have seriously sent the R.S.V.P. back with a polite note telling them to please feck off!

amdublin

Thomas1981 wrote: »

Its a nice painting but would have preferred the cash as I need it to pay for the cost of the wedding.

Why didn't you just save up for the wedding?

Why should your guests have to pay for a party that you are throwing

goat2

i would never give anthing other that cash, we all have our own style, then the couple can do what the need most with the money, it is an expensive time, i would leave the bridesmaids, best men and friends and family just say when asked, that you like everything in your new home matching, so it is best to give cash, so ye can buy matching things

lazygal

I'm recently married and trust me this will not go down well. You WILL be known as the couple who were cheeky enough to ask for cash. You will get gifts because people like to give something and these might range from a card with nothing at all to a very generous cheque but DO NOT ask for cash, its beyond rude.

John Mason

Look, the whole point of giving wedding presents and cash is to help the new couple set up their home and life together.

this does not apply in your case as you have already set up your home.

this giving presents thing is completely out of date.

You should be telling people no presents, just their presence is required or else a donation to a charity of their/your choice.

neris

I think people who look for money are sending out the signs of either being stingy or greedy (or both in some cases). i didnt want presents for our wedding just people to be there but had my arm twisted so got a present list done up in a store in town.

wexford12

neris wrote: »

I think people who look for money are sending out the signs of either being stingy or greedy (or both in some cases). i didnt want presents for our wedding just people to be there but had my arm twisted so got a present list done up in a store in town.

And i'm sure you wanted or needed they items that you picked out in the store
If you had a house full of all you need would you still of done a shopping list. Maybe you should of stuck to your guns and asked for no gifts !

Diddler1977

wexford12 wrote: »

Just so you all understand its got nothing to do with the guests paying for the wedding.Come the day of the wedding all hotel etc etc will have been paid for.We just didnt want to end up with boxs of glasses and vouchers that we dont want and yea a few quid would be nice for what we want to do i would prefer someone to put €50 in a card than but a set of glasses

Just ask for a donation to charity in lieu of glasses etc if you really don't want them.

Or just say "No presents, just your presence"

Asking for money on a wedding invite is the height of rudeness. I'm sure your parents would be mortified if they knew what you were thinking of doing.

LizT

As has been said, it is so so tacky and I would feel offended if I received an invitation asking for money. I would always give money as a present anyway but I would actually think twice about doing it if I was specifically asked to!

cheekyass

My mother showed me a wedding invitation she received and on it was 'no gifts which can be wrapped' or something to that effect.....essentially what was implied that toasters = no the can be wrapped, cash = yes.....people are unlikely to wrap cash!

It was kind of a round about way of asking for cash gifts only I guess, I found it incredibly rude (and odd).....

I think from friends who have gotten married recently (and who have homes together) they received cash or vouchers for place. Restaurant vouchers, arnotts vouchers etc.....they all seemed happy with this as they could splash out on a nice meal or one couple bought a new sofa....

I thought this was all very nice

iguana

cheekyass wrote: »

My mother showed me a wedding invitation she received and on it was 'no gifts which can be wrapped' or something to that effect.....essentially what was implied that toasters = no the can be wrapped, cash = yes.....people are unlikely to wrap cash!

It was kind of a round about way of asking for cash gifts only I guess, I found it incredibly rude (and odd).....

I'd be tempted to go on deal pages and pick a selection of the naffest vouchers and give them those in a card. 10 sessions of Bikini Bootcamp for her, a tooth whitening pen and yoga socks for him and a garuffi fish pedicure each for them to share the experience.

kandr10

iguana wrote: »

I'd be tempted to go on deal pages and pick a selection of the naffest vouchers and give them those in a card. 10 sessions of Bikini Bootcamp for her, a tooth whitening pen and yoga socks for him and a garuffi fish pedicure each for them to share the experience.

Brilliant!

PrincessPixie

I'd like to think that we as a society have moved on and become a little bit sophisticated in the process of gift giving at a wedding. The majority of people give cash gifts now days, it's a bit unusal to get a wrapped gift, but please consider the following if you do get a wrapped gift it may be because the giftee could not afford to but a large amount of money in a card, maybe that picture frame or set of glasses is to disguise the fact that they don't have 100-200 euro to lodge to your account and would be embarrassed by the paltry sum they have to spend on you, so they choose to give a gift as 50 quid spent on a toaster looks a lot more than 50 quid in a card.

