Bridezillas

Diddler1977 · 19-02-2011 07:51PM #1

Is it just me or does anyone else notice a huge amount of Bridezillas these days??

It seems almost fashionable to become a complete "me (may) feiner" about your wedding day the second you get engaged.

Personally I blame that tv program about bridezillas.

Borderfox · 19-02-2011 08:39PM

I havent noticed it after photographing over 50 weddings, its an important day and the amount of planning that goes into even a small wedding is huge. Personally I havent met anything remotely similar to the Brides on that program. People cope with stress and pressure in different ways and some people might rub them up the wrong way?

Heineken Helen · 19-02-2011 08:54PM

I have only had a couple of small personal bridezilla moments that thankfully weren't witnessed by many

I think it's a horrible term though and tends to come from those who can't deal with women in a position of power

. Women are expected to do so much these days and getting married has become more of a business with plenty of negotiating and having to organise other people despite their ridiculously busy lives. Everything has to be done now and people have to have bigger and better than everyone else. It's a symptom of modern society.

It's probably only natural really!

amdublin · 20-02-2011 12:03AM

Well I don't know about from a business perspective but from a personal perspective omg YES!

I was bridesmaid recently and for the whole year prior to the wedding I was at the brides beck and call.

Eventually I just had to tell her I simply could not afford, in money terms and time away from my own life, to meet up every week: (her phrasing in the quotes)
"for lunch and to discuss the dresses"
"for a night out and to meet with the other bms"
"for drinks and to plan the hen party"
"for starbucks and book the hen party"
"for hair and makeup trial and lunch"
"I've arranged an appointment at an underwear shop in town and then we can go for cocktails"
Etc etc etc

The hen party she wanted in New York originally!!
It fell to me to tell her none of her friends could afford that. Cue massive strop.
She then wanted London. Two nights. One with dinner at some mad fashionable wag type resto and the other a West End show.
Aggain fell to me to tell her again no one can afford it. Cue another massive strop.

That's just one bridezilla example.I've come across loads with other bride to be's lately......

newbride11 · 20-02-2011 01:11AM

Since I got engaged I haven't stopped thinking about the wedding tbh. But I'm not thinking of it in way that I want to suit myself, I'm trying to think of different times of the year & venues to book that will suit everyone. And then there's the question of who to invite & not invite. Will some people be out out if they don't get an invite or will some people see it as another bill in the door.

I'm delighted we're getting married but trying to suit everyone is difficult.

I know what you mean about bridezillas though. Some brides can take it a bit too far & I personally think it takes from the day if you're expecting every single thing to be perfect or if you think your BM or family are at your beck & call.

I've decided I don't want a hen night. If a few of the girls want to get together for a few drinks in our local then I'll be delighted but I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to travel abroad for a weekend or spend two nights in a hotel somewhere in Ireland. Lots of my friends are after having wage cut after wage cut, others have children & most have the same bills as the rest of us to pay. So it would be very unfair of me to put them under that kind of pressure.

amdublin · 20-02-2011 01:02PM

Well newbride11 you sound far from a bridezilla best of luck to you!

It think it is important to note that I don't think brides-to-be shouldn't be allowed enjoy their preparations but I think newbride makes a good point:

newbride11 wrote: »

Since I got engaged I haven't stopped thinking about the wedding tbh.

You just have to remember that while all you can think of is your wedding, and that is great, unfortunately other people are not thinking of your wedding all the time or even at all tbh.

When bridezillas say "it's MY big day" etc etc I feel like saying yes, your are right: YOURS not MINE!!!

Heineken Helen · 20-02-2011 03:59PM

amdublin wrote: »

You just have to remember that while all you can think of is your wedding, and that is great, unfortunately other people are not thinking of your wedding all the time or even at all tbh.

When bridezillas say "it's MY big day" etc etc I feel like saying yes, your are right: YOURS not MINE!!!

Sometimes that's part of the problem. When you get engaged, you expect everyone to be so happy for you and everyone to even want to be part of the whole thing

. That's how I've been for friends in the past who've gotten engaged. It's actually incredibly disappointing when you realise people really don't care and that can lead to so called 'bridezilla' moments! You're trying to organise this massive party and people simply don't get back to you. Sure, it's human nature but it's also incredibly rude at times

and it has been a bit upsetting at times to be honest. You finally realise exactly where you stand with people and how high they rate you.

Shellygoose · 20-02-2011 08:07PM

i have a friend getting married this Sept. one of my closest friends is her bridesmaid and her head is wreaked already!!

not only is she having a hen party (weekend away) and a "me" party, but she is also having a mini-hen in our town for her mother and grooms mother as they dont want to go on the "Proper" hen. Then herself and the groom decided they would like....wait for it....a Sten party - a mix of a stag and a hen. They want all the couples to travel to Killarney (we are in East Cork) for a nite away.

