Rant about bridesmaid

janbaby · 14-05-2011 07:48PM #1

My chief bridesmaid is being a real tight arse and its driving me nuts! I'm paying for EVERYTHING for the wedding cos at the end of the day shes doing me a favour. I'm paying for accommodation for her and her boyfriend, hair, make up and dress. But shes my best friend so I was expecting a wedding gift but she now tell me she'll buy me something for the value of €50 so let her know what I need. She said she doesnt want to give me and my finance a gift or money. Shes not stuck for money so thats not the issue.

I dunno what I expected but I guess I thought something with a little bit of thought after 8 years of friendship would be more like it.

hilloftara · 14-05-2011 07:57PM

she is a tightarse,but what can you do if you say it ,the s**t could hit the fan.shame her when you do start getting presents soso gave me this and i barely know her ,isnt she so good .that would piss her off,and remember her day if it hasnt happened already give her back her 50 euros.the real thing is to enjoy your day dont let her annoy you:)

Daisy! · 14-05-2011 09:52PM

Don't let it get to you and ruin your big day or your friendship. She's obviously your best mate so let it slide. Maybe her financial situation isn't the best at the moment?

Just give her the same back when she gets married!

bertsmom · 14-05-2011 10:44PM

What exactly did you expect? I wasnt aware there was a monetary value on friendship. Is it worked out by the year? Should 8 years of friendship buy you a better present?:cool: Can you not remember why you asked the poor girl to be your bridesmaid?
I recently heard a girl say she was going to ask so and so to be her bridesmaid because she was in full time work and could pay her way, I was delighted to hear the girl refused the 'honour' of being her bridesmaid

Best of luck in your marraige OP hope you get all the gifts you deserve.

byhookorbycrook · 14-05-2011 10:47PM

Why should a bridesmaid be out of pocket for your wedding?I paid for all you mentioned and certainly didn't expect the girls to give us anything.

Sergio · 15-05-2011 12:39AM

The word miserable comes to mind.Im getting married in spain next friday and one of our bridesmaids gave us €400 today and trust me she isnt working in the most high paid job!

Ammsy500 · 15-05-2011 01:11AM

Im sorry OP but you should pay for everything you said except the accomadation thats just taking the pis... Yes 50 euro does seem a bit stingy but what is her financial situation like? Maybe she cant afford everything that goes along with a wedding these days like the hen party etc. To be honest there shouldnt be a price on friendship try to forget it and enjoy your day.

christinadublin · 15-05-2011 01:39AM

I agree with Daisy. Don't let it affect your big day or your friendship.

verywell · 15-05-2011 01:58AM

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Im sorry OP but you should pay for everything you said except the accomadation thats just taking the pis... Yes 50 euro does seem a bit stingy but what is her financial situation like? Maybe she cant afford everything that goes along with a wedding these days like the hen party etc. To be honest there shouldnt be a price on friendship try to forget it and enjoy your day.

When did €50 become stingy

verywell · 15-05-2011 02:02AM

Colinboy wrote: »

The word miserable comes to mind.Im getting married in spain next friday and one of our bridesmaids gave us €400 today and trust me she isnt working in the most high paid job!

And what?

I do not get your post. Was it the pressure of your attitude that made that bridesmaid save to gift you that money? If you had gotten a lessor amount would that have made a difference in your thought of her?

amdublin · 15-05-2011 12:41PM

What the F???

If people don't give monetary presents to your satisfaction you come on here and lambast them???

That doesn't seem right.

After 8 years of friendship it boils down to how much money she gives you??

Holy god the mind boggles.

If she's a stinge then your post is painting you as a greedy money grabbing so and so.

amdublin · 15-05-2011 12:43PM

Colinboy wrote: »

The word miserable comes to mind.Im getting married in spain next friday and one of our bridesmaids gave us €400 today and trust me she isnt working in the most high paid job!

And if she gave you €40 would it matter??

