Feeling guilty about my wedding abroad

wayfarers · 04-04-2011 12:57AM

Given the option I'd get married abroad, its possibly cheaper, you can be guaranteed good weather (depending on the destination of choice) and you don't feel obliged to invite half the country which is what a regular Irish wedding involves. I wouldn't feel guilty in the least, if people can afford it they'll go, if they can't they should just say so.

kandr10 · 04-04-2011 04:41PM

It's possible that family and close friends might feel a sense of obligation when responding to a wedding invite. But these are the people who have the most amount of notice to save/book holidays from work etc. The OP in this case has 70 people going which suggests to me that she has people outside this circle who are willing to travel. Now why would they be so stupid as to take AL and spend that amount of money because they thought they had to?? It's insane. They clearly want to go!

professore · 04-04-2011 04:46PM

I suppose there is an argument that people do things because they feel forced to do them .... but that's just stupid, and their fault, not the fault of the couple !!!!!

kandr10 · 04-04-2011 04:50PM

professore wrote: »

I suppose there is an argument that people do things because they feel forced to do them .... but that's just stupid, and their fault, not the fault of the couple !!!!!

I'd have to agree. Would a distant relative like a cousin you never see or an aunt or uncle really feel obliged to go abroad?? I don't think so. They might feel obliged to go to a traditional wedding if it was at home but the rules change when you're having a non-traditional wedding.

professore · 04-04-2011 04:54PM

professore wrote: »

I suppose there is an argument that people do things because they feel forced to do them .... but that's just stupid, and their fault, not the fault of the couple !!!!!

To add to the above, it is unreasonable of the couple to expect everyone or even the majority of invited guests to go to a wedding like this if it is going to involve extra expense and/or loss of days of holidays etc. It might be a good way to cover yourself inviting guests you actually don't want to come to your wedding but feel obliged to invite anyway (e.g. parents friends etc etc)

iguana · 04-04-2011 06:00PM

Has it occurred to anyone that the guests might actually really, really want to celebrate the couple's special day with them but in order to do so they are obliged to pay out hundreds if not thousands. Nobody is forcing them to do it but maybe they would regret it for a long, long time if they missed out on the wedding of a loved one so they find the money by sacrificing something they would have preferred to spend that money on or get in debt to go and end up ultimately paying quite a lot extra in interest.

There have been quite a few comments about how much cheaper it is for the couple to get married abroad than in Ireland but that is only because the costs have been transferred to the guests. And it's no use saying it's just as expensive to go to a wedding in Ireland, it isn't. Because I can go to a wedding anywhere in Ireland and I can go home afterwards if I need to. I can choose to not drink and go home when I want to. It's a very small country geographically, unless you live in Mizen Head and the wedding is in Malin Head there is no need for overnight stays. I've been to three weddings in Ireland in the last two years and I'll be at another this month and none of them have cost me much other than the gift and petrol.

If people really want to get married abroad they should consider limiting it to close family and very best friends and helping them pay their expenses as part of the wedding budget. And then throwing a party at home for everyone else, so they won't feel like they've been left out or are letting you down.

kandr10 · 04-04-2011 06:49PM

iguana wrote: »

Has it occurred to anyone that the guests might actually really, really want to celebrate the couple's special day with them but in order to do so they are obliged to pay out hundreds if not thousands. Nobody is forcing them to do it but maybe they would regret it for a long, long time if they missed out on the wedding of a loved one so they find the money by sacrificing something they would have preferred to spend that money on or get in debt to go and end up ultimately paying quite a lot extra in interest.

There have been quite a few comments about how much cheaper it is for the couple to get married abroad than in Ireland but that is only because the costs have been transferred to the guests. And it's no use saying it's just as expensive to go to a wedding in Ireland, it isn't. Because I can go to a wedding anywhere in Ireland and I can go home afterwards if I need to. I can choose to not drink and go home when I want to. It's a very small country geographically, unless you live in Mizen Head and the wedding is in Malin Head there is no need for overnight stays. I've been to three weddings in Ireland in the last two years and I'll be at another this month and none of them have cost me much other than the gift and petrol.

If people really want to get married abroad they should consider limiting it to close family and very best friends and helping them pay their expenses as part of the wedding budget. And then throwing a party at home for everyone else, so they won't feel like they've been left out or are letting you down.

