I messed up with a bully!!

cooltown

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

biko

Try to be calm and clear about what happened and that you've been bullied by this guy a long time. Are there witnesses?
You can try to get a head start by speaking to the headmaster and explain your side before he/she hears it from the other person?

I'm not sure but if you're "out" and this guy bullies you because you're gay the school probably/hopefully has a plan for how to deal with it.

Lorrrrraine

Talk to your mam now and explain what happened before the school do.
What you did wasn't right but I can't see any decent human being not understanding how you had been provoked greatly. I think you should use this an an oppertunity to discuss the abuse that you've been getting with your school and parents.

Annasopra

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

Tell the school the truth - that he was pulling at your bag, throwing it on the ground and verbally abusing you. If he has done this before tell them that as well.

You mentioned previously that you have a gay cousin - could you talk to him and just look for some support?

uberwolf

I would discuss the basis of his abuse as well.

brianblaze

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.
Today I was going up the stairs and this guy was pilling my bag and throwing it on the ground and calling me a ******. About 75% of the way up I was like stop and he said no fag! So I grabbed His head just to push him away and I pushed him into the wall by mistake. Then after lunch I started to hear he had a lump on his head and I know there's going to be trouble now because I know his mam will come into the school with all guns blazing. I am never in trouble in scool never have being not a detetion or anything!
Any advice on what I should do?

Okay, I'm not an L, a G, or a BT, but I did a search for bully, and here i am! Same thing happened to me when I was in school, always picked on, small and weak etc, one day, it got too much and hit back. Explained it all to the school, from day one the dude had a problem with me, the extent of the bullying, name calling, abuse etc, (including possibly an L, a G and maybe even a BT :P) and the school suspended me for one day, but it didn't go on my record or anything, suspended him for a week and that was that. Never heard from him again, mainly because when I did hit him, he had a look of absolute shock, and I bloodied his nose. I ain't proud of it, but I was never picked on after that. Bully's prey on the weak and those who don't stand up for themselves. Once you show them that that's not you, they generally stop.

Bullying is intolerable and shouldn't be tolerated. If you 'snapped' I don't see how they can throw the book at you. It's human nature.

Chuchoter

You won't get in trouble for this OP, they are not going to side with a known trouble maker over someone whose never got detention. You get the benefit of the doubt, so I wouldn't worry about that one. Go to a teacher and explain the situation before he gets his Mammy in to defend her little angel. He can't do this to you and the school will help you. They won't think you're gay if you're worried about that because everyone knows the go to slag for all bullies is fag. Bullies prey on people they think won't stand up to them, once you stand up to him he will go away.

Aard

There are fights in schools all the time; people don't end up in jail or anything. Worst case scenario, you get detention. 3 hours out of your life in exchange for giving a bully a sore head. Not a bad trade-off. Tell the story exactly as you told it here, and don't leave out the nasty bits. If you have to say "fag", say it. If you have to come out to a teacher, so be it. You're nearly out of there at any rate.

hotmail.com

Well done for sticking up for yourself.

This is self-defence, end of story. If he got hurt, SO WHAT. Sue the school if they do not do anything about this homophobic bullying from this thug.

hotmail.com

Aard wrote: »

There are fights in schools all the time; people don't end up in jail or anything. Worst case scenario, you get detention. 3 hours out of your life in exchange for giving a bully a sore head. Not a bad trade-off. Tell the story exactly as you told it here, and don't leave out the nasty bits. If you have to say "fag", say it. If you have to come out to a teacher, so be it. You're nearly out of there at any rate.

Why?????

If I was his parent and the school gave him detention for this, I would go crazy and sue the school.

This is not the fault of the teenager getting bullied, he was merely defending himself and fair play to him.

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

brianblaze

hotmail.com wrote: »

Why?????

If I was his parent and the school gave him detention for this, I would go crazy and sue the school.

This is not the fault of the teenager getting bullied, he was merely defending himself and fair play to him.

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

I think in general schools have to be at least seen to be disciplining people involved in a 'fight.' Even if it's to placate the other party.

I always think that I'd love to go back to school and see the bullies with the mentality I have now. From personal experience, the people who are involved in the bullying will make f*ck all of themselves anyway, and people who are picked on due to size/ looks/ intelligence/sexuality etc go on to realise how much better they are than the idiots involved.

I've seen two of the guys who used to make my life a daily hell, and not being a weedy 16 year old anymore, I could have made a lot more of these chance meetings but I've satisfied myself that they are still doing the exact same thing they were doing ten years ago, and I'm on to pastures greener. One of them even apologised, which I thought was cool.

