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Offended at a funeral?

1356

Comments

  • #62
    df1985
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,432 ✭✭✭df1985


    I can guarantee from personal experience the bereaved family have way too much going on to give a dam what people are wearing or even notice.

    The more the merrier in my opinion, once theyre not bollock naked. For someone to come to pay their respects is a massive compliment in my book.


  • #63
    ISDW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,378 ✭✭✭ISDW


    phasers wrote: »
    Not restricted to funerals, tracksuits should only be worn while exercising.

    To the guy who wore sandals: that's gross, I'd wager that the sandals were what people had a problem with. Feet should not be visible at such an occasion.

    Is that some kind of etiquette rule?:confused:

    I was living in the UK but over here on holiday with 2 kids, in a camper van. My cousin died unexpectedly while we were here, I hadn't brought formal clothes with me, but I did have a pair of black trousers, nice blouse etc. However, I wore my black sandals, I did ask my mother if she thought it would be okay, she's very old school, mass every Sunday, still dresses up for it etc. She said of course it didn't matter, that my Aunt and Uncle would just appreciate that I was there.


  • #64
    Apanachi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 757 ✭✭✭Apanachi


    Well I, for one, hope that my family and friends dress quite casually at my funeral and have have a nice big party to give me a good send off. I not someone who is big into formal wear, so I don't expect people to wear a suit to my funeral...


  • #65
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    If I was to find anything offensive about funerals it would be some priests giving a eulogy about a person they didnt know trying to sound as if he was their best friend.


  • #66
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    Mena wrote: »
    The dead person doesn't give a toss what you wear.
    Funerals are for the people left behind, not really the dead person.

    In saying that, I don't care what people wear once they are respectful and that they are there.


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  • #67
    Minstrel27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,818 ✭✭✭Minstrel27


    I didn't realise there was so many rules for what to wear going to a funeral.

    Anyone bothered by what others wear would want to cop on to themselves.


  • #68
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    No - they bothered to come - that's the main thing.

    If I attend a full funeral, I'll dress formally but each to their own unless it's a family member or it's a kid.

    That said, there is something very touching about seeing somebody who wouldn't normally wear a suit trying to spruce up out of respect.


  • #69
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    I'd be more concerned with burying the family member than the relative sartorial splendour of the individual attendees


  • #70
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    sensibleken wrote: »
    If I was to find anything offensive about funerals it would be some priests giving a eulogy about a person they didnt know trying to sound as if he was their best friend.

    They're hardly going to call them a bollix are they?


  • #71
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    orourkeda wrote: »
    They're hardly going to call them a bollix are they?

    some might, at my grandmothers funeral the (drunk) priest started eulogising my grandad who was sitting in the front row. untill he was 'politely' informed that the person in the open coffin was a woman


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  • #72
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    sensibleken wrote: »
    some might, at my grandmothers funeral the (drunk) priest started eulogising my grandad who was sitting in the front row. untill he was 'politely' informed that the person in the open coffin was a woman

    Then why complain when a priest says something nice.


  • #73
    Beruthiel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 42,361 ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Im Only 71Kg wrote: »
    would you be offended by someone wearing normal everyday clothes rather than a suit,shirt tie etc at a family members funeral? :confused:

    I honestly don't understand what difference it makes what you wear if you turn up at someones funeral. The fact that you take time out to go is very much appreciated by the people involved. At least, that's how I would see it.

    I was recently at a Nigerian funeral, most wore black but hardly any suits or ties, just normal everyday gear.
    Yet that man got the best send off I've ever seen at a funeral.
    The ceremony was the most personal I've ever seen. Lots of them got up and talked about him. They all sang at his grave side and threw a party in his honour afterwards, including DJ and singers.
    It doesn't matter what you wear at a time like that, it's all about how you say goodbye imo.
    When I go, I want a funeral like that and I believe I'll insist that there are no suits!


  • #74
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    orourkeda wrote: »
    Then why complain when a priest says something nice.

    because if its bollox, the 'dear to all of us', when he never know the man or woman its more offensive than a pair of jeans


  • #75
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    sensibleken wrote: »
    because if its bollox, the 'dear to all of us', when he never know the man or woman its more offensive than a pair of jeans

    What are they supposed to say?


  • #76
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    orourkeda wrote: »
    What are they supposed to say?

    i dont know, something truthfull, though that might be a bit of a stretch


  • #77
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    sensibleken wrote: »
    i dont know, something truthfull, though that might be a bit of a stretch

    Why run the risk of offending family members just to satisfy your need for "truthfulness"


  • #78
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    orourkeda wrote: »
    Why run the risk of offending family members just to satisfy your need for "truthfulness"

    urgh...never mind. im not sufficiently interested to carry on


  • #79
    dpe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 520 ✭✭✭dpe


    I've found Irish funeral etiquette quite perplexing. Not long after I moved here, a friend of the missus' dad died. I was quite surprised when she said we had to go the funeral (she barely knew the man), but I shrugged and said OK. Then when I was looking in my wardrobe for my black suit she was really amused and said I didn't need a suit, as that was necessary for family only. Its all a bit different from England, where a. I probably wouldn't go to a funeral for someone I'd never met in the first place, and b. if I did go, I would always expect to wear a suit and tie.

    On the other hand Irish funerals are far less depressing than English ones, even if you do have to jump through more hoops (I knew about the wake, but had never heard of a "removal").


  • #80
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,916 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    sensibleken wrote: »
    urgh...never mind. im not sufficiently interested to carry on

    I was hoping you'd be truthful.


  • #81
    Duggy747
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    Wouldn't care as long as they didn't look like they rolled out of bed.

    It's a person's send-off, if you're going to show up to pay respect then at least look like your doing it for the right reasons and not just to show your face.


