Unexpected answers to funny jokes

godscop · 22-12-2010 02:01PM #1

OK this might sound like a weird premise, but it genuinely can work and be hilarious. Basically, take a well-known joke and put in a completely serious answer.

A man walks into a bar

His rampant alcoholism is tearing his family apart

AnonoBoy · 22-12-2010 02:02PM

Non-Jokes they're called.

- Knock knock
Who's there?
- It's the Gardai, I'm afraid there's been a very serious accident. Your wife is dead.

Biggins · 22-12-2010 02:02PM

godscop wrote: »

A man walks into a bar

Ouch!

NoDice · 22-12-2010 02:07PM

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away. One cow looks around a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Do I win anything?

AntiMatter · 22-12-2010 02:08PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Mary, the farmer's neighbour, had left some breadcrumbs there, and the chicken, suffering hunger pangs, toddled over to relieve it's peckishness.

bronte · 22-12-2010 02:09PM

Why couldn't Helen Keller play checkers?
She was blind, hence making it difficult to see the board. perhaps a board with textured, clearly delineated squares would work.

A priest, a rabbi, and four midgets walk into a bar. After sitting on the stools for a while, the rabbi and the midgets had some pleasant conversations before turning in for the night. The priest kept to himself, and after four rounds he staggered home and fell asleep with the TV on, thinking he should have taken that chance to do aid work in India.

bonerm · 22-12-2010 02:09PM

There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar.

What a fine example of an integrated community.

summerskin · 22-12-2010 02:10PM

a christian, a jew and a muslim walk in to a bar

what a fine example of multiculturalism.

What have Gary Glitter and acne got in common?

Neither have done anything to help the West Bank crisis.

actuallylike · 22-12-2010 02:12PM

A horse walks into the bar.

Barman: Why the long face?

Horse: My son has multiple sclerosis.

Ghandee · 22-12-2010 02:12PM

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

AgileMyth · 22-12-2010 02:12PM

Whats white and can't climb trees?

Toothpaste.

bonerm · 22-12-2010 02:13PM

*Knock Knock*

Who's there?

It's the Baliff. You're six months behind on your mortgage repayments so we're repossessing your home.

AgileMyth · 22-12-2010 02:14PM

How do you brainwash a blonde?

A rigorous schedule of psychologically breaking down their confidence and resistance to outside suggestion.

22-12-2010 02:15PM

A priest, a preacher and rabbi walk into a bar. The barman says, "is this some kind of joke?"

spitfireIRL · 22-12-2010 02:16PM

Why did the knacker cross the road?

To start on the chicken for no reason

xoxyx · 22-12-2010 02:16PM

What are green and hang from trees.

Apples.

Aldebaran · 22-12-2010 02:17PM

Knock knock?
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.

NoDice · 22-12-2010 02:17PM

Why are black people so good at basketball?
They practice.

What did Batman say to Robin to make him get into the car?
Get into the car.

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Jim."
"Jim who?"
"Jim Smith... Your neighbor. My lawn mower just died and my lawn is half mowed. Can I borrow your one?"
"Sure, I'll open the garage for you."
"Thanks buddy, I owe you one."

Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

And sorry bad taste joke so please don't read if easily offended!!---

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?

Spoiler

The Holocaust.

ibarelycare · 22-12-2010 02:18PM

Why did Mary fall off her bike?

Because John threw a fridge-freezer at her.

bonerm · 22-12-2010 02:18PM

(I'm predicting this thread will be a great success in Germany)

godscop · 22-12-2010 02:20PM

Why did the little boy cry when he sat on Father Christmas' lap?

Spoiler

Father Christmas' boner reminded him of his paedophile father.

Fizman · 22-12-2010 02:21PM

Why did Fizman enter this thread?

Because he initially had high hopes of being somewhat entertained but upon reading has realised that he will have to wait a little bit longer to be somewhat entertained.

Aldebaran · 22-12-2010 02:23PM

A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender finds this very peculiar and realizes he is dreaming. He then wakes up and tells his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had. His wife just ignores him, he rolls over and starts to cry because he knows his marriage is in shambles.

fedor.2. · 22-12-2010 02:30PM

godscop wrote: »

Why did the little boy cry when he sat on Father Christmas' lap?

Spoiler
Father Christmas' boner reminded him of his paedophile father.

Jaysus

GrizzlyMan · 22-12-2010 02:31PM

Whats Red and Invisible?

No Tomatoe.

Ghandee · 22-12-2010 02:32PM

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's?

Spoiler

Theres twenty of them!

ejmaztec · 22-12-2010 02:34PM

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse?

Spoiler

A dead mouse with a huge flange

godscop · 22-12-2010 02:34PM

fedor.2. wrote: »

Jaysus

overdo it ?

iamstop · 22-12-2010 02:39PM

Q: How many linguists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yellow.

dubtom · 22-12-2010 02:39PM

Why did the chicken cross the road.

Gregory Peck.

That didn't work.:(

LittleBook · 22-12-2010 02:43PM

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

Unexpected answers to funny jokes

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