Alliandre · 15-05-2011 12:51PM

My best friend is my maid of honor and as with the rest of my guests I don't expect any gifts from her. If however she did give us €50 I'd be delighted. €50 is a lot of money to some people.

amdublin · 15-05-2011 01:19PM

Alliandre wrote: »

My best friend is my maid of honor and as with the rest of my guests I don't expect any gifts from her. If however she did give us €50 I'd be delighted. €50 is a lot of money to some people.

Agreed.

I'm shocked by this thread and the attitude of the op tbh.

What have we become as a society that we give out about people who give small monetary gifts and celebrate the big sums of money?

I prefer peoples prescence rather than their presents.

:mad:

tinkerbell · 15-05-2011 02:08PM

janbaby wrote: »

My chief bridesmaid is being a real tight arse and its driving me nuts! I'm paying for EVERYTHING for the wedding cos at the end of the day shes doing me a favour. I'm paying for accommodation for her and her boyfriend, hair, make up and dress. But shes my best friend so I was expecting a wedding gift but she now tell me she'll buy me something for the value of €50 so let her know what I need. She said she doesnt want to give me and my finance a gift or money. Shes not stuck for money so thats not the issue.

I dunno what I expected but I guess I thought something with a little bit of thought after 8 years of friendship would be more like it.

Eh ... you're expected to pay for those things because she is taking part in your wedding, that's what a bride does for the women they choose to be in their wedding party.

And she is not being stingy, you are actually for looking down your nose at her gift. How do you know her financial situation anyway, she might not have told you her real financial situation.

Since when does friendship be based on the amount of money given as a wedding present. I think you need to re-evalutate yourself and your attitude because quite frankly, the way you are giving out about a €50 present is spoiled brat behaviour.

whatdoicare · 15-05-2011 03:42PM

I'm confused as to why she's insisting on buying you a gift if she's already told you the value of it? I thought the reason to buy a gift was so the person yr giving it to doesn't know what you spent/ or you want to personalise the gift?Would it not be handier for her to just give you the money?
Trying to find something for her to buy you worth fifty euros seems a bit like more work than it's worth to me - and it's a bit lazy on her part.
If it was me, I'd be far too busy sorting out the wedding to be adding more work to my schedule- tell her to help u out with the hen night and use the fifty to book the venue/buy a few bottles of cheap champers/the crap that brides are supposed to wear...whatever costs money on the night to the value of fifty.....at least it will be put to good use.

Don't worry about the stingy part- some people are pure stingy and that will never change and then again some people will shock you with their generosity! (I have a very happy memory of my husband wrestling with his best man trying to give him back some of the money he gifted us and the best man threatening to buy him a life times supply of toilet paper out of it if he didn't take the damn money!!)
Take it all with a pinch of salt - Karma will get them in the end when it's their turn.

amdublin · 15-05-2011 03:52PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

I'm confused as to why she's insisting on buying you a gift if she's already told you the value of it? I thought the reason to buy a gift was so the person yr giving it to doesn't know what you spent/ or you want to personalise the gift?Would it not be handier for her to just give you the money?
Trying to find something for her to buy you worth fifty euros seems a bit like more work than it's worth to me - and it's a bit lazy on her part.
If it was me, I'd be far too busy sorting out the wedding to be adding more work to my schedule- tell her to help u out with the hen night and use the fifty to book the venue/buy a few bottles of cheap champers/the crap that brides are supposed to wear...whatever costs money on the night to the value of fifty.....at least it will be put to good use.

Don't worry about the stingy part- some people are pure stingy and that will never change and then again some people will shock you with their generosity! (I have a very happy memory of my husband wrestling with his best man trying to give him back some of the money he gifted us and the best man threatening to buy him a life times supply of toilet paper out of it if he didn't take the damn money!!)
Take it all with a pinch of salt - Karma will get them in the end when it's their turn.

So now she is lazy as well

amdublin · 15-05-2011 03:54PM

I repeat:

amdublin wrote: »

What have we become as a society that we give out about people who give small monetary gifts and celebrate the big sums of money?

:mad:

amdublin · 15-05-2011 03:56PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

Don't worry about the stingy part- some people are pure stingy and that will never change and then again some people will shock you with their generosity! (I have a very happy memory of my husband wrestling with his best man trying to give him back some of the money he gifted us and the best man threatening to buy him a life times supply of toilet paper out of it if he didn't take the damn money!!)
Take it all with a pinch of salt - Karma will get them in the end when it's their turn.

