Rampant acceptable Homophobia in the work place

stovelid · 25-05-2011 12:54PM

I rue the day that gaylord passed from manly wisecrack trends - probably some time around 1987.

A far better word imo.

Herb Powell · 25-05-2011 12:58PM

IMO it's like using the word "retarded", nothin much wrong with it as both words have many meanings, and when they're used in the context of "that's ****in gay/retarded" they are clearly not intended to insult any particular individuals
Though I got an infraction for saying this before, so..........

AnonoBoy · 25-05-2011 01:01PM

Herb Powell wrote: »

IMO it's like using the word "retarded", nothin much wrong with it as both words have many meanings, and when they're used in the context of "that's ****in gay/retarded" they are clearly not intended to insult any particular individuals
Though I got an infraction for saying this before, so..........

Yeah but the OP is referring to actual homophobia in their workplace with people calling each other gay and telling them to come out of the closet.

It's different to the way 'da kidz' say something is 'ghey' these days.

AnonoBoy · 25-05-2011 01:03PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Straight men will fart, belch, discuss sports, burdz and slag steamers amongst themselves.

Most are careful not to do same in front of burdz and steamers.

Some aren't.

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

Sounds like you hang around with some HILARIOUS guys. You guys must be like totally crazy.

In your mind it's ok to be completely homophobic as long as there's no gay people around.

News for you buddy - I bet at least one of your friends has had sex with another man. You just don't know about it.

Herb Powell · 25-05-2011 01:04PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Yeah but the OP is referring to actual homophobia in their workplace with people calling each other gay and telling them to come out of the closet.

It's different to the way 'da kidz' say something is 'ghey' these days.

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

AnonoBoy · 25-05-2011 01:07PM

Herb Powell wrote: »

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

I think he is:

rochey84 wrote: »

I can often hear my colleuges talking and slagging each other and the slagging almost always refers to someone being gay, or coming out of the closet or something along those lines

rochey84 · 25-05-2011 01:12PM

Herb Powell wrote: »

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

I think we all might be getting a bit confused, I meant that the slagging that is going on is meant in a light hearted way, but if there was a closeted person sitting nearby or it was said to them that it could have a very serious negetive effect on them

Herb Powell · 25-05-2011 01:17PM

rochey84 wrote: »

I think we all might be getting a bit confused, I meant that the slagging that is going on is meant in a light hearted way, but if there was a closeted person sitting nearby or it was said to them that it could have a very serious negetive effect on them

Right, well I'd say anyone who would have a problem should just say it to whoever is slagging. I can see how that might be awkward though if they're uncomfortable with it themselves and can't bring themselves to say it to other people. (even though the same people who were saying "gay" in a mocking way would probably actually be fine with it!)

lastlaugh · 25-05-2011 01:17PM

I hear a lot of banter in work, people often refer to each other as a 'duirty queer' or a 'shirtlifter' If something is broken or in a bad state it's often refered to as being 'totally bent'.

I don't think it's homophobia like, it's just a laugh.

Having said that we don't have any queers running around in work screaming or giggling like.

JCDUB · 25-05-2011 01:24PM

Sure the quaaaaaaaarrrreees call straights "breeders" all the time.

Same difference.

rochey84 · 25-05-2011 01:25PM

lastlaugh wrote: »

Having said that we don't have any queers running around in work screaming or giggling like.

That you're aware of! I feel its important to warn you, not all gay men run around work screaming and/or giggling, and believe it or not you might not even know they're gay until they or someone else tells you that they are!

lastlaugh · 25-05-2011 01:32PM

rochey84 wrote: »

That you're aware of! I feel its important to warn you, not all gay men run around work screaming and/or giggling, and believe it or not you might not even know they're gay until they or someone else tells you that they are!

But they are usually identifiable by being 'light of foot', pruned eyebrows, tight trousers, effeminate features, softly spoken and usually have hysterical sounding laughs though, right?

Kevin Duffy · 25-05-2011 01:32PM

I'm pretty sure the gay people I know would be far more offended by me never mentioning it and tiptoeing around it, because it devalues something important to them which is part of their identity.
The people who are in the closet (for whatever good reason they might have) and might be offended by offhand comments, the problem here is hiding your identity, not silly comments.

snooleen · 25-05-2011 01:36PM

OP I understand your reasons for posting this thread in AH and not in LGBT, but maybe it would be helpful to post a similar thread in LGBT asking how offensive this is for people or whether offense is taken or not from joking like this. That might answer your question a bit more. Obviously different people react to things different ways but you would get direct opinions from people who have experienced this.