Heineken Helen

wexford12 wrote: »

LOL Well thats me told god i didnt think it was that bad an idea.If i got an invite it wouldnt bother me at all but thanks for the time to answer

Same here . We struggled with how to word it too... so in the end we didn't bother and waited til people asked us. They all DID ask us and then I gave a big speech about how I just want them there and if they want to get us something, we'd gladly accept but we have everything we need so money would be a great option. Everyone gave us money... oh but we did get one electric juicer . Just trust that most people these days give money but if you get the odd gift it's gonna be nice to have down the line and say it was a wedding pressie.

Two friends are getting married in November and they sent a little note with the invite explaining how they have everything they need but their dream is to do a road trip in the deep south of america for the honeymoon and they're asking for donations to get them as far as they can. It didn't bother me at all since we'd already agreed not to swap gifts but it wouldn't bother me anyway... but I can see how it would bother some people.

Heineken Helen

Reading through the replies though, I'm wondering why people are so offended anyway? If you go to a wedding, you're ALWAYS going to bring a gift to send the couple on their way. The couple have simply been upfront and straightforward about what it is they need and would like. Why people would then go and get them something else is beyond me . If you had a gift in mind for the couple and get it anyway, that's fine, but don't do it because they were honest enough to say what they wanted.

Again, it's not something I would do but I don't understand why people are so easily offended about traditions and etiquette when many people getting married simply don't know what the done thing is.

Dudess

What's traditional about saying "Cash gift only" on an invitation? Darn right people would be offended! :eek: It's reprehensible. It displays such contempt for loved ones. I don't understand how you see it as taking offence easily. It's not the wanting a gift, it's the attitude - I do think every guest should give a gift, don't agree with giving nothing - but a gift is a goodwill gesture, viewing it as payment towards the wedding, house deposit etc is obnoxious. That's not to say there's anything wrong with putting money received towards those things - that makes sense and is practical, and I'm sure the gift-bearers would be happy for it to be put to such use, but seeing wedding presents solely as a cashing-in opportunity rather than goodwill gestures... it's really distasteful.

mikemac

Eddie Hobbs has a lot to answer for

He used to have a show for people dealing with finance, everyday people in different situations

Advising a couple to be very clear they wanted cash and bring the numbers up so as to break even.

Heineken Helen

Dudess wrote: »

What's traditional about saying "Cash gift only" on an invitation? Darn right people would be offended! :eek: It's reprehensible. It displays such contempt for loved ones. I don't understand how you see it as taking offence easily. It's not the wanting a gift, it's the attitude - I do think every guest should give a gift, don't agree with giving nothing - but a gift is a goodwill gesture, viewing it as payment towards the wedding, house deposit etc is obnoxious.

Most people give gifts... I'm sure most people would like to give something that is needed. Couples getting married know this and most couples on this thread have had the same dilemma, most choosing to say nothing but if everyone goes through it, why should people simply be more upfront? It certainly does not display contempt. I'm sure nobody does it without giving it some thought.

It's not traditional - my point is why do people expect everyone to do everything the traditional way... wouldn't all weddings be exactly the same then? Oh wait....

Dudess

I see your point Helen, but it would have to be worded very sensitively, e.g. maybe "If you're giving a gift, it would be fantastic if it were in cash (amount doesn't matter) but it doesn't have to be - any gift would be appreciated". Anyone who puts "Cash gift only please" on the invitation... well I'd like to think I wouldn't know anyone so vile. And worse again, putting a specific amount on it! :eek: I'd fuk the thing back in their faces!

I appreciate even modest weddings can run up high costs due to the amount of guests - it's very easy to say to limit the numbers, but some people have a lot of relatives/friends, and sometimes certain guests have to be invited purely out of a sense of duty (again, not always easy to avoid) but not all guests can afford a generous present, and the pressure can be really piled on them when idiots demand arbitrary high sums. What people can afford should be enough - or if they want to add a bit extra, fair play to them, or if they want to be really generous, their choice, etc. Basically it's an individual thing - shouldn't be "one size fits all" being imposed. If you choose to have a flash wedding, a wedding abroad etc, you certainly shouldn't feel aggrieved if gifts don't cover a good chunk of the costs - nobody puts a gun to anyone's head to have flashy, expensive weddings. That doesn't mean guests shouldn't feel gratitude - in fairness, they should, but they shouldn't feel obliged to repay the lot.

joan mack

My son was recently married and all but one guest contributed money, Although they were never asked,. They figured that the best gift and it was. Several guests turned up with nothing and thats to be expected also. Some people think their presence at the event is sufficient.

