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Of all the questions

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24

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    #32
    Gunsfortoys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,080 ✭✭✭Gunsfortoys


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    there is a certian juvinale male mindset where foreplay is what is needed to get a chick wet enough so you dont' need lube and aroused enough that she wont' say no when you go to stick in it her.

    You'd be surprise how young certain males figure that out.

    Intriguing.

    Wereas before they would have slathered KY jelly on their bits and lobbed it in, unconcerned with the females wishes. Interesting.


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    #33
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    OutlawPete wrote: »
    That's a pretty loaded word there, shouldn't throw around so lightly.

    Two young lads (most likely both teenagers or very almost) asked him a harmless enough question and I guess he tactfully answered it.

    Would he have been better off acting all shamefully about it, and give the topic an air that it's something to be embarrassed or secretive about?

    It's that attitude towards sex that hopefully the world is moving away from, and not before time too.

    So what your saying is, in essence, is that he should have whipped out his lad, stroked it into an erect position & said...

    "You see this, lads... this is a boner. The ladies can't get these".

    Seems reasonable to me. :p


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    #34
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,484 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    What I mean is that, given that this guy claims to work with abuse survivors, he really should be more careful about engaging in sexual conversation with two kids (by his own estimation 12-14) who are not known to him, regardless of how tactful he did it or well intentioned it was meant.

    He should know only too well the mechanisms of grooming. It really should not be encouraged for a kid that young to be getting sexual education from a complete (adult) stranger they know nothing about.

    Fine, the op is alright, but the next guy he asks might not be.

    Not to mention what the kid's parents would think.

    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.


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    #35
    epgc3fyqirnbsx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,228 ✭✭✭epgc3fyqirnbsx


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    What I mean is that, given that this guy claims to work with abuse survivors, he really should be more careful about engaging in sexual conversation with two kids (by his own estimation 12-14) who are not known to him, regardless of how tactful he did it or well intentioned it was meant.

    He should know only too well the mechanisms of grooming. It really should not be encouraged for a kid that young to be getting sexual from a complete (adult) stranger they know nonthing about.

    Fine, the op is alright, but the next guy he asks might not be.

    Not to mention what the kid's parents would think.

    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.

    It's that tyoe of atttude that makes your average well intentioned male afraid to ask a lone child why they are crying tbh


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    #36
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    What I mean is that, given that this guy claims to work with abuse survivors, he really should be more careful about engaging in sexual conversation with two kids (by his own estimation 12-14) who are not known to him, regardless of how tactful he did it or well intentioned it was meant.

    He should know only too well the mechanisms of grooming. It really should not be encouraged for a kid that young to be getting sexual from a complete (adult) stranger they know nonthing about.

    Fine, the op is alright, but the next guy he asks might not be.

    Not to mention what the kid's parents would think.

    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.


    There's PC and there is ridiculous.

    Now, I like you as a poster, but that is taking it a bit too far towards the latter.


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    #37
    starbelgrade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Joselyn Sharp Spacewalk wrote: »
    It's that tyoe of atttude that makes your average well intentioned male afraid to ask a lone child why they are crying tbh


    "Why are you crying?"

    "Because you put your wee wee in my poo poo".

    :)


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    #38
    Gunsfortoys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,080 ✭✭✭Gunsfortoys


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    What I mean is that, given that this guy claims to work with abuse survivors, he really should be more careful about engaging in sexual conversation with two kids (by his own estimation 12-14) who are not known to him, regardless of how tactful he did it or well intentioned it was meant.

    He should know only too well the mechanisms of grooming. It really should not be encouraged for a kid that young to be getting sexual from a complete (adult) stranger they know nonthing about.

    Fine, the op is alright, but the next guy he asks might not be.

    Not to mention what the kid's parents would think.

    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.

    That is a bit harsh.

    The guy was educating them on what happens to a woman when sexually aroused. He wasn't bloody grooming them.

    I think this shows a lack of education on the subject, THAT is disturbing and it should be taught better in our schools.