What a lovely happy memory of your wedding day you have......related to money/a gift.......REAL CLASSY!

whatdoicare · 15-05-2011 03:56PM

amdublin wrote: »

So now she is lazy as well

Well, read what you want into it - I said my piece- I explained myself quite clearly.

amdublin · 15-05-2011 03:57PM

whatdoicare wrote: »

Well, read what you want into it - I said my piece- I explained myself quite clearly.

Oh yes your point of view came across very clear alright!!!!

whatdoicare · 15-05-2011 03:59PM

amdublin wrote: »

Oh yes your point of view came across very clear alright!!!!

Who are you to judge me?

amdublin · 15-05-2011 04:03PM

Ironic?

If people are giving out that someone is stingey for giving them a small money gift does not that make them the stingey ones?

whatdoicare · 15-05-2011 04:06PM

amdublin wrote: »

Ironic?

If people are giving out that someone is stingey for giving them a small money gift does not that make them the stingey ones?

I didn't give out about anyone or the value of the gift- I just questioned why bother buying the gift and telling her the value.
Stop attacking me, you didn't even fully read my posts, you just picked out what you needed to start an argument.

Toots · 15-05-2011 04:07PM

Enough of the catty remarks, if posters can't keep it civil I'll lock the thread.

amdublin · 15-05-2011 04:07PM

Just to clarify, my last post was not a personal attack against you Whatdoicare.

General comment about the whole debate on this thread.

ElleEm · 15-05-2011 04:12PM

janbaby wrote: »

I'm paying for EVERYTHING for the wedding

It's YOUR wedding,so of course you're paying for it!
It's not her job to put her money in your pocket when it's you who asked her to be a part of it.

The accommodation bit is fair enough if she has to travel to a venue far away from home.

It's so out of order for you to be expecting a gift of ANY value. A gift is supposed to be a nice gesture, not an entitlement If you wanted to make money off the back of your wedding, you should've sold tickets.

SparKing · 15-05-2011 04:20PM

In all fairness it shouldn't matter how much the gift is, it's a bit odd for the bridesmaid to have mentioned the value of the gift in my opinion. You give a gift, receive thanks (hopefully are thanked) and go about your business. Of course there is a sort of unwritten rule that I and anyone I have ever spoken to has adhered to, that is, that the gift, usually cash, would cover the cost of the meal and add a bit to it as an actual gift. So that usually is about €50 or €100 if it's a couple. I would give a close friend more but then again it would depend on the finances. I do think it's a bit tactless to ever mention the value of a gift, and would definitely question that persons motives, she could be just dropping the hint that money is a bit tight in her own way.

Fattes · 15-05-2011 08:08PM

My chief bridesmaid has a real tight arse

You are Kate Middelton where does one claim their prize?

We have asked that all guests if do not provide gifts no matter who they are and that if they really feel the need to provide gift they should donate to a charity on the behalf of either of our parents.

Gifts are optional part of a wedding they are not essential.

Diddler1977 · 15-05-2011 08:44PM

janbaby wrote: »

My chief bridesmaid is being a real tight arse and its driving me nuts! I'm paying for EVERYTHING for the wedding cos at the end of the day shes doing me a favour. I'm paying for accommodation for her and her boyfriend, hair, make up and dress. But shes my best friend so I was expecting a wedding gift but she now tell me she'll buy me something for the value of €50 so let her know what I need. She said she doesnt want to give me and my finance a gift or money. Shes not stuck for money so thats not the issue.

I dunno what I expected but I guess I thought something with a little bit of thought after 8 years of friendship would be more like it.

I would consider your friend acting as bridesmaid for you is her present to you for your wedding.

NomdePlume · 15-05-2011 08:59PM

Hope your chief bridesmaid stumbles across this thread, realises she's the subject, and decides on a better course of action...
... like spending her 50 quid on herself. Nice new top, massage, bottle of wine, whatever

Rant about bridesmaid

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