When looking at the generous amount of money contributed those that gave no present were painfully obvious.

If someone is a bit hard up, You don't expect a present. Thing is they are usually the most generous. Making you feel real guilty

directly asking for money is so vulgar and such bad taste, do you really want your wedding to be remembered like that?

Weddings should be a celebration of love and joy, not a source of revenue

Heineken Helen

Dudess wrote: »

I see your point Helen, but it would have to be worded very sensitively, e.g. maybe "If you're giving a gift, it would be fantastic if it were in cash (amount doesn't matter) but it doesn't have to be - any gift would be appreciated". Anyone who puts "Cash gift only please" on the invitation... well I'd like to think I wouldn't know anyone so vile. And worse again, putting a specific amount on it! :eek: I'd fuk the thing back in their faces!

I appreciate even modest weddings can run up high costs due to the amount of guests - it's very easy to say to limit the numbers, but some people have a lot of relatives/friends, and sometimes certain guests have to be invited purely out of a sense of duty (again, not always easy to avoid) but not all guests can afford a generous present, and the pressure can be really piled on them when idiots come up with arbitrary figures like "€200 per couple". If you choose to have a flash wedding, a wedding abroad etc, you certainly shouldn't feel aggrieved if gifts don't cover a good chunk of the costs - nobody puts a gun to anyone's head to have flashy, expensive weddings.

Oh absolutely... those examples really are vulgar. When it's worded right though, it's simply sensible. If I were told to give 200 per couple, I'd ignore it and still give what I felt reasonable. That's just ridiculous.

Bens

I know one couple who got married and had one of those cash demanding poems on the invites.
People laugh about them all the time.
If we ever here of a wedding invite like that we call it a <Insert Couple we knows name > Invite.

It can never be worded right.

iguana

Heineken Helen wrote: »

Reading through the replies though, I'm wondering why people are so offended anyway? If you go to a wedding, you're ALWAYS going to bring a gift to send the couple on their way. The couple have simply been upfront and straightforward about what it is they need and would like.

Because it is rude to ask for a gift. Children are brought up to not ask relatives for gifts. You don't walk into your grandmother's house on your birthday and say "where's my present!!!!" or "I already have a doll that wets itself, I wanted a bike!!!!" If I'd done that as a child my parents would have taken the gift off me until I learned manners, and in general people expect better manners from an adult than they do from a child. You wait until it is presented to you as all gifts are at the discretion of the giver. You don't say what you want, or even that you expect a gift because to do so changes the gift from a gift to an expectation. That's very rude and I, along with most posters, don't feel good rewarding rudeness.

Penny Dreadful

Heineken Helen wrote: »

Oh absolutely... those examples really are vulgar. When it's worded right though, it's simply sensible. If I were told to give 200 per couple, I'd ignore it and still give what I felt reasonable. That's just ridiculous.

In my opinion there is no right way to word it. You're asking for money plain and simple and that is, again in my opinion, dreadfully rude.

Bens

Even my dog knows not to beg.

Heineken Helen

iguana wrote: »

Because it is rude to ask for a gift. Children are brought up to not ask relatives for gifts. You don't walk into your grandmother's house on your birthday and say "where's my present!!!!" or "I already have a doll that wets itself, I wanted a bike!!!!" If I'd done that as a child my parents would have taken the gift off me until I learned manners, and in general people expect better manners from an adult than they do from a child. You wait until it is presented to you as all gifts are at the discretion of the giver. You don't say what you want, or even that you expect a gift because to do so changes the gift from a gift to an expectation. That's very rude and I, along with most posters, don't feel good rewarding rudeness.

There's a difference between asking for or demanding a gift and politely stating that if people wish to give you a gift, you have everything you need. I think people should be encouraged to say what's on their minds, otherwise it has the potential to get silly. I guess it depends on how close you are to the people - if it's somebody you barely know or somebody old, it can be crude but if it's a good friend, you should know them well enough to say stuff like this surely