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    #39
    epgc3fyqirnbsx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,228 ✭✭✭epgc3fyqirnbsx


    starbelgrade wrote: »
    "Why are you crying?"

    "Because you put your wee wee in my poo poo".

    :)



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    #40
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,043 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Gunsfortoys wrote: »
    Intriguing.

    Wereas before they would have slathered KY jelly on their bits and lobbed it in, unconcerned with the females wishes. Interesting.

    Oh KY that is posh, back when I was a 12 - 14 year old it would have been spit :P


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    #41
    El Horseboxo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,354 ✭✭✭El Horseboxo


    Odysseus wrote: »
    "what happens when a girl gets a boner"

    Depends on the girl. I once had one ask me to jackhammer her.


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    #42
    Gunsfortoys
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,080 ✭✭✭Gunsfortoys


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Oh KY that is posh, back when I was a 12 - 14 year old it would have been spit :P


    Heh yeah, getting it is tough though.

    I went to a chemist the other day and asked for some. The assistant says, "we don't sell it have you tried boots?" I said, "love, I want to slide in not ****ing march in:cool:".

    Serious education needed.:rolleyes:

    Spit??? Kinky...


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    #43
    TouchingVirus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,581 ✭✭✭TouchingVirus


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    If that truly is the case it is even more disturbing that you found it appropriate to tell a child who is a stranger to you and whose parents you don't know in a totally random way.

    Not quite how I'd interpret the situation. He didn't go around and say "Hey kids, guess what happens when a women gets aroused. Let me tell you a story". He answered a question, it was harmless.

    I agree with starbelgrade, this POV is a bit alien to me, bordering on ridiculous


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    #44
    OutlawPete
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,689 ✭✭✭✭OutlawPete


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    What I mean is that, given that this guy claims to work with abuse survivors ..

    He didn't "claim" to work with abuse survivors.

    He said he worked with abuse survivors.

    That's twice you have insinuated the user might not be telling the truth, just why - I have no idea. You might think I am being pedantic here, but you are using totally inappropriate words for no obvious reason.
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    ..he really should be more careful about engaging in sexual conversation with two kids (by his own estimation 12-14) who are not known to him, regardless of how tactful he did it or well intentioned it was meant.

    How do you know he wasn't careful?
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    He should know only too well the mechanisms of grooming.

    Saying 'Hello' to children is also a 'mechanism of grooming' is it not? You can't avoid every action that paedophiles utilize in the process of 'grooming' - life has to be lived.
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Fine, the op is alright, but the next guy he asks might not be.

    Exactly and so maybe that was one of the reasons he answered the question, so as to prevent them going on to ask other adults and perhaps hitting on one that wouldn't necessarily be as pure in heart as the OP clearly is.

    What were his options?

    'Go home and ask your parents' ..

    We all know that's never going to happen.
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.

    There is nothing "disturbing" about it, it's just sex and your attitude stinks.

    It's the attitude that has people in this country squirming on sofas whenever someone gets kissed on the TV, just because their parents are in the same room. It's the same attitude has kids that do get abused, keep it to themselves because they pick up from adults that sex is not something that can be openly discussed.

    Paedophiles loved that attitude down the years, as they could use it to their advantage, knowing that chances are, it's something kids will just keep to themselves.

    The more open society is about sex and sexuality, the less pervasive that attitude will be and that can only ever be a good thing, despite what you think.


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    #45
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,484 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    OK, I just tried to post upo a reply and it disapeared.

    Anyway, I'm unregged, but I feel strongly about this so I'm gonna post it anyway.

    When I was 8 I asked an adult a question of a sexual nature and his respnse was not quite so well meaning and harmless as the op's. I did not post that for sympathy, but to illustrate my point. Believe it or not, a lot of abuse is intiated like this.

    At no point in my post did I suggest that the OP was grooming these boys. Nowhere did I state that. As a mental health professional, he should know that the best practice is to encourage children to ask questions from adults they know and trust (not always a safeguard, saddly) or to be unafraid to raise questions in sex education class (if they are not being held to ransom by an ott parents board who won't allow it in the school).

    I'm all for kids being informed, just by the right people.


