Pastor killed for magic penis

eco2live

A pastor was set alight in South Africa by people who accused him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.

Nine men and three women aged 28 to 50 will appear in court in Mpumalanga on charges of murder and arson after Albert Malwane was burned to death.

Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

Read more: http://www.breakingnews.ie/world/bizarre/pastor-killed-for-magic-penis-506705.html#ixzz1Nvo1CL44

WTF :pac:

sensibleken

Well that'll fúcking learn him wont it!

eco2live

Now you see it now you don't!

Duggy747

If the guy hadn't died a horrible death, like they usually do when they hand out "justice" in that area, then I would find this story hilarious.

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what? :pac:

Ghandee

I have a magic penis too.

I can make it disappear, then reappear again at times!

Feels great too,

BluesBerry

He shouldnt of been waving his wand about like that tut tut :pac:

Sticky_Fingers

Duggy747 wrote: »

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what? :pac:

Killer snails are no joke

http://stupidchicken.com/comic/comics/2009-07-09-Killer-Snail-vs.-Rodentator.png

stovelid

Guy is a amateur.

I've always kept my magic penis a secret and killed the ladies afterwards.

Gummy Panda

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

Balfie

sensibleken wrote: »

Well that'll fúcking learn him wont it!

Lets get sensible about this Ken, its teach. :P Haha

sensibleken

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

hey now. It wasn't their cúnts fault. He had a magic penis! no cúnt can resist, retartded or otherwise.

Duggy747

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

You, sir, are clearly a racist for not tolerating their culture :pac:

stovelid

Sticky_Fingers wrote: »

Killer snails are no joke

http://stupidchicken.com/comic/comics/2009-07-09-Killer-Snail-vs.-Rodentator.png

I wouldn't put it pastor to have been involved in some way.

ejmaztec

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

You've hit the snail on the head there.

old_aussie

Someone once told me that South Africa was a civilised country.

How backwards are the natives?

Auvers

Gummy Panda wrote: »

What a shower of retarded cúnts...

nah just uneducated and tribal

many black South Africans (Xhosa\Zulu) have a quivering fear of the Tikoloshe man (evil spirit created by witchdoctors) so they prop their beds up on blocks, I have seen this with a Zulu friend I met while working in South Africa

remember the last "witch" burned alive in Ireland was only 100 years ago

eco2live

It all makes sense. Not a miscarriage of justice.

This all started when a women in the camp was caught masturbating in the hut. Her husband came in after tending to his cabbages and protecting them from a crazy snail. She said that it was not her fault but the paster's invisible penis. He then put one and one together and realized that the paster wife was the snail. The paster and his family nearly got away with it.

Kojak

eco2live wrote: »

Community members had accused him of talking to animals

ah, so that's where Dr. Doolittle went to...

smokedeels

eco2live wrote: »

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

They can set a man alight but they can't sprinkle a little salt on his missus

CreepingDeath

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

sensibleken

aaaaaaand Im out of here

jimcoolding

Reminds me of Hot Fuzz.

"For the Greater Good"



also rip to the fella and wish luck to the wife and child

K-9

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Dublin Bus in South Africa?

Greentopia

I went out with a guy who thought he had a magic penis once.
Turned out the only magic trick it could do was make me disappear out the bedroom door. :pac:

ejmaztec

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Surely leprechauns can't reach the pedals.

common sense brigade

How does a snail terrorise a community?..............very slowly or what?

Brilliant!

starbelgrade

eco2live wrote: »

Nine men and three women aged 28 to 50 will appear in court in Mpumalanga

Mpumalanga dumpety do, I have another puzzle for you

jimthemental

eco2live wrote: »

They also said his wife - who has since gone into hiding with their child - turned into a snail and terrorised the community.

Looks like she covered her trail.

Nodin

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

Also the people on the Supreme court of the USA, commanding its armies and as of late being their elected president. But for some reason that (admittedy spurious) linkage isn't the one that springs to your mind.

You're the kind of person unable to differentiate between culture and ethnicity, evidently.

Ck-9 wrote:

Dublin Bus in South Africa? .

'De blaks iz all de same' or something, I'd imagine. Doubtless I'll be corrected if I'm wrong.

LighterGuy

old_aussie wrote: »

Someone once told me that South Africa was a civilised country.

How backwards are the natives?

Theres always some backwards kip in every country.
But hey, this is africa we are talking about.

TIA - this is africa! :pac:

Sanjuro

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzYO0joolR0

Hookah

CreepingDeath wrote: »

And these are the people driving our taxis and Dublin buses.

They flew to South Africa, killed the pastor, and then flew back here on time to start their shift with Dublin Bus?

Dyr

the only one that could ever reach them was the cock of a preacher man

tiger55

Savages.

We are in the 21st century.

CrazyRabbit

Sometimes, I think there is no hope for our species...

CreepingDeath

Hookah wrote: »

They flew to South Africa, killed the pastor, and then flew back here on time to start their shift with Dublin Bus?

Yes, yes they did.
Picking up extra PPS numbers as they returned to claim the dole multiple times.

And before you have a moral high-horse orgasm, I wasn't being serious in either post.

Hookah

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Yes, yes they did.
Picking up extra PPS numbers as they returned to claim the dole multiple times.

And before you have a moral high-horse orgasm, I wasn't being serious in either post.

You did draw thanks from one of our resident racists, so it was a little hard to tell.

Nodin

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Yes, yes they did.
Picking up extra PPS numbers as they returned to claim the dole multiple times.

And before you have a moral high-horse orgasm, I wasn't being serious in either post.

This will dissapoint "Old Aussie", who probaby was thinking of proposing marriage to you via PM.

Latchy

Ghandee wrote: »

I have a magic penis too.

No you don't .

I can make it disappear, then reappear again at times!

No you can't .

sollar

Stupid people

Red Hand

Latchy wrote: »

No you don't .

No you can't .

Well, aren't we Mr Negative, tonight?:pac:

You can all have magic penises and make them appear and disappear at the drop of a hat shift.

Latchy

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Well, aren't we Mr Negative, tonight?:pac:

Nahh.....it's only a mirror image of another post in another thread

tiger55

Africa again? that did surprise me.