Broke from weddings

Neyite · 17-01-2011 02:51PM

Someone I know had a wedding where the reception was in a nice restaurant, across the road for drinks in a local afterwards,

explicitly stated on invites that no gifts were wanted - they both work, both have everything householdy that they need, and any money given would be donated in the guests name to a chosen charity.

Fair play to them.

Mint Sauce · 17-01-2011 02:53PM

At least two weddings this year, both over seas.

Predalien · 17-01-2011 03:10PM

Keep all the receipts and demand your money back when they get divorced.

twinQuins · 17-01-2011 03:18PM

ninjasurfer1 wrote: »

Going to the full wedding and only giving a card??? you'd be better off not going at all rather than doing that. The normal thing is usually to at least cover the cost of bringing you to the wedding. Dinner, etc.

I simply cannot wrap my mind around this one. If they don't want the expense of guests then don't invite them; you'd have a hard neck expecting people to pay for your inviting them to your wedding.

syklops · 17-01-2011 04:01PM

orourkeda wrote: »

A condom might come in useful

Now you know why so many young girls were sent off to convents. Lessens the chance the dad would have to shell out for a wedding.

OP, I think your various friends have found out how much money you are giving people in cards, and therefore you are on everyone's lists.

Groom:"Let's invite Common as..."
Bride:"Sure we hardly know him. And he is a bit common"
Groom:"Yeah, but he gives 150 euro in the card!"
Groom:"Give him a hug and kiss from me in the invite and tell him we'll feel alienated if he doesn't come".

talla10 · 17-01-2011 04:34PM

I always thought €150 in a card was pretty standard i know people who give €200 +. Last year i had 7 Weddings and 4 stags!!I had to turn down 2 stags cause i just had no money!!!Weddings invites are like a summons in the post!!

jackiebaron · 17-01-2011 04:53PM

Common as... wrote: »

What do people on here think about having to go to weddings and how much it costs?

I had to go 5 weddings (3 stags) last year, it cost me a small fortune and I had hate fooking things.
Got another invite in the door yesterday and its the kinda thing that unless you have a really good excuse, you have to go or risk alienating a friend for ever more.

So without ever counting my gf's expenses guess what this means to me:
overnight stay in hotel £50 euro
petrol up and down £50
gift(cash in card:mad:) £150
day drinking £100

(got outta the stag, made up some bulsh#t excuse, it was to U.K = £400)

Thats 350 euro I dont have and the thing is,I have a Job what about the those who don't have a job, gettin an invite must be a black day

So to anyone who is now planning a big wedding I can assure that unless you are inviting very close friends and family most people don't really wanna go especially those who are in low paid jobs or unemployed

How much did you drop on hookers?

Kasabian · 17-01-2011 05:28PM

OP. Tell one of the couple that you have been sleeping with their partner for ages, either will do or even better tell both.

Result will be a saving of €350 as there won't be a wedding.

Funeral will only cost you beer money.

17-01-2011 05:53PM

seamus wrote: »

Jaysus I love weddings, I dunno what you're all on about. A wedding when you're part of the wedding party isn't always great craic cos you've to go and do photos and all that other nonsense. When you're just a guest though it's great craic.

I just treat it as a holiday, nice room booked in a nice hotel. Get there early in the day, or the day before. Excuse to wear a suit. Rock up to the church, sit near the back, daydream for an hour. Back to the hotel, grab a coffee and a sandwich, then a nice pint of Guinness or three while chatting to family or to people you haven't seen in months/years.
Into the hall for dinner, still having the craic. Lash into the free wine, enjoy a bit of dinner. Make sure you're half-pissed during the speeches and you'll laugh even when you don't get the in-jokes. By the end of dinner you're 75% cut, onto the dance floor for some cheesy drunken dancing, into the lounge with a pint of guinness to rest and chat to people, then back to the dance floor for rocking out when the DJ plays "Highway to Hell" or something.
Roll into bed @ 4am, then up again at 9.55am to make it for a big dirty, greasy breakfast and more chatting and laughing about the night before.

You'd have to be an awfully dry bastard to hate weddings. Even weddings where it was just me and the wife, we managed to find people to chat to and have the craic with.

+1

Just heard I will be going to a wedding in march, I will know loads of people at it and a big drink will be guaranteed, I'm really looking forward to it.

The next day and night after the wedding have always been a great session too at the weddings Ive been to.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 17-01-2011 05:54PM

GF dragged me to a friend of hers wedding before christmas in belfast. Total nightmare of an experience , knew nobody at it , dropped about 500 quid in all. She wants to go to another one in march , im racking my brains for a good excuse out of it

BotFly · 17-01-2011 05:57PM

Broke from weddings

Stop getting married then.
Simples.

