Your favourite culchie one liners

Elevator · 28-10-2010 01:11AM

no 1. he'd be a horse of a man if he'd a stump of a tail and could ****e walkin!

no 2. if he says it's Thursday it's fcukin Thursday!!

no 3. if there was work in the bed you'd sleep on the floor ya ****!!!

pappyodaniel · 28-10-2010 01:25AM

When describing a promiscuous woman:

"Sure yer' wan' is only a bucket of mickeys"

CaptainMeerkat · 28-10-2010 01:28AM

Questions and Culchie responses:

'Can I borrow your car?'.....'Ya wha?? Sure you couldn't drive a nail into wood'!

'Do you need some help?'....'No thanks, you're as useful as a chocolate tea-pot!'

'Do you think he has a girlfriend?'...'Doubtful, that fella's as straight as a roundabout!'

A few from the dictionary:

- Hang sangwige: ham sandwich
- Mighty: indicates something very good...'Jaysus it's a mighty day for the hay'
- Gwan te fcuk outta that: Please go away and leave me alone
- A few schoops: one or two drinks
- A cute hoor/whore: a clever person who usually gets one up on you

And for the worst among us:

- He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician……….
- He's so camp, he sh*tes tent pegs…………
- I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
- Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche…………

I think that's enough for now!:eek:

saywhatyousee · 28-10-2010 01:36AM

"she's a real nightmare in the daytime"
(used to describe a unattractive girl)

maxxie · 28-10-2010 01:37AM

lob it into me boss

shexy

dollybird2 · 28-10-2010 01:45AM

Butterface

As in great body... but her face - bad man*

*not used about me as I have a lovely face. But a butter body

Jordonvito · 28-10-2010 01:52AM

Guill wrote: »

Up the bum, no harm done!

up the fanny, your mammys a granny!

and. . " shur how would you be well with your arse in two halves and five holes in your face"

CaptainMeerkat · 28-10-2010 01:59AM

Jordonvito wrote: »

up the fanny, your mammys a granny!

and. . " shur how would you be well with your arse in two halves and five holes in your face"

brilliant!!!:D

df1985 · 28-10-2010 02:07AM

My mother after seeing a girl with a very large nose.

"jaysus, she has a snout on her that could chop turnip!!"

Lad from cavan after a big night out:

Sure jaysus, ya cant bate fallin round and havin the craic!"

winston82 · 28-10-2010 02:18AM

sacramento wrote: »

Said by a man;

"It's all right love, *wink* I'm on the pill"

t1mm wrote: »

the tide wouldn't talk her out

she's a face like a bulldog after licking piss off a nettle

If i'd a bag of mickeys i wouldn't give her one

johnnyfruitcake wrote: »

"you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear"

Ms. Captain M wrote: »

Drive 'er like you're late for mass

ironictoaster wrote: »

The tide wouldn't take her out.

Leroy Lita wrote: »

tis fierce close (when its warm outside)

policarp wrote: »

Could crack a flea on me belly. = Extremely full after a meal.

Lukker- wrote: »

"Ya can bate the wife but ya can't bate the craic"

"Them be fine birthen hips" - A woman with a nice arse

Ok, me thinks it's time to change the thread title to "unfunny inbred sayings"

Mal-Adjusted · 28-10-2010 02:28AM

Why do I get the feeling that most of these one liners are made up on the spot by the posters?

RMD · 28-10-2010 02:33AM

"If yi can't lift her don't shift her"

Will I Amnt · 28-10-2010 02:41AM

"I'd a horn on me that could pull a bull out of a ditch".........."As busy as a cucumber in a womens prison"

seanh12 · 28-10-2010 02:56AM

Take her handy and if ya get her handy take her twice!

falan · 28-10-2010 03:03AM

Hows the form,old schstock??

J. Marston · 28-10-2010 03:18AM

Wouldn't get up on her to get over a wall.

OutlawPete · 28-10-2010 03:31AM

Mal-Adjusted wrote: »

Why do I get the feeling that most of these one liners are made up on the spot by the posters?

Cause you never head them before

mitybuck20 · 28-10-2010 03:45AM

first post from me - - -from a late neighbour of mine

"sure what are we at the end of the day - only machines for makin sh1te!!" :P

jugger · 28-10-2010 04:24AM

he's as thick as a bottle of sh!t

Seaneh · 28-10-2010 04:25AM

Ride her? I wouldn't ****ing mug her!

Cilit wouldn't bang her!

She's a face like a burst slipper.

1: So does he have a missus?
2: Him, are ya mad? Sure that fella'd take pipe over a stone wall.

giles lynchwood · 28-10-2010 04:46AM

You'd have the perfect arse only there's a hole in it.

force majeure · 28-10-2010 04:51AM

'weee d'here blast yeou'
farmer yelling after a calf the broke away from heard being flog-marched down the road.

bigbadbear · 28-10-2010 04:56AM

"can we still be cousins?"

(P.J. getting dumped by his missus)

mitybuck20 · 28-10-2010 05:25AM

2 travellers makin a porno - "none of your aul fancy stuff c'mon just bate it into me!!":P

cournioni · 28-10-2010 08:29AM

"I'll throw me welly at ya, ya larrier!"

Heard that one in Dundalk a few years back.

Or as seen on youtube "I'll busht that dawg!", "You're an agitating fucher, an agitating fucher!" etc.

bullets · 28-10-2010 09:05AM

As cold as a nuns Tit.

I'll look after you if you look after yourself.

a face for everyday and two for a Sunday,

tight as a ducks arse.

like water off a ducks back

about as useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

never put your fingers where you wouldnt put your mickey.

~B

0verblood · 28-10-2010 09:16AM

Not really a saying but anyways, was watchin "de telly" with my grandad one night, and a movie called "The black hole" came on. Just then I made a huge fart and my grandad said "Jaysus don't mind d'telly we've a black hole here in d'livin room"

--Kaiser-- · 28-10-2010 09:52AM

When referring to a car with unimpressive performance

"It wouldn't pull you out of bed"

or

"It wouldn't pull the skin off a sausage"

orourkeda · 28-10-2010 10:12AM

Guill wrote: »

Up the bum, no harm done!

up the gicker twice the quicker

--Kaiser-- · 28-10-2010 10:29AM

CaptainMeerkat wrote: »

'Can I borrow your car?'.....'Ya wha?? Sure you couldn't drive a nail into wood'!

"Couldn't drive a leg into one of his pants!"

Your favourite culchie one liners

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