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    #46
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,043 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Gunsfortoys wrote: »
    Spit??? Kinky...

    Well it depends on the reasoning and awareness behind the act.


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    #47
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,484 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    OutlawPete wrote: »
    He didn't "claim" to work with abuse survivors.

    He said he worked with abuse survivors.

    That's twice you have insinuated the user might not be telling the truth, just why - I have no idea. You might think I am being pedantic here, but you are using totally inappropriate words for no obvious reason.



    How do you know he wasn't careful?



    Saying 'Hello' to children is also a 'mechanism of grooming' is it not? You can't avoid every action that paedophiles utilize in the process of 'grooming' - life has to be lived.



    Exactly and so maybe that was one of the reasons he answered the question, so as to prevent them going on to ask other adults and perhaps hitting on one that wouldn't necessarily be as pure in heart as the OP clearly is.

    What were his options?

    'Go home and ask your parents' ..

    We all know that's never going to happen.



    There is nothing "disturbing" about it, it's just sex and your attitude stinks.

    It's the attitude that has people in this country squirming on sofas whenever someone gets kissed on the TV, just because their parents are in the same room. It's the same attitude has kids that do get abused, keep it to themselves because they pick up from adults that sex is not something that can be openly discussed.

    Paedophiles loved that attitude down the years, as they could use it to their advantage, knowing that chances are, it's something kids will just keep to themselves.

    The more open society is about sex and sexuality, the less pervasive that attitude will be and that can only ever be a good thing, despite what you think.

    Thanks, as an abuse survivor I truly appreciate that post.


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    #48
    OutlawPete
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,689 ✭✭✭✭OutlawPete


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    When I was 8 I asked an adult a question of a sexual nature and his respnse was not quite so well meaning and harmless as the op's. I did not post that for sympathy, but to illustrate my point.

    Your illustrating a moot point.

    These lads were not 8 or anything like it.
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Thanks, as an abuse survivor I truly appreciate that post.

    Oh stop making this personal.

    My post was referring to your continuing to use the word "disturbing" with regards to the OP's situation and that is all.


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    #49
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,484 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    How is it moot? I asked a question about sex of an adult and got abused for my efforts. That happens to 14 year olds too.


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    #50
    TouchingVirus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,581 ✭✭✭TouchingVirus


    OutlawPete wrote: »
    My post was referring to your continuing to use the word "distributing" with regards to the OP's situation and that is all.

    He means disturbing :cool:


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    #51
    OutlawPete
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,689 ✭✭✭✭OutlawPete


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    How is it moot? I asked a question about sex of an adult and got abused for my efforts. That happens to 14 year olds too.

    It's a moot point because what is suitable to say to a 8 year old and what is suitable to say to a 14 year old, are two different things.

    If the OP had of started this thread about two eight years olds, do you really think he would have received the same replies?

    I can tell you from me he wouldn't have anyway.


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    #52
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,484 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Pete, my issue is not what the op said to these guys. I don't think he said anything harmful.I am suggesting that it would have been better to encourage the lads to ask someone they can trust. Because the next stranger they ask might be a bit more like the one I encountered, that is all.
    Yes, I know most parents find it hard to talk to kids about sex and the sex education programme in Irish schools is as good as nothing. But approaching complete strangers when you are only 12-14 with a question like this can be dodgy as doing it at 8, and I believe the op should have thought about that before he answered,that is all.Yes, it's impossible to be 100% safe, but there are certain precautions we can teach kids. Does that mean I think we shouldn't be open about sex with children? No, quite the opposite. We have a way to go on that and I'm in full agreement with you there. But there is the right time and the right person.


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    #53
    Odysseus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,752 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Pete, my issue is not what the op said to these guys. I don't think he said anything harmful.I am suggesting that it would have been better to encourage the lads to ask someone they can trust. Because the next stranger they ask might be a bit more like the one I encountered, that is all.
    Yes, I know most parents find it hard to talk to kids about sex and the sex education programme in Irish schools is as good as nothing. But approaching complete strangers when you are only 12-14 with a question like this can be dodgy as doing it at 8, and I believe the op should have thought about that before he answered,that is all.Yes, it's impossible to be 100% safe, but there are certain precautions we can teach kids. Does that mean I think we shouldn't be open about sex with children? No, quite the opposite. We have a way to go on that and I'm in full agreement with you there. But there is the right time and the right person.