That's exactly the point - the 70 people who have agreed to go in this case do really want to go. That's why they're going. Simple.
I don't understand though how the guests are sacrificing money they'd prefer to spend on something else if they go to the wedding. If they'd prefer to spend the money on something else, then they don't want to go enough to justify the expense. Any reasonable person would weigh up amount they want to see their friends get married against the potential cost and make a decision accordingly. I've heard of b&gs getting into debt but I've never ever heard of someone so strapped that they get a loan to go away and then get in deeper with interest. That's insane as I already said and that's entirely down to the person's poor decision making, not the b&g.

tinkerbell · 04-04-2011 06:54PM

iguana - I couldn't agree more. Of course a friend may want to really really celebrate a couple's wedding day, I mean it is a pretty significant day after all, but going abroad does cost a lot of money. And like you said, they feel they have to suck up the cost of it as otherwise they might regret it later that they did not go to the wedding abroad. And a wedding in Ireland can be as cheap as the guest wants it to be if needs be, they can head home after it unlike as you said, you live on the total polar opposites of the country.

And I don't agree with being expected to just go with the flow and oh it's an opportunity to go to country X that you might not have gone to only for this. What if that's number 20 on your list of places you want to see so is way down on the priority list, and you'd rather go elsewhere but can't?

I spend a lot of time on this forum because I do love weddings and the planning and all that, but over the years my idea of a dream wedding has gone from big wedding in Ireland to small wedding abroad back to a small wedding in Ireland. In fact, I even see as just having the couple there with their immediate family and extremely close best friends as the ideal. Right now, I personally just could never ask a friend or a family member to fly abroad, take time off work, have big expenses, just to watch me get married. I just would feel too guilty about it, even if there was no need for it. So I do think that if people want to have weddings abroad, then they should help their guests out a bit with the expenses.

People have said here about friends wouldn't go if they didn't want to go, well what about the bridal party? Are the bride & groom paying for the bridal party to go abroad? Whatever about your friends not feeling under pressure to go, well the bridal party needs to attend too - and your friends are not gonna want to let you down.

I just think people on here need a bit of perspective. Yes you might think it's all rosy and you've got over 70 guests attending, etc. - well 70 guests is an awful lot of people, and in that number of people, there are bound to be some who are grumbling a bit about it. And when the time comes, they might still have a fabulous time and whatever, but the bride & groom need to realise that some guests will have had to make a few sacrifices to attend the day, whatever those sacrifices may be.

iguana · 04-04-2011 07:16PM

kandr10 wrote: »

I don't understand though how the guests are sacrificing money they'd prefer to spend on something else if they go to the wedding.

Because they should be able to go to the wedding without having to spend a fortune.

Unless the couple live abroad or one or both of the couple are from abroad, choosing to have a wedding abroad is a very big financial imposition upon your guests for no reason that genuinely justifies having so many people you care about have to spend so much.

Sergio · 04-04-2011 07:52PM

iguana wrote: »

Because they should be able to go to the wedding without having to spend a fortune.

Unless the couple live abroad or one or both of the couple are from abroad, choosing to have a wedding abroad is a very big financial imposition upon your guests for no reason that genuinely justifies having so many people you care about have to spend so much.

What kind of a statment is that to make?????It sounds to me like you think couples are selfish in wanting to get married abroad.Its the couples prerogative to get married on the moon if they want.
No body is holding a gun to anyones head.If people dont want to go then thats their choice but implying that couples are drawing too much expense on people is aload of c**p IMO!
Weddings at home are expensive too.There no getting away from the fact that weddings fullstop are expensive but all the stuff being posted here about people being selfish for getting married abroad is the ridiculous.Its the couples right to get married wherever the want.

iguana · 04-04-2011 08:06PM

Colinboy wrote: »

What kind of a statment is that to make?????It sounds to me like you think couples are selfish in wanting to get married abroad.Its the couples prerogative to get married on the moon if they want.
No body is holding a gun to anyones head.If people dont want to go then thats their choice but implying that couples are drawing too much expense on people is aload of c**p IMO!

