Bf gave ashes to my child without asking

slowmoe · 12-03-2011 03:58PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Zen, why did you ignore the second part of my post where I ask her why he was even involved with getting her to mass.. Did she ask him to take her?

Just get a fekin taxi if you're gonna scream at your boyfriend if he doesn't do it.

Have i missed the part where she says she screamed at him?

12-03-2011 04:02PM

People who are furious usually shout their mouth off... Just an assumption.

rancher · 12-03-2011 04:26PM

slowmoe wrote: »

Have i missed the part where she says she screamed at him?

screamed or not, she didn't give a very christian response to a religious problem

Lady von Purple · 12-03-2011 04:39PM

rancher wrote: »

screamed or not, she didn't give a very christian response to a religious problem

There is way too much hostility towards the OP in this thread.
If you're angry, is it better to repress it in the hopes of that being a better 'Christian response'?
Or is it better to talk to her OP about the problem, like she stated in an earlier post that she tried to do, but he didn't feel it was a talk they needed to have.

The OP seems quite frustrated by his not recognising this is an issue, hence her posting here.
At no stage has she said that she screamed at him. That was implied by another poster.
This is an actual personal issue for the OP, and she's just continuously being lambasted for 'screaming' at her boyfriend (which she didn't say) and for making a big deal out of nothing.

It's a PERSONAL ISSUE. It's an issue for her.

OP, there's a Religion and Spirituality Forum on here as well, maybe if you post there, you'd get better advice from people who value their religious beliefs like you do? This would seem to be the best forum for it, but maybe in that forum people would understand your actual issue instead of just telling you you're wrong to be upset.

Then again, the main advice you're likely to get would probably still be just to talk to your boyfriend and explain your issue with his actions.
Best of luck.

slowmoe · 12-03-2011 04:42PM

rancher wrote: »

screamed or not, she didn't give a very christian response to a religious problem

But this is personal issues, where people come to receive helpful advice on personal problems, not to judge their christianity.

This is more of a relationship issue than a religious issue. If it had been any other important event to the op, whether a birthday, or dinner or cinema etc the situation would still be the same. The bf changed plans without consulting the op and arrived too late to go ahead with their original plan.

It seems as though the op is expected to be a martyr because she has told us she's a christian. If someone came on saying their oh left them waiting at home for an hour without contact when they had plans and then changed the plans people would be telling the op not to be a doormat. Just because someone is religious does not mean they should expected to be treated worse, nor should they accept it

Lady von Purple · 12-03-2011 04:49PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Zen, why did you ignore the second part of my post where I ask her why he was even involved with getting her to mass.. Did she ask him to take her?

Just get a fekin taxi if you're gonna scream at your boyfriend if he doesn't do it.

Also, the OP said in an earlier post that this is the first time her OH has said he wanted to go with them. Any previous times he's been there at weekends, he has stayed home but this time he wanted to go.

Presumably, the OP and her daughter have another way to get to mass, since they go both during weekends he's there and weekends he's not. Maybe she usually gets a taxi, maybe she usually gets a lift with a neighbour or family member.

Either way, the OP has stated that he was getting involved because he said he wanted to go. For the first time.
And she would probably have organised another lift if he had called and told her he'd be late.

Of course, this is making a couple of assumptions. But no moreso than assuming that she forced him to go and then screamed at him for not getting home on time

Oryx · 12-03-2011 05:00PM

Please stick to the topic and do not make any guesses or assumptions. And post helpfully or not at all.

Zen65 · 12-03-2011 09:49PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Zen, why did you ignore the second part of my post where I ask her why he was even involved with getting her to mass..

Hi AbG,

I did not deal with you question because OP posted here looking for advice, not to be criticised for her beliefs or actions. It is up to OP to answer your question if she wishes. I hope you do not take it as an affront that I quoted only one part of your post?

OP, I have tried to offer advice to you in the context of the information you provided, and where you have stated a strong belief and conviction in the teachings of the Catholic church and by inference in the teachings of Christ. I am not expert in such matters, though as a Buddhist I have an inherent respect for most religions and I have read most of their teachings. It seems unfortunate that so many of the postings here are actually a criticism of the Catholic faith rather than dealing with OP's query.

Be at peace,

Z

grrrrrrrrrr · 13-03-2011 04:47PM

Neyite wrote: »

While I would share somewhat your boyfriends view of the catholic faith, what he did was out of order. I dont want to be disrespectful of your beliefs, but what he did might be similar to feeding your kids loads of sweets just before you are about to go to a restaurant for a lovely family meal, because its 'still food and all the same stuff anyway'.
You have every right to be annoyed with him. He ruined an important day for you. Call him on it. Ask him if he would be happy with you throwing away tickets to a match he was just about to go to, because he could "hear the match on the radio."

Your not being serious, are you? They are ridiculous comparisons. You totally over reacted OP. If you talked to him you would have seen this.

Neyite · 13-03-2011 05:39PM

grrrrrrrrrr wrote: »

Your not being serious, are you? They are ridiculous comparisons. You totally over reacted OP. If you talked to him you would have seen this.

Yes, I am being serious. Why not explain why my comparisons are so 'ridiculous'?

I think that a lot of people on this thread are getting clouded in their thinking by the OP's faith, which she specifically asked that they not do.

Take religion out of it. He stood her up, he didnt have the courtesy to call her to let her know, and then attempted to get himself off the hook by further dismissing her feelings and telling her now they didnt need to go anywhere.

And she did try to talk to him about it. He wouldnt listen. He dismissed her attempts, and didnt want to know, telling her he didnt think they have anything to discuss.

LegacyUser · 17-03-2011 05:52PM

To be quite frank and honest, OP, your relationship isn't going to work out. Religious and non-religious couples are as compatible as faith and science i.e not at all. You'll battle with him over everything going forward, due to your religious inclinations, which is only going to result in him walking out on both you and your daughter, and hopefully before you have a chance to have any children together.

Do the right thing, end this relationship and find someone with similar beliefs to yourself as you're just going to have issues with rational, easy-going, non-religious people.

Best of luck.

Count Duckula · 18-03-2011 01:56PM

I can't really see this relationship working, if something like this can cause such an issue. You are clearly very religious and take your religious practices seriously. He clearly is not, and probably thinks they're all a bit silly.

You can't have a meaningful long-term relationship when something that means so much to one person means so little to the other.

You want to do the best for yourself and your child by following the teachings of the Bible, and you've already seen that this man does not. Do you really want him influencing your child's life when it's obvious that - even with no malice - he's going to be affecting her religion? She is your daughter, and her religion is your responsibility.

Forest Master · 18-03-2011 02:08PM

advice please wrote: »

I am A religious Catholic.

any advice?

Forgive him?

Ickle Magoo · 18-03-2011 02:37PM

Forest Master, if you have no worthwhile advice to offer beyond a one-liner playing on the OP's religion, kindly refrain from posting.

There has been ample warning on this thread already.

Forest Master · 18-03-2011 03:14PM

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Forest Master, if you have no worthwhile advice to offer beyond a one-liner playing on the OP's religion, kindly refrain from posting.

There has been ample warning on this thread already.

My apologies. I thought that was helpful advice.

Bf gave ashes to my child without asking

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