I messed up with a bully!!

cooltown · 14-12-2010 09:00PM #1

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

biko · 14-12-2010 09:03PM

Try to be calm and clear about what happened and that you've been bullied by this guy a long time. Are there witnesses?
You can try to get a head start by speaking to the headmaster and explain your side before he/she hears it from the other person?

I'm not sure but if you're "out" and this guy bullies you because you're gay the school probably/hopefully has a plan for how to deal with it.

Lorrrrraine · 14-12-2010 09:05PM

Talk to your mam now and explain what happened before the school do.
What you did wasn't right but I can't see any decent human being not understanding how you had been provoked greatly. I think you should use this an an oppertunity to discuss the abuse that you've been getting with your school and parents.

Annasopra · 14-12-2010 09:06PM

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

Tell the school the truth - that he was pulling at your bag, throwing it on the ground and verbally abusing you. If he has done this before tell them that as well.

You mentioned previously that you have a gay cousin - could you talk to him and just look for some support?

uberwolf · 14-12-2010 09:08PM

I would discuss the basis of his abuse as well.

brianblaze · 14-12-2010 09:18PM

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

Okay, I'm not an L, a G, or a BT, but I did a search for bully, and here i am! Same thing happened to me when I was in school, always picked on, small and weak etc, one day, it got too much and hit back. Explained it all to the school, from day one the dude had a problem with me, the extent of the bullying, name calling, abuse etc, (including possibly an L, a G and maybe even a BT :P) and the school suspended me for one day, but it didn't go on my record or anything, suspended him for a week and that was that. Never heard from him again, mainly because when I did hit him, he had a look of absolute shock, and I bloodied his nose. I ain't proud of it, but I was never picked on after that. Bully's prey on the weak and those who don't stand up for themselves. Once you show them that that's not you, they generally stop.

Bullying is intolerable and shouldn't be tolerated. If you 'snapped' I don't see how they can throw the book at you. It's human nature.

Chuchoter · 14-12-2010 09:24PM

You won't get in trouble for this OP, they are not going to side with a known trouble maker over someone whose never got detention. You get the benefit of the doubt, so I wouldn't worry about that one. Go to a teacher and explain the situation before he gets his Mammy in to defend her little angel. He can't do this to you and the school will help you. They won't think you're gay if you're worried about that because everyone knows the go to slag for all bullies is fag. Bullies prey on people they think won't stand up to them, once you stand up to him he will go away.

Aard · 14-12-2010 11:00PM

There are fights in schools all the time; people don't end up in jail or anything. Worst case scenario, you get detention. 3 hours out of your life in exchange for giving a bully a sore head. Not a bad trade-off. Tell the story exactly as you told it here, and don't leave out the nasty bits. If you have to say "fag", say it. If you have to come out to a teacher, so be it. You're nearly out of there at any rate.

hotmail.com · 14-12-2010 11:38PM

Well done for sticking up for yourself.

This is self-defence, end of story. If he got hurt, SO WHAT. Sue the school if they do not do anything about this homophobic bullying from this thug.

hotmail.com · 14-12-2010 11:43PM

Aard wrote: »

There are fights in schools all the time; people don't end up in jail or anything. Worst case scenario, you get detention. 3 hours out of your life in exchange for giving a bully a sore head. Not a bad trade-off. Tell the story exactly as you told it here, and don't leave out the nasty bits. If you have to say "fag", say it. If you have to come out to a teacher, so be it. You're nearly out of there at any rate.

Why?????

If I was his parent and the school gave him detention for this, I would go crazy and sue the school.

This is not the fault of the teenager getting bullied, he was merely defending himself and fair play to him.

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

brianblaze · 15-12-2010 12:10AM

hotmail.com wrote: »

Why?????

If I was his parent and the school gave him detention for this, I would go crazy and sue the school.

This is not the fault of the teenager getting bullied, he was merely defending himself and fair play to him.

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

I think in general schools have to be at least seen to be disciplining people involved in a 'fight.' Even if it's to placate the other party.

I always think that I'd love to go back to school and see the bullies with the mentality I have now. From personal experience, the people who are involved in the bullying will make f*ck all of themselves anyway, and people who are picked on due to size/ looks/ intelligence/sexuality etc go on to realise how much better they are than the idiots involved.

I've seen two of the guys who used to make my life a daily hell, and not being a weedy 16 year old anymore, I could have made a lot more of these chance meetings but I've satisfied myself that they are still doing the exact same thing they were doing ten years ago, and I'm on to pastures greener. One of them even apologised, which I thought was cool.

Synopsis: F*ck em, you're better than they are, and if it takes standing up for yourself to end the abuse, then so be it. I'm not saying go out there like Rambo, but showing that you can't be pushed around will end it fairly soon, and sadly they'll go on to find a new target.

Also:

many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.

Dude, you're 18. Life begins when you leave school, trust me! You're not a waste of space, you'll just find the space you fit in when you get out of the batsh*t crazy Irish secondary school educational system! And you'll be all the better for it.

Beruthiel · 15-12-2010 08:50AM

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space.

Never, for one second, believe anything that comes from the mouth of a cowardly bully.
Clearly this guy has a lot of issues.
There is something fundamentally wrong with a person who feels the need to put another human being down. If this is the only way he can feel better about himself, he should be pitied.
Certainly, his opinion should mean diddly squat to you.

I hope today went well for you and you told your story exactly the way it happened.
I hope you also told everyone the kind of hell you have been living though in their school because of this person.
There is no way you should get in trouble for this. You are the victim in this and you should be insisting that the people who run the school make it a safe environment for you to learn in.

