"Howaya. Bertie here. Just calling on behalf of Cyprian..."

Dionysus

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.

I should have screamed, I should have ran the bastard. But I hadn't the heart to do it to anybody. I was struggling to discipline myself with 'OK', 'OK' and 'OK' after each of his sentences. After he had finished, I turned around (without thanking him, obviously) and closed the door tightly making sure it clicked. It was as polite and dignified as I could be.

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

mfceiling

Have you got that few quid you owe me?

Notorious97

id tell him to go hang his b*llix off the 5 lamps.....*****!

Yakult

Did he have a lisp?

maringo

unprintable................

mikom

Check your wallet.

Blondini

I would have slammed the door in his face.

Then I would shout through the letterbox "PS - I hate you"

DublinWriter

Hiya Bertie, jaysus me money is in a bad way, I'm sure you being an accountant could sort it all out for me?

*wait for jocular response from Bertie and retinue*

So, are ye Certified or Chartered? And what year did ye qualify?

Badgermonkey

Just calling on behalf of Cyprian..

Asil Nadir?

ChopShop

Dionysus wrote: »

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.


It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

Drumcondra Mafia?

Yeah, we all think about what we'd say if some politician or other called to the door, and in just about every case i'd just nod politely.

In Bertie's case however....

bassey

Where abouts? Jesus I'd love if he called to my door

mikemac

Was he only representing Cyprian?

Not Mary Fitzpatrick also?

So much for party loyalty and unity

punchdrunk

"sorry Bertie I'd love to stay and chat it's just I've a plasterer in,I'm getting a bit of work done...you know yourself!"

Hazys

I like your window sill hanging flower pot Dionysus, but you might want to give your gate a lick of paint

ejmaztec

"Where's the best place to hide cash?"

Debthree

I'd tell him to get the f*ck away from my house because he makes me sick and that I don't have time to chat as I'm trying to work for a few euro an hour to try to make ends meet in this horrific economic climate that he so gleefully helped create. I'd also mention that he's a disgusting, dishonest, lying, immoral, sorry excuse for a human being.

But saying "ok" and firmly closing the front door works too I'm sure.

Badgermonkey

I'm informing all candidates, regardless of party, that I will only entertain them at my door if they can express their policies through the medium of contemporary dance.

mconigol

Next time have a big brown envelope ready inside the door and shove it into his hand before he knows whats hit him.

If you're lucky there'll be a photographer lurking around somewhere.

El Siglo

Have rotten eggs on hand next time op.

Donal Og O Baelach

Dionysus wrote: »

That Bertie Ahern individual just called to my door in the past minute.

There was maybe another 15 people shuffling about behind him going to other houses while he was at the door alone talking to me.

I should have screamed, I should have ran the bastard. But I hadn't the heart to do it to anybody. I was struggling to discipline myself with 'OK', 'OK' and 'OK' after each of his sentences. After he had finished, I turned around (without thanking him, obviously) and closed the door tightly making sure it clicked. It was as polite and dignified as I could be.

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

I think you did the right thing. Kept your dignity intact and basically just brushed him off.

th3 s1aught3r

Dionysus wrote: »

It's fine having abstract ideas about what you'd say to him. But what would you say to him in reality if he called to your door?

The fact is that most of us would do nothing or say very little if he called
Most Irish people are cowards. We prefer to sneer and snipe behind peoples backs but face to face are totally different and polite

Why do you think Boards is full of FF hating posts but there was very little actual protests towards any of the measures we have been forced to take.
Judging by the posts on here every day there is a lot of anger out there but you never see it in reality

Dionysus

feelingstressed wrote: »

Was he only representing Cyprian?

Not Mary Fitzpatrick also?

So much for party loyalty and unity

Only Cyprian. Of that I'm absolutely certain as I was listening for it after this. And the flyer he gave me has absolutely no mention of FitzPatrick, just Brady (although a peel-off sticker was put on the corner saying, in tiny writing, "and continue your preference for Cllr. Mary Fitzpatrick").

darragh16

I'd invite him in for a lovely cup of tea...

craggles

Definitely offering him a cup

Aishae

darragh - ask him about the money that was just 'resting' in his account - and if theres time, ask about the bum fluff
father ted

Dionysus

Hazys wrote: »

I like your window sill hanging flower pot Dionysus, but you might want to give your gate a lick of paint

. You can't do anything nowadays!

Aishae

if i had the balls i might say 'jaysus man... if you really mean you want to help, i can get that bucket of whitewash and paintbrush - the outside of the house really needs a lick

DarkJager

I'd drag the slimey bastard into the house and stick him in a ****ing cupboard.

chughes

darragh16 wrote: »

I'd invite him in for a lovely cup of tea...

He'd have to drink it in the cupboard, though.

Liam Byrne

Option 1) Polite but firm and to the point might work :

"Come back to me when you're back in the real world that you helped destroy. Now get off my doorstep". And close the door.

