Going 'steady' on Facebook

allandanyways · 04-02-2011 10:21PM

Novella wrote: »

Should anything go wrong, the changing from 'in a relationship' to 'single' would just be too horrible, not to mention people 'liking' it. Ugh.

Changing it from "In a relationship" to "Single" is just horrible. When I broke up with my ex, that was feckin bad enough and then we had to have the "So what about the facebook status?" awkward conversation. I just got rid of it altogether, too many mutual friends involved and didn't want some of my friends who weren't mad about him or bitches he's friends with who never liked me liking it or commenting "Sooo what happened?" or something.

Ugh, I'm never putting my relationship status up again full stop, solely so that I don't have to take it down again.

L'prof · 05-02-2011 01:21AM

I changed my gf's status to single before. Considering we're going out a good few years, that caused quite the commotion among her friends and amused me greatly...especially when she realised

Artistic_Love · 05-02-2011 05:55PM

I don't display any status, but I would definitely never link it to my boyfriend's page. Firstly, I know that his page would come under scrutiny by any nosy acquaintances within moments, and that is something that reminds me of being in school. Secondly (and more importantly), I see absolutely no need to display details of my personal life on there. Those who matter to me, know. Those who don't, don't need to know. Facebook will soon become like bebo - thousands of neglected and untouched profiles - and then it will be irrelevant. Why become so wrapped up in such issues?

Also, can I just add that (and I know people will disagree but anyway) "It's Complicated" must be the most obnoxious status possible - (when used seriously!) Who needs to know the drama that's going on in your personal relationship?! It seems like such an attention seeking status...

Maple · 05-02-2011 06:07PM

My step mother wrote "It's Complicated" as her relationship status. Way to alienate your husband's children, dumbass. :rolleyes:

beks101 · 05-02-2011 07:27PM

I find the whole thing a bit embarrassing. Relationships are hard enough without inviting in the bullsh1t facebook dimension to cheapen them down to 'it's complicated' or the invariable 'X is no longer in a relationship with...' for the whole world to see and/or worse, to 'like' or comment on. Is anything sacred anymore?

I'm on fb about four years, have had a few relationships in that time but have never had any status up as I think it's cruel to do that to a boyfriend and an unnecessary invasion of privacy that lends itself to nosiness, gossiping, snooping etc. I'd also find it humiliating and almost violating to have to change my status/have him change his when it all goes pear-shaped.

What's scary though, is how important a role facebook seems to play in so many adult relationships these days. All you have to do is take a quick scan of the threads in RI/PI - 'he deleted me from facebook', 'he commented on some other girl's status', 'he hasn't changed his relationship status yet...does he really want to be with me??' I mean Jesus, talk about the dying art of communication when you're relying on a social network site to gauge your partner's feelings for you. I think facebook can be a dangerous thing really.

Aurora Borealis · 11-02-2011 12:11AM

I find it totally cringe-worthy to be honest.

boomkatalog · 11-02-2011 12:47AM

If I was going out with a guy big into his social-networking, I wouldn't have a problem with him chatting to random girls online.

But the green eyed monster would most certainly raise its head if his page stated "Single"... I'd rather he had no status up at all, saying "Single" when with someone I'd find a little disrespectful (however I wouldn't be raging if he asked me out and didn't run straight for the laptop :P, I'm talking maybe a couple weeks)

bronte · 11-02-2011 06:31PM

The BF isn't on facebook anyway, so that kinda solves itself.
To be honest, I wouldn't be inclined to put a relationship status up anyway, because anyone who knows me will know what the craic is.
I did put "Swinger" as my status on myspace for the laugh and recently got contacted by a couple looking to meet up "for some fun" :eek:

Be warned!!!

XxMCRxBabyxX · 12-02-2011 01:45AM

Just had to post this! :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSkT5XykJzo

MalteseBarry · 13-02-2011 02:07PM

Surely you miss the whole point of facebuke, which is to laugh at the misfortunes of ones "friends". Anyone who is close to anyone doesn't need facebuke!