JupiterKid · 18-01-2011 01:03AM

I think people will need to scale down their weddings and actually relax and enjoy the day and the company.

Time to put Bridezilla and her ilk out of their misery...:pac:

cbyrd · 18-01-2011 01:15AM

In 5 and a half weeks i have to go to Austria with my husband and 3 kids to a wedding.. we've no choice.. they asked one of the kids to be flowergirl.. so far it's at €1600ish and about another €1200 to go.. but we've made it our family holiday for the decade and cashed in our medical expenses for the spending money.. can't wait to fall down the mountain and miss the wedding cos i'll be busy being plastered... :pac: but feck it we only live once and they're all my babysitters so we have to go or miss work and going out for a week.. easier just to go..

Dudess · 18-01-2011 01:45AM

bhovaspack wrote: »

This is very true. I got married in the past six months and found myself complying with a lot of the silly wedding norms that I would previously have sneered at, and for precisely the reason you mention - to avoid hassle and to keep everything cordial. Sure, I might still rant about wedding etiquette, but when it came to my own I didn't want to do anything too "experimental".

Yeah, people who feel annoyance towards the bride and groom for certain stuff should bear in mind it might not have been down to the bride/groom at all. And I have always had a wonderful time at the weddings of people whom I care about.
I think it is pretty shocking though that there are some people, as demonstrated on this thread, with an "I'm doing this, this, this and this, even though it's my choice, and you're invited so you'd better give me some expensive sh1t!/X amount of money is the rule - end of! :mad:" attitude. Maybe don't invite people whom you've that much contempt for...

Rockery Woman · 18-01-2011 02:25AM

Weddings are expensive, and in my experience no matter how you organise it and how much you spend - at least one person will be offended.

My husband and I married in Rome 5 years ago. We travelled alone, got married in a beautiful 16th Century church. A photographer and a guy who worked in the church acted as witnesses.

We told our families our plans to travel and marry alone. Some were delighted, some disappointed we were going alone, others (most people) just wished us luck.

We had many reasons to go alone. My husbands parents died a few years previously and he certainly didnt feel the need for a big flashy day. Im not one for dressing up and putting on a show myself - getting married in Rome was my idea, and my husband eventually warmed to the idea.

We explained to our families that we didnt want them to travel with us. Some could afford to travel, but most of my husbands family are married with kids and it would be unfair to expect them to pay up for a trip to Rome.

Five years later, I wouldnt change a thing. We both enjoyed our wedding day, we are happily married without paying back a huge loan. We got gifts even though we told people not to get us any.

Dudess · 18-01-2011 02:44AM

I'd never not give a wedding gift - and I wouldn't be doing so out of a sense of obligation either, it would be a gesture in return for the nice gesture of inviting me. But it's when it becomes a gift that's not about being a gesture but about ticking boxes a, b and c that the good gets taken out of proceedings.

Darlughda · 18-01-2011 02:56AM

After the first couple of them, I refused to attend any more weddings.

I despise weddings. Everything about them.

The couple taking out ridiculous bank loans to pay for this monstrosity of an affair, a charade playing the tune to some kind of perceived society expectation.

The bride, who used to be an interesting, intelligent person, suddenly becoming obsessed with dresses- ffs( that we used to dress sindy in), silly meringues- declaring- your- virginal- status, or crystaljewels- hand- embedded by slaves for €4k for just one day's costume wear.

Can they not see the irony and madness and sheer stupidity of the waste of money in this?

Crap music, band, no sense of originality. Just a complete waste of money.

Then the groom, who pretends that he has no responsiblity for the whole charade-he just wants to 'make her happy cos he loves her'. Cop out.

The families doing their status preening thing. Conversations all about who is doing what now, what brats they have brought into the world, the houses they have bought, and isn't it all so lovely.

6 months later you come across the husband on an adult dating site pretending he is single and you know she is pregs with the first kids on the way.

€20k wedding was the best day of her life she still swears.

I-Shot-Jr · 18-01-2011 03:29AM

Most I spent on going to a wedding was roughly in and around two grand. That was in India though, the married couple are Indian and invited me over. At first I wasn't sure but then after himself and myself got absolutely langered at his stag, I promised I'd come. So next thing I know I'm down two grand between flights, hotels, and all the rest.

