Feeling shame/guilt after sex

St._Andalou

Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

Nemanja91

Rape does normally make people feel guilty alright!

squod

Don't look them in the eye..........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtClhh1MUe4

AlmightyCushion

You need to stop fúcking ugly people.

Spunge

I hope you got married before you had all that sex.

OpenYourEyes

After Sex?
No


But after masturbating?



...no

pagancornflake

I feel loads of shame, but that's all.

GLaDOS

Usually just sort of sleepy.

Maybe a little thirsty.

ArtSmart

St._Andalou wrote: »

Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

you've answered yuor own question. plus family influence.

it should subside in a couple of years. if not, seek help.

orourkeda

depends on who you've just banged

Mr Benevolent

Who the hell feels guilty after sex? Are you: A) Constantly cheating? Having underage sex? C) Having sex with a priest? D) Having other non-consensual sex?

If no to the above there's no reason to feel guilty. Wait, there is. Are you crap at sex by any chance?

admiralofthefleet

after self pollution no. after sex the only thing im thinking about is where is the nearest curtain.....

St._Andalou

Confab wrote: »

Who the hell feels guilty after sex? Are you: A) Constantly cheating? Having underage sex? C) Having sex with a priest? D) Having other non-consensual sex?

If no to the above there's no reason to feel guilty. Wait, there is. Are you crap at sex by any chance?

According to the anonymous poll above, 37% of people so far feel guilt.

No, I'm vanilla in my tastes, and I've been told I'm all right in bed.

To clarify: I'm not conservative, or someone who thinks sex is a disgusting act that should be saved for marriage. That's what makes it baffling. I feel it less as I grow older. Maybe it's just a feeling of ennui that comes after casual sex? I was just curious to hear other people's thoughts.

ArtSmart

ps, if you're being genuine OP, i suggest you find another forum on boards, like health - and quick!

Mr Benevolent

St._Andalou wrote: »

No, I'm vanilla in my tastes, and I've been told I'm all right in bed.

Maybe it's just a feeling of ennui that comes after casual sex?

Are you female by any chance? Women mostly don't find casual sex very fulfilling, with the odd sexception.

Millicent

You're not alone OP. The French call the orgasm the "petit mort" or the "little death". I wouldn't now but years ago I would have felt guilty, till I realised there's feckin' nothing to feel guilty about.

LukeS_

It's okay to be ashamed over 'it'. Some people just aren't that well 'balanced'.

Millicent

LukeS_ wrote: »

It's okay to be ashamed over 'it'. Some people just aren't that well 'balanced'.

Huh?

St._Andalou

ArtSmart wrote: »

ps, if you're being genuine OP, i suggest you find another forum on boards, like health - and quick!

I hardly think feeling a little guilt after sex is reason to start looking up the address of my nearest mental hospital, but thanks for the concern.

af_thefragile

Maybe you need a more proper and committed relationship which is not just casual sex.
Like do you feel you're in the relationship just because of sex? If that's the reason it might be why you're feeling the way you do...



Ya know back in the days, when you used to hold hands, sing songs, lie on the grass and all of that sorta crap... "we're gonna be together for eva n eva!!". Yeah, that's probably what you need...

Mr Benevolent

LukeS_ wrote: »

It's okay to be ashamed over 'it'. Some people just aren't that well 'balanced'.

That's virgin on the ridiculous.

Kinetic^

St._Andalou wrote: »

Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

Stop riding your sister.

dxhound2005

Millicent wrote: »

You're not alone OP. The French call the orgasm the "petit mort" or the "little death". I wouldn't now but years ago I would have felt guilty, till I realised there's feckin' nothing to feel guilty about.

Petit mort followed by tristesse. The French have it all figured out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

admiralofthefleet

Millicent wrote: »

You're not alone OP. The French call the orgasm the "petit mort" or the "little death". I wouldn't now but years ago I would have felt guilty, till I realised there's feckin' nothing to feel guilty about.

and the rest of us call AIDS the 'french disease'

Millicent

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Petit mort followed by tristesse. The French have it all figured out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

They'd want to -- they seem to have been riding rings round themselves all those years we were worrying about going to hell! :pac:

St._Andalou

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Petit mort followed by tristesse. The French have it all figured out.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse

Hah, that's actually really interesting!

Millicent

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

and the rest of us call AIDS the 'french disease'

Are you being facetious or is that genuine slang?!

admiralofthefleet

Millicent wrote: »

Are you being facetious or is that genuine slang?!

genuine, if you read viz

Dudess

St._Andalou wrote: »

No, I'm vanilla in my tastes, and I've been told I'm all right in bed.

To clarify: I'm not conservative, or someone who thinks sex is a disgusting act that should be saved for marriage. That's what makes it baffling.

You are vanilla or aren't? Just wondering in case the above was a typo. "Vanilla" is subjective though - what's well adventurous to some is vanilla to others. I wouldn't get concerned about vanilla being a sign of repressed, but the guilt thing: seems a sub-conscious thing you have, brought about by all those influences mentioned above. I'd agree with others that you should talk to someone if it affects you to a degree you're uncomfortable with. Nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about, but sometimes just being told that might be a comfort but not enough to get rid of it. It can't be nice OP - you say it decreases as you get older, hopefully it'll disappear completely.

MagicSean

You're doing it wrong.

St._Andalou

Dudess wrote: »

You are vanilla or aren't? Just wondering in case the above was a typo. "Vanilla" is subjective though - what's well adventurous to some is vanilla to others.

I meant I'm vanilla in my tastes in bed. And I meant that I'm not severely socially or ethically conservative -- as in, I'm not someone who thinks sex is completely evil or shameful.

Thanks for your thoughtful response, by the way.

Gummy Panda

Does this guilt manifest after you look over and see that you left the poor girl's face like a painter's radio?

ascanbe

St._Andalou wrote: »

Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

There's your problem.

mystique150

Confab wrote: »

Are you female by any chance? Women mostly don't find casual sex very fulfilling, with the odd sexception.

That is for the most part true...but does any man or woman really get sexisfaction from casual sex? Its just an appetizer surely?

Tesco Massacre

I'd only feel guilty if I failed to satisfy the girl to the point she yawned during sex. And then proceeded to ring her best friend to tell her what a disappointment I was, the stupid bitch.

You can't be "on" every night. Women should realise that.

TeddyTedson

maybe you're asexual?

Millicent

mystique150 wrote: »

That is for the most part true...but does any man or woman really get sexisfaction from casual sex? Its just an appetizer surely?

I think that's the societal thing that they shouldn't enjoy it too much. That's changing though.

I know myself that Catholic guilt did cloud some of my experiences but the more you do it, the less guilty ye feel!

OP, no sarcasm at all, try to have fun with it. I find that drastically lessened the guilt. It's a bit of craic, most often, and it's a shame how a lot of us were taught to over-analyze it.

midlandsmissus

Not in a relationship, but definitely felt like that after an experience of casual sex.
I suppose it was because I really liked the guy though and then it didn't work out, that I did absolutely beat myself up about it. You know I cared what he thought of me.

Are you male or female op out of interest?

Dudess

TeddyTedson wrote: »

maybe you're asexual?

Think that would be a complete lack of interest in sex though. OP seems to have a healthy sexual appetite, just not so good feelings after.

Millicent wrote: »

try to have fun with it. I find that drastically lessened the fun. It's a bit of craic

So... tempted... :pac:

mystique150

Millicent wrote: »

I think that's the societal thing that they shouldn't enjoy it too much. That's changing though.

I know myself that Catholic guilt did cloud some of my experiences but the more you do it, the less guilty ye feel!

Only one generation to go before we are completely rid of the residual catholic guilt. Woop!

TeddyTedson

In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is. I remember seeing Sinéad Connors :pac: on the Auntie Gaybo Late Late Show on reeling in the years or something like that talking about catholic guilt and a fear of god striking her down after she did something "wicked". Auntie Gaybo then asked her if she often did particularly wicked things and she replied "not enough".
That really was a weird little relationship between the two of them...