Big Nasty · 25-05-2011 01:40PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sounds like you hang around with some HILARIOUS guys. You guys must be like totally crazy.

In your mind it's ok to be completely homophobic as long as there's no gay people around.

News for you buddy - I bet at least one of your friends has had sex with another man. You just don't know about it.

I think you're reading in to this a bit much? Maybe you caught the ghey?:p

It's like this - groups of lads can be fairly tasteless when they get together slagging anything and everything including them selves and each other. It's doesn't necessarily mean they're homopohobic, racist, judgemental or whatever - it's just banter.

I'm half bald (shave the rest off) and a bit heavy, or what some would consider fat. How many FAT threads have you seen running on AH on a regular basis? Not once have I complained about same and what you see in those threads is a lot more than just banter among a closed circle of friends / workmates.

Irish Guitarist · 25-05-2011 01:42PM

The word gay used to mean happy, then it meant homosexual, now people use it to describe something stupid or something they don't like. I think the newest meaning of the word sounds idiotic and I've never used it in that sense but I don't find it offensive.

Long words tend not to take on new meanings as much as short words. For instance I've never heard anyone say about someone who has done something stupid "That was a stupid thing to do. He must be some gynaecologist". Homosexual people need to invent a really long word to describe themselves that will be too awkward for the average person to use as a form of slang. Actually I don't think I've ever heard the word homosexual itself being used as an insult.

Cat Melodeon · 25-05-2011 01:44PM

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

the problem here is hiding your identity, not silly comments.

So the fault lays with the person who is gay and hiding it, not with the people using homophobic language? Not everyone feels the need to discuss their sexuality with their work colleagues. That doesn't excuse people who use derogatory language - they might not use that language if they knew there was a gay person present, but they've already created an environment in which a gay person is made to feel uncomfortable.

OP, I've worked in similar environments and to be honest, it is simply that the people working there are still completely immature and feel the need to attack anything that is not the same as themselves. I've seen it in workplaces, in college, in sports clubs, everywhere. Most people grow out of it once they've experienced a bit of the world and figure out that their particular way of being is not the only way of being and once they start coming in contact with (and making friends with) people of different nationality, religion, colour, sexuality etc. Some people never grow out of it and will be small-minded forever. If it's really a problem in your workplace though, you should have a quite word with HR. It's a form of workplace bullying and you never know who it might be affecting.

lastlaugh · 25-05-2011 01:48PM

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

So the fault lays with the person who is gay and hiding it, not with the people using homophobic language? Not everyone feels the need to discuss their sexuality with their work colleagues. That doesn't excuse people who use derogatory language - they might not use that language if they knew there was a gay person present, but they've already created an environment in which a gay person is made to feel uncomfortable.

OP, I've worked in similar environments and to be honest, it is simply that the people working there are still completely immature and feel the need to attack anything that is not the same as themselves. I've seen it in workplaces, in college, in sports clubs, everywhere. Most people grow out of it once they've experienced a bit of the world and figure out that their particular way of being is not the only way of being and once they start coming in contact with (and making friends with) people of different nationality, religion, colour, sexuality etc. Some people never grow out of it and will be small-minded forever. If it's really a problem in your workplace though, you should have a quite word with HR. It's a form of workplace bullying and you never know who it might be affecting.

Maybe if you are a gay you are better off coming straight out with it and letting people know instead of hiding away being over sensative and getting insulted though...

Irish Guitarist · 25-05-2011 01:51PM

I used to work with someone who used to make comments about George Michael and Freddie Mercury being disgusting because they were gay. I started telling him I was bisexual (which I'm not) for a laugh. I thought his reaction was funny and it stopped him talking to me which was a bonus.

I didn't care about his opinion of me as he was a moron. He once found a cat in the storeroom and was going to stab him with a pitchfork until I stopped him. That has nothing to do with his comments about homsosexuals but it does show what a prick he was.

Opelfruit · 25-05-2011 01:51PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

twinQuins wrote: »

It's light hearted banter for you.

And light salted batter for the swans.

Big Nasty · 25-05-2011 01:54PM

lastlaugh wrote: »

Maybe if you are a gay you are better off coming straight out with it and letting people know instead of hiding away being over sensative and getting insulted though...