Aard · 15-12-2010 05:55PM

hotmail.com wrote: »

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

I said worst case scenario. I got from the OP that he was very worried, so I laid out the possibilities. There's no use trying to sugar-coat it.

cooltown · 15-12-2010 07:51PM

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

hotmail.com · 15-12-2010 07:51PM

Aard wrote: »

I said worst case scenario. I got from the OP that he was very worried, so I laid out the possibilities. There's no use trying to sugar-coat it.

The worst case scenario is that the bully will get expelled.

There is no worst case scenario for the OP and he will face absolutely no consequences for this incident.

So again, I don't know why you think mentioning that he might get detention,will give him comfort. Nonsense.

hotmail.com · 15-12-2010 07:55PM

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

That's great and don't be afraid to stick up for yourself in future. These people are bullys and you are entitled to be educated in a safe environment regardless if you're gay or not. It's a very serious point that you should remember and if there is any repeat of this crap from this person, report him immediately and make sure the staff do something about it.

DS333 · 15-12-2010 08:04PM

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

That's great news!:)

I wasn't bullied for the simple reason that the first time a guy hit on me I lost it and threw him across the classroom, nearly breaking his back among the desks. For the same reason, he probably will leave you alone. Because bullies are cowards deep down. They don't like getting hit back.

If he does try anything again, nuke him. After all, it is self-defence. You have no choice if the school choses not to do anything.:mad:

Annasopra · 15-12-2010 08:17PM

hotmail.com wrote: »

The worst case scenario is that the bully will get expelled.

There is no worst case scenario for the OP and he will face absolutely no consequences for this incident.

So again, I don't know why you think mentioning that he might get detention,will give him comfort. Nonsense.

You don't know the exact situation and what might or might not have happened so I think what Aard said was fine

Chuchoter · 15-12-2010 08:21PM

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

Yay! Some people only respond to being smacked into a wall, well done for standing up for yourself, Glad everything went well

CokaColumbo · 15-12-2010 08:30PM

Bullies look for the path of least resistance, i.e. those who they think are soft. Make an example out of the bástard!

scientific1982 · 15-12-2010 08:40PM

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

Fair play to you OP. Always stand up for yourself and take a bit of satisfaction that you got one up on that ccunt.

Haruki · 15-12-2010 08:52PM

Well done mate, you'll find this little "episode" will stand you in good stead going into the future. It may not be in your nature, but if people step on your toes sometimes you gotta put them in their place. Be proud of yourself.

Coeurdepirate · 16-12-2010 11:29PM

In 2nd year I used to get bullied by 2 guys for being a f*g, well I only really got bullied by one of them, the other just sorta laughed along and stuff. Anyways, the 2nd guy stopped quite quickly and then after a while he apologised to me. He's pretty sound now, but the other guy bullied me until the start of 3rd year when (I don't remember this, the guy who used to laugh along with him told me this recently) he called me a ****** and to burn in hell and stuff and I told him to take a shower and buy some deodorant. Completely childish response, but I haven't had any problems with him since, and apparently the day after I said it to him he came in with around half a can of lynx on, so I did the rest of my year a favour too!

DS333 · 17-12-2010 07:49PM

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

In 2nd year I used to get bullied by 2 guys for being a f*g, well I only really got bullied by one of them, the other just sorta laughed along and stuff. Anyways, the 2nd guy stopped quite quickly and then after a while he apologised to me. He's pretty sound now, but the other guy bullied me until the start of 3rd year when (I don't remember this, the guy who used to laugh along with him told me this recently) he called me a ****** and to burn in hell and stuff and I told him to take a shower and buy some deodorant. Completely childish response, but I haven't had any problems with him since, and apparently the day after I said it to him he came in with around half a can of lynx on, so I did the rest of my year a favour too!

Just goes to show how sensitive theswe poor gits are.

:);)

My little ole heart bleeds for them - NOT

spurious · 18-12-2010 11:56AM

Glad you're happy with how it worked out OP, but not only should your school protect you from bullying (for whatever reason) they are legally obliged to do so.
The Department requires them to have anti-bullying procedures. Your school should have an anti-bullying coordinator. I would still report what happened to you, if only to make them aware of it, so that they cannot claim there is not a problem when the next gay kid gets pushed around.

Coeurdepirate · 23-12-2010 02:35AM

DS333 wrote: »

Just goes to show how sensitive theswe poor gits are. :);)

My little ole heart bleeds for them - NOT

It's not as if they bring it on themselves

cooltown · 23-12-2010 12:10PM

spurious wrote: »

Glad you're happy with how it worked out OP, but not only should your school protect you from bullying (for whatever reason) they are legally obliged to do so.
The Department requires them to have anti-bullying procedures. Your school should have an anti-bullying coordinator. I would still report what happened to you, if only to make them aware of it, so that they cannot claim there is not a problem when the next gay kid gets pushed around.

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

DS333 · 23-12-2010 02:00PM

cooltown wrote: »

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

Talk about a cop-out! Everything seems to be weighted in the bully's favour.

I begin to wonder if the teachers and headmasters were actually bullies themselves...

Annasopra · 24-12-2010 09:34AM

cooltown wrote: »

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

how do you know it would be believed?

cooltown · 24-12-2010 01:44PM

Johnnymcg wrote: »

how do you know it would be believed?

Its just a thing in the school. With all cases of bullying. You have to have a witness or they have to admit to it. When I was in 1st year I reported bullying and they did nothing about it. It just made the bullying a lot worse. Even one of the teachers heard me being called a f*g and her response was boys will be boys..

spurious · 24-12-2010 06:39PM

I'm on the anti-bullying team in our school (VEC) and I assure you that is not how it is supposed to work. Someone well practised at bullying will of course be careful/sly enough to make sure there are no witnesses - it should not impact on whether the school deals with it or not. Disgraceful cop-out by your school.

I messed up with a bully!!

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