So between now and Sept im supposed to attend 2 hen parties, a me party and a sten party. Plus the expense of getting a present, outfit for wedding and overnight accomodation the night of the wedding plus drinking money. There will probably be something on the day after the wedding too.

I've already declined the Sten party....

Diddler1977 · 20-02-2011 08:19PM

Shellygoose wrote: »

i have a friend getting married this Sept. one of my closest friends is her bridesmaid and her head is wreaked already!!

not only is she having a hen party (weekend away) and a "me" party, but she is also having a mini-hen in our town for her mother and grooms mother as they dont want to go on the "Proper" hen. Then herself and the groom decided they would like....wait for it....a Sten party - a mix of a stag and a hen. They want all the couples to travel to Killarney (we are in East Cork) for a nite away.

So between now and Sept im supposed to attend 2 hen parties, a me party and a sten party. Plus the expense of getting a present, outfit for wedding and overnight accomodation the night of the wedding plus drinking money. There will probably be something on the day after the wedding too.

I've already declined the Sten party....

Whoa what a Bridezilla!

What about a Bride who chose a dessert with nuts for her wedding even though the groom is allergic to nuts?
My cousin's best friend did this.
EEEEK what a BRIDEZILLA!

newbride11 · 20-02-2011 09:43PM

amdublin wrote: »

Well newbride11 you sound far from a bridezilla best of luck to you!

It think it is important to note that I don't think brides-to-be shouldn't be allowed enjoy their preparations but I think newbride makes a good point:

You just have to remember that while all you can think of is your wedding, and that is great, unfortunately other people are not thinking of your wedding all the time or even at all tbh.

When bridezillas say "it's MY big day" etc etc I feel like saying yes, your are right: YOURS not MINE!!!

When I say I'm thinking about it all the time I haven't brought it up with anyone in conversation because we haven't announced our engagement yet. We're waiting for a few weeks when everyone is around to do it so I'm on this forum like a demon!

I'd like to have a date & venue sorted out before we announce anything but there's so many things to consider my head is ready to explode.

Thank God for Boards!

WaltKowalski · 20-02-2011 10:23PM

Borderfox wrote: »

I havent noticed it after photographing over 50 weddings, its an important day and the amount of planning that goes into even a small wedding is huge. Personally I havent met anything remotely similar to the Brides on that program. People cope with stress and pressure in different ways and some people might rub them up the wrong way?

What planning??
Seriously - 99% of weddings are the same. There isn't really that much to it.
Anyone who gets worked up over wedding planning only has themselves to blame.

kandr10 · 21-02-2011 12:13PM

What exactly is a 'me' party??? sounds horrendous!

Walt - I'd have to agree with you there. The hotel offers a package. Sort that out, get your license and or church arrangements done and that's all the important stuff. Choosing an outfit, cake, band etc - all just icing on the cake as far as I'm concerned. Besides it's fun so why get stressed

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 08:02PM

Shellygoose wrote: »

i have a friend getting married this Sept. one of my closest friends is her bridesmaid and her head is wreaked already!!

not only is she having a hen party (weekend away) and a "me" party, but she is also having a mini-hen in our town for her mother and grooms mother as they dont want to go on the "Proper" hen. Then herself and the groom decided they would like....wait for it....a Sten party - a mix of a stag and a hen. They want all the couples to travel to Killarney (we are in East Cork) for a nite away.

So between now and Sept im supposed to attend 2 hen parties, a me party and a sten party. Plus the expense of getting a present, outfit for wedding and overnight accomodation the night of the wedding plus drinking money. There will probably be something on the day after the wedding too.

I've already declined the Sten party....

I bet she's organising those trying to please everyone... you mentioned that she had the mini hen as they didn't want to go on the proper hen. Sounds like a lot of stuff to organise and I really don't envy her. You've declined one though and no tantrum? Doesn't sound too bridezilla to me... over the top maybe!

amdublin · 21-02-2011 08:03PM

Heineken Helen wrote: »

I bet she's organising those trying to please everyone... you mentioned that she had the mini hen as they didn't want to go on the proper hen. Sounds like a lot of stuff to organise and I really don't envy her. You've declined one though and no tantrum? Doesn't sound too bridezilla to me... over the top maybe!

A "me" party to please everyone else

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 08:05PM

WaltKowalski wrote: »

What planning??
Seriously - 99% of weddings are the same. There isn't really that much to it.
Anyone who gets worked up over wedding planning only has themselves to blame.