    Althought I don't know them by name, they knew me. Small estate in the country, I know a lot of ex-dubs complain about me because the see me making my way into the fields next with one of my guns in combat gear. The kids go mad when they see me like wanting what gun etc. But I won't talk to them when I'm in possession of a gun. Between that and the all the motor bikes in my garden you can imagine it.

    So he knows where I live, I agree he should be able to ask he dad, and if his dad should appear at my door that is what he will be told. My best guess was he was getting a hard time off his mates because he show his lack if knowledge. So I fully stand off it, pity he could not go to a family member with it.


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    #54
    Odysseus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,752 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    Sardonicat wrote: »




    I do find it hard to believe that someone who works with abuse survivors would do something like this. The OP is not the only person on here who works/worked with vulnerable people. This would not be regarded as good practice. The opposite, in fact. Therefore, I find his actions disturbing.

    I don't want this to carry on forever, good pratice refers only to my clinical work not that example. I do see your point about ramdom people but I'm not really that. If his dad comes to my door today, I will have no probs standing over my actions same if it was the cops, or a member of one my professional bodies.


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    #55
    wyndham
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,284 ✭✭✭wyndham


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCZvLQCjIFY


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    #56
    ebixa82
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭ebixa82


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    When I was 8 I asked an adult a question of a sexual nature and his respnse was not quite so well meaning and harmless as the op's. I did not post that for sympathy, but to illustrate my point. Believe it or not, a lot of abuse is intiated like this.

    What was his response?


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    #57
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,043 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    How is it moot? I asked a question about sex of an adult and got abused for my efforts. That happens to 14 year olds too.


    Sorry to hear that happened to you, but just because it did that doesn't mean it automatically happens to other children.

    Children seek out knowledge and if they can't ask parents or other adults in their family, asking another adult in their community is reasonable enough imo.

    There needs to be better Sex Ed in schools, there is a program created to help parents with the topic but it can't be rolled out in the majority of primary school due to religious ethos. It has differnt sections depending on the age.

    But anyone can text and get a free copy of it with a DVD or just down load a copy of the booklets.

    http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/parentresource.html


    Yes kids will ask adults in their community/estate who they think are not like their parents have a certain 'cool' factor questions.


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    #58
    ebixa82
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭ebixa82


    Statiscally the odds of a kid asking a random stranger, who just happened to be a pedo, a question of a sexual nature are pretty small thou..

    Sardonicat you were just unlucky..


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    #59
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 16,347 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Odysseus wrote: »
    If you don't know by know terry, there is no point

    Ah the old if-you-don't-know-I'm-not-telling-you excuse.


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    #60
    Odysseus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,752 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Sorry to hear that happened to you, but just because it did that doesn't mean it automatically happens to other children.

    Children seek out knowledge and if they can't ask parents or other adults in their family, asking another adult in their community is reasonable enough imo.

    There needs to be better Sex Ed in schools, there is a program created to help parents with the topic but it can't be rolled out in the majority of primary school due to religious ethos. It has differnt sections depending on the age.

    But anyone can text and get a free copy of it with a DVD or just down load a copy of the booklets.

    http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/parentresource.html


    Yes kids will ask adults in their community/estate who they think are not like their parents have a certain 'cool' factor questions.

    Spot on, and with the guns and 4 motors bike parked up on in my garden, as well I'm well know as a person who goes to the desert to run for days. All normal stuff to me, be I can see the cool factor for that age group


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    #61
    ebixa82
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭ebixa82


    Odysseus wrote: »
    Spot on, and with the guns and 4 motors bike parked up on in my garden, as well I'm well know as a person who goes to the desert to run for days. All normal stuff to me, be I can see the cool factor for that age group

    Whats your local desert?


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