Non-religious, but asked to be godparent

LegacyUser · 26-07-2009 11:48PM #1

what to do. i am completely non religious. i am officially catholic as i was babtised confirmed but do not attend religious service and have no time for the church. i respect other peoples opinion and need for religion completely but my opinions are well known and i never go to service. now it has been hinted at that a relation may ask me to be the godparent to their new baby. i love the fact that they would want me, its a complete honor of course. but i fell its disrespectful of their religion for me to be godparent - i don't believe at all in god for example. i don't want to cause offence either way. i feel completely uncomfortable reciting religious stuff that i am not apart of. what should i do? i'm confused and don't want to offend people i love but i don't know which would offend more - to regect their offer or be godparent with no respect personally for the church they are a part of?

dsmythy · 27-07-2009 12:01AM

Just to be clear. Are the baby's parents religious at all?

implausible · 27-07-2009 12:02AM

I'd say a lot of people are in your boat, you're just very open about your lack of faith.

Being a god parent isn't just about religion, it's about being a big part of and an influence on the child. There's also the idea of being responsible for the child if anything should happen to the parents. As you say, it's an honour and I'm sure your relative is aware of your beliefs and still wants you to do it.

If you're asked, you should explain your position and ask your relative if s/he still wants you to do it.

poisonated · 27-07-2009 12:04AM

well you say that you respect other peoples opinion and need for religion.you say that you are honoured by the thought.Personaly I dont think being a god parent is as religion based (if that makes sense) as it probably used to be.I think it is more of a honour and a social thing.I could be wrong though...that is just how I feel btw this is coming from a not very religious man

niceoneted · 27-07-2009 01:03AM

I am like you, baptised a catholic but am totally non religious. I do attend weddings/funerals - but I would do this regardless of religion - although I don't take part per say in the ceremony.
I am a godparent to 2 of my 6 nieces and nephews. I see it as a roll where they have an adult that they can turn to for advice and help that is not there parent. ( they are now 16 -boy and 10 - girl). They have come to me over the years for all sorts of things. I spoil them for there birthdays - spending a day with them buying a present and going for lunch - and christmas. I don't live near either but talk to them frequently.
I explained to there parents at the time that I was not interested in the religious end of things and off my feelings of the church but they didn't mind. I also ensured I could take an active roll in the kids lives.
All of my other 4 nieces and nephews wish I was there godparent. The parents of the two that are reckon I have had a profoundly positive effect on there kids lives. I think this is what is most important and not the religious end of it - if you can get over that.
Another note is that all of the other godparents that were picked for the 6 kids are all supposedly religious but they take no part in the kids lives.
If the parents of the child are aware of your feelings on religion and are happy for you to still be godparent I would do it.

tangerinepuppet · 27-07-2009 01:20AM

niceoneted wrote: »

I am like you, baptised a catholic but am totally non religious. I do attend weddings/funerals - but I would do this regardless of religion - although I don't take part per say in the ceremony.
I am a godparent to 2 of my 6 nieces and nephews. I see it as a roll where they have an adult that they can turn to for advice and help that is not there parent. ( they are now 16 -boy and 10 - girl). They have come to me over the years for all sorts of things. I spoil them for there birthdays - spending a day with them buying a present and going for lunch - and christmas. I don't live near either but talk to them frequently.
I explained to there parents at the time that I was not interested in the religious end of things and off my feelings of the church but they didn't mind. I also ensured I could take an active roll in the kids lives.
All of my other 4 nieces and nephews wish I was there godparent. The parents of the two that are reckon I have had a profoundly positive effect on there kids lives. I think this is what is most important and not the religious end of it - if you can get over that.
Another note is that all of the other godparents that were picked for the 6 kids are all supposedly religious but they take no part in the kids lives.
If the parents of the child are aware of your feelings on religion and are happy for you to still be godparent I would do it.

+1

I have two godsons and I agree with all of this. Being asked to be a godparent is a huge honour and (IMO, and especially these days) it has much more to do with being a positive influence in the child's life in a practical sense than with policing their spiritual welfare.

I would explain the situation to the parents if they ask you to be a godparent. Also let them know that you understand how privileged you are to be asked. I don't think they'll change their minds if they have alreay decided they want you for the job, and it is highly unlikely that your lack of religion will affect your ability to be a great godparent.

