His ex sends naked pics

kyle94949 wrote: »

Woah, some of the comments here are quite shocking! I see a lot of people here are very trigger happy with the *DUMP HIM* advice.

As a male who has been on the receiving end of an extremely similar situation with a woman who would just not FO no matter how unsubtle the hint, I can see this very much from the OP's partner's side.

In my case, my ex had held onto some embarrassing naked photos from the time we were together and continually threatened sending them to my employment, etc.

I work in an extremely sensitive job and was rapidly climbing through the ranks and this would have come to an abrupt halt there and then if these pictures went public.

I was with my ex for 4 years so I certainly didn't expect it to end rather suddenly or to learn that she was an absolute nut job after that length of time. Sure, you can ask why I posed for pictures but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who's done it while young and dumb and in a LTR with someone they thought was the one.

My ex ended the relationship claiming she was not ready for marriage/a life with me and initially kept safe normal boundaries. The pictures were done years earlier and they were actually something that never crossed my mind. As a normal decent person, I delete evidence of my ex from my life including photos and phone number.

It was only when I moved on and fell for someone else that my ex's interest in me was reignited. And it took about 18 months before these pictures resurfaced in my ex's mind.

What followed was a living hell for me. And there's no point running to tell the Gardai when that's the area you actually work in! The one place you don't want these pictures to come up..

It was only thanks to a wonderful then-girlfriend and now wife that stood by me and believed me when I told her that I was not leading this woman on, that I'm still here.

I felt the need to write here when reading over comments this morning as I've been watching a pattern where people are dishing out truly life-altering advice to people whose situations they DO NOT KNOW and never will fully know.

I know all of you are giving advice based on your own life situations and from the best of your heart but telling someone with strong doubts to go ahead and dump a man before talking to him about it, insinuating that he's HAD to have been leading this woman on (I know I certainly wasn't replying to my ex's texts but that didn't stop her) while having no idea of the situation; this woman seems to have had a very good relationship with her partner up to now. If this poor man is going through something similar to what I went through, I can only be thankful that my wife never knew about this forum. I'd hate to think that people on the internet who only knew the icing on the cake, from my wife's perspective rather than mine, would have helped her in her decision of how to deal with what was going on.

Some people are not so good at making their own decisions in a situation like this. Some people really need input from others and are less strong in making their own minds up in such an upsetting and stressful scenario. I'm not saying the OP is like this, but for people who are that way inclined, responses like some of those given here will be TRULY LIFE CHANGING, and not necessarily for the best.

Realise that parts of the story will inevitably be left out. What's familiar and minor to you could be the detail that swings everyones' opinion on the situation.

I can only hope the OP has TALKED to her other half rather than just walking out based on unqualified forum advice.

Good luck, OP. Hope this plays out okay for you.

Your situation with you ex sounds terrible. Is there any way that you could serve her with some type of court order that if she did ever release the photos that she could face jail time, or an extremely hefty fine? I don't know how these things work, just wondering.
The difference is though that you were open with your wife and told her all about these pictures. People here are only going on what the OP has said, that he has showed her a few innocent enough but annoying texts such as "any craic?", but he did not tell her about receiving the naked picture text.
The OP herself had presumed the worst case scenario before anybody gave her any reply. It is a natural assumption to make, because even though cases of crazy nutjob exes do happen, more often than not there is some type of interaction there that keeps them making contact. Because it is often the case that the most common/simplest reason, is the most likely explanation, I can see why people have the same initial feelings about it as the OP.
However, the majority of people on this thread though have not told her to outright dump him. Most of the people have empathized with the OP's own suspicions, and said that they can understand why she has them, but they have also said to give the man a chance to explain himself as there IS the possibility that he is innocent and that the ex is crazy.
What a lot of people have said, is that he may not be cheating, but simply be remaining in contact with the ex for an ego boost, and if after talking to him this is the case that the OP demands a stop to be put to it, and ONLY IF he refuses to then that maybe dumping him is an option.
Hopefully it will turn out that he is neither cheating, or texting the ex, but just as it may be wrong for some people to just say "dump him straight away", it is equally wrong to say "OP he is definitely innocent and you should just believe him".
The people who have asked her to question and to get answers to all of her already there suspicions, in the hope that she can then get this issue sorted are giving good advice.
They are basically saying "you are right to have suspicions it is normal to have them in such a situation, BUT give him a chance to explain himself"
This advice is better than just saying he's 100% guilty of something, or 100% innocent.

