Pub jacks at weekends

7sr2z3fely84g5

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

Swampy

Not the pubs I go to.

MagicMarker

Awesome.

kfallon

Siena Gorgeous Stenographer wrote: »

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

I always like to have a good ould dump up the local about 7pm of a SAturday evening, bake it all afternoon and then head off to 'free Nelson Mandela', usually doesn't even touch the sides coming out and a nice clean break!

The toilet roll is always conducive to the needs of my 'botty' :pac:

Love the local's bog

Aoifey!

Clubs are even worse.

easyeason3

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

orourkeda

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Not enough of them if you ask me

kfallon

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Maybe speedbumps in the ladies might stop the skidmarks :pac:

orourkeda

kfallon wrote: »

Maybe speedbumps in the ladies might stop the skidmarks :pac:

I saw you on at the races today.You might want to lay off the hair dye, There was a horrid purple shimmer

Micky Dolenz

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Always a mission of mine.

FlutterinBantam

Was at a prominent Northside pub last weekend, food and drink available, music and loads of auld wans with a 'slop on' trying to pull the young fellas.

Anyways had a nice steak and onions trimmings and cold beers, so needed to evacuate the guts circa 2340.

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

Had to make other arrangements to 'cut rope, but certainly agree with the OP on the state of pub toilets at the weekend.


Gross.

kfallon

orourkeda wrote: »

I saw you on at the races today.You might want to lay off the hair dye, There was a horrid purple shimmer

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00465/kirsty2_666_465104a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/boxing/article1009049.ece%3FslideshowPopup%3Dtrue%26articleId%3D1009049%26nSlide%3D1&usg=__48ulyOquvjR2mL62gXIJUns9ZC4=&h=519&w=666&sz=126&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=rrLZf5_qYUqIbM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=165&ei=kYrJTfeFMNCq8AP_76HqBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkirsty%2Bmilczarek%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3Du0s%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D596%26tbm%3Disch0%2C555&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1006&vpy=187&dur=130&hovh=198&hovw=254&tx=154&ty=95&page=2&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:22&biw=1366&bih=596

orourkeda

kfallon wrote: »

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00465/kirsty2_666_465104a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/boxing/article1009049.ece%3FslideshowPopup%3Dtrue%26articleId%3D1009049%26nSlide%3D1&usg=__48ulyOquvjR2mL62gXIJUns9ZC4=&h=519&w=666&sz=126&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=rrLZf5_qYUqIbM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=165&ei=kYrJTfeFMNCq8AP_76HqBg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dkirsty%2Bmilczarek%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3Du0s%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D596%26tbm%3Disch0%2C555&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1006&vpy=187&dur=130&hovh=198&hovw=254&tx=154&ty=95&page=2&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:22&biw=1366&bih=596

Sweet. I'm sure she appreciates a big purple head

UglyBolloxFace

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Please go on. It sounds like you have a story or two?

Martyn1989

easyeason3 wrote: »

Try using the ladies on a night out. Then you would have something to complain about.
Too many filthy bitches out there.

Having worked in pubs and hotels I can say the ladies is ALWAYS much filthier then the gents, its rotten the state sum girls leave the place in!!!!

Twee.

I work in a venue and my god, the state of the ladies' at the end of the night is nothing short of disgraceful. Messy bitches!

orourkeda

Martyn1989 wrote: »

Having worked in pubs and hotels I can say the ladies is ALWAYS much filthier then the gents, its rotten the state sum girls leave the place in!!!!

Imagine going down on that.

Aishae

i cant stop laughing at turd draping languidly - its bloody disgusting but the way you said that was gas. i love colourful explainations

pub toilets arent too bad unless its a really busy place - you tend to see a lot of dirty loo roll around the place. and they say blokes are the ones with problems aiming for the toilet... but its clubs that are worse. was at this male stripper show in blackpool last year on a hen weekend (ill try anything once) omg... the loo's.. you certainly wouldnt sit to pee and god help you if you needed a sh^t.

all in all, the dirty loo roll strewn toilets seem almost posh compared to the above

Gummy Panda

Aishae wrote: »

i cant stop laughing at turd draping languidly - its bloody disgusting but the way you said that was gas. i love colourful explainations

The flutt truly is a wordsmith

easyeason3

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Please go on. It sounds like you have a story or two?

