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Feeling shame/guilt after sex

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Comments

  • #32
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Does this guilt manifest after you look over and see that you left the poor girl's face like a painter's radio?


  • #33
    ascanbe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,089 ✭✭✭ascanbe


    St._Andalou wrote: »
    Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

    I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

    What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

    There's your problem.


  • #34
    mystique150
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 199 ✭✭mystique150


    Confab wrote: »
    Are you female by any chance? Women mostly don't find casual sex very fulfilling, with the odd sexception.

    That is for the most part true...but does any man or woman really get sexisfaction from casual sex? Its just an appetizer surely?


  • #35
    Tesco Massacre
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 814 ✭✭✭Tesco Massacre


    I'd only feel guilty if I failed to satisfy the girl to the point she yawned during sex. And then proceeded to ring her best friend to tell her what a disappointment I was, the stupid bitch.

    You can't be "on" every night. Women should realise that.


  • #36
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    maybe you're asexual?


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  • #37
    Millicent
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    mystique150 wrote: »
    That is for the most part true...but does any man or woman really get sexisfaction from casual sex? Its just an appetizer surely?

    I think that's the societal thing that they shouldn't enjoy it too much. That's changing though.

    I know myself that Catholic guilt did cloud some of my experiences but the more you do it, the less guilty ye feel! :D

    OP, no sarcasm at all, try to have fun with it. I find that drastically lessened the guilt. It's a bit of craic, most often, and it's a shame how a lot of us were taught to over-analyze it.


  • #38
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    Not in a relationship, but definitely felt like that after an experience of casual sex.
    I suppose it was because I really liked the guy though and then it didn't work out, that I did absolutely beat myself up about it. You know I cared what he thought of me.

    Are you male or female op out of interest?


  • #39
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    TeddyTedson wrote: »
    maybe you're asexual?
    Think that would be a complete lack of interest in sex though. OP seems to have a healthy sexual appetite, just not so good feelings after.
    Millicent wrote: »
    try to have fun with it. I find that drastically lessened the fun. It's a bit of craic
    So... tempted... :pac:


  • #40
    mystique150
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 199 ✭✭mystique150


    Millicent wrote: »
    I think that's the societal thing that they shouldn't enjoy it too much. That's changing though.

    I know myself that Catholic guilt did cloud some of my experiences but the more you do it, the less guilty ye feel! :D

    Only one generation to go before we are completely rid of the residual catholic guilt. Woop!


  • #41
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is. I remember seeing Sinéad Connors :pac: on the Auntie Gaybo Late Late Show on reeling in the years or something like that talking about catholic guilt and a fear of god striking her down after she did something "wicked". Auntie Gaybo then asked her if she often did particularly wicked things and she replied "not enough".
    That really was a weird little relationship between the two of them...


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  • #42
    St._Andalou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭St._Andalou


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    Not in a relationship, but definitely felt like that after an experience of casual sex.
    I suppose it was because I really liked the guy though and then it didn't work out, that I did absolutely beat myself up about it. You know I cared what he thought of me.

    Are you male or female op out of interest?

    Male. :)


  • #43
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    St._Andalou wrote: »
    Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

    I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

    What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

    I guess I did a bit when I first started having sex. I passed by the "vanilla" stage a bit too quickly maybe, and I was a bit unsure that things I were doing were "right." Feels silly now, I was in a relationship and I did enjoy it, just sometime after I felt like I'd disrespected myself a little, if that makes sense? But it wasn't anything major, and really didn't affect me in anyway, I never felt any lack of desire for intamacy.

    Are you new enough to having sex? Maybe just takes some time to get used to all these new things.


  • #44
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    TeddyTedson wrote: »
    In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is
    A deeply ingrained in the subconscious thing that's a result of the hold the church had on Irish society - I'd say it's fizzling out though, thankfully.


  • #45
    St._Andalou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭St._Andalou


    TeddyTedson wrote: »
    In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is. I remember seeing Sinéad Connors :pac: on the Auntie Gaybo Late Late Show on reeling in the years or something like that talking about catholic guilt and a fear of god striking her down after she did something "wicked". Auntie Gaybo then asked her if she often did particularly wicked things and she replied "not enough".
    That really was a weird little relationship between the two of them...