:rolleyes: so venue, photographer, flowers, band, church, licence, letters of freedom, wedding course, baptism certs, food, drink... these aren't commonplace? Sounds like a lot to organise really! I'm willing to bet these people aren't worked up over the whole thing but if you're organising something big like that, you're bound to have an off day or two when people annoy you and you snap. I don't see why you should then be branded with this term. If someone snaps cos you can't go to their hen party, it may well be cos you're not the first person who's declined that DAY. Maybe she only had the hen party cos everyone was saying she should and then everyone backs out.. that's enough to piss anyone off, whether you're a bride to be or not

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 08:06PM

amdublin wrote: »

A "me" party to please everyone else

I said 'over the top maybe' but, if someone wants a me party, it doesn't make them a bridezilla... you don't have to go!

amdublin · 21-02-2011 08:12PM

I think brides would find that if they organized small inexpensive hen parties people will not pull out.

Organize a big crazy do that people can't afford then unfortunately people will pull out.

Plus, constantly talking about your wedding and every now and again snapping at people means people are kind of sick of you and your wedding by the time the hen party comes around and again you have a recipe for people pulling out.

amdublin · 21-02-2011 08:15PM

Heineken Helen wrote: »

I said 'over the top maybe' but, if someone wants a me party, it doesn't make them a bridezilla... you don't have to go!

That's true. If you skip the "Me" party there are three(!!!) other parties to go to :rolleyes:

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 08:18PM

amdublin wrote: »

I think brides would find that if they organized small inexpensive hen parties people will not pull out.

Organize a big crazy do that people can't afford then unfortunately people will pull out.

Plus, constantly talking about your wedding and every now and again snapping at people means people are kind of sick of you and your wedding by the time the hen party comes around and again you have a recipe for people pulling out.

I was talking about shellygoose's example. I'm sorry you're bothered about your friend constantly talking about her wedding

. I'm sure I constantly talk about mine but it's usually cos nobody's talking about anything else! If they reply to me, I assume they're interested, am I wrong? If I am, I'm not sure I care!:o

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 08:20PM

amdublin wrote: »

That's true. If you skip the "Me" party there are three(!!!) other parties to go to :rolleyes:

Exactly!

maybe she's given everyone a choice of what they want to do/what they can afford. My birthday last year went on for a week... people turned up to each thing and seemed to enjoy it. It was my 30th so I figured why not?

amdublin · 21-02-2011 08:22PM

I was being sarcastic.

amdublin · 21-02-2011 08:24PM

Heineken Helen wrote: »

If they reply to me, I assume they're interested, am I wrong?

Well they could be interested alright.

They might also be bored out of their tree and be just being polite to you.

kandr10 · 21-02-2011 09:37PM

Seriously, is a 'me' party a thing???
Have to agree with Amdublin. I really think people get carried away with the hen thing, going for weekends away etc. Ok, I know you might not have all your friends in one place or whatever but if you manage to organise to have a few drinks with friends every other time of year, why is it so tricky for a hens do? Why make everyone travel and fork out? I'm feeling bad even asking my friends to spend money on a meal!
You have a point Heineken Helen with all the stuff you've to organise - it is a fair sized list. However, the church/ registry office bits and booking hotel / reception are surely the most important?? Everything else can be done gradually and should be enjoyed, not something to be stressed over. There's no excuse for going ballistic with anyone over wedding plans imo (unless it's a disagreement between b&g

)

Shellygoose · 21-02-2011 10:53PM

kandr10 wrote: »

Seriously, is a 'me' party a thing???

Have you ever been or heard of a kitchen party? Basically all the girls gather in either the brides or 1 of the bm's houses, each guest brings a gift for the kitchen, all wrapped up. The bride is blindfolded and has to describe what she is feeling. Someone writes down everything the bride says. She can only open the present once she has guessed the item. She then guesses who has given the present. Once everything has been opened, the person who wrote everything the bride says reads it back...tis a bit of giggle. Plus theres lots and lots and lots of wine

Because now though, most couples live together before getting married they have what they need for the kitchen so instead guests bring presents for the Bride - "ME" party. Some ppl have honeymoon parties so you get things like suncream, flip flops, towels etc.

I dunno if this is a Cork thing, cos i've said this to a few ppl at work who aint from Cork and they look at me as if i have 10 heads

I read back my original post there and i did make the bride out to be a bit of a Bridezilla, but she's not really that bad....:)

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 11:09PM

amdublin wrote: »

I was being sarcastic.

No way :rolleyes:

I was being polite!