St._Andalou

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Not in a relationship, but definitely felt like that after an experience of casual sex.
I suppose it was because I really liked the guy though and then it didn't work out, that I did absolutely beat myself up about it. You know I cared what he thought of me.

Are you male or female op out of interest?

Male.

Princess Peach

St._Andalou wrote: »

Does anyone else get this? After sex I always have feelings of guilt, shame and no desire for intimacy that last about ten minutes then gradually subside.

I mean, I don't start whipping myself because of guilt or read the Bible with tears in my eyes, just a hazy feeling that's hard to describe apart from the words I used above. I was raised Catholic, but I've been non-religious for a number of years. Is it just a residue of Catholic Guilt?

What does everyone else think? Is this a peculiarly Irish problem since sex was so taboo in Irish society up to twenty or thirty years ago?

I guess I did a bit when I first started having sex. I passed by the "vanilla" stage a bit too quickly maybe, and I was a bit unsure that things I were doing were "right." Feels silly now, I was in a relationship and I did enjoy it, just sometime after I felt like I'd disrespected myself a little, if that makes sense? But it wasn't anything major, and really didn't affect me in anyway, I never felt any lack of desire for intamacy.

Are you new enough to having sex? Maybe just takes some time to get used to all these new things.

Dudess

TeddyTedson wrote: »

In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is

A deeply ingrained in the subconscious thing that's a result of the hold the church had on Irish society - I'd say it's fizzling out though, thankfully.

St._Andalou

TeddyTedson wrote: »

In all seriousness can someone explain this catholic guilt thing, I don't really know what it is. I remember seeing Sinéad Connors :pac: on the Auntie Gaybo Late Late Show on reeling in the years or something like that talking about catholic guilt and a fear of god striking her down after she did something "wicked". Auntie Gaybo then asked her if she often did particularly wicked things and she replied "not enough".
That really was a weird little relationship between the two of them...

Yeah, it is interesting. I use the term Catholic Guilt loosely because I'm not even sure myself what it means. Like in the Catholic schools I went to, we did sex education classes and we never had nuns or whatever shouting that we'd go to Hell if we had sex. My family never discusses sex, or anything to do with it. Although I am gay, and while that was never overtly criticized, it could have something to do with it.

Princess Peach wrote: »

Feels silly now, I was in a relationship and I did enjoy it, just sometime after I felt like I'd disrespected myself a little, if that makes sense? But it wasn't anything major, and really didn't affect me in anyway, I never felt any lack of desire for intamacy.

Are you new enough to having sex? Maybe just takes some time to get used to all these new things.

Yeah, I understand the sentiment. I'm 24, lost my virginity at 18, so I've been having sex for a good while now. Like I say, it wasn't that bad to begin with, definitely nothing I felt I had to seek help for, and I feel it less as I get older. I was just thinking about it the other day and wanted other people's responses to see if it was just me, other people, or a cultural issue.

Millicent

Dudess wrote: »

Think that would be a complete lack of interest in sex though. OP seems to have a healthy sexual appetite, just not so good feelings after.

So... tempted... :pac:

Hush you!

St._Andalou

I should have had a "I used to, but not anymore" option in the poll. That would have been interesting, too.

Millicent

St._Andalou wrote: »

Although I am gay, and while that was never overtly criticized, it could have something to do with it.

That could be a massive part of it. Schoolyard ribbing about gayness, a less than open culture back in the day and other experiences could contribute very easily to feelings of guilt.

Kerikosan

Bahahahahaha

St._Andalou

Kerikosan wrote: »

Bahahahahaha

Shush you. At least I'm getting some, even if I feel guilty afterwards. No one will sleep with a Corkman. Everyone knows that. :p

TeddyTedson

I'd say this catholic guilt thing is dead already to be honest. If you watch a old tv clips like reeling in the years, it's really interesting to notice the difference in the audiences during different times. Years ago the audiences would often nervously chuckle about someone like George Best famously saying "he loved shagging". Nowadays they'd be cheering him on.
If OP is gay maybe he/she is just feeling guilty about being gay and hasn't completely accepted it....?