"Howaya. Bertie here. Just calling on behalf of Cyprian..."

Dionysus · 10-02-2011 09:36PM #1

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.

I should have screamed, I should have ran the bastard. But I hadn't the heart to do it to anybody. I was struggling to discipline myself with 'OK', 'OK' and 'OK' after each of his sentences. After he had finished, I turned around (without thanking him, obviously) and closed the door tightly making sure it clicked. It was as polite and dignified as I could be.

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

mfceiling · 10-02-2011 09:37PM

Have you got that few quid you owe me?

Notorious97 · 10-02-2011 09:38PM

id tell him to go hang his b*llix off the 5 lamps.....*****!

Yakult · 10-02-2011 09:38PM

Did he have a lisp?

maringo · 10-02-2011 09:39PM

unprintable................

mikom · 10-02-2011 09:39PM

Check your wallet.

Blondini · 10-02-2011 09:44PM

I would have slammed the door in his face.

Then I would shout through the letterbox "PS - I hate you"

DublinWriter · 10-02-2011 09:44PM

Hiya Bertie, jaysus me money is in a bad way, I'm sure you being an accountant could sort it all out for me?

*wait for jocular response from Bertie and retinue*

So, are ye Certified or Chartered? And what year did ye qualify?

Badgermonkey · 10-02-2011 09:46PM

Just calling on behalf of Cyprian..

Asil Nadir?

ChopShop · 10-02-2011 09:47PM

Dionysus wrote: »

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

Drumcondra Mafia?

Yeah, we all think about what we'd say if some politician or other called to the door, and in just about every case i'd just nod politely.

In Bertie's case however....

bassey · 10-02-2011 09:47PM

Where abouts? Jesus I'd love if he called to my door

mikemac · 10-02-2011 09:49PM

Was he only representing Cyprian?

Not Mary Fitzpatrick also?

So much for party loyalty and unity

punchdrunk · 10-02-2011 09:54PM

"sorry Bertie I'd love to stay and chat it's just I've a plasterer in,I'm getting a bit of work done...you know yourself!"

Hazys · 10-02-2011 09:56PM

I like your window sill hanging flower pot Dionysus, but you might want to give your gate a lick of paint

ejmaztec · 10-02-2011 09:57PM

"Where's the best place to hide cash?"

Debthree · 10-02-2011 09:57PM

I'd tell him to get the f*ck away from my house because he makes me sick and that I don't have time to chat as I'm trying to work for a few euro an hour to try to make ends meet in this horrific economic climate that he so gleefully helped create. I'd also mention that he's a disgusting, dishonest, lying, immoral, sorry excuse for a human being.

But saying "ok" and firmly closing the front door works too I'm sure.

Badgermonkey · 10-02-2011 09:59PM

I'm informing all candidates, regardless of party, that I will only entertain them at my door if they can express their policies through the medium of contemporary dance.

mconigol · 10-02-2011 10:05PM

Next time have a big brown envelope ready inside the door and shove it into his hand before he knows whats hit him.

If you're lucky there'll be a photographer lurking around somewhere.

El Siglo · 10-02-2011 10:08PM

Have rotten eggs on hand next time op.

Donal Og O Baelach · 10-02-2011 10:15PM

Dionysus wrote: »

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.

I should have screamed, I should have ran the bastard. But I hadn't the heart to do it to anybody. I was struggling to discipline myself with 'OK', 'OK' and 'OK' after each of his sentences. After he had finished, I turned around (without thanking him, obviously) and closed the door tightly making sure it clicked. It was as polite and dignified as I could be.

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

I think you did the right thing. Kept your dignity intact and basically just brushed him off.

th3 s1aught3r · 10-02-2011 10:21PM

Dionysus wrote: »

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

The fact is that most of us would do nothing or say very little if he called
Most Irish people are cowards. We prefer to sneer and snipe behind peoples backs but face to face are totally different and polite

Why do you think Boards is full of FF hating posts but there was very little actual protests towards any of the measures we have been forced to take.

Judging by the posts on here every day there is a lot of anger out there but you never see it in reality

Dionysus · 10-02-2011 10:24PM

feelingstressed wrote: »

Was he only representing Cyprian?

Not Mary Fitzpatrick also?

So much for party loyalty and unity

Only Cyprian. Of that I'm absolutely certain as I was listening for it after this. And the flyer he gave me has absolutely no mention of FitzPatrick, just Brady (although a peel-off sticker was put on the corner saying, in tiny writing, "and continue your preference for Cllr. Mary Fitzpatrick").

darragh16 · 10-02-2011 10:26PM

I'd invite him in for a lovely cup of tea...

craggles · 10-02-2011 10:28PM

Definitely offering him a cup

Aishae · 10-02-2011 10:30PM

darragh - ask him about the money that was just 'resting' in his account - and if theres time, ask about the bum fluff
father ted

Dionysus · 10-02-2011 10:33PM

Hazys wrote: »

I like your window sill hanging flower pot Dionysus, but you might want to give your gate a lick of paint

. You can't do anything nowadays!

Aishae · 10-02-2011 10:43PM

if i had the balls i might say 'jaysus man... if you really mean you want to help, i can get that bucket of whitewash and paintbrush - the outside of the house really needs a lick

DarkJager · 10-02-2011 10:45PM

I'd drag the slimey bastard into the house and stick him in a ****ing cupboard.

chughes · 10-02-2011 10:48PM

darragh16 wrote: »

I'd invite him in for a lovely cup of tea...

He'd have to drink it in the cupboard, though.

Liam Byrne · 10-02-2011 11:13PM

Option 1) Polite but firm and to the point might work :

"Come back to me when you're back in the real world that you helped destroy. Now get off my doorstep". And close the door.

Then, when he starts mutter ridiculous excuses, re-open the door and say - "Oh, and there aren't any cameras around, so forget about pretending that's not how real people feel".

Option 2) Jovial

"Howya Bertie! Did you get that tax clearance cert yet ?"

Option 3) To the point

"Sorry, Mr Ahern. My father - who spotted the crisis unfolding around 2007 - took your advice to the "cribbers and moaners" to heart, so I'm not sure I can manage to speak to you civilly"

Finally : 4) Poetic Justice

"Bertie! FFS! Run! I've just left the rottweilers out.....don't say nobody warned ya ?"

NeedaNewName · 10-02-2011 11:25PM

As i said to Conor lenihan the other day, "Conor, save you breath, Europe is calling the shots and your ilk are just parish county councillors way out of their depth, you know that, I know that, sadly there are a lot of idiots in this country that don't"

he just said thanks and left

"Howaya. Bertie here. Just calling on behalf of Cyprian..."

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