RealJohn · 27-07-2009 01:57AM

Fair play OP for having the integrity to at least acknowledge that you might not be a good choice as a Godparent.

First and foremost, being a Godparent is a religious matter. God is in the title (not by accident) and it is a role taken on as part of a religious ceremony. The duties of a Godparent aren't exclusively religious and indeed, I don't think a non-religious person can't be a Godparent but they have to accept in accepting the role that the time may come that they have to take a course of action they don't necessarily believe in or agree with as part of the role - specifically, to guide the child in matters of faith if their parents are not able to do this for some reason. This does not mean to try to change their faith but it does mean that they must encourage that child to follow the religion set out for them at the time of their baptism without any agenda of their own.

OP, if you don't feel you can do this, you should probably, in as polite a manner as possible, decline any invitation to be a Godparent.

27-07-2009 02:33AM

Meh..im a recent godparent myself..Nowhere near a catholic, although spiritual(in a scientific sense)..imo, consider this an honour..disregard the fact that the word gods in the title..its just a word..someone decided you deserved a special role in the life of their child..its half an hour in a church..and maybe another half hour in 10 years..you'l get over it..

stainluss · 27-07-2009 02:36AM

non_practicing wrote: »

what to do. i am completely non religious. i am officially catholic as i was babtised confirmed but do not attend religious service and have no time for the church. i respect other peoples opinion and need for religion completely but my opinions are well known and i never go to service. now it has been hinted at that a relation may ask me to be the godparent to their new baby. i love the fact that they would want me, its a complete honor of course. but i fell its disrespectful of their religion for me to be godparent - i don't believe at all in god for example. i don't want to cause offence either way. i feel completely uncomfortable reciting religious stuff that i am not apart of. what should i do? i'm confused and don't want to offend people i love but i don't know which would offend more - to regect their offer or be godparent with no respect personally for the church they are a part of?

I don't think this has much of a religious element.
The ceremony does take place in a church, but as the childs godfather you will always have to be there for him (like a cool uncle)
It goes beyond religion. Go for it!:)

Overheal · 27-07-2009 02:46AM

You can always explain your position to the parents. It may well be that they are aware of your stance and have chosen you because you would be the most open minded. That is, you being responsible for the childs religious upbringing, would do so without any pretense. Talk it over with them and see what they wish to do, given all the facts. In some ways you may be the perfect godparent. As an atheist in the hypothetical position of a godparent, I wouldnt imagine myself not at least explaining to a child what I understood about religion. After all its not my job to impose my belief system on a child: its my job to make sure they have all the facilities to make those choices for themself, as far as im concerned.

Terodil · 27-07-2009 06:42AM

I don't exactly know what your feeling on this is, OP, so I'll go out on a limb and say what I would think about in your place. Consider it and decide if it's applicable to you or not.

I'm not fond of the Christian faith, at all. I don't appreciate the way the Church tries to get their hands on the kids when they cannot decide for themselves. To me, baptism at such a young age is the religious equivalent to rape. The kids have no say, cannot object, and don't know what they're getting themselves into. Somebody else is taking that decision away from them and setting them up for an early life of indoctrination.

As much as I would appreciate the gesture, that the parents would want me to have the 'special place' of godfather for their child, I could not bear being part of this. Besides, I do not think that being a good influence on the child itself requires the label 'godfather'. You can always do what you want to do without bearing the label in front of you.

So I personally would respectfully decline and say that you'll be there for the kid in form and function, but will pass on the 'godfather' title. I'd join the party after the ceremony itself.

dudara · 27-07-2009 09:35AM

It's an honour to be asked but I would probably decline on the grounds of not being religious.

If you accept the role of a Catholic godparent, then you're accepting a very particular gig. You're accepting a religious role in the life of the child (i.e. Reject Satan and all that ). Anything else is just paying lip service, and it doesn't sound like you're into that.

Though, to be honest, a lot depends on how religious the parents are. If they're not religious, but getting the kid baptised because it's the norm, then they probably aren't considering the religious nature of the godparent role themselves.