The fact is that most people do want to go to their loved one's weddings, not that they don't want to go. If they are invited they will want to go and if they are close to the person then that means that they have to budget a close to or above 4 figure sum to go. And yeah, unless the couple have a very good reason for getting married abroad, like it's their country of residence or one of the couple is from there, then they are putting a huge financial burden on those they love. Of course the couple getting married are entitled to do whatever they want, but if it is a burden on others they have a duty to consider that.

Colinboy wrote: »

Weddings at home are expensive too.There no getting away from the fact that weddings fullstop

No, they really aren't. Weddings are as expensive as you choose them to be. It costs €150 to get married. Anything beyond that is choice not necessity.

tinkerbell · 04-04-2011 08:07PM

Colinboy wrote: »

What kind of a statment is that to make?????It sounds to me like you think couples are selfish in wanting to get married abroad.Its the couples prerogative to get married on the moon if they want.
No body is holding a gun to anyones head.If people dont want to go then thats their choice but implying that couples are drawing too much expense on people is aload of c**p IMO!
Weddings at home are expensive too.There no getting away from the fact that weddings fullstop are expensive but all the stuff being posted here about people being selfish for getting married abroad is the ridiculous.Its the couples right to get married wherever the want.

iguana's statement is the truth and if you don't want to believe that, then fine, that's your decision. The wedding couple can get married wherever they want but jees, why can't you just accept it that it costs a lot for the guests to go. And a wedding at home is not as expensive as one abroad. And if you're so hell bent on the idea that a couple can get married wherever the hell they want, and you're not bothering to take your guests into account at all, then just go off and elope by yourselves. Because clearly, you don't seem to understand how big a deal it is to people who have to go abroad to attend a friend's wedding.

seedee · 04-04-2011 08:11PM

think you're taking all these comments a little personally colinboy...

the fact is, if someone chooses to attend your wedding abroad, then they are going to be paying more, and losing more leave than they would if they were attending your wedding at home. you're asking more of them. if that doesnt bother you, then so be it, but dont think that just because someone wants to come to your wedding, that it isnt putting them out.

ive been to weddings abroad and ive loved them, but they werent cheap, and i would hope that the couples appreciated that fact instead of taking it for granted that it was no bother for us to attend. or worse still, didnt want us there, just because we felt it expensive for us.

as well as that, more than likely, one half of a couple invited is closer to the bride and groom than their partner, and whilst the close friend might be dying to attend, come hell or highwater, their partner probably wont feel the same, and will grumble about the money and the leave.

magneticimpulse · 04-04-2011 08:30PM

^^ very good points from the above people and well put. It only costs €150 to get married in Ireland. If you plan reasonable, the guests will have the choice to stay overnight or not.

The last wedding I went to was meant to be abroad and changed to Ireland because the guests could not afford to go. Thankfully the hotel location in Ireland was perfect and most guests could either drive home or get the Wedding Bus provided home. Majority of the guests did actually take up the offer of the Wedding Bus and left on it at 1 am. Majority of us lived within a 30 minute drive home from the hotel (helped by good motorways). The guests didnt even want to spend money (or whatever other reasons, need to head back babysitters/child minders etc) staying overnight in a hotel in Ireland, especially if it was just a 30 minute drive home. Or stay too long and spend more money on drink that night or breakfast/meals the next day. That was a case where the guests who had accepted to go abroad, started backing out at the last minute. It can happen that the guests dictate where the wedding will be. If the couple really want guests...if they decide abroad and in the end the guests cant afford to go...I have seen it happen that the Wedding had to be relocated to Ireland. As this example shows, given the option, majority of guests decided to drive home after the dinner.

What would these guests/couple have done if it had of been abroad?

kandr10 · 04-04-2011 09:07PM

tinkerbell wrote: »

iguana's statement is the truth and if you don't want to believe that, then fine, that's your decision. The wedding couple can get married wherever they want but jees, why can't you just accept it that it costs a lot for the guests to go.

You're right, it does cost a lot. I don't think anyone's denying the cost. It's just that people can choose whether or not they can afford it. Granted the wedding party and close family have to find the means to go (although they'd have the most notice to plan it). But anyone else attending has a choice. There is generally a 'sorry but I can't attend' option on an RSVP card!

tinkerbell · 04-04-2011 09:23PM

kandr10 wrote: »

You're right, it does cost a lot. I don't think anyone's denying the cost. It's just that people can choose whether or not they can afford it. Granted the wedding party and close family have to find the means to go (although they'd have the most notice to plan it). But anyone else attending has a choice. There is generally a 'sorry but I can't attend' option on an RSVP card!