I'd do it again though purely because he's one of my best mates.

macquarie · 18-01-2011 03:55AM

If I was ever getting married I'd tell the guests to make a donation to DSPCA in lieu of a gift, I think making "wedding lists" and cash donations to "honeymoon funds" etc are extremely selfish. If you can't afford the wedding/honeymoon yourself then f**k off and make alternative plans.

macquarie · 18-01-2011 04:00AM

cbyrd wrote: »

In 5 and a half weeks i have to go to Austria with my husband and 3 kids to a wedding.. we've no choice.. they asked one of the kids to be flowergirl.. so far it's at €1600ish and about another €1200 to go.. but we've made it our family holiday for the decade and cashed in our medical expenses for the spending money.. can't wait to fall down the mountain and miss the wedding cos i'll be busy being plastered... :pac: but feck it we only live once and they're all my babysitters so we have to go or miss work and going out for a week.. easier just to go..

That's a legally binding contract right there.

.same. · 18-01-2011 04:05AM

Most people get married between about 25-35 so it stands to reason that for most of us, weddings are very few until you reach the age of 23/24 but when they start coming its like flood.For me the first 3/4 were grand but the novelty wore off pretty quick. It generally more depends on your situation more than your popularity for example if you work in a factory, play team sports,go out alot and have a large family when it comes to weddings, im afraid you is fooked, if your OH is similiar you're completely screwed.
I can also understand how people feel they have to go, I've made up excuses for many wedding and sometimes it works and sometimes it don't.The thing is that if you're invited to a workmates wedding and don't go, its not the end of the world but it can always a be a bit awkard afterwards.So I usually end up going and pretending to have a good time but really it pains me to spend so much money on such a load of sh#t.
I reckon the whole thing is a complete sham, usually the Bride and groom are such non-practicing catholic's that they shouldn't even be considered catholic. Then the rest of the day is just one big competition.Who's wedding is the best whos is most unique, and non of them are unique.Its a wedding why the hell do you want it to be unique? guess what that, more competition.Whos paying for this big competition, allthose lucky to get an invite.
As for wedding gifts you have no choice in that matter whatsoever, you put 100euro into the card if you're single and 200euro for a couple,this is such the norm that not doing so would be like the having no grub at wedding reception, I must have been to 60 of these Fookin things and it has always been the same if the topic ever came up. Anyone who has said otherwise, wise-up.
Of course I don't agree with this, but what can you do.
Now when im at a wedding I don't sit at the table complaining about expenses and what not, I smile and act like im having a ball. So when the bride comes round and says "hows it going" I say wounderful great im having a ball. But do you really think i had any choice in the matter, I mean what was I supposed to say, tell her the truth!
So im sure they are people like "seamus" who genuinely enjoy the day, you also gotta except reading this thread they're also those who don't.So to anyone who said something daft like everyone enjoyed the day you don't really know that. From the time the invite came in the post they're hands were tied when it came to: going to the wedding,putting money in the card and when asked if the enjoyed the day.
Simple solution stop the money train-if the practice of putting cash in the cards stopped then people will have smaller weddings and cop-the -fook-on

Mackman · 18-01-2011 08:34AM

Im getting married in July. We're paying for the lot, saved up for a year for it.

I would never, ever expect a gift from any of our guests. We just want them there to celebrate and have a session. If they cant afford to come, its a pity, but we would never begrudge anyone for not coming.
Its appalling that some people only invite guests for they're presents. Its selfish and egotistical.

johnmcdnl · 18-01-2011 08:57AM

don't get them as much for their gift card, don't go on the lash, if times are that tough for you it's not that hard to refrain surely...

share a car as well to cut petrol costs.../public transport unless the hotel is in the right arse end of nowhere

MagicMarker · 18-01-2011 09:01AM

ninjasurfer1 wrote: »

Going to the full wedding and only giving a card??? you'd be better off not going at all rather than doing that. The normal thing is usually to at least cover the cost of bringing you to the wedding. Dinner, etc.

Fúck that, you want a wedding you can fúcking pay for it.

I'd never bring a gift to a wedding, what the fúck for?

I hate people.

pow wow · 18-01-2011 09:10AM

Only go to the ones of people you'd invite to your own. Around your mid-20s you'll have a rush on, then a break for a few years, then a rush again when some of the first set decide to try it again for a second time

There's something terribly vulgar about the way some people view their weddings as cash cows - I'm all for contributing to costs for people you genuinely want there, but inviting a mountain of people after doing the arithmetic on how much you'd net once you've covered expenses is vile.

