Pastor killed for magic penis

eco2live · 31-05-2011 01:12PM #1

A pastor was set alight in South Africa by people who accused him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.

Nine men and three women aged 28 to 50 will appear in court in Mpumalanga on charges of murder and arson after Albert Malwane was burned to death.

Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

Read more: http://www.breakingnews.ie/world/bizarre/pastor-killed-for-magic-penis-506705.html#ixzz1Nvo1CL44

WTF :pac:

sensibleken · 31-05-2011 01:13PM

Well that'll fúcking learn him wont it!

eco2live · 31-05-2011 01:14PM

Now you see it now you don't!

Duggy747 · 31-05-2011 01:15PM

If the guy hadn't died a horrible death, like they usually do when they hand out "justice" in that area, then I would find this story hilarious.

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what? :pac:

Ghandee · 31-05-2011 01:16PM

I have a magic penis too.

I can make it disappear, then reappear again at times!

Feels great too,

BluesBerry · 31-05-2011 01:16PM

He shouldnt of been waving his wand about like that tut tut :pac:

Sticky_Fingers · 31-05-2011 01:17PM

Duggy747 wrote: »

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what? :pac:

Killer snails are no joke

http://stupidchicken.com/comic/comics/2009-07-09-Killer-Snail-vs.-Rodentator.png

stovelid · 31-05-2011 01:17PM

Guy is a amateur.

I've always kept my magic penis a secret and killed the ladies afterwards.

Gummy Panda · 31-05-2011 01:18PM

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

Balfie · 31-05-2011 01:19PM

sensibleken wrote: »

Well that'll fúcking learn him wont it!

Lets get sensible about this Ken, its teach. :P Haha

sensibleken · 31-05-2011 01:20PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

hey now. It wasn't their cúnts fault. He had a magic penis! no cúnt can resist, retartded or otherwise.

Duggy747 · 31-05-2011 01:20PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

You, sir, are clearly a racist for not tolerating their culture :pac:

stovelid · 31-05-2011 01:20PM

Sticky_Fingers wrote: »

Killer snails are no joke

http://stupidchicken.com/comic/comics/2009-07-09-Killer-Snail-vs.-Rodentator.png

I wouldn't put it pastor to have been involved in some way.

ejmaztec · 31-05-2011 01:23PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

You've hit the snail on the head there.

old_aussie · 31-05-2011 01:28PM

Someone once told me that South Africa was a civilised country.

How backwards are the natives?

Auvers · 31-05-2011 01:28PM

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

nah just uneducated and tribal

many black South Africans (Xhosa\Zulu) have a quivering fear of the Tikoloshe man (evil spirit created by witchdoctors) so they prop their beds up on blocks, I have seen this with a Zulu friend I met while working in South Africa

remember the last "witch" burned alive in Ireland was only 100 years ago

eco2live · 31-05-2011 01:29PM

It all makes sense. Not a miscarriage of justice.

This all started when a women in the camp was caught masturbating in the hut. Her husband came in after tending to his cabbages and protecting them from a crazy snail. She said that it was not her fault but the paster's invisible penis. He then put one and one together and realized that the paster wife was the snail. The paster and his family nearly got away with it.

Kojak · 31-05-2011 01:30PM

eco2live wrote: »

Community members had accused him of talking to animals

ah, so that's where Dr. Doolittle went to...

smokedeels · 31-05-2011 01:34PM

eco2live wrote: »

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

They can set a man alight but they can't sprinkle a little salt on his missus

CreepingDeath · 31-05-2011 01:36PM

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

sensibleken · 31-05-2011 01:38PM

aaaaaaand Im out of here

jimcoolding · 31-05-2011 01:39PM

Reminds me of Hot Fuzz.

"For the Greater Good"

also rip to the fella and wish luck to the wife and child

K-9 · 31-05-2011 01:46PM

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Dublin Bus in South Africa?

Greentopia · 31-05-2011 01:47PM

I went out with a guy who thought he had a magic penis once.
Turned out the only magic trick it could do was make me disappear out the bedroom door. :pac:

ejmaztec · 31-05-2011 01:48PM

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Surely leprechauns can't reach the pedals.

common sense brigade · 31-05-2011 01:49PM

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what?

Brilliant!

starbelgrade · 31-05-2011 01:51PM

eco2live wrote: »

Nine men and three women aged 28 to 50 will appear in court in Mpumalanga

Mpumalanga dumpety do, I have another puzzle for you

jimthemental · 31-05-2011 02:53PM

eco2live wrote: »

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

Looks like she covered her trail.

Nodin · 31-05-2011 03:04PM

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Also the people on the Supreme court of the USA, commanding its armies and as of late being their elected president. But for some reason that (admittedy spurious) linkage isn't the one that springs to your mind.

You're the kind of person unable to differentiate between culture and ethnicity, evidently.