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Bridezillas
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19-02-2011 6:51pm#1
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I have only had a couple of small personal bridezilla moments that thankfully weren't witnessed by many
I think it's a horrible term though and tends to come from those who can't deal with women in a position of power
. Women are expected to do so much these days and getting married has become more of a business with plenty of negotiating and having to organise other people despite their ridiculously busy lives. Everything has to be done now and people have to have bigger and better than everyone else. It's a symptom of modern society.
It's probably only natural really!
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Well I don't know about from a business perspective but from a personal perspective omg YES!
I was bridesmaid recently and for the whole year prior to the wedding I was at the brides beck and call.
Eventually I just had to tell her I simply could not afford, in money terms and time away from my own life, to meet up every week: (her phrasing in the quotes)
"for lunch and to discuss the dresses"
"for a night out and to meet with the other bms"
"for drinks and to plan the hen party"
"for starbucks and book the hen party"
"for hair and makeup trial and lunch"
"I've arranged an appointment at an underwear shop in town and then we can go for cocktails"
Etc etc etc
The hen party she wanted in New York originally!!
It fell to me to tell her none of her friends could afford that. Cue massive strop.
She then wanted London. Two nights. One with dinner at some mad fashionable wag type resto and the other a West End show.
Aggain fell to me to tell her again no one can afford it. Cue another massive strop.
That's just one bridezilla example.I've come across loads with other bride to be's lately......
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You just have to remember that while all you can think of is your wedding, and that is great, unfortunately other people are not thinking of your wedding all the time or even at all tbh.
When bridezillas say "it's MY big day" etc etc I feel like saying yes, your are right: YOURS not MINE!!!
Sometimes that's part of the problem. When you get engaged, you expect everyone to be so happy for you and everyone to even want to be part of the whole thing . That's how I've been for friends in the past who've gotten engaged. It's actually incredibly disappointing when you realise people really don't care and that can lead to so called 'bridezilla' moments! You're trying to organise this massive party and people simply don't get back to you. Sure, it's human nature but it's also incredibly rude at times and it has been a bit upsetting at times to be honest. You finally realise exactly where you stand with people and how high they rate you. 0 -
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What exactly is a 'me' party??? sounds horrendous!
Walt - I'd have to agree with you there. The hotel offers a package. Sort that out, get your license and or church arrangements done and that's all the important stuff. Choosing an outfit, cake, band etc - all just icing on the cake as far as I'm concerned. Besides it's fun so why get stressed
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Heineken Helen wrote: »I bet she's organising those trying to please everyone... you mentioned that she had the mini hen as they didn't want to go on the proper hen. Sounds like a lot of stuff to organise and I really don't envy her. You've declined one though and no tantrum? Doesn't sound too bridezilla to me... over the top maybe!
A "me" party to please everyone else
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WaltKowalski wrote: »What planning??
Seriously - 99% of weddings are the same. There isn't really that much to it.
Anyone who gets worked up over wedding planning only has themselves to blame.
:rolleyes: so venue, photographer, flowers, band, church, licence, letters of freedom, wedding course, baptism certs, food, drink... these aren't commonplace? Sounds like a lot to organise really! I'm willing to bet these people aren't worked up over the whole thing but if you're organising something big like that, you're bound to have an off day or two when people annoy you and you snap. I don't see why you should then be branded with this term. If someone snaps cos you can't go to their hen party, it may well be cos you're not the first person who's declined that DAY. Maybe she only had the hen party cos everyone was saying she should and then everyone backs out.. that's enough to piss anyone off, whether you're a bride to be or not 0 -
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I think brides would find that if they organized small inexpensive hen parties people will not pull out.
Organize a big crazy do that people can't afford then unfortunately people will pull out.
Plus, constantly talking about your wedding and every now and again snapping at people means people are kind of sick of you and your wedding by the time the hen party comes around and again you have a recipe for people pulling out.
I was talking about shellygoose's example. I'm sorry you're bothered about your friend constantly talking about her wedding . I'm sure I constantly talk about mine but it's usually cos nobody's talking about anything else! If they reply to me, I assume they're interested, am I wrong? If I am, I'm not sure I care!:o 0 -
That's true. If you skip the "Me" party there are three(!!!) other parties to go to :rolleyes:
Exactly! maybe she's given everyone a choice of what they want to do/what they can afford. My birthday last year went on for a week... people turned up to each thing and seemed to enjoy it. It was my 30th so I figured why not? 0 -
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Seriously, is a 'me' party a thing???
Have to agree with Amdublin. I really think people get carried away with the hen thing, going for weekends away etc. Ok, I know you might not have all your friends in one place or whatever but if you manage to organise to have a few drinks with friends every other time of year, why is it so tricky for a hens do? Why make everyone travel and fork out? I'm feeling bad even asking my friends to spend money on a meal!
You have a point Heineken Helen with all the stuff you've to organise - it is a fair sized list. However, the church/ registry office bits and booking hotel / reception are surely the most important?? Everything else can be done gradually and should be enjoyed, not something to be stressed over. There's no excuse for going ballistic with anyone over wedding plans imo (unless it's a disagreement between b&g) 0 -
Seriously, is a 'me' party a thing???
Have you ever been or heard of a kitchen party? Basically all the girls gather in either the brides or 1 of the bm's houses, each guest brings a gift for the kitchen, all wrapped up. The bride is blindfolded and has to describe what she is feeling. Someone writes down everything the bride says. She can only open the present once she has guessed the item. She then guesses who has given the present. Once everything has been opened, the person who wrote everything the bride says reads it back...tis a bit of giggle. Plus theres lots and lots and lots of wine
Because now though, most couples live together before getting married they have what they need for the kitchen so instead guests bring presents for the Bride - "ME" party. Some ppl have honeymoon parties so you get things like suncream, flip flops, towels etc.
I dunno if this is a Cork thing, cos i've said this to a few ppl at work who aint from Cork and they look at me as if i have 10 heads
I read back my original post there and i did make the bride out to be a bit of a Bridezilla, but she's not really that bad....:)0 -
I was being sarcastic.
No way :rolleyes:
I was being polite!
Kandr10, of course they're the most important things and it's all ya need really but you slowly start to realise the importance of the other things once you start planning. If you're not getting sufficient help, the odd time you might wonder why you bother, in which case you might take it out on the next person who backs out on you. It's not recommended and it's still rude but we all do it at times, whether we're getting married or not. It's a fun time and it's a lovely time but there is a hell of a lot to do:)0 -
Shellygoose wrote: »Have you ever been or heard of a kitchen party? Basically all the girls gather in either the brides or 1 of the bm's houses, each guest brings a gift for the kitchen, all wrapped up. The bride is blindfolded and has to describe what she is feeling. Someone writes down everything the bride says. She can only open the present once she has guessed the item. She then guesses who has given the present. Once everything has been opened, the person who wrote everything the bride says reads it back...tis a bit of giggle. Plus theres lots and lots and lots of wine
Because now though, most couples live together before getting married they have what they need for the kitchen so instead guests bring presents for the Bride - "ME" party. Some ppl have honeymoon parties so you get things like suncream, flip flops, towels etc.
I dunno if this is a Cork thing, cos i've said this to a few ppl at work who aint from Cork and they look at me as if i have 10 heads
I read back my original post there and i did make the bride out to be a bit of a Bridezilla, but she's not really that bad....:)
I want a 'me party' sounds brilliant... sounds like what's done at many hen parties anyway, people sometimes bring gifts for the bride! 0 -
Heineken Helen wrote: »I want a 'me party' sounds brilliant... sounds like what's done at many hen parties anyway, people sometimes bring gifts for the bride!
Well just have a hen party and do the things you do at a "Me Party".
Why have two parties?
It just puts people out.
Do brides not realise there is a recession on? Do they not care that it is expensive to go to a wedding and a hen or stag?
I guess some brides do care about their guests - except the bridezillas who are all about "me".0 -
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Heineken Helen wrote: »Sure brides realise there's a recession on... aren't they trying to put an end to it by spending money? With the economy how it is, be careful of being scornful of those spending. Sure, not everyone can afford to go along with them, but ya don't have to go.
I'm having a house party - if I did anything else nobody would come as none of my friends have money. If nobody was coming, there'd be no hen party. If people are going, they obviously can afford to.
I don't really understand all of the above......
Why would anyone organise a party that they don't care whether people can afford to attend or not? And then they don't care if guests don't attend because of the cost?
I don't get it? Why organise the party at all?0 -
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Diddler1977 wrote: »
I don't really understand all of the above......
Why would anyone organise a party that they don't care whether people can afford to attend or not? And then they don't care if guests don't attend because of the cost?
I don't get it? Why organise the party at all?
What I mean is, the people we're talking about, at least SOME or many of their friends must have money or else nobody would be going and there would be no party!
Why organise the party at all? I don't understand! You mean just have NO party? 0 -
I've never heard of a 'Me' party before. But it turns out that's what I'm having!
I don't drink so didn't want a traditional hen and didn't want to go away as it's just huge expense and I couldn't afford it myself let alone expect others to.
So I'm having a bridal shower/hen night at home instead. In my own house. My sisters are organising it for me. Basically lots of food, lots of drink, music, silly games (dressing me up in a toilet paper wedding dress anyone?!) bit of dancing, maybe some games on the Wii and a bit of craic. My sisters are paying for everything, I'm going to have to find a way to slip something into their handbags, cos they're refusing point blank to talk to me about money. All the food and wine and champagne is costing them a fortune. But that's another matter!
I'm not asking anyone to bring a gift though, it's a no gift party. Instead my sisters have asked everyone to write out their favourite recipe and bring that with them. All the recipes will then be put together in a 'book' for me and I'll start married life with a brill recipe book!
I can't wait for it! I think it'll be a great night and all it'll cost guests will be their taxi home.
That recipe idea sounds great wish I'd thought of that. My hen party is this Saturday, it's 80's dress code (most people wouldn't need to buy anything, just accessorise something in their wardrobe) and a Mexican theme (COCKTAILS ) so I've asked everyone to bring a different liquor so I don't have to buy everything. I'm supplying the vodka and rum bases and all the juices and fruit so it's just the cheaper stuff. I'm also supplying all the food. Most have been brilliant though, some are bringing three or trying to bring 4 bottles of liquor and most are insisting on bringing some kind of food even though I've told them it's all covered. 0 -
Diddler1977 wrote: »
I don't really understand all of the above......
Why would anyone organise a party that they don't care whether people can afford to attend or not? And then they don't care if guests don't attend because of the cost?
I don't get it? Why organise the party at all?Heineken Helen wrote: »What I mean is, the people we're talking about, at least SOME or many of their friends must have money or else nobody would be going and there would be no party!
Why organise the party at all? I don't understand! You mean just have NO party?
What I mean is why organise a party that you don't care whether your guests can afford to attend or not. And that you don't care if they actually attend the party or not. Again I ask, why organise the party? What is the point if some people won't be able to attend?0 -
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Heineken Helen wrote: »That recipe idea sounds great wish I'd thought of that. My hen party is this Saturday, it's 80's dress code (most people wouldn't need to buy anything, just accessorise something in their wardrobe) and a Mexican theme (COCKTAILS ) so I've asked everyone to bring a different liquor so I don't have to buy everything. I'm supplying the vodka and rum bases and all the juices and fruit so it's just the cheaper stuff. I'm also supplying all the food. Most have been brilliant though, some are bringing three or trying to bring 4 bottles of liquor and most are insisting on bringing some kind of food even though I've told them it's all covered.
I guess that is the difference between some people.
I would never host a party and then expect guests to supply the alcohol. When I host a party I provide everything for my guests - I see that as my role as host. I don't put further costs on to my guests for a party I am giving.
I am the host - I take the hit on food, drink, venue, etc.0 -
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Heineken Helen wrote: »That recipe idea sounds great wish I'd thought of that. My hen party is this Saturday, it's 80's dress code (most people wouldn't need to buy anything, just accessorise something in their wardrobe) and a Mexican theme (COCKTAILS ) so I've asked everyone to bring a different liquor so I don't have to buy everything. I'm supplying the vodka and rum bases and all the juices and fruit so it's just the cheaper stuff. I'm also supplying all the food. Most have been brilliant though, some are bringing three or trying to bring 4 bottles of liquor and most are insisting on bringing some kind of food even though I've told them it's all covered.Diddler1977 wrote: »I guess that is the difference between some people.
