Rampant acceptable Homophobia in the work place

rochey84

Hi lads and ladies,

Before I begin let me assure you that I know where I'm posting and I know some of the responses I'm likely to get but its a better cross section of society than the LGBT forum and I'm not offended by any of what I've noticed.

I was just wondering does anyone else notice that there would appear in Irish workplaces an awful lot of derogatory remarks made with regard to homosexuality, these (at least in my opinion) aren't designed to offend anyone but working in a large call centre I can often hear my colleuges talking and slagging each other and the slagging almost always refers to someone being gay, or coming out of the closet or something along those lines and I can't help but think that if the comments were about being Foregin/a woman/ coming from a different ethnic background that management would step in, be it just a quiet word to advise that words have the power to offend and hurt, or something more serious.

I ask this cause I wonder is it because (to a degree) homosexuality isn't as visible as these other traits so people believe it is safe to make these types of jokes and digs? Or is it because there is an accepted level of homophobia in our culture that just has to be accepted wheather we like it or not? I'm sure many of you when you don't like something call it "gay" or "bent" or whatever, why do we do this?

Don't get me wrong when someone annoys me I would often use the term queer but I mean it in the literal sense of the word (strange or unusual) not gay.

As I said earlier none of this offends me directly, but I do wonder to a young (relativly young workforce in my job) lad or lady who is gay and already struggling, this type of behaviour must only serve to increase their fear and aniexty rather then help it, especially when I know the majority of the people making the jokes and refrences don't actually give a damn who is gay and who isn't but I'd imagine that being closeted and hyper-aware of all negetive comments about gay people that this does shape what you think is going on with these people.

Sorry for rambling, let me know what you all think, is it just harmless fun or should we all make an effort to stop equating bad things to being gay?

FatherLen

ghey...

rochey84

FatherLen wrote: »

ghey...

Pretty much what I was referring to when I said I knew what type of response I would get!!!! Thanks for proving the point!

seanybiker

Maybe people are using gay to say that person is happy. Same as you calling someone queer

FatherLen

no problémo

krudler

soooo not the right forum to have a serious discussion about gheys

rochey84

seanybiker wrote: »

Maybe people are using gay to say that person is happy. Same as you calling someone queer

well given the tone and nature of the slagging I'm 99.9% sure that they don't mean happy but thanks for the input and suggestion. And I'm not quite sure how say a shift Rota could ever be considered "happy"

rainbowdrop

This thread won't end well..........

prinz

rochey84 wrote: »

I was just wondering does anyone else notice that there would appear in Irish workplaces an awful lot of derogatory remarks made with regard to homosexuality..

No.

rochey84 wrote: »

Don't get me wrong when someone annoys me I would often use the term queer but I mean it in the literal sense of the word (strange or unusual) not gay.

LOL. What a queer fellow you seem to be. You annoyed me you unusual rapscallion!

dlofnep

I worked in a large call centre for almost 8 years and I never heard any of this.

thebigbiffo

people need to get a life and stop being so easily offended. i've gay friends who regularly call other straight friends fags, queers or whatever to insult/slag them - ya know why? cos their f'ucking grown up enough to know that for most straight men the thoughts of being with another lad is stomach churning. it's not meant to be offensive to gay people, it's just a slagging.

orourkeda

Calling someone gay isn't "rampant homophobia"

Absurdum

"I've nothin against gays but....." rofl

Srsly, I call stuff "gay" all the time, there's no malice in it at all towards homosexuals. Sky remote ain't working right: "this ****in remote is gay" etc.


Then I roll over and snuggle my bf

mgmt

Relax OP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7hQN4Amaeg

TheZohanS

It's not the first time a group has hijacked the word "gay" for their own use now is it?

muboop1

Mate...

I suggest you move this thread to another section or start a new thread else where

If you actually expect to stimulate a decent debate you are in the wrong forum.first few pages on any after hours post our thread are notoriously full of thank whores...

