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Is it still safe to fly?

  • 03-04-2011 11:51PM
    #1
    FesterBeatty
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 406 ✭✭


    I've been dying for a crap for about two hours & I think I'm just about to enter my turd trimester.

    It wont come out yet but i should be dilated 10cm by tomorrow morning.

    Is it still safe to fly tonight?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Goldenegg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 352 ✭✭Goldenegg


    You might be done for excess baggage...


  • #3
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,366 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:


  • #4
    rockmongrel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 645 ✭✭✭rockmongrel


    O... k....


  • #5
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    flying to the cuckoos nest?


  • #6
    epgc3fyqirnbsx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,228 ✭✭✭epgc3fyqirnbsx


    Ask Icarus


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  • #7
    samsemtex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 935 ✭✭✭samsemtex


    I'm sorry but in your condition i think it would be reckless to fly. You have to think of the well being of the turd.


  • #8
    FesterBeatty
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 406 ✭✭FesterBeatty


    samsemtex wrote: »
    I'm sorry but in your condition i think it would be reckless to fly. You have to think of the well being of the turd.

    You're probably right. Would you recommend smoking or drinking?


  • #9
    El Horseboxo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,354 ✭✭✭El Horseboxo


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    You're probably right. Would you recommend smoking or drinking?

    Which one shuts you up more?


  • #10
    brianthomas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 225 ✭✭brianthomas


    Ya'll have a nice cigar to smoke when you pass it. :)

    Clondalkin in Dublin



  • #11
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    I've been dying for a crap for about two hours & I think I'm just about to enter my turd trimester.

    It wont come out yet but i should be dilated 10cm by tomorrow morning.

    Is it still safe to fly tonight?

    wait til your in work in the morning then go off to the jax for 'time and a turd' whilst reading Viz


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  • #12
    Stained Class
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,808 ✭✭✭Stained Class


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    I've been dying for a crap for about two hours & I think I'm just about to enter my turd trimester.

    It wont come out yet but i should be dilated 10cm by tomorrow morning.

    Is it still safe to fly tonight?

    Doesn't compute.

    You talking about having a dump or a baby ,or drugs?:confused:


  • #13
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,594 ✭✭✭bonerm


    Depends. Do you have butt implants? I heard they can explode at high altitudes leaving you in a sh1tty situation.


  • #14
    FesterBeatty
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 406 ✭✭FesterBeatty


    Stained Class wrote: »
    Doesn't compute.

    You talking about having a dump or a baby:confused:

    What's the difference?!


  • #15
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    What's the difference?!

    no difference, your in labour either way


  • #16
    Stained Class
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,808 ✭✭✭Stained Class


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    What's the difference?!

    Dunno.

    I'm a bloke, so I'll never know/care anyway.:D


  • #17
    questionmark?
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,091 ✭✭✭questionmark?


    Keno 92 wrote: »
    :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

    My thoughts exactly.


  • #18
    samsemtex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 935 ✭✭✭samsemtex


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    You're probably right. Would you recommend smoking or drinking?

    Both if at all possible. Make drink a priority. A buckfast and guinness mixture in the right quanties will make passing the turd much more painless. It may even become pleasurable.


  • #19
    FesterBeatty
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 406 ✭✭FesterBeatty


    The way I see it, having a hefty log cant be any worse than giving birth.

    So I dont really give a ****.......


  • #20
    ScumLord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,787 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    FesterBeatty wrote: »
    You're probably right. Would you recommend smoking or drinking?
    Drink lots of coffee and Guinness.


  • #21
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    ScumLord wrote: »
    Drink lots of coffee and Guinness.

    coffee and orange juice is garaunteed to have your ass like kakatoa


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  • #22
    EverEvolving
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭EverEvolving


    Buy a bottle of shampoo
    Clean toilet seat (Not necesarily with bought shampoo)
    Relax - breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth
    Read all ingrediants from bought shampoo bottle, paying particular attention to pronunciation
    Release load
    Rinse and repeat if necessary


  • #23
    FesterBeatty
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 406 ✭✭FesterBeatty


    admiralofthefleet wrote: »
    coffee and orange juice is garaunteed to have your ass like kakatoa

    I'll have underpants like a japanese flag after that


  • #24
    easyeason3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,102 ✭✭✭easyeason3


    Eat anything with chilli in it.

    As Johnny Cash sang 'Ring of Fire'...


  • #25
    G_R
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 5,028 Mod ✭✭✭✭G_R


    questionmark? wrote: »
    My thoughts exactly.

    of course it is


  • #26
    Zombienosh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,911 ✭✭✭Zombienosh


    i see this


  • #27
    partyatmygaff
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,992 ✭✭✭✭partyatmygaff


    Quick! Someone page Dr.Flutt!


  • #28
    mahamageehad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭mahamageehad


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkaD2S8KJIA


    Two whole pages and no-one has posted this?? I am quickly losing respect for this forum!


  • #29
    WallyGUFC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,066 ✭✭✭WallyGUFC


    Eat 5 pears. Or alternatively down 2 cans of Bulmers pear.


  • #30
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    partyatmygaff wrote: »
    Quick! Someone page Dr.Flutt!

    Move on folks, the Doctor is here.

    If I were the OP, first thing I would do is inspect my shreddies for any evidence of witch's kiss, cabbage brown tracery, or brown butterfly impressions.

    If no evidence I would divest the kecks squat over the shaving mirror, and put a 'heave on'. You can get a friend or check yourself to see if there is any evidence of 'crowning' and if the nipsy drawstring expands reasonably.

    If no evidence of 'crowning' I would not fly, as evacuating a recalcitrant stubborn 'Wicklow Log' at altitude and in a pressurised environment can be problematic and at best uncomfortable.


    I'd suggest a good beaker of fresh orange juice, short walk, and she should be to be good for piping out in an hour and a half.
    I'd be even surprised if she wasn't is the 'crop duster' capacity after that regime.





    Partyatmygaff has been charged for a callout €40.00


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  • #31
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,046 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Stick a hoover up your hole.


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