[HELP] Attention all romantic brained boardsies!

minidazzler · 23-10-2010 03:25AM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

I don't like flowers either. I don't own a vase and, well, they die. What's the point?

I'd rather he brought me a bottle of wine and some sexy surprises. I do like the hotel idea though. Sorting out something private just for the two of you might be a nice idea OP. I'd appreciate that much more than a tulip on the bed.

1. Buy a dozen roses
2. Throw one away
3. Replace with 1 plastic
4. Tell significant other when last pettle falls from last rose naturally your love will fail.......let them know there is one plastic one.
5. Recieve awesome sex.
6. ???????
7. What, awesome sex isn't profit enough?

starbelgrade · 23-10-2010 03:27AM

minidazzler wrote: »

1. Buy a dozen roses
2. Throw one away
3. Replace with 1 plastic
4. Tell significant other when last pettle falls from last rose naturally your love will fail....

I just puked all over my screen. Had to wipe some off just to see what I was typing.

23-10-2010 03:32AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

That is complete tosh! When I met my missus, it was before Valentines Day. She told me that she didn't go for all that romantic nonsense. So I didn't get her a card, or flowers or anything.

7 years later, she still hasn't forgiven me.

Lads, if a lady says she doesn't like flowers / chocolate / romantic gestures... what it really means is that she's grand at the minute. That doesn't mean that she won't want them at some point in the future.

Not true! I love flowers but hate getting them or anything for Valentine's day. It's a made-up ****e hawk of a Hallmark holiday etc. etc. blah blah blah.

My ex got me flowers for Valentine's day every year we were together despite me asking him not to as it's not an occasion I think should be acknowledged let alone "celebrated". Now, that's not the reason I dumped him but it was just another little thing that grated on me- I asked him not to waste money getting me stupid half-dead flowers, he did and while I did thank him he couldn't understand why I wasn't rushing out the door to walk around town with them looking misty-eyed.

Anyway, this is turning into a rant but some women like flowers, some don't and some genuinely do not like Valentine's day and want nothing to do with it. Men, if you have a new girlfriend and want to err on the side of caution by all means get the flowers the first year but be prepared to be told thanks-but-no-thanks on future occasions.

OP, as for your romantic act. Show up with a bucket of lube, a chicken and three midgets. She'll get the surprise of her life.

If you really want to ramp it up a gear, try the Houdini

If you're an old-fashioned man but have been spoiled by the sheep in Australia, just remember that it's not technically rape if you shout "surprise!!" first.

23-10-2010 03:34AM

minidazzler wrote: »

1. Buy a dozen roses
2. Throw one away
3. Replace with 1 plastic
4. Tell significant other when last pettle falls from last rose naturally your love will fail.......let them know there is one plastic one.

You're a disgrace to man human kind.

mcmoustache · 23-10-2010 03:53AM

Overheal wrote: »

Bust the door down, riding on the back of a kangaroo, before a shoulder-launched wallaby lunges at your loveness and maims her. Oh, and the kangaroo's pouch is full of roses.

Customs might have a problem with this, but fcuk'em, you're riding a kangaroo, who the hell do they think they are?

You're drunk too, aren't you?

Overheal · 23-10-2010 03:59AM

mcmoustache wrote: »

You're drunk too, aren't you?

No I'm just a strange man sober.

mcmoustache · 23-10-2010 05:11AM

Overheal wrote: »

No I'm just a strange man sober.

*ponders*
.
.
.
.
.
*passes out*

Gummy Panda · 23-10-2010 06:08AM

Get some bath stuff from lush (should be in Australia), have a bath together and enjoy soapy tit

Longboard · 23-10-2010 08:46AM

If you can get a santa outfit, 4 midgets, a ford fiesta with the roof cut off, 7 deer, 500m of cable and a harrier jump jet, then i might just have the plan for you.

Auldloon · 23-10-2010 09:01AM

Get someone to tell her flight delayed a few hrs. She will prob get pissed off at you then and let the fella she has been riding while you were away around for a another last shag.
You meanwhile are hiding in the shadows with the axe.
After he enters....the house, give them about 5 mins to get stuck in.
Kick in door, apply axe with gusto.

Swampy · 23-10-2010 09:03AM

Stick a finger in her ass when she least expects it. That'll suprise her.

ebixa82 · 23-10-2010 09:12AM

Bang the **** out of her on the kitchen table, if possible try get her 2 sisters involved for a bit of a 3some...seeing as it's Xmas her mother might be feelin frisky...she'd probably be the safest one to creampie on account of her age....just dirty Sanchez the rest. Try to make sure their father is around so you have someone to be high fiving as all this is unfolding....maybe get her brother to record it all so that they can all sit down on Xmas day and watch it as they digest dinner. Much better than Titanic!!!

WopTittyPop · 23-10-2010 09:19AM

Right....

Terry wrote: »

Take her for a romantic meal in Highway 66, then a few drinks in the Middle Shop or the Loft (€3.50 a pint Monday to Friday), maybe a trip to Zinc followed by a snack box from Sammy's

Pfft.. You Hillers and your ideas of romance..

PanchoVilla wrote: »

Make sure her new boyfriend isn't at her place when you arrive. That would be uncomfortable.

The Devil's threesome - Supposedly always uncomfortable!

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

OP you know your girlfriend better than anyone else here, so really you should already have a fair idea of what she might enjoy.