The King of Moo

Well I think it's a case of it being considered harmless fun by the people making gay jokes, but obviously if I were gay I wouldn't like to hear it.
There's no offense intended but obviously any gay person would naturally feel offended.
I think it's like how some people in England would make Paddy Irishman jokes to you. Sometimes of course it's meant to be racist. But often they'll say it's just banter as they consider us equals or one of them (), like the Scots and the Welsh. But of course it's hard for an Irish person not to be offended.
Just because offense isn't intended, doesn't necessarily mean it's not taken
The thing is, if they knew there were a gay person present they probably wouldn't say anything, and most of them, hopefully, would treat them normally.
It's strange though, I don't know why it's normal to make gay jokes, but racist ones are generally unacceptable.

rochey84

thebigbiffo wrote: »

people need to get a life and stop being so easily offended. i've gay friends who regularly call other straight friends fags, queers or whatever to insult/slag them - ya know why? cos their f'ucking grown up enough to know that for most straight men the thoughts of being with another lad is stomach churning. it's not meant to be offensive to gay people, it's just a slagging.

My point wasn't that I find it offensive, my point was maybe if you read the whole OP, was that if you worked in a place where people were being slagged without meaning offence being called "a typical dopey woman" something would be done about it. Ah **** it I don't really care just trying to get a conversation going! Enjoy yourselves

Big Nasty

Straight men will fart, belch, discuss sports, burdz and slag steamers amongst themselves.

Most are careful not to do same in front of burdz and steamers.

Some aren't.

Frank Black

I think I know where you’re coming from OP – it’s probably more prevalent (in my experience) in male dominated industries. I don’t think most of the people who engage in this behavior would consider themselves to be homophobic and probably think of it as light hearted ‘slagging’. It’s certainly made me uncomfortable at time, not because I’m gay, but there were a couple of my colleagues who I suspected were and I was a bit embarrassed on their behalf. To be honest I don’t think the lads who would make these comments would have known this, but I did think it would be a difficult environment to come out in if people were making the kind of comments you are talking about.
I’m probably no saint myself and have often described things as ‘gay’ – personally I think it’s a throwback to school-yard banter in much the same way as saying ‘your ma’.

AnonoBoy

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Straight men will fart, belch, discuss sports, burdz and slag steamers amongst themselves.

Most are careful not to do same in front of burdz and steamers.

Some aren't.

Steamers? Has this turned into an excrement thread already?

rochey84

black francis wrote: »

I think I know where you’re coming from OP – it’s probably more prevalent (in my experience) in male dominated industries. I don’t think most of the people who engage in this behavior would consider themselves to be homophobic and probably think of it as light hearted ‘slagging’. It’s certainly made me uncomfortable at time, not because I’m gay, but there were a couple of my colleagues who I suspected were and I was a bit embarrassed on their behalf. To be honest I don’t think the lads who would make these comments would have known this, but I did think it would be a difficult environment to come out in if people were making the kind of comments you are talking about.
I’m probably no saint myself and have often described things as ‘gay’ – personally I think it’s a throwback to school-yard banter in much the same way as saying ‘your ma’.

This is the kinda thing I was talking about and you're right it is more prevalent in male dominated industries, all in all I'm glad that at least 1 person got the point I was making

prinz

rochey84 wrote: »

I'm glad that at least 1 person got the point I was making

More than one person got the point you were making. They disagreed with your hypothesis and you didn't like it.

dominiquecruz

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Straight men will fart, belch, discuss sports, burdz and slag steamers amongst themselves.

Really? Wow, the machismo of it all. I'm not gay, but if I found out a group of people spent their time slagging me and calling me a 'steamer', particularly in work, I wouldn't be impressed. Do you guys joke about the **** too?

prinz

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Do you guys joke about the **** too?

Only when they do something particularly funny or make mention of fried chicken or shít bein' whack etc*.




*might not be true.

Big Nasty

dominiquecruz wrote: »

Really? Wow, the machismo of it all. I'm not gay, but if I found out a group of people spent their time slagging me and calling me a 'steamer', particularly in work, I wouldn't be impressed. Do you guys joke about the **** too?

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

Birneybau

It really is a a pain in the @rse.































Homphobia I mean...

blaze1

The gay lads in my work accept a good bit of banter.

TBh the stuff they come out with is generally worse, and they get away with a lot more with women than any straight fella would dare to try.