My sis got married abroad in a small family affair to 'save money' which they did because we all had to pay for our own travel, hotel etc. Then she wept to my parents about not having a reception with all her friends so they coughed up for a second reception once we got home which my sister seized as an opportunity to cash in on the presents. I'm pretty sure she's adopted.

RoisinDove · 18-01-2011 09:42AM

pow wow wrote: »

Only go to the ones of people you'd invite to your own. Around your mid-20s you'll have a rush on, then a break for a few years, then a rush again when some of the first set decide to try it again for a second time

There's something terribly vulgar about the way some people view their weddings as cash cows - I'm all for contributing to costs for people you genuinely want there, but inviting a mountain of people after doing the arithmetic on how much you'd net once you've covered expenses is vile.

My sis got married abroad in a small family affair to 'save money' which they did because we all had to pay for our own travel, hotel etc. Then she wept to my parents about not having a reception with all her friends so they coughed up for a second reception once we got home which my sister seized as an opportunity to cash in on the presents. I'm pretty sure she's adopted.

I always thought that was selfish, saving money at the expense of all your friends and relatives. Who really wants to spend all their savings and use up all their annual leave to go to someone else's wedding? I couldn't imagine being self-centered enough to expect people to travel around the world just for my wedding! My friend's sister did this and my friend refused to go. She got a very hard time but I think it was fair enough. If you want pepole to travel more than a reasonable distance to your wedding, you bloody pay for it.

Millicent · 18-01-2011 11:17AM

You know what else is annoying me recently? People getting married on public holidays like Stephen's Day or New Year's. Jesus Christ, what sort of narcissistic fuck actually adds to the already ridiculous cost of weddings by forcing their friends and families to pay holiday rates in a hotel, just because they're a speshul snowflake and it's all about their big day?!

Selfish bastards. :mad: And breathe...

pickarooney · 18-01-2011 11:25AM

I've only ever been to 4 weddings in my life and am not planning on increasing that number. I don't really understand why people have them or why people go to them, to be honest.

PostHack · 18-01-2011 11:55AM

I work in the wedding "industry" and surprise, surprise I hate weddings.

I hate almost everything weddings stand for. There's so much I'm going to have to go with bullet points:

Most people who get married do it because "that's the rules of life". They are a certain age, have been going out for a certain amount of time, are afraid of what people might think if they don't etc. etc.

People getting married in churches so as not too upset their families. Can't count how many times I've heard; "we wanted to do a civil ceremony but couldn't because of mammy". Wtf?? This from fully grown adults.

Pandering to the Catholic church and their pre marriage course bull**** and all the rest. Going to mass for a few months before the wedding to "be seen".

The princess mentality that most brides have. The complete lack of interest that most grooms have. "I only turned up today, (insert name) organised the whole thing, isn't she great". Wait for it brides: This means he didn't want to get married in the first place

The worst part is the complete lack of individuality in most weddings (church weddings in particular). I rarely see any variation.

Cake cutting: Why??
First dance: Why?? When do most couples have their second dance I wonder?
Formulaic speeches: "I just want to welcome you all on behalf of myself, and my WIFE (cue surprised cheer from the crowd), "Aren't the bridesmaids absolutely gorgeous" (rarely) Same old bestman speech with the same old jokes.

Groomsmen, bridesmaids. What function do they perform?? From what I see the only thing bridesmaids do is throw a tantrum because they aren't the centre of attention.

The expectation of attendance and 'present harvesting' that has become the norm. Who wants to/is able to, go to a wedding on a Tuesday? (never mind a Saturday...)

Inviting people you don't know or don't like because "I have to"... I was talking to a couple recently who had a percentage worked out for probable no-shows. Romantic, isn't it?

Horribly cheesy and old-fashioned videos and photos that look like they are straight out of the 80's. How many times have you seen this photo: Bride standing in foreground, slightly turned to the side, bouquet in hand (what are bouquets for anyway?!). Groom blurred in the background, leaning against a railing or wall nonchalantly with arms folded. Spontaneous eh?!

Most weddings I attend have at least one big fight/argument/falling out. Often involving the bride and/or groom and some relation or another. What's meant to be the happiest day of their lives ends up as the most stressful.

I'm sure there's plenty more but that's all I can think of at the moment.

Weddings are completely meaningless IMO. Fair enough back in the day maybe, as in; virginal couple, never lived together, no children, divorce not an option, genuinely religious, genuinely planning to stay together for the rest of their lives.

What difference does it make in this day and age?

ballsymchugh · 18-01-2011 12:04PM

PostHack wrote: »

I work in the wedding "industry" and surprise, surprise I hate weddings.

.....

change job then!!

Broke from weddings

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