That's the thing - the couple should try to help out the wedding party, because they are the ones who are actually expected to go rather than the guests who are "invited". I have a friend who was a bridesmaid for a wedding abroad a long way away from here and it cost her well over a thousand to go, plus another thousand for her partner to go with her, and she got no thanks for going. In that case, it should've been the bride & groom who paid for her to go over. Oh and the bride turned into a bridezilla and wouldn't hear of anyone not going, and nobody felt appreciated for going all that way to share in their day.

Kooli · 04-04-2011 09:35PM

Colinboy wrote: »

I cant believe the attitudes of some of the people posting here all the complaining about having to travel abroad for someones wedding.
People would seriously want to take agood look at themselves in the mirror.If any of you people here that are doing all the moaning were guests at my wedding i would disinvite the whole lot of ye as all yer doing is making about it yer selves.If ye cant afford to go to a wedding abroad then fair enough but otherwise theres no excuse if the couple that are getting wed are that important to you.
Time for some you people to go way and get a life!

Colinboy wrote: »

No body is holding a gun to anyones head.If people dont want to go then thats their choice but implying that couples are drawing too much expense on people is aload of c**p IMO!

So on the one hand you are saying that no one should feel under pressure to go, no one is having a gun put to their heads.
But on the other hand there is 'no excuse' not to go, and if you don't it's a statement about the couple not being 'that important' to you?

Doesn't sound like there is much of a choice, it does sound like there is pressure to go, and yes it costs a lot and uses up annual leave to go on a holiday you didn't choose. That's not to say it can't be great fun - I love weddings abroad if I've a gang of mates going as it's rare we'd all get to go on holidays together. But it would p*Ss me off if I thought hte bride and groom didn't realise or admit it was a big deal, more expensive for their guests, and they are to a certain extent putting us out.

OP, you seem to realise this, and I think it will come across to your guests how appreciative you are, so I don't think you really need to worry.

misty floyd · 04-04-2011 10:34PM

Here's what will happen: Some people will moan having to go abroad, they'll let it rip to their other half or whoever and get it off their chest. A year later, they have saved a few quid and find themselves sitting in the airport bar looking forward to a great weekend. You'll have a great time and so will your guests.

If it means that much to you, you'll have loads of time to thank everyone individually over there.

yungwan · 06-04-2011 04:24PM

misty floyd wrote: »

Here's what will happen: Some people will moan having to go abroad, they'll let it rip to their other half or whoever and get it off their chest. A year later, they have saved a few quid and find themselves sitting in the airport bar looking forward to a great weekend. You'll have a great time and so will your guests.

If it means that much to you, you'll have loads of time to thank everyone individually over there.

+1 on this.

We are planning on getting wed abroad in about 2 years. Its mainly because I hate the whole palava of the Irish wedding, asking everyone and their mother. Its what we want, the beach wedding with just our close family and friends.

In saying that, we ran it past all our close relations, bridal party and close friends before we made the decision, to see what their honest consensus was, rather than assuming it would suit them all.

We got full support from everyone so its what we will do.

We dont plan on sending out formal invites to anyone as it does put pressure on people. In stead we have given people a 2 year heads up to save if possible, and we will of course help out anyone in this group who cant afford it.

After that if anyone approaches us and says they would like to attend that is brilliant, and an added bonus. We dont expect anyone to come. As long as those important ones are there, thats all that matters to us. (approx 30 people)

To show our appreciation we will have an open bar and plan on having a drinks night the night before with nibbles, and a BBQ the night after.

We fully realise it is expensive for guests, and yes we do feel bad about that aspect but you will never please everyone. Even an Irish wedding is full of people who dont want to be there tbf. I know it is hard for people, but having gone to a wedding abroad myself this year, once you get there it is worth it.

I know people will prob disagree with me, but this is my view.

professore · 06-04-2011 04:43PM

iguana wrote: »

And it's no use saying it's just as expensive to go to a wedding in Ireland, it isn't. Because I can go to a wedding anywhere in Ireland and I can go home afterwards if I need to. I can choose to not drink and go home when I want to. It's a very small country geographically, unless you live in Mizen Head and the wedding is in Malin Head there is no need for overnight stays. I've been to three weddings in Ireland in the last two years and I'll be at another this month and none of them have cost me much other than the gift and petrol.