I just show them blue waffle or talk about sweaty clunges if they overstep the mark:D

dominiquecruz

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

Thats fair enough I guess. Weird. I think I was about to get on a high horse about something, but actually you're right; everyone is subject to getting slagged for just about anything, as long as they're not around to hear it.

twinQuins

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

It's light hearted banter for you.

mconigol

dlofnep wrote: »

I worked in a large call centre for almost 8 years and I never heard any of this.

Ah sure I'd say there's so much chatter going on in those places that it's hard to hear yourself think alright!

stovelid

I rue the day that gaylord passed from manly wisecrack trends - probably some time around 1987.

A far better word imo.

Herb Powell

IMO it's like using the word "retarded", nothin much wrong with it as both words have many meanings, and when they're used in the context of "that's ****in gay/retarded" they are clearly not intended to insult any particular individuals
Though I got an infraction for saying this before, so..........

AnonoBoy

Herb Powell wrote: »

IMO it's like using the word "retarded", nothin much wrong with it as both words have many meanings, and when they're used in the context of "that's ****in gay/retarded" they are clearly not intended to insult any particular individuals
Though I got an infraction for saying this before, so..........

Yeah but the OP is referring to actual homophobia in their workplace with people calling each other gay and telling them to come out of the closet.

It's different to the way 'da kidz' say something is 'ghey' these days.

AnonoBoy

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Straight men will fart, belch, discuss sports, burdz and slag steamers amongst themselves.

Most are careful not to do same in front of burdz and steamers.

Some aren't.

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

Sounds like you hang around with some HILARIOUS guys. You guys must be like totally crazy.

In your mind it's ok to be completely homophobic as long as there's no gay people around.

News for you buddy - I bet at least one of your friends has had sex with another man. You just don't know about it.

Herb Powell

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Yeah but the OP is referring to actual homophobia in their workplace with people calling each other gay and telling them to come out of the closet.

It's different to the way 'da kidz' say something is 'ghey' these days.

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

AnonoBoy

Herb Powell wrote: »

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

I think he is:

rochey84 wrote: »

I can often hear my colleuges talking and slagging each other and the slagging almost always refers to someone being gay, or coming out of the closet or something along those lines

rochey84

Herb Powell wrote: »

Is he though? It sounds more like he's getting the two confused

I think we all might be getting a bit confused, I meant that the slagging that is going on is meant in a light hearted way, but if there was a closeted person sitting nearby or it was said to them that it could have a very serious negetive effect on them

Herb Powell

rochey84 wrote: »

I think we all might be getting a bit confused, I meant that the slagging that is going on is meant in a light hearted way, but if there was a closeted person sitting nearby or it was said to them that it could have a very serious negetive effect on them

Right, well I'd say anyone who would have a problem should just say it to whoever is slagging. I can see how that might be awkward though if they're uncomfortable with it themselves and can't bring themselves to say it to other people. (even though the same people who were saying "gay" in a mocking way would probably actually be fine with it!)

lastlaugh

I hear a lot of banter in work, people often refer to each other as a 'duirty queer' or a 'shirtlifter' If something is broken or in a bad state it's often refered to as being 'totally bent'.

I don't think it's homophobia like, it's just a laugh.

Having said that we don't have any queers running around in work screaming or giggling like.

JCDUB

Sure the quaaaaaaaarrrreees call straights "breeders" all the time.

Same difference.

rochey84

lastlaugh wrote: »

Having said that we don't have any queers running around in work screaming or giggling like.

That you're aware of! I feel its important to warn you, not all gay men run around work screaming and/or giggling, and believe it or not you might not even know they're gay until they or someone else tells you that they are!

lastlaugh

rochey84 wrote: »

That you're aware of! I feel its important to warn you, not all gay men run around work screaming and/or giggling, and believe it or not you might not even know they're gay until they or someone else tells you that they are!

But they are usually identifiable by being 'light of foot', pruned eyebrows, tight trousers, effeminate features, softly spoken and usually have hysterical sounding laughs though, right?

Kevin Duffy

I'm pretty sure the gay people I know would be far more offended by me never mentioning it and tiptoeing around it, because it devalues something important to them which is part of their identity.
The people who are in the closet (for whatever good reason they might have) and might be offended by offhand comments, the problem here is hiding your identity, not silly comments.

snooleen

OP I understand your reasons for posting this thread in AH and not in LGBT, but maybe it would be helpful to post a similar thread in LGBT asking how offensive this is for people or whether offense is taken or not from joking like this. That might answer your question a bit more. Obviously different people react to things different ways but you would get direct opinions from people who have experienced this.