Like I said I have a few ideas, I'm just trying to get some other ideas as well. Think of it as if I'm making the cake of ultimate ideas

starbelgrade wrote: »

Lads, if a lady says she doesn't like flowers / chocolate / romantic gestures... what it really means is that she's grand at the minute. That doesn't mean that she won't want them at some point in the future.

She likes romantic gestures etc. She just doesn't like flowers because, like people have already said, she doesn't see the point in them as they just die!

Also, you do know there's a difference between a cliché romantic gesture, and going through effort to do something thoughtful, right?
Maybe she hasn't forgiven you 7 years on because you don't realise that buying a chick chocolates and a card doesn't say anything at all to her except "here, eat these and while you're at it check out this hilarious card I picked out!"

Longboard wrote: »

4 midgets

00112984 wrote: »

three midgets.

I didn't even mention a thing about her extreme midget fetish. You guys are good!

WopTittyPop · 23-10-2010 09:24AM

ebixa82 wrote: »

Bang the **** out of her on the kitchen table, if possible try get her 2 sisters involved for a bit of a 3some...seeing as it's Xmas her mother might be feelin frisky...she'd probably the safest one to creampie on account of her age....just dirty Sanchez the rest. Try to make sure their father is arou d so you have someone to be high fiving as all this is happening....maybe get her brother to record it all so that they can all sit down on Xmas day and watch it as they digest dinner. Much better than TItanic!!!

Who the fcuk watches Titanic on Christmas day??

23-10-2010 09:28AM

Swampy wrote: »

Stick a finger in her ass when she least expects it. That'll suprise her.

Finger in the ass is sooooo 1993.

ebixa82 · 23-10-2010 09:32AM

00112984 wrote: »

Finger in the ass is sooooo 1993.

All about the double fist these days, I blame the recession...

Longboard · 23-10-2010 09:57AM

WopTittyPop wrote: »

I didn't even mention a thing about her extreme midget fetish. You guys are good!

The umpa lumpa aviatar gave it away

WopTittyPop · 23-10-2010 10:22AM

Longboard wrote: »

The umpa lumpa aviatar gave it away

Are you high man? That's no oompa loompa! Why, that's a Grunka Lunka!

Mr Benevolent · 24-10-2010 08:47PM

gurramok wrote: »

Get thee to Travelodge. I heard its a fairly respectable hotel for unmarried couples who need some me time!

Travelodge is crap. Crowne Plaza/Ritz Carlton is where it's at.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 24-10-2010 09:01PM

Does she know when you're meant to be back?

If not, get one of the sisters to take her out for a bit while the other sister lets you into the house, when your girlfriend and her sister come back you're just sitting there. Nothing crazy or ott but a nice surprise!

Did something like that for my boyfriend once when we hadn't seen each other for ages. He loved it!

kneeelix · 24-10-2010 10:54PM

why not get the sisters to get her out of the aparment for the night.ring and say your delayed etc. you get back, cook a meal, bottle of wine, dim the lights, run a bubble bath, little santy hat on mr happy and bobs your uncle. she wont forget that. just make sure she arrives home by herself

Kimono-Girl · 24-10-2010 11:30PM

why not just knock on her door as if you do it everyday and spend time with her.

SarahBeep! · 24-10-2010 11:53PM

Bring her back a box filled with stuff that reminded you of her while you were in Oz

watna · 25-10-2010 12:12AM

Does she know you're coming at all or does she just not know the date?

Either way, get her sister to tell her that she has a friend arriving at the airport that needs to be picked up and will she go with her. You might need to think of a reason why your gf really needs to go with the sister to the airport but I'm sure you can up with something ("I met him online, he might be a rapist etc etc"). Then you walk out to meet her. Nothing cheesy, simple yet effective. She won't be expecting you at all and it would be the best surprise.

Then book a hotel for the night, somewhere nice with good room service because you won't be leaving the room!

WopTittyPop · 25-10-2010 05:37AM

Appreciating all the actual proper answers from people! Given me some good ideas to use!

*Not to say I haven't lol'd at the other ones

*

Just to those of you asking, she knows that I'm coming home, but that's all! She has no idea of what time etc.

Doc · 25-10-2010 06:30AM

Dose she know your coming home?

If not…

Call her and tell her you have sent her a gift. Dont tell her what it is but say she will like it.

Get a box and wrap it in nice paper with a big bow or something put a label on it with her address and a load of Australian stamps on the top of it.. Get her sisters to let you into the house when she’s not there and then to call her and tell her that a big parcel is after arriving for her from Australia. Get in the box. Make sure that the box is just big enough for you to fit in crouched down with the top closed. The second she touches the box spring up and out of the box.

You could then say something like this package has been waiting to be delivered to you for months and point at your crouch, or I’m sorry I couldn’t wait to get back to have sex with you so I "came" in the mail, or fancy a shag, or something romantic like that. I’m sure you can think of something!

ButtersStotch · 25-10-2010 09:38AM

It's been said before but tell her you're coming back a week/two later than you actually are. I was in Australia for 7 months in the same boat as you. GF at home so told her I was coming home two weeks later than I actually was. Knew she was home so just rang her and told her to look outside that there was a present waiting for her.
Thats 2 months ago now and she still talks about it so id say go for it.

[HELP] Attention all romantic brained boardsies!

Comments