Really? So you could go to a wedding in West Clare, Sligo or Kerry from Dublin and be back the same day? These trips will take you 8 hours easy travelling time (4+4) so you won't have much of a wedding. I can get to London from Cork quicker and cheaper than I can go to Dublin. Fact. I have often done day trips there for business. If you live in Dublin the same is true of half a dozen or more European cities.

What's the point in going, handing your gift over and going home again? You might as well not go if you are not going to have a bit of craic and get value for money? You will lose most of the day anyway.

I would not go to a wedding under these circumstances. I would call the happy couple and make my excuses, and explain that I could only come for a short time and it was not worth it.

The couple can't please everyone so saying "it should be close to where I live" doesn't wash as there are always going to be people who have to travel distances regardless where the wedding is.

What it boils down to is that some people only think of themselves. And if there's one day in your life you're entitled to do that it's your wedding day. Other people just have to live with that.

professore · 06-04-2011 04:45PM

yungwan wrote: »

+1 on this.

We are planning on getting wed abroad in about 2 years. Its mainly because I hate the whole palava of the Irish wedding, asking everyone and their mother. Its what we want, the beach wedding with just our close family and friends.

In saying that, we ran it past all our close relations, bridal party and close friends before we made the decision, to see what their honest consensus was, rather than assuming it would suit them all.

We got full support from everyone so its what we will do.

We dont plan on sending out formal invites to anyone as it does put pressure on people. In stead we have given people a 2 year heads up to save if possible, and we will of course help out anyone in this group who cant afford it.

After that if anyone approaches us and says they would like to attend that is brilliant, and an added bonus. We dont expect anyone to come. As long as those important ones are there, thats all that matters to us. (approx 30 people)

To show our appreciation we will have an open bar and plan on having a drinks night the night before with nibbles, and a BBQ the night after.

We fully realise it is expensive for guests, and yes we do feel bad about that aspect but you will never please everyone. Even an Irish wedding is full of people who dont want to be there tbf. I know it is hard for people, but having gone to a wedding abroad myself this year, once you get there it is worth it.

I know people will prob disagree with me, but this is my view.

I agree with that 100%. If I were one of your close friends it sounds like a great wedding to attend! Best of luck.

iguana · 06-04-2011 05:38PM

professore wrote: »

Really? So you could go to a wedding in West Clare, Sligo or Kerry from Dublin and be back the same day? These trips will take you 8 hours easy travelling time (4+4) so you won't have much of a wedding.

You're really not thinking this through. Most weddings start about 2pm, so if you leave at 9.30am you'd be there in plenty of time. If you leave at 10pm you'll be home at 2am. Not that long a day really. Yet you are getting to spend 8 hours at the wedding, the equivalent of an entire work day, hardly just getting there giving a gift and turning back.:rolleyes: And if somehow necessary, I'd sure as hell share 1 hour at a loved ones special day than no time at all.

It mightn't be ideal and you may well decide to spend one night at a local hotel/b&b, costing €80max. But you have the choice. You don't have the choice if it's a broad. That's a massive difference.

if there's one day in your life you're entitled to do that it's your wedding day. Other people just have to live with that.

And if that's your attitude, you're just going to have to live with the fact that you have put a big financial strain on a lot of your loved ones or forced them to have to pass on something that it hurts them to attend. There is quite the difference between having the wedding you want and having a selfish attitude that hurts other people.

professore · 07-04-2011 09:24AM

iguana wrote: »

You're really not thinking this through. Most weddings start about 2pm, so if you leave at 9.30am you'd be there in plenty of time. If you leave at 10pm you'll be home at 2am. Not that long a day really. Yet you are getting to spend 8 hours at the wedding, the equivalent of an entire work day, hardly just getting there giving a gift and turning back.:rolleyes: And if somehow necessary, I'd sure as hell share 1 hour at a loved ones special day than no time at all.

It mightn't be ideal and you may well decide to spend one night at a local hotel/b&b, costing €80max. But you have the choice. You don't have the choice if it's a broad. That's a massive difference.

