Disgusting

I think there should be mandatory debate sessions in schools, and imo it's relevant to the problem of bullying.

There needs to be some arena where the studious, quiet child gets to speak up, develop confidence, and have power in a conflict situation. I think debate would encourage children to think about the 'fair fight' as verbal, one-to-one, and respectful.
When the shy nerd defeats the obnoxious nob in a battle of wits, it's a delicious way to show that knowledge is power.

It wouldn't solve everything, and I'm probably naive about it, but I still think it's a good idea.

Freddie59 wrote: »

Our daughter was bullied between 1st and 3rd year in secondary school. Schools, from our experience, are not really prepared for bullying when it starts. They'll have the relevant "procedures" in place on paper, but little else.

Our daughter was a very quiet, caring, and mannerly girl, as were a lot of her peers in her 6th class primary class. There was another class which consisted, primarily, of troublemakers from 'disadvantaged' families. Someone had the brainstorm to mix both classes in 1st year, assuming that that 'good' pupils would have a soothing influence on the troublesome ones.

How wrong they were. This has been tried (and has failed miserably) in the wider society. The bullying became so bad that she was ostracised at breaks, resulting in another girl in the class having to flag it with the teacher. She was also assaulted in school on two occasions. It got to the point where I told her to fight back - and fight hard.

Needless to say, this came to a head and I was called to the school one day. Now, I had flagged the problems with the school by phone and letter, so they were well aware. I met with the Principal after my daughter had been in a fight, and I told the principal that I had told her to do so. She said I shouldn't have.

I pointed out to her that the school couldn't protect her; we couldn't protect her; so there was no other option. Incredibly, one of the teachers informed the bully that we had made a complaint, proving the point that they can't deal with bullying.

Things subsided after that, but, upon starting 3rd year, a group of about 20 (including the bully) surrounded her in a public toilet, kicking and scraping at the cubicle door in order to try to beat her. Were it not for her mobile phone I don't know what would have been the end of it. The Gardai were called and we were advised to lodge an assault compliant. But this would have made matters worse.

To her credit, she did her Junior Cert (and did very well). She then transferred to another school for her Leaving Cert, where she fitted in very well, and had two very happy years. She's now a very well-adjusted adult who we love dearly, and is training to be an accountant, and we sometimes speak of those dark days.

She herself reckons it made her a stronger person, but there is no way she (or anyone else) should have to go through this.

We were lucky in that we always encouraged our children to talk to us and confide in us - no matter what. I firmly believe that, coupled with the type of person she is, is what saved her.

Same thing was happening in my school in the mid nintys when I was doing my junior cert in Galway. The lads in question were so bad they should have been expelled (not for bullying me and other people, but for what they did during class, and for vandalism to school property) but the Principal felt that he couldnt do anything about it, because the bullys lived near his house, and he knew his car/house would be bricked if he kicked them out (nice to see such dedication to the job, there). I did my JC, and thank god, my folks told me I was being sent to a private school in town for the leaving, so that was the end of it. Being in a class full of knackers - sorry, Disadvantaged - kids is brutal, because your outlook towards people gets utterly warped -you think everyones a potential scumbag! My first day in the private school I met a lad who would have had a bulls-eye on his forhead in my old school because he was artistic , quiet, and very smart academically, but in the private school he was one of the popular crowd, just because people enjoyed his company! I had finally met people who valued intelligence and skill over vandalism, and drinking in hedge-rows! :pac:

Might be hard for kids to do but,only solution is one good hard box in the jaw.You may get a beating for it,but at least the bully knows what to expect next time he picks on you.

policarp wrote: »

Bullying is a part of life.
In any family there will be a bully.
Be it the father, the mother , the siblings,
the school mates, the sports coach,
it's a part of growing up.
For some it's too much to handle.
Some can't handle it.

It's a part of life so it's acceptable???????
It's acceptable for a 12 year old boy to be on the brink of suicide?
So he can't handle it at 12, and suicide is the way out cos he should
just get used to it?????????

SERIOUSLY??????????

Having been bullied for the first three years of secondary school, I have to say it is the hardest thing for any one individual to have to go through. It's easy to say stand up to them but when there is 6 or so of them and 1 of you it is a lot easier said then done.
When I was in second year I made friends with a new student who had only joined our school that year and introduced her to the few friends I still had, within a couple of weeks she had turned all of them against me and I had become completely Isolated.
I was tormented for weeks and on one occassion while waiting to go to our next class which a teacher was late for I was pushed around like a rag doll amongst all my piers.
I am not a violent person and hate the thought of fighting. However on one occassion when I did decide to stand up for myself and answer back to one of my bullys (who for weeks had been banging into me everytime they passed) as I walked away they caught me by the hair and that was it, I snapped and we ended up fighting and being seperated by a passing teacher, as they say there is only so much one person can take. We both got suspended, as it was part of the school policy.

The school is not equipped to deal with bullying, no offence to any teachers posting here. I was very active and played alot of sports, I particullarly loved basketball, which soon became another place for them to torment me, and on one occassion a teacher had the cheek to say to me that "You seem to have a lot of problems stemming from basketball" as if it was my fault that I was good at basketball and the other kids had a right to pick on me because they were jealous.

Luckily for me I had my parents who were my rocks I could talk to them about anything. However it wasn't me who initially told them as I was too ashamed of what was happening, Someone passed a comment to my younger sister one day and as she was only about 10 at the time she didn't think twice about saying it at the dinner table one evening. It was the best thing she ever did for me.

I matured alot faster then most of my piers as I spent alot of time with adults until I eventually made friends outside of school. I sometimes feel like I missed out on parts of my early teens, as I had alot to deal with for a young person thankfully after I did my junior cert I changed schools as I had no interest in doing transistion year.

I went from a school that had possibly 60 students or so to a school that had 130 plus students in my year. I had nothing but grief in the first school and I will admit it was terrifying starting in a new school with so many pepole but I got to know all my piers and I made some amazing friends who I still have 6 years after we finished school.

I know running away from your problems isn't the answer but in this case it is the only answer. I know my parents were terrified the same thing would happen to me again but thankfully it didn't.

I have met people who bullied me in recent years, even worked part time jobs with some of them and it is amazing once they are split up how quiet they can become.

Bullying ISNT something that happens to everyone and it IS NOT the childs fault that someone decides to pick on them because they are quiet or different, anyone who has this attitude has obviously never had to endure the kind of torment that a bullied child has.

I hope this child finds some way of dealing with it, and the fact that his parents are trying to help does mean alot to a child. It is something I wish I hadn't gone through, however it has made me the person that I am today, as even to this day I still have bad days and think back to those days but they are becoming less frequent as the years go on, and luckily I still have my wonderful parents to talk to, and now my partner who will listen anytime I need to talk.

I would adivse anyone who is being bullied talk to your parents (or a trusted adult), and never be ashamed to admit that someone is picking on you, it does get better as you get older as the majority of these bullies do actually get older and mature aswell.

It is a subject that is not fully understood and needs to be talked about more openly, no one should ever be made to feel ashamed because they do not have the malice that is sometimes needed to answer back to and stand up to these bullies.