Riskymove · 27-07-2009 11:37AM

stainluss wrote: »

I don't think this has much of a religious element.
The ceremony does take place in a church, but as the childs godfather you will always have to be there for him (like a cool uncle)
It goes beyond religion. Go for it!:)

I agree

while there is a specific role for a godfather in religious terms, most modern day (involved, lapsed or whatever) catholics approach it from that point of view

I am godfather to my nephew who lives abroad but he has another godfather who is a family friend where they live...who is not even catholic

seahorse · 27-07-2009 11:39AM

I wouldn’t do it if I were in your shoes. I know someone who hasn’t set foot inside a church since the last wedding/christening/whatever she was at and relishes the fact that she was recently asked to be a godmother. She's probably forgotten the words of the 'hail Mary' at this stage but of course that doesn’t matter as she doesn’t see religion as having anything to do with it! :eek: I think it's pure hypocrisy on her part to be honest.

Penn · 27-07-2009 11:47AM

I'm also not religious. If I was asked to be a godparent, I would say yes. In a heartbeat. Its a great honour. The fact that I am not religious shouldn't change things. But with regards to the role of a godparent, religion-wise, I would just do whatever the parents wanted, and respect their wishes. Ultimately, in this day and age, thats what being a Godparent is about.

Zulu · 27-07-2009 11:51AM

My understanding (as a god parent) is that you're supposed to be a "moral" guide.
The fact that you respect other religions is a key factor. You can give the growing child a level and respectful opinion, which is whats important.

Dave! · 27-07-2009 03:44PM

Is it a necessity to recite the religious stuff at the ceremony? I think they usually do the whole 'do you reject satan?' thing, don't they... I know there's some leeway for weddings for example, so is it possible for baptisms also?

Zulu · 27-07-2009 03:54PM

I didn't have any problem saying I rejected satan.
If you don't believe, why whould you have a problem saying you reject it? ???

Blazer · 27-07-2009 03:58PM

I think religion is all a load of bull..but I'm still godparent to my nephew.
My brother couldn't give a rat's ass about the church either..it's all just to keep the schools etc happy.
Much like Communion and Confirmation...the kids only love it for the cash they get..

My advice...do it..suss out if the parents are big on religion and if not accept without a doubt.
If they are explain your reasons and ask would they reconsider but tell them you'd be honoured regardless.

Dave! · 27-07-2009 04:19PM

Zulu wrote: »

I didn't have any problem saying I rejected satan.
If you don't believe, why whould you have a problem saying you reject it? ???

Cos it's disingenuous and embarressing to have to get up and verbally reject something you don't believe in, particularly if those present are aware that you don't believe it. Might as well get up and say you reject the boogie monster.

Perhaps it wouldn't feature in the minds of others present, but it would in mine, and that's why I'm asking.

CDfm · 27-07-2009 04:33PM

Strictly speaking a Godparent sponsors the child to enter the Church and should be a Catholic baptised and confirmed.

I dont think they need to be a regular Church goer but should not be antagonistic to the Church.So believing in God would be a requirement. The Godparent sponsors membership of the Church and the role is really historical and ceremonial.

So yes - you would need to recite the "Reject Satan" wording.

It is a welcoming into the Church as a community a bit like the Bestman at a Wedding really.

If you have no religious objections its a real honour to be asked as the parents are saying well this person is a role model and like in the old days if we were picking some to look after the child if anything happened us -its this person we would want.

Many Churches overlook the strict rules but some don't. I was at a Baptism where someone sniggered that the Godfather didnt believe and who said neither did the parents and it continued anyway.

Im with Dave! on this but from the other side I believe that if you take on a role with involvement in a childs religious upbringing you should at least believe.

Zulu · 27-07-2009 04:35PM

Dave! wrote: »

Cos it's disingenuous and embarressing to have to get up and verbally reject something you don't believe in...

Well, you can either suck-it-up, or not go to the church.

I'd no problem sucking-it-up.

rs · 27-07-2009 05:04PM

So, I'm not religious either and have no time for the church. My children are baptized, but only to keep my wife and her family happy (and avoid potential school issues in the future).

Ideally, I'd prefer if my children had nothing to do with the church, and I look forward to the day that the church is completely removed from state sponsored education in Ireland.

My brother is god-father to my eldest son. He, like me, has no belief in organized religion. To me, being a godparent is accepting responsibility as a moral guide to the child, and more importantly someone who would mind my son should anything happen to me.