Yes you do ... depending where it is. If you book 2 cheap flights up to 2 hours each you can come and go the next day. It's exhausting, but so is driving for 8 hours!

iguana wrote: »

And if that's your attitude, you're just going to have to live with the fact that you have put a big financial strain on a lot of your loved ones or forced them to have to pass on something that it hurts them to attend. There is quite the difference between having the wedding you want and having a selfish attitude that hurts other people.

If these "loved ones" are so important to the couple they will attend. If the couple have any sense they will have arranged it so that the "loved ones" that can't attend feel included and will have discussed it at length. They could have an after wedding celebration at home for example. I just don't believe that a couple getting married for hopefully the only day in their lives have to bend over backwards for other people !!!!! They should make their own decisions and if no-one shows up at their wedding and hates them forever, so be it! It's not up to you to tell them what to do!

Oh and by the way, after 10 PM is the most important time to be at a wedding as a guest in reality (assuming a traditional Catholic wedding here starting at 1), when you can actually get to talk to the couple. Before that it's the church, the photos, drive to the hotel, the speeches, the meal, the cutting of the cake, the first dance, at this stage it's getting close to 10 PM when a wedding is actually FUN!

I bet anything there are people on here moaning who would think nothing of dropping 400 or 500 at the electric picnic or oxegen, or a few grand on a foreign holiday.

When a close friend tells me they are getting married abroad, I work out how much it will cost and then if I can afford it at all I will go. There is something special about a wedding abroad that you don't have at home.

But again ... it's the couple's choice at the end of the day.

Sergio · 07-04-2011 06:13PM

yungwan wrote: »

+1 on this.

We are planning on getting wed abroad in about 2 years. Its mainly because I hate the whole palava of the Irish wedding, asking everyone and their mother. Its what we want, the beach wedding with just our close family and friends.

In saying that, we ran it past all our close relations, bridal party and close friends before we made the decision, to see what their honest consensus was, rather than assuming it would suit them all.

We got full support from everyone so its what we will do.

We dont plan on sending out formal invites to anyone as it does put pressure on people. In stead we have given people a 2 year heads up to save if possible, and we will of course help out anyone in this group who cant afford it.

After that if anyone approaches us and says they would like to attend that is brilliant, and an added bonus. We dont expect anyone to come. As long as those important ones are there, thats all that matters to us. (approx 30 people)

To show our appreciation we will have an open bar and plan on having a drinks night the night before with nibbles, and a BBQ the night after.

We fully realise it is expensive for guests, and yes we do feel bad about that aspect but you will never please everyone. Even an Irish wedding is full of people who dont want to be there tbf. I know it is hard for people, but having gone to a wedding abroad myself this year, once you get there it is worth it.

I know people will prob disagree with me, but this is my view.

Couldnt agree more with your statement.I am getting married in 6 weeks times in the south of spain.Theres is alarge crowd travelling nearly 100 guests.
We are doing alot for people who will travel free bars, bbq the night after wedding and have organised most guests accomodation and transport to and from our wedding venue and to and from the airport to where we are staying whilst over in spain.
We have aput an alot of consideration into organising this wedding and have done as much as possible to suit our guests and to try and keep everyone happy........so far everyone is happy no complaints yet.
It all about using alarge dose of common sense!

kandr10 · 07-04-2011 10:10PM

Colinboy wrote: »

Couldnt agree more with your statement.I am getting married in 6 weeks times in the south of spain.Theres is alarge crowd travelling nearly 100 guests.
We are doing alot for people who will travel free bars, bbq the night after wedding and have organised most guests accomodation and transport to and from our wedding venue and to and from the airport to where we are staying whilst over in spain.
We have aput an alot of consideration into organising this wedding and have done as much as possible to suit our guests and to try and keep everyone happy........so far everyone is happy no complaints yet.
It all about using alarge dose of common sense!

Well I think yourself Colinboy and Yungwan both prove that the wedding abroad can be done with plenty of consideration for the guests attending. I realise that when you start a thread you're inviting all sorts of comments, but I just really feel for OP who was clearly looking for a little reassurance. General slating of weddings abroad is not very supportive, especially when it's taken out of the context of the original post. Let the couple look forward to their wedding!!

watna · 08-04-2011 10:50AM

OP - if it makes you feel any better - we have about 12 guests coming to Ireland from New Zealand for our wedding. That'll cost them a hell of a lot more than 200EUR! In our save the date we said there was no pressure at all for them to come and we're delighted that many people are going to fly across the world for our wedding.

