Your favourite culchie one liners

veryangryman

Some great ones out there - none better than a fella from Mayo when telling me about a married Bean Garda he was seeing...

"Aint no ring ever covered a hole"

orourkeda

"I'm from Cork"

Cracks me up every time

Sykk

Location: Athlone

Am I missing something?

thebigbiffo

Sykk wrote: »

Location: Athlone

Am I missing something?

what is this i dont even...

--Kaiser--

"Sure he's like a horses dick....he's big when he's out."

W.Shakes-Beer

'I hear yer a racist Father'

AnonoBoy

"The core issue here is, there’s a fiscal gap of €19 billion between what the State receives and what the State spends. That gap first emerged in the summer of 2008 and that gap has to be filled. You can’t leave that gap there on an indefinite basis. And this is the argument to be made to the ICTU point: the State already is seeing an impact on its borrowing costs because that gap is so wide."

Enda Kenny. Gas man altogether.

Sykk

"Now I've nothing against black people.........


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But!

mikom

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

"Sure he's like a horses dick....he's big when he's out."

Real country people say "Sure he's like a asses flute....he's big when he's out."

PeterIanStaker

Man, asking if his friend had managed to score with girl in nightclub:

"Well, did she shtand for ya?"

flyton5

I was threatened once by a drunk bloke in a chipper in Cavan. I was about 13 at the time and couldnt understand what he said apart from "break your jaw". I laughed and he went for me...not realizing my old man was standing behind me. Turned out he owned the chipper. Free chips all round to avoid getting himself a beating.

Twilightning

When a culchie says 'Bai' or 'Tayto' it usually does the job for me.

Sykk

Twilightning wrote: »

When a culchie say'Tayto' it usually does the job for me.

So if I ask you to pick me up a bag of cheese and onion, you'll come back with Tayto instead of the REAL cheese and onion crisp, king.. That's the only reason I'd use "Tayto" in a sentence..

Don't get me those shyte crisps again, twat! :pac:

fakearms123

When I moved to Kerry from Dublin, a Kerry man asked me "how are you finding life down here in Kerry? Is it less attentively engaging than the modern architecture one would gaze upon daily in Dublin's city, a center of population, commerce, and culture.", I laughed at the dirty culchie cunt, spat in that culchie cousin fucker face!

thebigbiffo

'jaysus yer wan had a face on her like a bag of spanners'

'i've seen bags of melted lego that were better formed than her'

admiralofthefleet

'so it is' after every sentence. not my favourite thing bog warriors say in fact one of the most annoying things they say

thebigbiffo

fakearms123 wrote: »

When I moved to Kerry from Dublin, a Kerry man asked me "how are you finding life down here in Kerry? Is it less attentively engaging than the modern architecture one would gaze upon daily in Dublin's city, a center of population, commerce, and culture.", I laughed at the dirty culchie cunt, spat in that culchie cousin fucker face!

ahhh those dubs...known the world over for their cultured charm...

Ghandee

Asked a country guy at work before how the sausage rolls from the work canteen were?

' Ach, hard as a goats knee' was his reply!

mikerowsopht

he's got some neck ??

PeterIanStaker

She's an arse on her like a bag of pups fightin'

citizen_p

"jaysus with the teeth on her she could eat an apple through a letterbox"
or my fathers saying
"if he was any thinner he'd only need one eye"

Ms. Captain M

Ya couldn't turn a sweet in your mouth in that place

Translation: Place was packed

jester77

Would you like a drink?

ah, shur a cuppa tae would be grand

Hail 2 Da Thief

"Ya wouldn't ride her inta battle lads"

:pac:

newmug

mug a scald = cup of tea.

PeterIanStaker

Hail 2 Da Thief wrote: »

"Ya wouldn't ride her inta battle lads"

:pac:

"I wouldn't ride her if she had handlebars"

Patsy fyre

As an owl buck says to me most days
'put that in your smoke and pipe it'

Quality!

Standard Toaster

A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard.

Daz wouldn't shift her.

She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab

She had a face on her like a well slapped arse.



In fairness, these could be heard anywhere

Lockstep

Auld lad who lives near me dispenses words of wisdom:

My favourite is what says about women and who to score:
"If you can't lift her, don't shift her".

--Kaiser--

"If in doubt, whip it out!"

Rocky_Dennis

If i won the lotto, i would give up working





































overtime, stingy b@stards:D

fletch...

"sure up in Dublin dont they have the dole in the wall"

A couple of old guys complaining that dublin gets everything and no one has to que up for thier welfare. Appaerntly Dubliners get it out of a machine just like an ATM

Rabble Rabble

fletch... wrote: »

"sure up in Dublin dont they have the dole in the wall"

A couple of old guys complaining that dublin gets everything and no one has to que up for thier welfare. Appaerntly Dubliners get it out of a machine just like an ATM

I'd say you misheard that one.

Irishrossoblu

Continued use of the word 'Minerals' for 7up etc

They even had an isle in the Super Valu marked Minerals

Gas alltogether

jimthemental

I'm off to the bog to foot some turf. I'll be back in a few minutes!

Guill

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

"If in doubt, whip it out!"

If you're sure, give her more!

Ms. Captain M

jimthemental wrote: »

I'm off to the bog to foot some turf. I'll be back in a few minutes!

It's to cut turf, not foot it

rylie

Mousey- wrote: »

"jaysus with the teeth on her she could eat an apple through a letterbox"
or my fathers saying
"if he was any thinner he'd only need one eye"

Brilliant!

Ghandee

That skinny hoor would make a good pull through for a rifle!

fontanalis

You can't make honey out of dogs sh1te

newmug

Ms. Captain M wrote: »

It's to cut turf, not foot it

No, it IS to foot it.

admiralofthefleet

Irishrossoblu wrote: »

Continued use of the word 'Minerals' for 7up etc

They even had an isle in the Super Valu marked Minerals

Gas alltogether, so it was

fyp

cson

"tis a dirty puddle that won't cool a hot iron"

Ms. Captain M

newmug wrote: »

No, it IS to foot it.

Cut makes more sense no? Are you even talking about the same thing!?

bigwormbundoran

You should never raise a fist to a woman








































So long as there's a shoe on your foot :pac:



I feel bad now

newmug

Ms. Captain M wrote: »

Cut makes more sense no? Are you even talking about the same thing!?

Are you from the country? I am. I can tell you 100%, that you have to cut, turn, row, and foot turf before it leaves the bog. The joke there was the "i'll be back in a minute" part, cos it can take MONTHS

Ms. Captain M

newmug wrote: »

Are you from the country? I am. I can tell you 100%, that you have to cut, turn, row, and foot turf before it leaves the bog. The joke there was the "i'll be back in a minute" part, cos it can take MONTHS

Ha, I'm from the country, I know what cutting and footing turf means! But I thought he was on about going to the toilet... Like i'm goin to cut turf!

Ellian

Good for a trot around the house but he/she is no show pony. (I have heard applied to less attractive members of both genders....)

Guill

Up the bum, no harm done!

fontanalis

If I had a field full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall.

markesmith

"I wouldn't ride her into battle"

Also, "Die dog or sh*te a license". Not sure what this really means, but heard it a few times in Offaly.