Synopsis: F*ck em, you're better than they are, and if it takes standing up for yourself to end the abuse, then so be it. I'm not saying go out there like Rambo, but showing that you can't be pushed around will end it fairly soon, and sadly they'll go on to find a new target.

Also:

many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space. Dy in day out I receive taunts off people and get hit and I just grin and bear it even tough it's ripping me on the inside.

Dude, you're 18. Life begins when you leave school, trust me! You're not a waste of space, you'll just find the space you fit in when you get out of the batsh*t crazy Irish secondary school educational system! And you'll be all the better for it.

Beruthiel

cooltown wrote: »

I am an 18 year old lad and I am being bullied at school over many issues including my sexuality and how ugly I am and how I am a waste of space.

Never, for one second, believe anything that comes from the mouth of a cowardly bully.
Clearly this guy has a lot of issues.
There is something fundamentally wrong with a person who feels the need to put another human being down. If this is the only way he can feel better about himself, he should be pitied.
Certainly, his opinion should mean diddly squat to you.

I hope today went well for you and you told your story exactly the way it happened.
I hope you also told everyone the kind of hell you have been living though in their school because of this person.
There is no way you should get in trouble for this. You are the victim in this and you should be insisting that the people who run the school make it a safe environment for you to learn in.

Aard

hotmail.com wrote: »

How anyone can suggest that he might get detention as a form of comfort is beyond logic and common sense.

I said worst case scenario. I got from the OP that he was very worried, so I laid out the possibilities. There's no use trying to sugar-coat it.

cooltown

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

hotmail.com

Aard wrote: »

I said worst case scenario. I got from the OP that he was very worried, so I laid out the possibilities. There's no use trying to sugar-coat it.

The worst case scenario is that the bully will get expelled.

There is no worst case scenario for the OP and he will face absolutely no consequences for this incident.

So again, I don't know why you think mentioning that he might get detention,will give him comfort. Nonsense.

hotmail.com

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

That's great and don't be afraid to stick up for yourself in future. These people are bullys and you are entitled to be educated in a safe environment regardless if you're gay or not. It's a very serious point that you should remember and if there is any repeat of this crap from this person, report him immediately and make sure the staff do something about it.

DS333

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

That's great news!:)

I wasn't bullied for the simple reason that the first time a guy hit on me I lost it and threw him across the classroom, nearly breaking his back among the desks. For the same reason, he probably will leave you alone. Because bullies are cowards deep down. They don't like getting hit back.

If he does try anything again, nuke him. After all, it is self-defence. You have no choice if the school choses not to do anything.:mad:

Annasopra

hotmail.com wrote: »

The worst case scenario is that the bully will get expelled.

There is no worst case scenario for the OP and he will face absolutely no consequences for this incident.

So again, I don't know why you think mentioning that he might get detention,will give him comfort. Nonsense.

You don't know the exact situation and what might or might not have happened so I think what Aard said was fine

Chuchoter

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

Yay! Some people only respond to being smacked into a wall, well done for standing up for yourself, Glad everything went well

CokaColumbo

Bullies look for the path of least resistance, i.e. those who they think are soft. Make an example out of the bástard!

scientific1982

cooltown wrote: »

Everything went ok today. There was nothing said to me I got myself all worked up over nothing. The guy still had a mark on his head and he said nothing to me. For the first time in ages. I think he actually got a shock and also I think that if he made an issue of it he would be afraid that it would get out he got beet up by a f*g!
So things went well.
Thanks!

Fair play to you OP. Always stand up for yourself and take a bit of satisfaction that you got one up on that ccunt.

Haruki

Well done mate, you'll find this little "episode" will stand you in good stead going into the future. It may not be in your nature, but if people step on your toes sometimes you gotta put them in their place. Be proud of yourself.

Coeurdepirate

In 2nd year I used to get bullied by 2 guys for being a f*g, well I only really got bullied by one of them, the other just sorta laughed along and stuff. Anyways, the 2nd guy stopped quite quickly and then after a while he apologised to me. He's pretty sound now, but the other guy bullied me until the start of 3rd year when (I don't remember this, the guy who used to laugh along with him told me this recently) he called me a ****** and to burn in hell and stuff and I told him to take a shower and buy some deodorant. Completely childish response, but I haven't had any problems with him since, and apparently the day after I said it to him he came in with around half a can of lynx on, so I did the rest of my year a favour too!

