Pub jacks at weekends

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 10-05-2011 07:42PM #1

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

Swampy · 10-05-2011 07:45PM

Not the pubs I go to.

MagicMarker · 10-05-2011 07:45PM

Awesome.

kfallon · 10-05-2011 07:46PM

Siena Gorgeous Stenographer wrote: »

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

I always like to have a good ould dump up the local about 7pm of a SAturday evening, bake it all afternoon and then head off to 'free Nelson Mandela', usually doesn't even touch the sides coming out and a nice clean break!

The toilet roll is always conducive to the needs of my 'botty' :pac:

Love the local's bog

Aoifey! · 10-05-2011 07:47PM

Clubs are even worse.

easyeason3 · 10-05-2011 07:47PM

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

orourkeda · 10-05-2011 07:50PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Not enough of them if you ask me

kfallon · 10-05-2011 07:51PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Maybe speedbumps in the ladies might stop the skidmarks :pac:

orourkeda · 10-05-2011 07:54PM

kfallon wrote: »

Maybe speedbumps in the ladies might stop the skidmarks :pac:

I saw you on at the races today.You might want to lay off the hair dye, There was a horrid purple shimmer

Micky Dolenz · 10-05-2011 07:56PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Always a mission of mine.

FlutterinBantam · 10-05-2011 07:57PM

Was at a prominent Northside pub last weekend, food and drink available, music and loads of auld wans with a 'slop on' trying to pull the young fellas.

Anyways had a nice steak and onions trimmings and cold beers, so needed to evacuate the guts circa 2340.

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

Had to make other arrangements to 'cut rope, but certainly agree with the OP on the state of pub toilets at the weekend.

Gross.

kfallon · 10-05-2011 07:57PM

orourkeda wrote: »

I saw you on at the races today.You might want to lay off the hair dye, There was a horrid purple shimmer

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00465/kirsty2_666_465104a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/boxing/article1009049.ece%3FslideshowPopup%3Dtrue%26articleId%3D1009049%26nSlide%3D1&usg=__48ulyOquvjR2mL62gXIJUns9ZC4=&h=519&w=666&sz=126&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=rrLZf5_qYUqIbM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=165&ei=kYrJTfeFMNCq8AP_76HqBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkirsty%2Bmilczarek%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3Du0s%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D596%26tbm%3Disch0%2C555&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1006&vpy=187&dur=130&hovh=198&hovw=254&tx=154&ty=95&page=2&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:22&biw=1366&bih=596

orourkeda · 10-05-2011 07:59PM

kfallon wrote: »

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00465/kirsty2_666_465104a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/boxing/article1009049.ece%3FslideshowPopup%3Dtrue%26articleId%3D1009049%26nSlide%3D1&usg=__48ulyOquvjR2mL62gXIJUns9ZC4=&h=519&w=666&sz=126&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=rrLZf5_qYUqIbM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=165&ei=kYrJTfeFMNCq8AP_76HqBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkirsty%2Bmilczarek%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3Du0s%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D596%26tbm%3Disch0%2C555&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1006&vpy=187&dur=130&hovh=198&hovw=254&tx=154&ty=95&page=2&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:22&biw=1366&bih=596

Sweet. I'm sure she appreciates a big purple head

UglyBolloxFace · 10-05-2011 08:00PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Please go on. It sounds like you have a story or two?

Martyn1989 · 10-05-2011 08:01PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Having worked in pubs and hotels I can say the ladies is ALWAYS much filthier then the gents, its rotten the state sum girls leave the place in!!!!

Twee. · 10-05-2011 08:05PM

I work in a venue and my god, the state of the ladies' at the end of the night is nothing short of disgraceful. Messy bitches!

orourkeda · 10-05-2011 08:05PM

Martyn1989 wrote: »

Having worked in pubs and hotels I can say the ladies is ALWAYS much filthier then the gents, its rotten the state sum girls leave the place in!!!!

Imagine going down on that.

Aishae · 10-05-2011 08:05PM

i cant stop laughing at turd draping languidly - its bloody disgusting but the way you said that was gas. i love colourful explainations

pub toilets arent too bad unless its a really busy place - you tend to see a lot of dirty loo roll around the place. and they say blokes are the ones with problems aiming for the toilet... but its clubs that are worse. was at this male stripper show in blackpool last year on a hen weekend (ill try anything once) omg... the loo's.. you certainly wouldnt sit to pee and god help you if you needed a sh^t.

all in all, the dirty loo roll strewn toilets seem almost posh compared to the above

Gummy Panda · 10-05-2011 08:21PM

Aishae wrote: »

i cant stop laughing at turd draping languidly - its bloody disgusting but the way you said that was gas. i love colourful explainations

The flutt truly is a wordsmith

easyeason3 · 10-05-2011 08:56PM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Please go on. It sounds like you have a story or two?

Puke anywhere but in the toilet bowl.
Piss on the toilet seat & the floor.
Scutter on the bowl & if you're unlucky on the seat.
Used tissue placed everywhere & anywhere but in the toilet.
Used tampons left lying around for all to see.
Don't get me started on the sinks.