Then, when he starts mutter ridiculous excuses, re-open the door and say - "Oh, and there aren't any cameras around, so forget about pretending that's not how real people feel".

Option 2) Jovial

"Howya Bertie! Did you get that tax clearance cert yet ?"

Option 3) To the point

"Sorry, Mr Ahern. My father - who spotted the crisis unfolding around 2007 - took your advice to the "cribbers and moaners" to heart, so I'm not sure I can manage to speak to you civilly"

Finally : 4) Poetic Justice

"Bertie! FFS! Run! I've just left the rottweilers out.....don't say nobody warned ya ?"

NeedaNewName

As i said to Conor lenihan the other day, "Conor, save you breath, Europe is calling the shots and your ilk are just parish county councillors way out of their depth, you know that, I know that, sadly there are a lot of idiots in this country that don't"

he just said thanks and left

Liam Byrne

NeedaNewName wrote: »

he just said thanks and left

I wouldn't be surprised if he actually said "left", as in deluding himself that you were some lefty loony who'd never vote FF, in order to maintain his and FF's deluded ego that no-one could possibly evaluate their decisions and conclude that they were a disaster.

SEPT 23 1989

You should have opened the top window and emptied the chamber pot on him

Johro

Nobody said 'I would've blasted him with piss' yet?

Johro

Okay, someone did. Sort of.

Guy:Incognito

feelingstressed wrote: »

Was he only representing Cyprian?

Not Mary Fitzpatrick also?

So much for party loyalty and unity

I've noticed this time round none of the posters (from any party) seem to have a 2nd candidate on them with the "give your 2nd preferance to...." like they used to.


I was goign to ask whats a Cyprian, but it appears to be the name of a candidate? Am I right?

Son Of A Vidic

OP - I expected the name Bertie Ahern to be accompanied with the following sequence of words - Head butt, Kick to the b@lls and a Tombstone pile driver.

Terry

€2 for a pack of Low Low cheese slices in Super Valu.
I'll be handing them out to FF canvassers as a campaign donation.

mikemac

Dionysus wrote: »

Only Cyprian. Of that I'm absolutely certain as I was listening for it after this. And the flyer he gave me has absolutely no mention of FitzPatrick, just Brady (although a peel-off sticker was put on the corner saying, in tiny writing, "and continue your preference for Cllr. Mary Fitzpatrick").

In politics, often your worst enemy is in your own party.
Your link is correct, I lived in Dublin Central last general election and there was almighty bickering and turf war between Cyprian Brady and Mary Fitzpatrick. Bertie rowed in behind Cyprian, he got narrowly elected on transfers.

Mary Fitzpatrick got screwed over by FF HQ that election
Amazed she didn't quit and run as an independent. Other councillors have quit the party over less.

I do think she'll get elected this time though I know little about her, she's off nearer the NCR and Cabra end of the area

lezza

offer him a h..dj.b

Blondini

lezza wrote: »

offer him a h..dj.b

I've heard of the first guy "h" - hes the one from Steps right?

But "dj.b" - never heard of him - is he a rapper like snoopy snoopy dog dog or something?

Dyr

Hang on..I left the chip pan on, Stay there now bertie...

Guy:Incognito

Terry wrote: »

€2 for a pack of Low Low cheese slices in Super Valu.
I'll be handing them out to FF canvassers as a campaign donation.

Would you not have been better off havign them when the EU heads were over a coupel of months back seeing as the free cheese is an EU thing thats been runniong since the 80's?

imme

yeah, I guess the surprise is the first thing. the surprise that he's calling on doors. you wouldn't get Gerhard Schroder, Jacques Chirac, John Major, Lamberto Dini, knocking on doors, now would you:cool:

Well I guess he can't give any more speeches on the successes of The Celtic Tiger now can he?

I saw Ahern on the street the other night. He was out canvassing with 2 or 3 others. I didn't notice him until he'd walked past.

I thought about shouting something after him, but the moment had passed.

Following after Ahern was a publican also out canvassing with Ahern. I laughed at him out loud.

If Ahern calls to your door ask him is he proud of the bubble he created and the pain he created for people.

Cavehill Red

I await the Bert's visit with great interest.

If he dares darken my door, I will invite him to take the same action he once encouraged me and others to take.

Kill himself.

Debthree

Badgermonkey wrote: »

I'm informing all candidates, regardless of party, that I will only entertain them at my door if they can express their policies through the medium of contemporary dance.

This is truly one of the funniest responses I've ever seen on a forum. Just brilliant!

diarmuid79

Bertie has some neck on him to call to houses looking for votes for that muppet brady. Bertie has wrecked this country shame on him:mad::mad:

Logfire

I'd ask him if he had any tips on the horses and congratulate him on his foresight not to put his money in the banks.

yoshytoshy

Ask him in for a cup of tea , put loads of laxitive in .

Hey presto ,he can't annoy anyone else:pac: