Would you pay money to attend a wedding?

Dudess · 20-02-2011 07:13PM

Warper wrote: »

Totally wrong here, unless the couple is loaded, cash is the best gift. Weddings cost a fortune and the last thing a young couple need is debt to start off the marriage. €200 for a couple or €100 for a single is standard. Who wants a clock or something for the kitchen when they would probably have them already. You could get them vouchers or something but dont turn up with a clock.

I disagree with the OP's attitude but this one absolutely stinks too.

sonic85 · 20-02-2011 07:18PM

Tomebagel wrote: »

Why should the people gettin married pay for you to attend theyre wedding by givin you a free 3 course meal,free drinks,and being there in the first place?

errr because they invited you in the first place? most weddings seem to be pathetic attempts to outdo friends and neighbours as far as i can tell. why do you need to invite a couple of hundred people to watch you get married and then maybe a couple of hundred more to the afterwards. have a small ceremony with close family and friends and keep costs low. ive never been to a wedding where there were free drinks - that happen in D4 or something?!

dont agree with not giving a present or something though. thats downright stingy

Dudess · 20-02-2011 07:35PM

Yeah, if you don't want to be paying for people, don't have guests! Or else put on the invitation "Note: don't bother accepting if you can't afford to pay whatever price is currently 'the done thing.'" However, for a guest not to give a gift would be atrocious. It should be a two-way thing - and based on friendship, respect, caring, all that gay stuff that some people seem to forget about when it comes to weddings (as they're more concerned with getting their unnecessarily flash day paid back and their future unnecessarily flash purchases funded) not whatever "rules" were dreamed up by some money-grabber.
And "naming a price" that guests should pay rather than just appreciating whatever they can afford is just ****ing hilarious... Also, saying "x amount is the done thing" - really? Make a friend/relative feel like sh1t simply because of something being "the done thing"?!

Sometimes it's not easy for people to keep the numbers down though - e.g. if they have a large, close extended family. And some people DO feel bound to avoid conflict and end up having to invite people they'd rather not. It's easy to say they should put their foot down, but it's not always easy for them to do that.

jimmy_t · 21-02-2011 11:29AM

OP for the love of god you, youre obviously not the type of person people want at weddings or wants to be at weddings, if people just gave gifts to go to weddings there wouldnt be any more big weddings which are in fact great craic and people do actually enjoy.
If a couple spent 30grand on a big wedding for two hundred people and just got 200 clocks in return big weddings would become a thing of the past because nobody trying to get a mortgage and start a family could take on that debt.
You dont have to go to a wedding if you dont want just like you dont have to go to a dinner dance which you would also have to pay 60 or 70 euro per person for a ticket for.
Often people who are invited to the wedding are friends of the bride or groom or their parents and you want to be there to celebrate with them and have a good time and you dont want them to be saddled with 30grand worth of debt just because they wanted to celebrate their wedding like the majority of people do, thats why I give money, I like them enough to want them to have a boost to the start of their life together not a hole in their pockets which would take a decade to clear as the first ten years of your life together will generally be the poorest.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 21-02-2011 01:15PM

jimmy_t wrote: »

OP for the love of god you, youre obviously not the type of person people want at weddings or wants to be at weddings, if people just gave gifts to go to weddings there wouldnt be any more big weddings which are in fact great craic and people do actually enjoy.
If a couple spent 30grand on a big wedding for two hundred people and just got 200 clocks in return big weddings would become a thing of the past because nobody trying to get a mortgage and start a family could take on that debt.
You dont have to go to a wedding if you dont want just like you dont have to go to a dinner dance which you would also have to pay 60 or 70 euro per person for a ticket for.
Often people who are invited to the wedding are friends of the bride or groom or their parents and you want to be there to celebrate with them and have a good time and you dont want them to be saddled with 30grand worth of debt just because they wanted to celebrate their wedding like the majority of people do, thats why I give money, I like them enough to want them to have a boost to the start of their life together not a hole in their pockets which would take a decade to clear as the first ten years of your life together will generally be the poorest.

TBH think spending 30K to pretend you're 18th century aristocrats for a day is insane

If you have it fine, but don't expect your guests to cover the costs.

I don't like that 100-150 is expected because that means some people might not go because they can't afford the gift + expenses of the day and just make up some excuse.

MagicSean · 21-02-2011 01:19PM

whiteonion wrote: »

I certainly would not pay a single cent to attend a wedding. On the other hand I haven't been invited to a single wedding during the course of my adult life.

A fantastic explanation of cause and effect.

Fizman · 21-02-2011 01:32PM

I'm so fcuking sick of weddings right now. I have been to FIVE in the past 14 weeks. €100 cash into a card for each one. Another mate going in June and another in September. Arrgghhhh.

starbelgrade · 21-02-2011 02:50PM

Fizman wrote: »

I'm so fcuking sick of weddings right now. I have been to FIVE in the past 14 weeks. €100 cash into a card for each one. Another mate going in June and another in September. Arrgghhhh.

