Your favourite culchie one liners

jimthemental

"Well doesn't that beat Banagher!", I don't know where this came from. Hear it a lot though.

Ghandee

An insult I received once from an old guy who was a regular in a small county pub I drank in one night.

"your the greatest c***t balls ever hung on!"

I still laugh about it ten years on!

One or two of my grandfathers favorites directed at the dog when he would do something stupid when herding sheep

"The divil blast ya"

"The curses of the divil on ya"

I use half all the one liners mentioned here myself every day

Also when you see someone who is driving badly.

"He wouldn't drive nails with a hammer"

teaholic

He wouldnt bate eggs

He couldnt hit the side of a hay barn with a tractor

DaMagooster

Nearly never pulled a cow

red93

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

'I hear yer a racist Father'

LOL!!!! i love Fr Ted!!!!!

Bjorn Bored.

A great one off one liner from the late great Mick Lally,

One night when out in the pub with the late Joe Lynch (Dinny) a chap who recognised them both kindly offered to buy them a drink, now Mick being the gent he was graciously declined,but Lynch who was well known for liking a drink or two but also well known for dissapearing when his round was up immeadiately accepted, it was at this point when Mick delivered the killer line about his tight fisted colleague....and this straight from the top of his head too,

"Hey! dont ever feel obliged... to keep that man supplied"

Mr Lally you are sadly missed my friend!

PaulKK

DaMagooster wrote: »

Nearly never pulled a cow

I think that should be:

"Nearly never bulled a cow."

Ms. Captain M

Flat out like: An egg in a pan ; a dog with no legs ; a lizard on a rock ; a letter in an envelope

Local-womanizer

"Go home and take a look at yourself!"

Local-womanizer

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

"Couldn't drive a leg into one of his pants!"

"Couldnt drive a finger up his arse!"

ILA

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

When referring to a car with unimpressive performance

"It wouldn't pull you out of bed"

or

"It wouldn't pull the skin off a sausage"

Wouldn't pull the socks off a dead man

no1beemerfan

Me Uncle says to me one day about a fella whose first love is money.....

He's as tight as a ducks hole!

Capt'n Midnight

jimthemental wrote: »

"Well doesn't that beat Banagher!", I don't know where this came from. Hear it a lot though.

Banagher was were the canal entered the Shannon and was regarded as the worst kip in the country, so the place that beats it isn't up to much


you're an ole dote

gutties = runners in Dundalk

Ms. Captain M

Ms. Captain M wrote: »

a dog with no legs

When asked what you have been doing all day:

"Arsin around like a dog with no legs"

hshortt

"Why do you ride hippos?" -> http://www.buzzfeed.com/abstractprude/why-do-you-ride-hippos-bxc
"Why do you ride women that look like men?"
"I've been ridin' him regular behind your back"

So many in that.

feelpablo

A mate after he spotted a woman he knew was pregnant " here love, who gave ya the kick in the back"

bestleftfull3

Guill wrote: »

Up the bum, no harm done!

up the fanny and your mammys a granny :P

jpm4

"I hope he died roaring for a priest!"

slutss

loose

cul-2008

adding "era" before a yes or no answer that in turn, drags the arse out of the yes and no response...

"Will you have a mug o' tae paddy? era nooooo, the wife has the shpuds on"
"pint o' stout jack? era yaaaaaa, gimme a small powers first while it settles"

"you durty whore" - said to the dog after he takes a piss on the tractor tyre

"will you" turning into "willoo" - "willoo come away out of it for jaysus sake!"

DaMagooster

PaulKK wrote: »

I think that should be:

"Nearly never bulled a cow."

That may be just always heard my mates from Macroom say it the otherway along with "hows the farm" instaed of "form" .

Ush1

When saying to my ma that I have a spot or mole somewhere on my body:

"Sure I made ya in a hurry."

storm2811

When my brother brought his first girlfriend home from Dublin my dad was cracking fat jokes the whole way home (she was a bit big).
Luckily he had an extremely thick bogger accent that takes getting used to, she couldn't understand anything.:pac:
I can't remember much but when she came off the train and shook his hand he said "Arah now..I think we might have ta strap ta to da roof"

The fat jokes continued for months, she was totally oblivious.
We invited her along when we went on holidays, we were all at a theme park and she was going on a rollercoaster with my brother, he said "Good luck, don't bend the tracks!":pac:

Anyway,
"There's about as much hair out there than on a robin's breast" - I think it means it's cold.
"Wouldn't bate snow off a rope"
"Make us a cup a tea there..let it stew"

I do actually say "It's close out" "Horrid" and "A good bit"..

Aglomerado

no1beemerfan wrote: »

Me Uncle says to me one day about a fella whose first love is money.....

He's as tight as a ducks hole!

Tight as a fishes hole was the one we had.

Also a pal of mine says: "You wouldn't drive teeth into a sausage"

implausible

In reference to a rather promiscuous lady: "she'd get up on a shtiff breeze!"

Tabnabs

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Banagher was were the canal entered the Shannon and was regarded as the worst kip in the country, so the place that beats it isn't up to much

Nope, the Grand Canal enters the Shannon at Shannon Harbour and the Royal Canal at Richmond Harbour.

The origin of the saying is quite different

clicky

On topic, regularly heard around west Cork;

Drive it like you stole it!

yeahme

its like pulling hens teeth to get anything out of him

yeahme

she's taken more d!Ćk than the handrail at galway racetrack

Capt'n Midnight

Dyflin wrote: »

Nope, the Grand Canal enters the Shannon at Shannon Harbour and the Royal Canal at Richmond Harbour.

The origin of the saying is quite different

clicky

I knew I shouldn't have believed that culchie when he told me

Come on t'fcuk = please get ready to go out we are late



I love the Cork rain dance , hi ya boya , hi ya boya