DS333

Coeurdepirate wrote: »

In 2nd year I used to get bullied by 2 guys for being a f*g, well I only really got bullied by one of them, the other just sorta laughed along and stuff. Anyways, the 2nd guy stopped quite quickly and then after a while he apologised to me. He's pretty sound now, but the other guy bullied me until the start of 3rd year when (I don't remember this, the guy who used to laugh along with him told me this recently) he called me a ****** and to burn in hell and stuff and I told him to take a shower and buy some deodorant. Completely childish response, but I haven't had any problems with him since, and apparently the day after I said it to him he came in with around half a can of lynx on, so I did the rest of my year a favour too!

Just goes to show how sensitive theswe poor gits are. :);)

My little ole heart bleeds for them - NOT

spurious

Glad you're happy with how it worked out OP, but not only should your school protect you from bullying (for whatever reason) they are legally obliged to do so.
The Department requires them to have anti-bullying procedures. Your school should have an anti-bullying coordinator. I would still report what happened to you, if only to make them aware of it, so that they cannot claim there is not a problem when the next gay kid gets pushed around.

Coeurdepirate

DS333 wrote: »

Just goes to show how sensitive theswe poor gits are. :);)

My little ole heart bleeds for them - NOT

It's not as if they bring it on themselves

cooltown

spurious wrote: »

Glad you're happy with how it worked out OP, but not only should your school protect you from bullying (for whatever reason) they are legally obliged to do so.
The Department requires them to have anti-bullying procedures. Your school should have an anti-bullying coordinator. I would still report what happened to you, if only to make them aware of it, so that they cannot claim there is not a problem when the next gay kid gets pushed around.

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

DS333

cooltown wrote: »

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

Talk about a cop-out! Everything seems to be weighted in the bully's favour.

I begin to wonder if the teachers and headmasters were actually bullies themselves...

Annasopra

cooltown wrote: »

Our school does have an anti-bullying policy. Everybody has to sign it going to the school but thing is you have to have proof of the bullying either through another person backing you up or the bully admitting they bullied you! If they said they did nothing they would believe it!

how do you know it would be believed?

cooltown

Johnnymcg wrote: »

how do you know it would be believed?

Its just a thing in the school. With all cases of bullying. You have to have a witness or they have to admit to it. When I was in 1st year I reported bullying and they did nothing about it. It just made the bullying a lot worse. Even one of the teachers heard me being called a f*g and her response was boys will be boys..

spurious

I'm on the anti-bullying team in our school (VEC) and I assure you that is not how it is supposed to work. Someone well practised at bullying will of course be careful/sly enough to make sure there are no witnesses - it should not impact on whether the school deals with it or not. Disgraceful cop-out by your school.

L.Jenkins

cooltown wrote: »

Its just a thing in the school. With all cases of bullying. You have to have a witness or they have to admit to it. When I was in 1st year I reported bullying and they did nothing about it. It just made the bullying a lot worse. Even one of the teachers heard me being called a f*g and her response was boys will be boys..

I feel your pain in that case. I was bullied in secondary school unmercilessly on an emotional and psychological level, the worst kind of all. When it was reported it did get a whole lot worse for me, but I was the one who mostly got into trouble for it as I developed a bit of a temper that would lead to a few slaps being given. Needless to say it cured my problems temporaily, but I got to know the principal also my phsyics teacher very well because of it.

Schools need to have a policy in place, because it will be too late when students regardless of gender and sexuality kill themselves through feelings of low self-estime and worth.

jay93

the best thing you can do if they come upto you again dont back down at all i don't like fighting i'm not like that but people like this deserve a hit in the face to be honest it will shut them up and they know that you wont just back down to them,i think it's a terrible thing getting bullied in school it only ever happened to me in 1st year in school people from my own village sneering that i had a lisp which i didn't so one of my older friends get onto him and he never annoyed me after that i was shy at the time only 13 now no-one would say anything to me now id flip at them :mad::mad: i think schools don't do enough about bullying tough to me my school didn't seem all that bothered my forum teacher was the only one who tried to sort it out ..anyways OP hopefully they stop annoying you its just childish what they are doing to you,the bullies must have deep down problems that they feel that they have to take it out on other people,just don't let them get you down

L.Jenkins

It's easy to slap someone around the place should the situation arise, but when their tact is psychological, then serious problems can arise if you're not prepared for it. Most bullies are cowards who will avoid phsyical confrontation incase they become the victims themselves.

Such people usually are victims of abuse and bullying themselves as their own behaviour is expressed to increase their own self worth and feeling that they have some control and power in some small way. Thanks to secondary school though, I was left with 5 years I'd rather forget, another 5 years of counselling, anger management, treatment for depression and was a borderline alcoholic before I even hit 19.