Hi OP here.

I talked to him about it that night. He tried to kiss me when I arrived home but I turned away so he knew something was up. He said it so I didn't have to, he said "you saw the pic she texted didn't you"

He said he was going to tell me about it but I rushed off to bed, which is true.
He said he would've shown me and laughed at how gross she is with me but when he came up to bed I was asleep and not willing to talk to him, which is true.

He didn't reply to her. He handed his phone to me and I could see all the msgs exchanged. There were virtually no responses from him recently, the morning of the picture she sent him "any craic" and he responded an hour later with "NO!"
He said he didn't know why he responded, he just wanted her to **** off and if he doesn't reply she keeps texting
The picture came many hours later out of the blue.

I know he hadn't responded to her that evening because we were sitting together all the time, he was never near the phone.
He's barely able to use the iPhone as it is so its up to me to believe if he deleted any texts or not, and I do believe him, he allowed me to check anything, he was completely up front about all and thinks she thinks by sending him the picture he would go running back to her.
She texted him twice after the pic, in the early hours of the morning when we were in bed, saying "did you get pic"
He did not reply
I told him I'm not sure where we're at, that I need time to think about this, that I want her punished for this, that I don't know if I can ever trust him again or will be left with doubts

He was crying as we argued and seemed 100% up front about it all. We've had a perfect rekationshio otherwise and I don't believe he could ever hurt me, he has been perfect in our relationship otherwise and I can't think of any reason that he would look at this woman, I'm size 10 toned, she's a very big girl with a monobrow, I don't know how she could be so disillusioned but I do believe that she is. No one in their right mind could send around such a horrible pic of themselves.

To answer some other questions,


He hasn't changed his phone number because firstly, it's a phone provided to him by his boss and the number is on the company website and van, so she'll get it.
We looked into blocking number and it's not possible with his phone company.
His boss is an asshole so it's not a matter of him going to him about this, trust me. And it's not him making excuses, I kwow changing a number is no good, she'll get the next one, she needs to learn to stop texting him

He wouldn't go near the guards and I wouldnt allow him. Our local guard would turn this into a community laugh but that's a different story. We are not in Dublin, things work very different down the country and rural guards would NOT appreciate time wasted with trivial stuff like this unfortunately, I've seen much bigger crimes turned into a joke.

I've had a very sour feeling for the past few days. He thinks she did this because valentines day is coming up, I think that's prob true. He has been trying his best to make sure I believe him that he hasn't wronged me, and I know deep down he hasn't but I still don't want to sleep with him or give him full trust, I just feel bad about this, maybe it takes time?

The first time I laughed was last night, we went to the pub with his work buddies and friend and knew the ex would be there. It's a very small pub so she sat nearby staring at us, I didn't look at her at all. Now this might nit be politically correct but I don't care if people here criticise us for dealing with it like this, we needed a laugh.
I opened the picture message on my boyfriends phone and passed it around amongst the group of lads who were all almost falling over from laughter and commenting about the state of her loudly. It was hilarious and I instantly felt better, like I was getting my own back and showing her the dangers of texting someone elses man. Most of the men in town have no seen her fat hairy body.

We looked back at her a few times and she was watching it all, knew exactly what was going on. She was with a girlfriend who was too drunk to get what was happening.

The psycho got up and walked out about half an hour after the pic was passed around which gave us much more laughter.

My bf and I laughed about it again last night and he seemed a lot happier that I was laughing.

All I can do now is give it time.

We are both hoping she might have learned her lesson? Who knows.

Once a psycho always a psycho?