    Yeah, it is interesting. I use the term Catholic Guilt loosely because I'm not even sure myself what it means. Like in the Catholic schools I went to, we did sex education classes and we never had nuns or whatever shouting that we'd go to Hell if we had sex. My family never discusses sex, or anything to do with it. Although I am gay, and while that was never overtly criticized, it could have something to do with it.
    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Feels silly now, I was in a relationship and I did enjoy it, just sometime after I felt like I'd disrespected myself a little, if that makes sense? But it wasn't anything major, and really didn't affect me in anyway, I never felt any lack of desire for intamacy.

    Are you new enough to having sex? Maybe just takes some time to get used to all these new things.

    Yeah, I understand the sentiment. I'm 24, lost my virginity at 18, so I've been having sex for a good while now. Like I say, it wasn't that bad to begin with, definitely nothing I felt I had to seek help for, and I feel it less as I get older. I was just thinking about it the other day and wanted other people's responses to see if it was just me, other people, or a cultural issue.


  • #46
    Millicent
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Dudess wrote: »
    Think that would be a complete lack of interest in sex though. OP seems to have a healthy sexual appetite, just not so good feelings after.

    So... tempted... :pac:

    Hush you!


  • #47
    St._Andalou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭St._Andalou


    I should have had a "I used to, but not anymore" option in the poll. That would have been interesting, too.


  • #48
    Millicent
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    St._Andalou wrote: »
    Although I am gay, and while that was never overtly criticized, it could have something to do with it.

    That could be a massive part of it. Schoolyard ribbing about gayness, a less than open culture back in the day and other experiences could contribute very easily to feelings of guilt.


  • #49
    Kerikosan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 213 ✭✭Kerikosan


    Bahahahahaha :D


  • #50
    St._Andalou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 327 ✭✭St._Andalou


    Kerikosan wrote: »
    Bahahahahaha :D

    Shush you. At least I'm getting some, even if I feel guilty afterwards. No one will sleep with a Corkman. Everyone knows that. ;):p:p


  • #51
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    I'd say this catholic guilt thing is dead already to be honest. If you watch a old tv clips like reeling in the years, it's really interesting to notice the difference in the audiences during different times. Years ago the audiences would often nervously chuckle about someone like George Best famously saying "he loved shagging". Nowadays they'd be cheering him on.
    If OP is gay maybe he/she is just feeling guilty about being gay and hasn't completely accepted it....?


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  • #52
    MagicSean
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,897 ✭✭✭MagicSean


    Maybe youre not really gay. Have you tried not being gay?


  • #53
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,119 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    Fairly odd that you feel like that, I feel sweaty generally, and have to pee.


  • #54
    Davidius
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,893 ✭✭✭Davidius


    That feeling of guilt is to be expected when one pollutes the soul by succumbing to such primitive and carnal desires. Though the damage is irreversible you may vanquish your sinful inclinations by going on a pilgrimage to the renowned anatomical technicians of the lightless alleys and procuring an invitation to the holy ritual of testicular banishment.


  • #55
    ardinn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,250 ✭✭✭ardinn


    Tesco Massacre wrote: »
    I'd only feel guilty if I failed to satisfy the girl to the point she yawned during sex. And then proceeded to ring her best friend to tell her what a disappointment I was, the stupid bitch.

    You can't be "on" every night. Women should realise that.

    How did you get away with that for 2 pages??

    After hours wake the F**K up!
    images.jpg
    http://slaneyfishing.com




  • #56
    irelandspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,085 ✭✭✭irelandspurs


    If i've forced her to take it up the bum then yes,otherwise no


  • #57
    scientific1982
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,562 ✭✭✭scientific1982


    mystique150 wrote: »
    That is for the most part true...but does any man or woman really get sexisfaction from casual sex? Its just an appetizer surely?
    What do you mean "just an appetizer". You have sex because you're horny and having an orgasm stops you from killing people.


  • #58
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    OP - your mental approach to sex is just a product of the environment you were brought up in.
    An environment that you from your birth had no choice in.
    Its not your fault, its the fault of the un-openness of those that surrounded you, to the idea that sex has being going on since Adam and Eve (or Dave and Steve!).

    Its something that only you can get over.
    Acknowledging the problem is the first good approach which you have done.
    The next part is perhaps moving away from that outdated environment and looking at ways to re-adjust the ingrained, inserted mental attitudes that were handed down to you.


  • #59
    ebixa82
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭ebixa82


    VERY GUILTY....rape/underage sex

    GUILTY...incest/sleeping with the girlfriend of a good friend/relative

    NOT GUILTY AT ALL....anything that does not fall into the above two categories..

    Let's not overcomplicate things.


  • #60
    biko
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,060 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Sex and sexuality / Personal Issues


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