Embarrassing stories

Ormus · 25-11-2010 01:51PM

r3nu4l wrote: »

Snap! Happened to me too. I was about 10 and didn't know what to do, I thought the priest had run out of communion and was going away to get some more but then he just puts away the chalice and I'm left standing there, completely alone and have to turn around and walk back to my seat. Mortifying!

I feel your pain Ormus, forever the 'NoCommunion' buddies!

we are now brothers

Blitzkrieger · 25-11-2010 01:54PM

I've posted this before but it's been on my mind lately so...

I was working in a takeaway one night after a heavy session on the beer the night before. There was just me and a drop dead gorgeous girl working for the night and as soon as our 5 hour shift started I needed to fart.... badly.

I've rarely been as uncomfortable as I was for the next 5 hours, but somehow I managed to hold in all the farts that now felt like a solid mass in my gut. I cheerily waved goodnight, locked the door behind her, counted to five and left rip. It was the loudest, longest and smelliest fart of my life. In certain circles I would have acknowledged the rightful applause of my peers with a modest wave, because, you know, (sometimes) farts are funny. This was not one of those times. While I stood there with my eyes watering I heard the dreaded sound :

*knock *knock

Guess who's forgotten her fags?

As she walked through the fuggy (and I swear - green tinged) air, there could be no hiding who was responsible. All that effort over 5 hours was wasted

I never did ask her out.

fakearms123 · 25-11-2010 02:11PM

I was in amsterdam during an interrailing trip 2 years ago, on arrival to amsterdam we did what anyone does in amsterdam, drop bags into the hostel and head down to the closest coffee shop for a hot chocolate and a nice juicy spliff. We smoked all day in several coffee shops, strolled around the city and drank more hot chocolates than I can count, dinner time came around and so we decided to stop off at a restaurant where we met a group of americans, guys and girls and we had a chat with them while we were all eating our dinner. I was still out of it from all the smoking and the hot chocolates were giving me a violent sensation of needing to sh*t.

I rushed off to the toilets and found a cubicle that luckily was free, what wasn't lucky was that there was no latch on the door, there was time so I squated down and tried to hold the door closed with my hands, I took the worst sh*t of the whole trip in the cubicle, I'm talking about intense smell, sh*t exploding off the back of the bowl, farting intermissions between sh*ts, the whole thing. Suddenly I heard someone coming in to the toilets, I was stoned beyond belief so I tried to hold onto the door, the person was trying to open it but instead of saying "someones in here" I said nothing and still held onto the door (I was stoned), the guy forced the door open with one big thug and the smell came bellowing out at him, I was crouched down squating all pathetic looking and all I can say in a feeble voice was "I'm soooo sorry"... when I looked up it was one of the americans... F*CK! He leaves the toilets and tells his whole group at dinner what happened... So when I come walking back in to restaurant everyone is dead quiet. I had half a steak left but I told my friend that we have to go, didnt say a word to the americans on the way out... my most weak and pathetic stoner moment...

:(:(:p:p:p

sbsquarepants · 25-11-2010 02:29PM

I was going skiing a few years back and so decided i should learn the basics on the artificial slope in kiltiernan, after the 2nd or 3rd lesson, i'm skiing down the big hill but when i get to the end i make a mess of my stopping and fall, right where the rest of the group are queing for the lift, que a lot of giggling and sniggering as you would expect. Money, phone etc is scattered everywhere so i spend a minute or so bent over, picking it up, trying to ignore the now almost hysterical laughter, my girlfriend being the ring leader of this mockery, i was actually in quite a bit of pain too which wasn't helping matters. After i'd gathered my stuff and made my way to the end of the que, my girlfriend says something like, feel a draft can you, when i look down my trousers have ripped completely at the crotch, so that they are now basically chaps! And as if that wasn't enough, i have no boxers on (as i'm a full time commando!). Had to wrap my jacket around my waist and make my way back to the car for the rest of the lesson, the ultimate walk of shame!!:D

IamtheWalrus · 25-11-2010 02:42PM

jesusinaglanza wrote: »

If your any way nice looking at all your boss will be pulling his plum to the thought of this later on :pac:

Guaranteed. I would.

Pandoras Twist · 26-11-2010 03:16PM

phill106 wrote: »

I call shenanigans! How much fixing would be necessary in that you had to roll up your tshirt?

I second shenanigans. Why not just fix it in the bathroom?

UsernameInUse · 26-11-2010 04:33PM

When I was younger - I was coming home from school on the bus.

Nobody was on the top deck and I thought I'd let one rip that had been annoying me all day. So, off it went with a thundering sound! The smell was atrocious to say the least. I'd never smelt anything as utterly vulgar or vomit promoting in my life.

Next stop arrived and the whole girls school emptied onto the bus!

Need I say more!

:o:o:o:o:o:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

26-11-2010 04:46PM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I was going skiing a few years back and so decided i should learn the basics on the artificial slope in kiltiernan, after the 2nd or 3rd lesson, i'm skiing down the big hill but when i get to the end i make a mess of my stopping and fall, right where the rest of the group are queing for the lift, que a lot of giggling and sniggering as you would expect. Money, phone etc is scattered everywhere so i spend a minute or so bent over, picking it up, trying to ignore the now almost hysterical laughter, my girlfriend being the ring leader of this mockery, i was actually in quite a bit of pain too which wasn't helping matters. After i'd gathered my stuff and made my way to the end of the que, my girlfriend says something like, feel a draft can you, when i look down my trousers have ripped completely at the crotch, so that they are now basically chaps! And as if that wasn't enough, i have no boxers on (as i'm a full time commando!). Had to wrap my jacket around my waist and make my way back to the car for the rest of the lesson, the ultimate walk of shame!!:D

that's a lovely girlfriend, definitely a keeper

UsernameInUse · 26-11-2010 04:49PM

bluewolf wrote: »

that's a lovely girlfriend, definitely a keeper

+100

Sounds like a scumbag with the emotions and intelligence of a rodent.

Darraghnormal · 26-11-2010 04:50PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I got caught f*cking my cousin once.

Too far?

Not far enough!!

Tucking Fypo · 27-11-2010 06:11PM

Our local Super Macs is quite hit and miss on what they have available.

In the drive-through one evening, hubby drives up to the window and asks the girl 'Have you got any breasts'.:eek:

Que me PMSL. He was morto.:pac:

Embarrassing stories

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