Big Nasty

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sounds like you hang around with some HILARIOUS guys. You guys must be like totally crazy.

In your mind it's ok to be completely homophobic as long as there's no gay people around.

News for you buddy - I bet at least one of your friends has had sex with another man. You just don't know about it.

I think you're reading in to this a bit much? Maybe you caught the ghey?:p

It's like this - groups of lads can be fairly tasteless when they get together slagging anything and everything including them selves and each other. It's doesn't necessarily mean they're homopohobic, racist, judgemental or whatever - it's just banter.

I'm half bald (shave the rest off) and a bit heavy, or what some would consider fat. How many FAT threads have you seen running on AH on a regular basis? Not once have I complained about same and what you see in those threads is a lot more than just banter among a closed circle of friends / workmates.

Irish Guitarist

The word gay used to mean happy, then it meant homosexual, now people use it to describe something stupid or something they don't like. I think the newest meaning of the word sounds idiotic and I've never used it in that sense but I don't find it offensive.

Long words tend not to take on new meanings as much as short words. For instance I've never heard anyone say about someone who has done something stupid "That was a stupid thing to do. He must be some gynaecologist". Homosexual people need to invent a really long word to describe themselves that will be too awkward for the average person to use as a form of slang. Actually I don't think I've ever heard the word homosexual itself being used as an insult.

Cat Melodeon

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

the problem here is hiding your identity, not silly comments.

So the fault lays with the person who is gay and hiding it, not with the people using homophobic language? Not everyone feels the need to discuss their sexuality with their work colleagues. That doesn't excuse people who use derogatory language - they might not use that language if they knew there was a gay person present, but they've already created an environment in which a gay person is made to feel uncomfortable.

OP, I've worked in similar environments and to be honest, it is simply that the people working there are still completely immature and feel the need to attack anything that is not the same as themselves. I've seen it in workplaces, in college, in sports clubs, everywhere. Most people grow out of it once they've experienced a bit of the world and figure out that their particular way of being is not the only way of being and once they start coming in contact with (and making friends with) people of different nationality, religion, colour, sexuality etc. Some people never grow out of it and will be small-minded forever. If it's really a problem in your workplace though, you should have a quite word with HR. It's a form of workplace bullying and you never know who it might be affecting.

lastlaugh

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

So the fault lays with the person who is gay and hiding it, not with the people using homophobic language? Not everyone feels the need to discuss their sexuality with their work colleagues. That doesn't excuse people who use derogatory language - they might not use that language if they knew there was a gay person present, but they've already created an environment in which a gay person is made to feel uncomfortable.

OP, I've worked in similar environments and to be honest, it is simply that the people working there are still completely immature and feel the need to attack anything that is not the same as themselves. I've seen it in workplaces, in college, in sports clubs, everywhere. Most people grow out of it once they've experienced a bit of the world and figure out that their particular way of being is not the only way of being and once they start coming in contact with (and making friends with) people of different nationality, religion, colour, sexuality etc. Some people never grow out of it and will be small-minded forever. If it's really a problem in your workplace though, you should have a quite word with HR. It's a form of workplace bullying and you never know who it might be affecting.

Maybe if you are a gay you are better off coming straight out with it and letting people know instead of hiding away being over sensative and getting insulted though...

Irish Guitarist

I used to work with someone who used to make comments about George Michael and Freddie Mercury being disgusting because they were gay. I started telling him I was bisexual (which I'm not) for a laugh. I thought his reaction was funny and it stopped him talking to me which was a bonus.

I didn't care about his opinion of me as he was a moron. He once found a cat in the storeroom and was going to stab him with a pitchfork until I stopped him. That has nothing to do with his comments about homsosexuals but it does show what a prick he was.

Opelfruit

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Yeah, sometimes! I've also heard lads slagging pikeys and Eastern Europeans eating their swans, etc or whatever. There is no malice intended whatsoever - it's light hearted banter that goes no further.

twinQuins wrote: »

It's light hearted banter for you.

And light salted batter for the swans.