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Anyone who's close to me will know what the story with my private life is, I don't put anything like that on Facebook. My attitude would be that I'll tell the people who I want to know and anyone else doesn't need to know.
It's none of their concern ... and I wouldn't want to afford them the opportunity to creep on the person I was with

I'm down as married to one of my best friends on Facebook, couldn't think of a better person if I ever did want to tie the knot :pac:

Wolflikeme · 13-02-2011 02:12PM

Aishae wrote: »

you know how theres some - probably mostly teenagers - who say it isnt official unless its on Facebook. Referring to relationship statuses.

I've never bothered with that stuff. When i used to use Bebo and blog, i left that stuff out of my profile. It's no one elses beeswax and i was always careful about info i give out in profiles.

I wonder if i'm in the minority there!?
i've seen 1 or 2 people marry and then several hours later they change their status from engaged to married. A bit sad really, that facebook matters so much. I get they were excited but thats a bit fast, i would have thought you had other things on your mind on your wedding night.

My God that is beyond pathetic. What is wrong with people?

I actually removed my account a few months ago. The constant updates from people clearly looking for attention is so annoying, not to mention sad.

I've witnessed people who live together commenting on each others status = HELLO! YOU'RE IN THE SAME FCUKING ROOM!

And I saw on one of my mates' pages recently whereby he was 'checking in'. Eh, nobody cares that you're home.

Sorry for the rant. Revolt!

sam34 · 13-02-2011 02:24PM

allandanyways wrote: »

Changing it from "In a relationship" to "Single" is just horrible. When I broke up with my ex, that was feckin bad enough and then we had to have the "So what about the facebook status?" awkward conversation

why did ye have to have a conversation about the facebook status?

ye had broken up. in real life.

why would ye pretend otherwise on facebook?

allandanyways · 13-02-2011 02:44PM

sam34 wrote: »

why did ye have to have a conversation about the facebook status?

ye had broken up. in real life.

why would ye pretend otherwise on facebook?

Because that was another thing that had to change, we had been set as "in a relationship with...." for over 2 years and we were trying to keep the break up fairly quiet as it was mutual but very upsetting and I didn't want people asking questions or 'liking' the fact that he was single again (and him vice versa about me). So we just agreed to hide the relationship status (because at the time we kinda thought maybe we'd end up getting back together) instead of one of us logging on one day and seeing that the other person had removed you as their partner and set their status to single.

I'm sure if you've been through a break up recently where you've had to change your status from in a relationship to single, you'd know why we had to have a conversation about it. When you're hurting and really upset about the break up itself, it's like removing the status is one other thing that you don't have anymore, it's a horrible feeling.

Tbh, I think it's nice when people have "is in a relationship with xxx" and links to the partner's profile, but when you have to remove it, it's horrible.

sam34 · 13-02-2011 02:58PM

allandanyways wrote: »

I'm sure if you've been through a break up recently where you've had to change your status from in a relationship to single, you'd know why we had to have a conversation about it. When you're hurting and really upset about the break up itself, it's like removing the status is one other thing that you don't have anymore, it's a horrible feeling.

Tbh, I think it's nice when people have "is in a relationship with xxx" and links to the partner's profile, but when you have to remove it, it's horrible.

well, for a few reasons i despise facebook and will never have a profile there, so i'll never be in that position.

but, tbh, i cant see the point in prolonging the agony of the break-up by deferring making the status change, or delaying telling people. in fact, i think changing the status would be a step towards closure.

boomkatalog · 13-02-2011 04:19PM

allandanyways wrote: »

Because that was another thing that had to change, we had been set as "in a relationship with...." for over 2 years and we were trying to keep the break up fairly quiet as it was mutual but very upsetting and I didn't want people asking questions or 'liking' the fact that he was single again (and him vice versa about me). So we just agreed to hide the relationship status (because at the time we kinda thought maybe we'd end up getting back together) instead of one of us logging on one day and seeing that the other person had removed you as their partner and set their status to single.

