Things that only happen in soap operas

yrwhu8jxtni06a · 24-01-2011 10:09PM

Dogs never hump or shíte all over the place.

admiralofthefleet · 24-01-2011 10:10PM

they go to the pub even though they broadcast the fact that they are on the breadline

tossers in wheelchairs that never shaved once in their life can pull absolute stunners

ollaetta · 24-01-2011 10:13PM

About two dozen people can live in a small terraced house.
Two people can talk animatedly about a third person who is standing six feet away oblivious to the conversation.
Feuding families always insist on going to the same pub at the same time.
Horrible new families mellow within six months.
You can have a torrid affair with someone from the same few houses and nobody notices.
Previously unheard of family members turn up out of the blue.

Neyite · 24-01-2011 10:16PM

People with incurable physical disabilities are routinely cured without any medical intervention whatsoever

th3 s1aught3r · 24-01-2011 10:24PM

Martha Nutty Penniless wrote: »

They go to the pub everyday of the week
Have a fight in full view of everyone
Marriage ends after a month or two.
In the pub,they ask for a "pint".
Turn off tv when someone comes in.
Their loved one might be replaced with a different actor and wont notice the difference.

Soaps are such never-ending drivel. You would want to be mad bored even to watch them

MistyCheese · 24-01-2011 10:33PM

You can ask someone "Can I see you in the other room for a moment?" without the most recent person who entered the room ever saying "Is this about me?"
If you move to another room with someone your conversation will not be overheard, even if there is no door between the rooms and you have only moved six feet from where you originally were.
Groceries appear as if by magic. Except for biscuits which shall be bought at the local corner shop and paid for with the exact amount only.
Houses rarely stay vacant for very long, despite said house coming on the market due to murder/multiple murder.
You can spot an alcoholic a mile off by their refusal to waste valuable glass space with pesky mixers.
The new guy/gal in town looks strangely like an ex-character from The Bill.
You can get two drinks and have change from five quid. (This may be English soaps only.)
Evil identical twins with amnesia. (This may be American soaps only.)

cml387 · 24-01-2011 10:39PM

Empires may fall,terrible wars,terrorist outrages but in the bubble of Soapworld life carries on oblivious.Have you ever seen anyone read a newspaper?

brummytom · 24-01-2011 10:42PM

cml387 wrote: »

Empires may fall,terrible wars,terrorist outrages but in the bubble of Soapworld life carries on oblivious.Have you ever seen anyone read a newspaper?

Jack Duckworth used to read the paper all the time, didn't he? And Ken Barlow?

Ronin247 · 24-01-2011 10:44PM

They can roide f*ck out of the missus for 10 years and be childless but a 5 minute session of heavy petting with the minger next door and she's up the duff.

Good looking women date poor men.

No matter how ugly/boring the husband he will have 2 affairs per year.

SONIC2008 · 24-01-2011 10:45PM

No two people in a soap have the same first name.

MazG · 24-01-2011 10:50PM

If you marry your loved one, you're pretty much guaranteed to either be widowed pretty soon, or kick the bucket yourself. The lucky few who escape premature death are rewarded with infidelity.

Father Damo · 24-01-2011 10:51PM

Despite being located in East London and Manchester nobody cares about football. Or if they do, its a casual "did you see the match last night" quote without naming a team.

The pubs dont have a pool table, and nobody watches football there. I dont get why- Shameless in some ways is almost like a comedy soap and they make regular reference to City, Utd and Liverpool.

Nor do the pubs have live bands or a DJ.

There is no such thing as casual recreational safe drug use. Anyopne who uses coke WILL become an addict. Anyone who drops a pill will either die or end up seriously ill.

Every street has only one resident chronic alcoholic. In reality at least one in four households would have one.

Lockstep · 24-01-2011 11:00PM

Incredibly ugly men will pull incredibly hot women (Max from Eastenders is quite the ladies man, despite having a face like a smacked arse and a head like a ginger potato)

There's only ever one person with incredibly common names like Joe or Sharon.

You shall not have a merry Christmas. Ever.

You can only work on the show's location. No moving to the city.

You must start each conversation with "Can I have a word?"

Parties are an excuse to throw food and get into fights.

GOing on holiday means a dodgy visit to long lost relatives and/or going to Spain and coming back with a dodgy tan.

Your parents are not your real parents.

Z list actors and 'comedians' are the equivalent of a guest-star.

Noone can ever own a washing machine: you must use the laundrette.

There's no such thing as a succesful marriage.

Misery and sadness can be cured by a cup of tea. Always.

LambsEye · 24-01-2011 11:06PM

Men like Ian Beale actually seem to attract female humans.

Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, Funerals, Weddings etc are punctuated by absolute tragedy and disaster.

*Home and Away only: Bad things happen in Yabbie Creek.

enfant terrible · 24-01-2011 11:41PM

cml387 wrote: »

They don't discuss soaps in daily conversation.

"Did you see Eastenders last night Deirdre?"
"No I was watching Mythbusters on Discovery"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaiDjhVyeB0

drBill · 25-01-2011 12:20AM

Whenever a women has an unwanted pregnancy, morning sickness strikes the very next day after doing the wild thing.

Wurly · 25-01-2011 12:22AM

No one goes to the jacks.

merlie · 25-01-2011 12:29AM

There always seems to be a long lost sibling, that has never been heard of before but dramatically turns up on the doorstep or something!

BettePorter · 25-01-2011 12:32AM

old church going women go into the pubs alone for a sherry daily.

people buy bottles of wine from the pub.

the women who slept with your hubby a few years back will be your best friend and bridesmaid in no time !

mechanics have clean hands and only ever need use of a spanner !

18 ppl can share a three bedroomed house

when selling a business or house, all transactions take only days to go through.

Nothing is rung into tills in shops, rather dropped in the drawer.

a restaurant/ cafe/ bistros kitchen is the size of a broom cupboard and nobody cooks !

Wurly · 25-01-2011 12:33AM

merlie wrote: »

There always seems to be a long lost sibling, that has never been heard of before but dramatically turns up on the doorstep or something!

Or sometimes, isn't it amazing that someone can look one way one day but then be a completely different person the next? But yet, everyone recognises them, even though they look nothing like what they did the day before.

baalthor · 25-01-2011 12:34AM

Father Damo wrote: »

Despite being located in East London and Manchester nobody cares about football. Or if they do, its a casual "did you see the match last night" quote without naming a team.

The pubs dont have a pool table, and nobody watches football there. I dont get why- Shameless in some ways is almost like a comedy soap and they make regular reference to City, Utd and Liverpool.

In Brookside some of the characters were football fans, supporting ....Tranmere*!

On the groceries thing, not only do people always buy them in the corner shop but supermarkets are never even referred to. No one even mentions their existence let alone visits one. Same with retail parks, shopping centres, office parks, companys that employ more than 10 people ...

And in fair city the corner shop has no resemblance to any modern convenience store, it's like a typical shop from the 1960s.

And you never see anyone spending hours on a computer or the internet and of course common sites like Facebook or itunes are never mentioned.

There may be dramatic or legal reasons for some of this but it's ironic that programs that were meant to be "a slice of life" are now so far removed from current reality.

*Actually I think Brookside may have recognised the existence of supermarkets and shopping centres.

Terry · 25-01-2011 12:38AM

cml387 wrote: »

Aeroplanes crash on their village.

Oh,wait.

A plane clipped my chimney back in the early 1980's. It eventualy crashed and the pilot and passenger died. True story.

Anyway, I don't watch soaps but I do remember one story from Home and Away from back in the day.
Apparently smoking one cigarette will lead to a forest fire.

I don't think it's for using, I think it's just for looking through.

Funkfield · 25-01-2011 12:43AM

No one......

and I repeat NO-ONE FúCKING SWEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Conor Bourke · 25-01-2011 12:43AM

Identical twin cousins exist (á la the Angie/Josie Russell storyline in H&A a few years back).

Thank Jeebus I had the good sense to stop watching almost all tv about two years ago.

daveyboy_1ie · 25-01-2011 12:43AM

SONIC2008 wrote: »

No two people in a soap have the same first name.

Was reading the whole thread to see if someone said this, also parents never name their kids with the same name as themselves. There was a rare exception of two billies on eastenders recently but when producers kopped it one (perfectly healthy twenty something) never woke after a night if boozing. That will teach him to confuse people, we can only remember one character name at a time.

cassid · 25-01-2011 12:45AM

pregnancies develop quicker than 9 months and there is normal a problem with the pregnancy.

If you have a prem baby, they look full term

people recover from major illnesses fairly quickly, never a mention of all the follow up care

your a total nutcase and nobody notices for months

you drink a lot of booze

you do you weekly shopping with a basket in the local shop

baalthor · 25-01-2011 01:00AM

Funkfield wrote: »

No one......

and I repeat NO-ONE FúCKING SWEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mum was a big Brookside fan when it was on so I bought her a "Brookside special" video for xmas and the regular brookie characters were swearing like troopers in it! I think she was a bit shocked. But Brookside was always a bit different from the other soaps and interestingly it's no longer on the air.