I feel your pain. 3 years ago, I had 8 weddings over the course of 1 summer and six stag nights to boot. 2 of the weddings were abroad & 3 of the stag nights.

I barely had a free weekend the whole summer & spent most of it dressed in a suit!

As I said to the other half at the time, wedding invitations are like invoices & should come in windowed brown envelopes!

Still, they're usually good craic & you can't begrudge a mate when they're getting hitched.

Creature · 21-02-2011 03:22PM

jimmy_t wrote: »

OP for the love of god you, youre obviously not the type of person people want at weddings or wants to be at weddings, if people just gave gifts to go to weddings there wouldnt be any more big weddings which are in fact great craic and people do actually enjoy.
If a couple spent 30grand on a big wedding for two hundred people and just got 200 clocks in return big weddings would become a thing of the past because nobody trying to get a mortgage and start a family could take on that debt.

Far out idea but just bear with me for a moment. You could always not spend 30k on your wedding. I know it's somewhat of a radical concept, but if a couple spent what they could afford then they wouldn't be in debt!

Captain Commie · 21-02-2011 03:26PM

krudler wrote: »

fyp :pac:

I'd say a lot of newly married couples would prefer the cash, its a reason people invite a lot of people to their weddings, to recoup expense (this is from someone I know who's doing just that btw)

We asked for cash donations as far as possible, but not as we were wanting to recoup expenses, simply cause we moved into a furnished apartment and didnt actually need anything for it, most people were only too happy as its a nice start to married life having some cash, some did give presents instead but again it was all useful stuff

jimmy_t · 21-02-2011 03:42PM

Creature wrote: »

Far out idea but just bear with me for a moment. You could always not spend 30k on your wedding. I know it's somewhat of a radical concept, but if a couple spent what they could afford then they wouldn't be in debt!

Then we'd all be just going off to registry offices and weddings would be left for the wealthy only, what young couple can even afford 10grand to splash on a wedding? weddings would be a thing of the past?
Everything would become a little less colorful then dont you think?
I do agree that a lot of money is needlessly blown on weddings and it could be cut back but even a budget wedding will set you back more than you can afford.

Aishae · 21-02-2011 04:09PM

Dudess wrote: »

Yeah, if you don't want to be paying for people, don't have guests! Or else put on the invitation "Note: don't bother accepting if you can't afford to pay whatever price is currently 'the done thing.'" However, for a guest not to give a gift would be atrocious. It should be a two-way thing - and based on friendship, respect, caring, all that gay stuff that some people seem to forget about when it comes to weddings (as they're more concerned with getting their unnecessarily flash day paid back and their future unnecessarily flash purchases funded) not whatever "rules" were dreamed up by some money-grabber.
And "naming a price" that guests should pay rather than just appreciating whatever they can afford is just ****ing hilarious... Also, saying "x amount is the done thing" - really? Make a friend/relative feel like sh1t simply because of something being "the done thing"?!

Sometimes it's not easy for people to keep the numbers down though - e.g. if they have a large, close extended family. And some people DO feel bound to avoid conflict and end up having to invite people they'd rather not. It's easy to say they should put their foot down, but it's not always easy for them to do that.

im with you there
its absolutely atrocious the cost of weddings these days - they'd be silly costs at any time but with the country as it is theres no excuse for big weddings with people you dont even want there just to keep up with the joneses.
if you cant afford to invite 100 people but of course you want a special day - DONT invite so many, cut down. or have an alternative to a 3 course sit down meal. the details in the planning is what will make your day.

as for gifts - i dont agree with the expected costs. but i dont agree with not giving a single token gift at all either. i've only spent 150 on gifts twice - for close cousins. otherwise its anything from 30-100 depending on how close i am to them, what i know they need (i reserch a bit there) and what i can afford at the time.
a deep frier doesnt sound fancy but i asked the couple if they really needed anything for the kitchen. whereas for someone im close to i made the wedding dinner placecards with handmade jewellery pendants or keyrings. id say most people are invited only to weddings of friends and you might want to feel involved in their day. if it's not a close friend i'd decline as nice as i could. say i already had a plan for the day. theres no point in them paying for a meal if you dont wanna be there.

people who actually hold big weddings and invite huge numbers BECAUSE they want the big wedding and they want the guests to pay for it - thats another kettle of fish. moronic - you cant expect a 150 cash gift when you damn well know a huge portion of the guests cant afford it and in all liklihood have other weddings (and gifts) to do

anndub · 21-02-2011 08:31PM

feelingstressed wrote: »

Nobody is demanding you give a cash gift

Get something thoughtful or tasteful, maybe a crystal clock for the mantlepiece.
The couple will look at that and remember it was whiteonion gave it

Cash gifts are forgotton.