Kandr10, of course they're the most important things and it's all ya need really but you slowly start to realise the importance of the other things once you start planning. If you're not getting sufficient help, the odd time you might wonder why you bother, in which case you might take it out on the next person who backs out on you. It's not recommended and it's still rude but we all do it at times, whether we're getting married or not. It's a fun time and it's a lovely time but there is a hell of a lot to do:)

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 11:10PM

Shellygoose wrote: »

Have you ever been or heard of a kitchen party? Basically all the girls gather in either the brides or 1 of the bm's houses, each guest brings a gift for the kitchen, all wrapped up. The bride is blindfolded and has to describe what she is feeling. Someone writes down everything the bride says. She can only open the present once she has guessed the item. She then guesses who has given the present. Once everything has been opened, the person who wrote everything the bride says reads it back...tis a bit of giggle. Plus theres lots and lots and lots of wine

Because now though, most couples live together before getting married they have what they need for the kitchen so instead guests bring presents for the Bride - "ME" party. Some ppl have honeymoon parties so you get things like suncream, flip flops, towels etc.

I dunno if this is a Cork thing, cos i've said this to a few ppl at work who aint from Cork and they look at me as if i have 10 heads

I read back my original post there and i did make the bride out to be a bit of a Bridezilla, but she's not really that bad....:)

I want a 'me party'

sounds brilliant... sounds like what's done at many hen parties anyway, people sometimes bring gifts for the bride!

Diddler1977 · 21-02-2011 11:21PM

Heineken Helen wrote: »

I want a 'me party' sounds brilliant... sounds like what's done at many hen parties anyway, people sometimes bring gifts for the bride!

Well just have a hen party and do the things you do at a "Me Party".

Why have two parties?
It just puts people out.

Do brides not realise there is a recession on? Do they not care that it is expensive to go to a wedding and a hen or stag?

I guess some brides do care about their guests - except the bridezillas who are all about "me".

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 11:24PM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

Well just have a hen party and do the things you do at a "Me Party".

Why have two parties?
It just puts people out.

Do brides not realise there is a recession on? Do they not care that it is expensive to go to a wedding and a hen or stag?

I guess some brides do care about their guests - except the bridezillas who are all about "me".

Sure brides realise there's a recession on... aren't they trying to put an end to it by spending money? With the economy how it is, be careful of being scornful of those spending. Sure, not everyone can afford to go along with them, but ya don't have to go.

I'm having a house party - if I did anything else nobody would come as none of my friends have money. If nobody was coming, there'd be no hen party. If people are going, they obviously can afford to.

Diddler1977 · 21-02-2011 11:33PM

Heineken Helen wrote: »

Sure brides realise there's a recession on... aren't they trying to put an end to it by spending money? With the economy how it is, be careful of being scornful of those spending. Sure, not everyone can afford to go along with them, but ya don't have to go.

I'm having a house party - if I did anything else nobody would come as none of my friends have money. If nobody was coming, there'd be no hen party. If people are going, they obviously can afford to.

I don't really understand all of the above......

Why would anyone organise a party that they don't care whether people can afford to attend or not? And then they don't care if guests don't attend because of the cost?

I don't get it? Why organise the party at all?

Cellygirl · 21-02-2011 11:41PM

I've never heard of a 'Me' party before. But it turns out that's what I'm having!

I don't drink so didn't want a traditional hen and didn't want to go away as it's just huge expense and I couldn't afford it myself let alone expect others to.

So I'm having a bridal shower/hen night at home instead. In my own house. My sisters are organising it for me. Basically lots of food, lots of drink, music, silly games (dressing me up in a toilet paper wedding dress anyone?!) bit of dancing, maybe some games on the Wii and a bit of craic. My sisters are paying for everything, I'm going to have to find a way to slip something into their handbags, cos they're refusing point blank to talk to me about money. All the food and wine and champagne is costing them a fortune. But that's another matter!

I'm not asking anyone to bring a gift though, it's a no gift party. Instead my sisters have asked everyone to write out their favourite recipe and bring that with them. All the recipes will then be put together in a 'book' for me and I'll start married life with a brill recipe book!

I can't wait for it! I think it'll be a great night and all it'll cost guests will be their taxi home.

Heineken Helen · 21-02-2011 11:57PM

Diddler1977 wrote: »

I don't really understand all of the above......

Why would anyone organise a party that they don't care whether people can afford to attend or not? And then they don't care if guests don't attend because of the cost?

I don't get it? Why organise the party at all?

What I mean is, the people we're talking about, at least SOME or many of their friends must have money or else nobody would be going and there would be no party!

Why organise the party at all?

I don't understand! You mean just have NO party?

Bridezillas

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