Some schools are way too dismissive of this behaviour and all too often underestimate the level of devastation it can cause to a persons life and their own basic functioning in this world. Sadly this is the pretty picture left for some victims if they don't commit suicide. As I've said, schools need policies to help students and fúck this whole kids will be kids shíte, it's not on and certainly not apart of growing up.

Never mind my story though, that's long since behind me.

Boston

Bullying is seldom clear cut from an outside prospective though. Often bullies will claim they themselves are the victims. Sometimes we can look back on our past experiences with rose tinted glasses with regards out own behaviour at the time.

SugarHigh

Boston wrote: »

Bullying is seldom clear cut from an outside prospective though. Often bullies will claim they themselves are the victims. Sometimes we can look back on our past experiences with rose tinted glasses with regards out own behaviour at the time.

+1
Life isn't like a tv show where there is always an obvious good and bad guy.

rainbow kirby

Boston wrote: »

Bullying is seldom clear cut from an outside prospective though. Often bullies will claim they themselves are the victims. Sometimes we can look back on our past experiences with rose tinted glasses with regards out own behaviour at the time.

No matter what way you look at it, there is no excuse for bullying.

Boston

I'll put it this way, if you're going to take things into your own hands then it makes it very hard for a teacher at a later stage to help out. I recall being away on a school trip were eye brow shavings were the norm. At the end of the trip a group of lads held down and shaved the eyebrows of one of the main instigators of the aforementioned shavings. He was in absolute floods of tears, proving yet again sometimes people can give it out, but not take it. I'm sure he looks back on that event as bullying, without ever questioning his own actions.

Point is, it's difficult for a teacher to act when there's only your word that you're the innocent party. It's been my experience that there's seldom examples of pure vindictive bullying behaviour. Perhaps a teacher would care to differ?

btw, I say this as someone who was both physically and physiologically bullied through primary school. It took a major change in myself to stop it.

L.Jenkins

Boston wrote: »

It's been my experience that there's seldom examples of pure vindictive bullying behaviour. Perhaps a teacher would care to differ?

Yes in your experience, but it happens. There's some down right evil little bástards in the world and I should know. It's very easy for a bully and their buddies to use the 'your word against mine' tact. Sadly I took some shameless measures myself because nothing was being done and in all honesty, I still wouldn't píss on those same people today if they were on fire as they stole what were supposed to be the 5 five best years of my live. So think how someone would actually feel in certain circumstances, before saying that such cases are marginal.

Boston

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Yes in your experience, but it happens. There's some down right evil little bástards in the world and I should know. It's very easy for a bully and their buddies to use the 'your word against mine' tact. Sadly I took some shameless measures myself because nothing was being done and in all honesty, I still wouldn't píss on those same people today if they were on fire as they stole what were supposed to be the 5 five best years of my live. So think how someone would actually feel in certain circumstances, before saying that such cases are marginal.

I know exactly how it feels. In my final year of secondary school a teacher took a dislike to me as I was coming between him and his ****ed up farther fantasy with some of my friends. He spread rumours and lies among my class mates that my mother was responsible for various decision taken by the school board. Some of the lads took what he said to heart and made their feeling known to me. The matter was settled between with myself and my class mates after some very shameful violence. That was only the beginning of the **** that man did. He did worse to others.

For a long time I hated him like you hate the people who stole your school years. And I mean hate. So I'm not going to preach to you of forgiveness. But the reality is most people never deal crap on that level. Good or bad they leave school behind when they finish, only a few people have experiences so horrible that they'll stay with them for the rest of their life. Thankfully.

L.Jenkins

Well when a teacher starts such BS, it can make things much worse for a student. I'll never understand why some people make it a point to belittle others as nothing is achieved by it.

As for a teacher, I would have taken hime to task for such behaviour. When it comes from a teacher, it's much worse.

Annasopra

Boston wrote: »

Bullying is seldom clear cut from an outside prospective though. Often bullies will claim they themselves are the victims. Sometimes we can look back on our past experiences with rose tinted glasses with regards out own behaviour at the time.

what's your point? The guy is coming on looking for supportive advice about what's happening currently

Boston

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

Well when a teacher starts such BS, it can make things much worse for a student. I'll never understand why some people make it a point to belittle others as nothing is achieved by it.

As for a teacher, I would have taken hime to task for such behaviour. When it comes from a teacher, it's much worse.

Theres a long story.

Johnnymcg wrote: »

what's your point? The guy is coming on looking for supportive advice about what's happening currently

Discussion had moved towards why a teacher might find it difficult to act. I thought my point was clear and illustrated a possible reason why a teacher had not acted in the past.