Thought that counts
I've never given cash as a present, cash is the easy option. Put some thought into the gift

When my sister got married a few years back, she received 15 clocks as gifts. Unfortunately, she only had one mantlepiece.

whydoibother? · 21-02-2011 08:57PM

I'd be quite happy to give cash if I was very confident the couple wanted it. I'd worry about being patronizing if I wasn't sure. I say this because the last few weddings I've been too have been older couples, well established in their careers, who wouldn't really have had to worry about financing their wedding. In that case I'd rather give something thoughtful. But for younger ones, I'd rather be helpful and practical if I was sure it wouldn't cause offence.

Dudess · 21-02-2011 09:29PM

krudler wrote: »

I'd say a lot of newly married couples would prefer the cash, its a reason people invite a lot of people to their weddings, to recoup expense (this is from someone I know who's doing just that btw)

:eek:
Any friends of mine with that approach could say goodbye to my friendship...

I'd always give a gift - and would be as generous as possible too - but as a gesture of friendship and good wishes and thanks for the great day, not solely as payment towards their wedding.

easyeason3 · 21-02-2011 09:33PM

If I'm invited to a wedding then I always give cash, €200 usually. Now I could go out & buy a present I think they will like but that would be impossible & tbh it would probably end up being re-gifted at some point.

.same. · 21-02-2011 09:59PM

jimmy_t wrote: »

Then we'd all be just going off to registry offices and weddings would be left for the wealthy only, what young couple can even afford 10grand to splash on a wedding? weddings would be a thing of the past?
Everything would become a little less colorful then dont you think?
I do agree that a lot of money is needlessly blown on weddings and it could be cut back but even a budget wedding will set you back more than you can afford.

I disagree.
Everything would be more colorful if there was a lot less big weddings is my opinion and you'll find that I'm not alone with an outlook like this. I reckon that its about 50/50 some people like em and others don't.I can't stand them myself.
Either way if you're close to someone thats having a big wedding you can come under a lot of presure to attend.Also putting 100 quid into a card is now so standard, that people attending will be under massive presure to do this crazy act as well.So as someone who hates the ****ing things you can imagine my pain every time im FORCED to pay up.

To all Brides
If you've had a big wedding or are planning a big wedding you gotta except the following as the truth:
~A lot of folk hate big weddings
~ at least half the people at your wedding don't really wanna be there.
~If you're discussing your own upcoming wedding with friends all of them are gonna say thay they are really looking forward to it.They are lying
~ If you really wanna know how people feel about about your up and comming 'special day' ask them how they feel about having to attend another persons wedding.
~ If they seem bothered and pissed off that they have to attend this another persons 'special day' I can assure you they are also bothered and pissed off that they have to attend yours.

dilbert2 · 21-02-2011 10:02PM

whiteonion wrote: »

I notice that people are willing to fork out €150 to attend someones wedding. I certainly would not pay a single cent to attend a wedding. On the other hand I haven't been invited to a single wedding during the course of my adult life.

Why are you willing to pay money to attend a wedding? If they can't afford an expensive cermony they could just go to the courthouse and have a wedding that way.

The weddings I have been to I had to go with my family as a child and I certainly think that not one single wedding has been worth €150 to attend.

No, but i'd pay to get out of one.

dj jarvis · 21-02-2011 11:27PM

so OP let me ask you this.....

you say you would not give 150 for a wedding because you should not have to pay for a fancy wedding if they cant afford it ,
they should go to a civil office and get it done ...... right ?

ok so if the couple DID go down the civil road would you still have a problem with giving the couple a few bob to get started ???

if i knew them well enough i would just cough up ....

i think you might just be stingy :eek:

Aishae · 21-02-2011 11:52PM

even if i dont go to a wedding - if its a friend ill get some sort of gift - even a token one.
i dont think of it as paying for a day out - i like picking out a gift. unless its someone i barely know, then we're in unexplored gift teritory

EverEvolving · 22-02-2011 12:05AM

There's being stingy and there is being not able to afford it. An old college friend of mine is getting married in two months and I'm half thinking of saying I have to to work that day or something and only go to the afters as I genuinely can't afford a present and would feel like a tight wad not giving enough.

I got some part time work about 3 weks ago and the extra dosh is great but still not at the stage of lobbing 200 into a card. I suppose I could save a bit and give her the pressie when they get back from the honey moon. Dam weddings!!!

bnt · 22-02-2011 12:49AM

A colleague of mine at my former job was from Portugal, and I went to his wedding near Porto back in 2006. I'd read that it was customary to give cash gifts there, so I took an envelope with cash from myself and the guys in the office. Was the advice accurate? Hell, yes: after dinner at the reception, the newlyweds walked around the hall, picking up fat envelopes from everyone but the kids. I wasn't going to ask how much was handed over, but my very rough estimate was for over €20,000. :pac:

th3 s1aught3r · 22-02-2011 01:00AM

you couldnt pay me to go to a wedding

Would you pay money to attend a wedding?

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