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  • #82
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    dpe wrote: »
    I've found Irish funeral etiquette quite perplexing. Not long after I moved here, a friend of the missus' dad died. I was quite surprised when she said we had to go the funeral (she barely knew the man), but I shrugged and said OK. Then when I was looking in my wardrobe for my black suit she was really amused and said I didn't need a suit, as that was necessary for family only. Its all a bit different from England, where a. I probably wouldn't go to a funeral for someone I'd never met in the first place, and b. if I did go, I would always expect to wear a suit and tie.

    On the other hand Irish funerals are far less depressing than English ones, even if you do have to jump through more hoops (I knew about the wake, but had never heard of a "removal").

    i recently introduced the missus to irish funerals and it was the same experience, never heard of a removal, we were mainly joking with the bereaved to keep his spirits up etc.

    I do way prefer Irish to English ones, I've been only intimately involved in organising one but the way its at least a week before burial is too much imo. theres hassling over every little detail whereas here its done and dusted in 3 days


  • #83
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    I honestly don't understand what difference it makes what you wear if you turn up at someones funeral. The fact that you take time out to go is very much appreciated by the people involved. At least, that's how I would see it.
    I'm not sure, I guess depending on who you are and your upbringing, what you wear at a particular time, or more importantly how much effort you've made, displays how much you give a ****.

    That is, if you've clearly had a shower and a shave and put on some decent-looking clean clothes, then you're displaying a level of respect; that you put some effort into it shows that you care.

    On the other hand, if you look like you rolled out of bed, stuck on last night's jeans and t-shirt and wandered up to the church, it looks like you're only there to pay lip service, you don't actually give a **** about the deceased or their family.

    I guess it varies though. The last two funerals I was at were a bit contrasting in this regard. The first was in a middle-middle-class area, a young man had died. Plenty of people turned up to the removal & funeral, many were wearing a suit like me, the women all looked like they had specifically chosen a played-down humble dress for the occasion. Though it has to be said that wearing a suit seemed to be limited mostly to the over-40's. Younger men seem to prefer slacks and a shirt.

    The second funeral was an older (though not old) man who'd died after an illness, in a middle-lower-class area down the road. After his family, I was the only other person there wearing a suit. Most of the older guys were wearing a jumper and a pair of pants, the younger guys were wearing their work clothes or jeans and a shirt. Though there were also one or two tracksuits there. Many of the younger girls were done up like they were going on the piss, the older women looked like they were going shopping.

    But I doubt in the latter case, anyone cared what anyone else was wearing. It may purely be a class/age-related thing.


  • #84
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    orourkeda wrote: »
    I was hoping you'd be truthful.

    you can be bored and truthfull at the same time


  • #85
    kingtut
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,494 ✭✭✭kingtut


    The only thing that offends me at a funeral is people going to the bar afterwards and getting really drunk :mad:

    I am completely against drinking at funerals and I don't accept the "but we are celebrating their life" excuse. To me it is total disrespect.


  • #86
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    kingtut wrote: »
    The only thing that offends me at a funeral is people going to the bar afterwards and getting really drunk :mad:

    I am completely against drinking at funerals and I don't accept the "but we are celebrating their life" excuse. To me it is total disrespect.

    really? every funeral I've been at or personally involved in that was the best part. Some funerals Ive been at were full on parties and when i go thats exactly what i want, no people mopping around sober and quiet


  • #87
    kingtut
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,494 ✭✭✭kingtut


    sensibleken wrote: »
    really? every funeral I've been at or personally involved in that was the best part. Some funerals Ive been at were full on parties and when i go thats exactly what i want, no people mopping around sober and quiet

    Yup just something about it really annoys me. Don't get me wrong I like a few drinks myself but not at a funeral. You can be sober without mopping etc.


  • #88
    ISDW
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,378 ✭✭✭ISDW


    sensibleken wrote: »
    really? every funeral I've been at or personally involved in that was the best part. Some funerals Ive been at were full on parties and when i go thats exactly what i want, no people mopping around sober and quiet

    My Gran died when I was 17, my first funeral and I was disgusted by the drinking afterwards, I asked to go home, I found it so upsetting.

    As I got older and attended more funerals it didn't bother me as much, and yes, I do agree with celebrating someones life, but not getting totally ratarsed and then the inevitable aggro that ensues, which I have unfortunately seen at some funerals. I think, paying your respects by having a couple of drinks and remembering the person's life is great, but how much respect is shown by getting so drunk you can't walk or throwing up everywhere?


  • #89
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    sensibleken wrote: »
    some might, at my grandmothers funeral the (drunk) priest started eulogising my grandad who was sitting in the front row. untill he was 'politely' informed that the person in the open coffin was a woman

    "he was a kind man"
    *whisper*
    "thats a woman?! my god..."


  • #90
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I want people dressed in mardi gras outfits and clown suits at mine, I'm putting the fun back in funeral. and they can play either The Muppet Show theme song or Rock You Like A Hurricane. I'm going out with style.


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  • #91
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    ISDW wrote: »
    My Gran died when I was 17, my first funeral and I was disgusted by the drinking afterwards, I asked to go home, I found it so upsetting.

    As I got older and attended more funerals it didn't bother me as much, and yes, I do agree with celebrating someones life, but not getting totally ratarsed and then the inevitable aggro that ensues, which I have unfortunately seen at some funerals. I think, paying your respects by having a couple of drinks and remembering the person's life is great, but how much respect is shown by getting so drunk you can't walk or throwing up everywhere?

    well yeah if people are getting too drunk to walk, getting out of hand, or even people you dont know taking advantage of a few quid thrown behind the bar. thats offensive any time


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