I would never host a party and then expect guests to supply the alcohol. When I host a party I provide everything for my guests - I see that as my role as host. I don't put further costs on to my guests for a party I am giving.
I am the host - I take the hit on food, drink, venue, etc.Yup, I have to say I've never once been to a party (except as a child) where I haven't brought something. Whether it's a couple of bottles of wine, the spirit and mixer I want to drink or a fancy lemonade/sparkling tea if I'm not drinking. People usually do bring a drink of some sort to parties.
I think there is a big difference between
a) A guest arriving to a party with a bottle of wine
and
b) a guest being invited to a party but being told by the host to bring a bottle of alcohol
Personally as a host I would never expect someone to bring anything with them to a party I host. I think it is down right rude of a host to tell you to bring something.
As a guest I would always bring along a bottle of wine or a gift of chocs, flowers, scented candle or the like......0 -
Diddler1977 wrote: »I think there is a big difference between
a) A guest arriving to a party with a bottle of wine
and
b) a guest being invited to a party but being told by the host to bring a bottle of alcohol
Personally as a host I would never expect someone to bring anything with them to a party I host. I think it is down right rude of a host to tell you to bring something.
As a guest I would always bring along a bottle of wine or a gift of chocs, flowers, scented candle or the like......
Well I guess I'm rude then, although everyone told me it was a great idea and most people have offered to bring even more than one bottle but I told them no and I've said whatever's left, they can bring home. A bottle of wine is no good for a cocktail party!
Luckily, I consider my guests as friends and I know them well enough to know that they would have no problem with my SUGGESTION (I didn't TELL anyone to do anything). I've even said that anyone who may be broke, not to bother as there should be enough to go around anyway.
Anyway, enough semantics, I'm looking forward to it and my friends seem especially excited about this one . 0 -
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Diddler1977 wrote: »And if the hen has one she should foot the cost - not tell her guests to bring drink.
The hen should foot the bill???:D:D:D:D:D What planet are you on??? If someone is having a hen in their own house it is not alot to ask of someone to bring a drink, for god sake 0 -
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The hen should foot the bill???:D:D:D:D:D What planet are you on??? If someone is having a hen in their own house it is not alot to ask of someone to bring a drink, for god sake
I held my hen party in my house. I provided food & drink for all my guests. A few guests brought some champagne which was gratefully accepted. Some had asked me what to bring and I told them not to bring anything. Again, I reiterate, I was hosting the party so I paid for everything. It was not up to my guests to foot the bill for my party. What is so hard to understand - it is just basic etiquette?????
BTW, I was at a bridezilla hen party. I had to give the hen 20 euro to "cover the party costs". I was given raw rice and badly cooked curry for this. The cocktails provided were made with whiskey(?) and tasted dire. And the bottle of vodka that I brought was whisked away by a bridesmaid never to be seen again.0 -
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Diddler1977 wrote: »I held my hen party in my house. I provided food & drink for all my guests. A few guests brought some champagne which was gratefully accepted. Some had asked me what to bring and I told them not to bring anything. Again, I reiterate, I was hosting the party so I paid for everything. It was not up to my guests to foot the bill for my party. What is so hard to understand - it is just basic etiquette?????
BTW, I was at a bridezilla hen party. I had to give the hen 20 euro to "cover the party costs". I was given raw rice and badly cooked curry for this. The cocktails provided were made with whiskey(?) and tasted dire. And the bottle of vodka that I brought was whisked away by a bridesmaid never to be seen again.
Maybe it's a difference between Ireland and England. Over here, the host never provides the alcohol, unless you're rich or something! I've hosted plenty of parties and never ever provided the alcohol. Sure, I've had back up beer and spirits but they're not usually touched. Any party I've been to, I bring enough for me and the host, since they're providing the venue.
Also, if we were to go away for a weekend or a night, quite often everyone chips in so the hen or the stag don't have to spend a penny. I thought that was the done thing now?
Oh and again, I didn't tell anyone to do anything. I requested but also made it clear that it wasn't expected. If I were to foot the alcohol bill, well the food and decorations alone are £200... 200 that I really really can't afford with a wedding 6 weeks away 0 -
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