Agreed, chap I used to work with was very active in the gay scene but in no way camp looking / sounding. Dead sound guy, very open about his sexuality and actually enjoyed and took part in the banter among the rest of us. He would often come out with some shocking stuff himself just to, em....rise us?

rochey84 · 25-05-2011 02:02PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Agreed, chap I used to work with was very active in the gay scene but in no way camp looking / sounding. Dead sound guy, very open about his sexuality and actually enjoyed and took part in the banter among the rest of us. He would often come out with some shocking stuff himself just to, em....rise us?

I think I may have come across wrong here, I'm not taking offence personally and amongst my own friends etc I do take part in the banter my issue is that 5 or 6 years ago before I came out anything said about gays or anything that kinda dehumanises, even in a funny way, gay people was taken personally I know now cause I'm out that I was being over-sensitive but at the same time I wonder are there people in particular gay people who are still in the closet and take these things personally. And wheather there is or not why is this language acceptable where to start openly slaggin women or another nationality or a different ethnic origin would be completely unacceptable possibly resulting in job losses?

Johro · 25-05-2011 02:04PM

rochey84 wrote: »

...Or is it because there is an accepted level of homophobia in our culture...

Yes. Undoubtedly. Hopefully we'll all get to a higher level one day where anyone's sexual orientation isn't subject to ridicule just because it's not yours. Until then, ya just gotta rise above it, I guess. I'm straight but I have a couple of mates who are gay and some of my other mates wouldn't be seen anywhere near them for fear of being 'branded' a homosexual. Not all of them though. It's probably a remnant of a catholic upbringing, combined with other things like barely being able to stop your knuckles dragging the ground when ya walk.
AH reply: Ya just gotta suck it up.

Links234 · 25-05-2011 02:08PM

Herb Powell wrote: »

IMO it's like using the word "retarded", nothin much wrong with it as both words have many meanings, and when they're used in the context of "that's ****in gay/retarded" they are clearly not intended to insult any particular individuals
Though I got an infraction for saying this before, so..........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smOmn1s9WCI

lastlaugh · 25-05-2011 02:14PM

Links234 wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smOmn1s9WCI

I don't know who he's trying to fool with that lipstick.

Big Nasty · 25-05-2011 02:15PM

rochey84 wrote: »

I wonder are there people in particular gay people who are still in the closet and take these things personally. And wheather there is or not why is this language acceptable where to start openly slaggin women or another nationality or a different ethnic origin would be completely unacceptable possibly resulting in job losses?

Point taken, understood and agreed.

I don't intentionally go out to offend anyone. I have cracked sexist jokes in front of women who I know can take it (and give as good back), I've done the same with coloured friends, gay friends, etc. just as they would with me for whatever reason - again, it's all good natured banter. While I don't think I've ever gone off slagging women / gays / ethnics that I'm not familiar with I suppose it's possible though that I've cracked gay jokes among friends / colleagues whom I presumed were straight or have yet to come out.

BTW while I may come across as such in this or recent posts I'm not a major slagger / pisstaker in general. It does happen now and again and these are the circumstances I'm raising now.

jme2010 · 25-05-2011 02:16PM

rochey84 wrote: »

homosexuality isn't as visible as other traits

Nope. I can see a gay a mile away!

But if somebody is flamming around the office. I find them offensive.

CrazyRabbit · 25-05-2011 02:18PM

Homophobibic remarks where I work result in being sacked. It is not tolerated at all.

I also personally don't tolerate it from my friends. Same goes for racism & sexism.

It's just another form of bullying and I detest bullying.

rochey84 · 25-05-2011 02:23PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Point taken, understood and agreed.

I don't intentionally go out to offend anyone.

BTW while I may come across as such in this or recent posts I'm not a major slagger / pisstaker in general. It does happen now and again and these are the circumstances I'm raising now.

Sorry for it taking so long for my point to become obvious I sometimes go off on tangents about things and my pain point gets lost in the middle.

The highlighted bit is the bit I wanted to convey, people don't mean offence, I understand that and that is why I personally don't take offence.

And sure its AH man everyone is meant to slag everyone here!!!

rochey84 · 25-05-2011 02:25PM

jme2010 wrote: »

Nope. I can see a gay a mile away!

But if somebody is flamming around the office. I find them offensive.

Well you must be pretty special, cause I don't hide my sexuality and don't pretend to be something I'm not but a woman I worked with quite closely for a while who on her last day discovered I was gay and couldn't believe it cause she, like you can normally see a gay a mile away.

Rampant acceptable Homophobia in the work place

Comments