Puke anywhere but in the toilet bowl.
Piss on the toilet seat & the floor.
Scutter on the bowl & if you're unlucky on the seat.
Used tissue placed everywhere & anywhere but in the toilet.
Used tampons left lying around for all to see.
Don't get me started on the sinks.

And if that wasn't bad enough there's a gaggle of underage girls with skirts up their hole, trying to balance on heels they can't stand in never mind walk in usually gathered around one of their friends while she balls her eyes out & makes snot bubbles because she saw her fella kissing another girl.

As I said filthy bitches.

mattjack

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was at a prominent Northside pub last weekend, food and drink available, music and loads of auld wans with a 'slop on' trying to pull the young fellas.

Anyways had a nice steak and onions trimmings and cold beers, so needed to evacuate the guts circa 2340.

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

Had to make other arrangements to 'cut rope, but certainly agree with the OP on the state of pub toilets at the weekend.


Gross.

prominet northside pub..? for the sake of humanity name it......

paddy0090

Was in a Rugby club one night where the team had been celebrating all day. They had a big stainless steel trough in the jacks that got blocked. By 2 o' clock it was near full to the brim. I was washing my hands when two of the players came in and started kicking the side of it. I thought this was funny until I saw the mastic up the side. It gave way and a metre of piss came pouring out onto the floor. It just missed me and I managed to avoid most of the splash. But it filled the toilet with about two inches of piss. I threw the socks out when I got home

easyeason3

paddy0090 wrote: »

Was in a Rugby club one night where the team had been celebrating all day. They had a big stainless steel trough in the jacks that got blocked. By 2 o' clock it was near full to the brim. I was washing my hands when two of the players came in and started kicking the side of it. I thought this was funny until I saw the mastic up the side. It gave way and a metre of piss came pouring out onto the floor. It just missed me and I managed to avoid most of the splash. But it filled the toilet with about two inches of piss. I threw the socks out when I got home

But you kept your shoes

paddy0090

easyeason3 wrote: »

[/B]


But you kept your shoes

socks 3 for E5
shoes E120

Socks went straight in the bin. F*ckin right I kept the shoes, they can be cleaned, all you need is a mam!

UglyBolloxFace

easyeason3 wrote: »

Puke anywhere but in the toilet bowl.
Piss on the toilet seat & the floor.
Scutter on the bowl & if you're unlucky on the seat.
Used tissue placed everywhere & anywhere but in the toilet.
Used tampons left lying around for all to see.
Don't get me started on the sinks.

And if that wasn't bad enough there's a gaggle of underage girls with skirts up their hole, trying to balance on heels they can't stand in never mind walk in usually gathered around one of their friends while she balls her eyes out & makes snot bubbles because she saw her fella kissing another girl.

As I said filthy bitches.

Niiiiice.

W.Shakes-Beer

Nothing worse than heading into a stall and being confronted by pebble dash that would put porridge to shame. Usually with a mountain of jax roll stuffed in for good measure.

Then check the floor for a pair of jocks that look like there was a melted Mars bar in them.

holystungun9

kfallon wrote: »

I saw your other thread, I'd like to remind you I'm banging a mid-20's bird

Well done on the 'banging', you romantic rapscallion. But shagging a 25 stone chick isn't always something to be so proud of. Although knowing you, you do it for those jumbo sausage size sneaky fingers :pac:

Minstrel27

Siena Gorgeous Stenographer wrote: »

Blimney usually at closing time at pubs i go for one last piss before the pub closes and we get thrown out,usually its an obstacle course to get there with puddles of water,or piss running down the way or someone unconscious from drinking too much so the bouncers would usually have to break down the door and carry out the unfortunate....

Don't drink in **** holes.

Gummy Panda

holystungun9 wrote: »

Well done on the 'banging', you romantic rapscallion. But shagging a 25 stone chick isn't always something to be so proud of. Although knowing you, you do it for those jumbo sausage size sneaky fingers :pac:

That last line made me lol

ICE HOUSE

One movie springs to mind "Trainspotting".
The toilet scene.

garv123

i was working last new years day. Fellas were home who were abroad for 3 years so there was a big session going on. people in the bar are complaining about the smell coming from the toilets. ( there is a big lounge between the main bar and toilets)
In the end i had to go investigate since i could no longer stick the smell working. i walked into the bathroom with my tshirt up over my face. the smell was making my eyes water.