I'm sure if you've been through a break up recently where you've had to change your status from in a relationship to single, you'd know why we had to have a conversation about it. When you're hurting and really upset about the break up itself, it's like removing the status is one other thing that you don't have anymore, it's a horrible feeling.

Tbh, I think it's nice when people have "is in a relationship with xxx" and links to the partner's profile, but when you have to remove it, it's horrible.

I agree. I left mine up for a few days after being dumped, hadn't the heart to see it written anywhere. =/ Deleted it immediately too and had none up, because I didn't want nosy "friends" texting me to see how was I, just long enough to get the gossip and then feck off when I actually needed them.

Poor Craythur · 20-02-2011 10:24AM

I never wanted my relationship status up there, but my BF did so I went along with it. It's fine.

But BF puts up other personal stuff up there and it drives me nuts. Example. He uploads a "Christmas 2010" photo album a few weeks ago. In one part the description he wrote "and Poor Craythur feels self-consious about being overweight after all the Xmas food". I was like "Um, that's very personal, could you remove that straight away, I don't want people to know I feel self-conscious about that, FFS". :rolleyes: If we argue, he writes a bit fúck-off status update about it, or alluded to it in one of those vague, attention-seeking status updates.

Me, I reserve my status updates for ranting about topical issues, or just little observations I've made or jokes. Nothing personal. I think people like statuses on topical issues as they can include everyone, but no-one really cares about your relationship drama.

Oh, and FB Chat just got psycho scary for me a few weeks ago. This girl I sat next to at my friend's wedding in 2009, and got on well with, added me as a friend. I was thinking "I barely know you, but, er, OK". (I only have about 70 FB friends)

So one night I'm on and a chat message pops up from her:

Her "Cúnt"
Me (a bit taken aback but sure she was joking) "Heh heh, what?"
Her "Fúcking cúnt"
Me "Hi, how are you?" (still a bit shocked, but willing to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Her "You fúcking Catholic whore, you tried to sleep with my boyfriend at the wedding" (Firstly, I'm not Catholic, but she not being Irish thinks everyone here is pious as hell. And secondly, her boyfriend = yock)
Me "What are you talking about?"
Her "You whore, you think you're all holy but then you try to score other people's boyfriends. Bu Bye!"

I was just totally shocked, it just wasn't true and I was otherwise distracted that night (

), so it was complete bunkum. They had recently broke up and she was tanked up when she said all that stuff to me. The girl in question isn't the classiest as you can imagine, but it just made me realise how crazy FB is. We feel obliged to add people as "friends" that we barely know, that if we met them in the street we'd have an awkward conversation with, made even more awkward by the fact that we barely know them but yet they have access to our FB page. I barely go on FB now at all. I just post interesting links and the odd status update and that's about it.

Aishae · 20-02-2011 09:08PM

but it just made me realise how crazy FB is. We feel obliged to add people as "friends" that we barely know, that if we met them in the street we'd have an awkward conversation with, made even more awkward by the fact that we barely know them but yet they have access to our FB page. I barely go on FB now at all. I just post interesting links and the odd status update and that's about it.

im the same with fb these days - just post the odd link, status etc... that relationship drama you see could drive you a bit batty when its all the time. so i tend to stick to boards at the mo.... or go and read. bless my new kindle...

its true what you say... ive about 270 'friends' - a number of which are only on my fb as my mother uses the farm in my account so she added some people as she she needed neighbours (or asked me to accept a friend request for the same reason) - at first that annoyed me but nowadays i just think feck it... my page isnt really personal, i keep the private stuff off it anyway...
but i have added people i vaguely know such as people i went to school with but wasnt friends with or people i met at a party: friends of a cousin. i felt i had to accept the frequest cos i sorta knew them and im past the stage of being fb picky anyway. i actually speak to a very small number of my friend list. aside from family. but i dont feel fb has the importance to really worry about it. for eg. i dont post pics of myself i hate anyway. (theyre all friends only viewable - protects everyone else in the pics)

Nelly100 · 20-02-2011 10:33PM

It is just for photos and the like for me. I spend my time on FB like I would at a Cafe in Rome. See what people are up to and doing but not really passing much remarks. More personal than that is a bit uncomfortable.

Poor Craythur · 20-02-2011 10:45PM

Aishae wrote: »

i had to accept the frequest

Frequest? That's a new one for me!

Aishae · 20-02-2011 10:47PM

oh yes FB and its ever expanding language :rolleyes:

twirlagig · 20-02-2011 11:52PM

I lived with a guy for 5 years, both of us on facebook throughout the whole time. I (stupidly

) put up the 'in a relationship status'.... nothing from him, ever! Split up in 2009 and sure enough, a few months later he's 'in a relationship'! :eek:

But as I've been told - 'What's for you won't pass you by'....

21-02-2011 08:06AM

twirlagig wrote: »

I lived with a guy for 5 years, both of us on facebook throughout the whole time. I (stupidly ) put up the 'in a relationship status'.... nothing from him, ever! Split up in 2009 and sure enough, a few months later he's 'in a relationship'! :eek:

But as I've been told - 'What's for you won't pass you by'....

My friend's bf won't even friend her on it

and he uses it and has added her friends...

Aishae · 21-02-2011 12:35PM

bluewolf wrote: »

My friend's bf won't even friend her on it
and he uses it and has added her friends...

sounds like he either just doesnt want her to see what he does on fb (that could be innocent - just being private)
or he doesnt want his friends to see how she is on facebook - although as his gf id imagine theyd know her

i know it sounds daft 'why wont he friend meeeee?' but in a relationship it would certainly raise a few flags in your mind - even if he feels he has a good reason for it (it would help if he would explain it!)

WindSock · 21-02-2011 12:40PM

Oh god, I am always terribly tempted to like the new break up status's, including my own.

21-02-2011 12:42PM

Aishae wrote: »

sounds like he either just doesnt want her to see what he does on fb (that could be innocent - just being private)
or he doesnt want his friends to see how she is on facebook - although as his gf id imagine theyd know her

i know it sounds daft 'why wont he friend meeeee?' but in a relationship it would certainly raise a few flags in your mind - even if he feels he has a good reason for it (it would help if he would explain it!)

There are a lot of things raising flags that she has decided she is too "shy" to ask about. Oh well, gotta let them live and learn

G86 · 21-02-2011 01:04PM

bluewolf wrote: »

My friend's bf won't even friend her on it
and he uses it and has added her friends...

Are you serious?!

If that was me he wouldn't be my boyfriend for very long. I know it's 'only facebook', but that would ring serious alarm bells for me.

sam34 · 22-02-2011 05:00PM

bluewolf wrote: »

My friend's bf won't even friend her on it
and he uses it and has added her friends...

maybe he feels the fact that they're bf and gf means their real life relationship is whats important to him, and that he prefers to interact with her that way rather than on fb.

it baffles me sometimes that here on boards you can see people who are partners/spouses and who live in the same house communicating with each other on-thread.... TALK to each other ffs!! they could well be in the same room each posting on boards and communicating that way - WTF??

XxMCRxBabyxX · 22-02-2011 06:17PM

sam34 wrote: »

maybe he feels the fact that they're bf and gf means their real life relationship is whats important to him, and that he prefers to interact with her that way rather than on fb.

it baffles me sometimes that here on boards you can see people who are partners/spouses and who live in the same house communicating with each other on-thread.... TALK to each other ffs!! they could well be in the same room each posting on boards and communicating that way - WTF??

It's still a bit odd that he won't add her at all. It would raise alarm bells a little taht he doesn't want his OH seeing his page.

I do agree with the second bit though. Why people feel the need to have big public conversations on boards when they see each other the whole time is a bit odd.

The most I do is send my boyfriend links on facebook or have stupid conversations

Going 'steady' on Facebook

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