As long as you've haven't made your guests feel like they are obliged to come than it is their choice and it's fantastic so many of them want to share your day with you.

It's your wedding and if you want to get married abroad than that's what you should do. I just think if you're getting married abroad you need to make it clear that people are under no obligation to go and as iguana said, maybe have a party at home for all the people that couldn't make it. We're having a big engagement party here so all our NZ friends who aren't close enough to fly so far can celebrate with us.

Heineken Helen · 10-04-2011 11:05AM

DC31 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. I know I have to just get on with it now and try not to worry. I've made my bed.....

And yes, I'm in full agreement, we don't expect nor want any presents from any of the guests. But I think you know yourself, most people still feel they must give something. I'll try to be more forceful on this point.

So, I'm gonna take the advice, enjoy the run up and try to put it out of my mind. Let the countdown begin

And at least it means that everyone at your wedding will be on holiday

. I'm from Cavan, living in England (where he's from) but got married in Galway so everyone had to travel

. The other half felt really guilty about it. I knew people wouldn't go unless they could afford it though... we fed them well and had plenty of wine flowing and I showcased Ireland to the best of my abilities. We told people that we didn't want gifts and most of them still gave something which we were pretty blown away by.

Heineken Helen · 10-04-2011 11:13AM

kandr10 wrote: »

Well I think yourself Colinboy and Yungwan both prove that the wedding abroad can be done with plenty of consideration for the guests attending. I realise that when you start a thread you're inviting all sorts of comments, but I just really feel for OP who was clearly looking for a little reassurance. General slating of weddings abroad is not very supportive, especially when it's taken out of the context of the original post. Let the couple look forward to their wedding!!

We had ONE member of the bridal party who couldn't afford to come. We offered to pay for and even book his travel and accommodation for him and he still backed out

. I understand some people still have responsibilities and also don't like having people pay for it (I wouldn't) but the other half was pretty upset about it. In the end though he was kinda glad he didn't come as it would have changed the dynamics and everything was perfect as it was. We've talked to everyone through the whole process and sent a full list of accommodation and phone numbers and advised on flights and even brought cases over for people.

Sunny Dayz · 10-04-2011 07:34PM

A cousin of mine got married abroad last year and he gave everyone plenty of notice, 9 or 10 months, which you don't get for a wedding in Ireand. We couldn't attend as our young fella was due back in school at the time. If the wedding was in Ireland we would have been able to attend.

But the fact that he gave guests so much notice, guests were able to book accom & flights well in advance and get favourable rates, and then had over 6 months to save up. All my aunties & uncles attended and it was all they could talk about of most of last year! They all stayed a few days either side of the wedding date and made a holiday of it. A few guests wouldn't normally afford a holiday away, but even they went, they saved up and really enjoyed the break, (I think they felt they could justify the break as it was for a wedding).

Not once did I hear anyone grumble about the expense - they flew Ryanair, booked self-catering apartments, clubbed together as much as they could re taxis etc to keep costs down.

And they all had a briliant wedding.

Tubsand · 11-04-2011 12:41PM

Colinboy wrote: »

Couldnt agree more with your statement.I am getting married in 6 weeks times in the south of spain.Theres is alarge crowd travelling nearly 100 guests.
We are doing alot for people who will travel free bars, bbq the night after wedding and have organised most guests accomodation and transport to and from our wedding venue and to and from the airport to where we are staying whilst over in spain.
We have aput an alot of consideration into organising this wedding and have done as much as possible to suit our guests and to try and keep everyone happy........so far everyone is happy no complaints yet.
It all about using alarge dose of common sense!

That is great you are doing that for your guests. Im attending wedding in July in Lanzarote. It is quite expensive at nearly 700e each. I have been to lanzarote a couple of times and tbh never wanted to go back there. But its a good friend so I want to go, and I dont really know anyone else going to the wedding, I know her family a little. This is my summer holiday as well as their wedding. I dont mean to sound bad, but I will be spending the wedding day with them, I dont want to spend the day after the wedding with them also. Have only 5 days there, and to spend two with a load of strangers is not on, it would be fine if it was a family wedding where I would know everyone.

Feeling guilty about my wedding abroad

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