And if that wasn't bad enough there's a gaggle of underage girls with skirts up their hole, trying to balance on heels they can't stand in never mind walk in usually gathered around one of their friends while she balls her eyes out & makes snot bubbles because she saw her fella kissing another girl.

As I said filthy bitches.

mattjack · 10-05-2011 08:58PM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was at a prominent Northside pub last weekend, food and drink available, music and loads of auld wans with a 'slop on' trying to pull the young fellas.

Anyways had a nice steak and onions trimmings and cold beers, so needed to evacuate the guts circa 2340.

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

Had to make other arrangements to 'cut rope, but certainly agree with the OP on the state of pub toilets at the weekend.

Gross.

prominet northside pub..? for the sake of humanity name it......

paddy0090 · 10-05-2011 09:01PM

Was in a Rugby club one night where the team had been celebrating all day. They had a big stainless steel trough in the jacks that got blocked. By 2 o' clock it was near full to the brim. I was washing my hands when two of the players came in and started kicking the side of it. I thought this was funny until I saw the mastic up the side. It gave way and a metre of piss came pouring out onto the floor. It just missed me and I managed to avoid most of the splash. But it filled the toilet with about two inches of piss. I threw the socks out when I got home

easyeason3 · 10-05-2011 09:04PM

paddy0090 wrote: »

Was in a Rugby club one night where the team had been celebrating all day. They had a big stainless steel trough in the jacks that got blocked. By 2 o' clock it was near full to the brim. I was washing my hands when two of the players came in and started kicking the side of it. I thought this was funny until I saw the mastic up the side. It gave way and a metre of piss came pouring out onto the floor. It just missed me and I managed to avoid most of the splash. But it filled the toilet with about two inches of piss. I threw the socks out when I got home

But you kept your shoes

paddy0090 · 10-05-2011 09:12PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

[/B]

But you kept your shoes

socks 3 for E5
shoes E120

Socks went straight in the bin. F*ckin right I kept the shoes, they can be cleaned, all you need is a mam!

UglyBolloxFace · 10-05-2011 09:12PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Puke anywhere but in the toilet bowl.
Piss on the toilet seat & the floor.
Scutter on the bowl & if you're unlucky on the seat.
Used tissue placed everywhere & anywhere but in the toilet.
Used tampons left lying around for all to see.
Don't get me started on the sinks.

And if that wasn't bad enough there's a gaggle of underage girls with skirts up their hole, trying to balance on heels they can't stand in never mind walk in usually gathered around one of their friends while she balls her eyes out & makes snot bubbles because she saw her fella kissing another girl.

As I said filthy bitches.

Niiiiice.

W.Shakes-Beer · 10-05-2011 09:30PM

Nothing worse than heading into a stall and being confronted by pebble dash that would put porridge to shame. Usually with a mountain of jax roll stuffed in for good measure.

Then check the floor for a pair of jocks that look like there was a melted Mars bar in them.

holystungun9 · 10-05-2011 09:37PM

kfallon wrote: »

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

Well done on the 'banging', you romantic rapscallion. But shagging a 25 stone chick isn't always something to be so proud of. Although knowing you, you do it for those jumbo sausage size sneaky fingers :pac:

Minstrel27 · 10-05-2011 09:38PM

Siena Gorgeous Stenographer wrote: »

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

Don't drink in **** holes.

Gummy Panda · 10-05-2011 09:48PM

holystungun9 wrote: »

Well done on the 'banging', you romantic rapscallion. But shagging a 25 stone chick isn't always something to be so proud of. Although knowing you, you do it for those jumbo sausage size sneaky fingers :pac:

That last line made me lol

ICE HOUSE · 10-05-2011 09:53PM

One movie springs to mind "Trainspotting".
The toilet scene.

garv123 · 10-05-2011 09:57PM

i was working last new years day. Fellas were home who were abroad for 3 years so there was a big session going on. people in the bar are complaining about the smell coming from the toilets. ( there is a big lounge between the main bar and toilets)
In the end i had to go investigate since i could no longer stick the smell working. i walked into the bathroom with my tshirt up over my face. the smell was making my eyes water.

As i slowly pushed open the cubicle door i began to see the mess. there was black dirty crap all over the walls. either side of the toilet bowl, on the seat, all over the lid. Two more details which make it worse. There was handprints and fingermarks all over the wall.

Why in gods name would someone wipe their fingers in the crap and cover the wall with it. what made it worse was there was a pair of blue jack n jones boxers on the ground covered in crap. this fella had obviously **** himself and dumped the jocks there. We all new who it was but of course he denied it and refused to show his jocks. to make it worse he was drinking bottles of guinness the last 2 days.

I refused to clean it up, i was quitting before i went near it, the owner made her daughter clean it up

later that night when i was mopping the toilets the cubicle door closed behind me and when i look at the back of it there was still finger marks like an attempt of writing all over it

Pub jacks at weekends

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