As i slowly pushed open the cubicle door i began to see the mess. there was black dirty crap all over the walls. either side of the toilet bowl, on the seat, all over the lid. Two more details which make it worse. There was handprints and fingermarks all over the wall. Why in gods name would someone wipe their fingers in the crap and cover the wall with it. what made it worse was there was a pair of blue jack n jones boxers on the ground covered in crap. this fella had obviously **** himself and dumped the jocks there. We all new who it was but of course he denied it and refused to show his jocks. to make it worse he was drinking bottles of guinness the last 2 days.

I refused to clean it up, i was quitting before i went near it, the owner made her daughter clean it up later that night when i was mopping the toilets the cubicle door closed behind me and when i look at the back of it there was still finger marks like an attempt of writing all over it

orourkeda

Minstrel27 wrote: »

Don't drink in **** holes.

It might be a bigger ****hole than you think judging by some of the stories here.

Rented Mule

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was at a prominent Northside pub last weekend, food and drink available, music and loads of auld wans with a 'slop on' trying to pull the young fellas.

Anyways had a nice steak and onions trimmings and cold beers, so needed to evacuate the guts circa 2340.

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

Had to make other arrangements to 'cut rope, but certainly agree with the OP on the state of pub toilets at the weekend.


Gross.

How was the steak ?

Latchy

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Into the cludgie,and confronted by total devastation:eek:

Piss all over the place, a large turd languidly draped on the seat of one stall and if that was not enough, a fat fcuker in a light coloured suit sitting semi-comatose on the seat of the third cube, with gouts of scutter packed into his trousers and at least three bladder fulls of piss all over his front.

Fcuking peg was still pulsing out piss!!

^ Any student wanting to start a chapter on a religious essay titled '' What awaits us on arrival at Hell ? '' could do worse than use this as his / her copy

FlutterinBantam

Rented Mule wrote: »

How was the steak ?

Quite good, juicy and tasty, and she sluiced out nice a smoothly after I got home, even though I had to hold her 'on the clutch' for a while .

That activity can tend to make the 'round' a bit unstable and unpredictable but in fairness she 'cleared' solidly and sat nice and coiled in the 'trough' awaiting dispatch.

Can't expect any more than that.


Thank you for awsking:D

admiralofthefleet

Twee. wrote: »

I work in a venue and my god, the state of the ladies' at the end of the night is nothing short of disgraceful. Messy bitches!

likewise. we used to dread the ladies at the end of a busy night. we were used to finding all sorts of filth including used tampons (there is a sanitary bin but they were hardly ever used) shit stained toilet paper on the ground, cigarettes on the floor and massive amounts of toilet paper just dumped all over the place
the gents stunk of piss but was much easier to clean than the ladies

admiralofthefleet

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Nothing worse than heading into a stall and being confronted by pebble dash that would put porridge to shame. Usually with a mountain of jax roll stuffed in for good measure.

Then check the floor for a pair of jocks that look like there was a melted Mars bar in them.

the dreaded bangers and mash

Standard Toaster

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

the dreaded bangers and mash

Pub in town.... :eek:

reera82

I should not opened that picture.. Puked a little in my mouth

admiralofthefleet

Standard Toaster wrote: »

Pub in town.... :eek:

not strictly bangers and mash, more crop dusting and i bet you that was a monday club member

Kur4mA

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FFS!

W.Shakes-Beer

Standard Toaster wrote: »

Pub in town.... :eek:

Fúcking hell, look as though someone released the hounds before their arse even hit the seat.

Surely modern art?

Aishae

Standard Toaster wrote: »

Pub in town.... :eek:

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Fúcking hell, look as though someone released the hounds before their arse even hit the seat.

Surely modern art?

thats feckin gross... but its not a patch on the ladies loo in many places. you dont tend to get ****e all over the walls <- at least, not that ive seen! - but the loo looks a right state. this one looks almost posh

i dont get why so many leave tampons n that. thats just lazy and f*cking gross. if theres no sanny bin then put loads of tissue around it and find a bin somewhere. but most places HAVE sanny bins. yuck.

cornbb

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

'slop on'

Does this mean what I think it means? Epic. Urban Dictionary needs an entry licketty split!

Edit: never mind, its already there