To me, the religious aspect of it is simply and ancient ritual I have to endure.

So, my advice is, talk to the parents and explain your position. See what they think.

It's also important to note that they don't specify which Satan they want you to reject.

Maybe it's

The band: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan_(band)
The fish: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan_(fish)
The film: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan_(film)

My brother had similar issues when he became a Canadian Citizen. He had to pledge allegiance to the Queen. They did not specify which Queen so he just assumed he was pledging allegiance to the band.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_(band)

So he was cool with that.

non_practicing wrote: »

what to do. i am completely non religious. i am officially catholic as i was babtised confirmed but do not attend religious service and have no time for the church. i respect other peoples opinion and need for religion completely but my opinions are well known and i never go to service. now it has been hinted at that a relation may ask me to be the godparent to their new baby. i love the fact that they would want me, its a complete honor of course. but i fell its disrespectful of their religion for me to be godparent - i don't believe at all in god for example. i don't want to cause offence either way. i feel completely uncomfortable reciting religious stuff that i am not apart of. what should i do? i'm confused and don't want to offend people i love but i don't know which would offend more - to regect their offer or be godparent with no respect personally for the church they are a part of?

LegacyUser · 27-07-2009 05:29PM

CDfm wrote: »

I dont think they need to be a regular Church goer but should not be antagonistic to the Church.So believing in God would be a requirement. The Godparent sponsors membership of the Church and the role is really historical and ceremonial.

So yes - you would need to recite the "Reject Satan" wording.

.

I am antagonistic to the church and I am agnostic verging on atheistic and I am a Godparent. And I am de-listing myself as a Catholic.

I sat in church and never recited the "Reject Satan" wording.

philologos · 27-07-2009 05:44PM

OP: I would advise you to say that it is very nice of them to offer, but to decline. A Godparent is someone who is meant to be a spiritual advisor to the child while it is growing up and someone who is meant to be a witness of faith to them so that they will retain faith. If you do not value faith yourself it is unlikely that you will be able to serve this role to anyone else.

You would also have to lie in church concerning faith in Jesus Christ and God. If you are to be truly honest about who you are and what you believe, this isn't the best option.

Just my 2 cents, best of luck OP

CDfm · 27-07-2009 05:52PM

nfnasd wrote: »

I am antagonistic to the church and I am agnostic verging on atheistic and I am a Godparent. And I am de-listing myself as a Catholic.

I sat in church and never recited the "Reject Satan" wording.

Thats entirely up to you. You shouldnt have acted as Godparent IMHO.

I can see the arguments from both sides but do think if less people did sham baptisms we would have a freer education system with more choice for non-believers and their children too.

So yes to what Dave! says as it has integrity.If more people declined being sham Godparents maybe the sacrament would have more meaning.

unreggd · 30-09-2010 02:13PM

I've been dropped in this box myself!

As others said, I was baptised, but I dont believe in any religion at all, and I'm completely open about my lack of belief.

My sis had her first child last week, text me 2 days ago asking me to be godfather. I explained that it's not that I dont want to, but I'd feel silly, as personally I'm sort of strongly against religion in general, BUT, I always respect other peoples beliefs.

My brother had his first child a month ago and also asked me, I explained the same and he was fine & understanding

So she text me back saying my name is already down on the form as godfather, and that the christening is this weekend!

She didnt if check if I COULD go [I work every weekend] let alone if I wanted to do it

She seems shocked I'm saying no, and keeps saying "It will mean a lot to me"
But I cant believe this, because only 5 weeks ago she said shes not a true believer, and will have the child christened "just in case". We also discussed my strong disbelief, so it's in no way news to her

Also stated how it would look if I said no to my brother, but yes to her

I've now been forced into this situation, where if I don't comply, I'll be seen as the bad-guy, as if I'm somehow rejecting the child. I'm her uncle, so I'll be there for her for guidance/support anyways!

It's just really frustrating! I know I've done nothing wrong, and have my right to refuse, but I still feel guilty sayin no

mailforkev · 30-09-2010 03:46PM

unreggd wrote: »

So she text me back saying my name is already down on the form as godfather, and that the christening is this weekend!

Only one person is at fault here mate, and it's not you. Don't be bullied into anything.

This whole thing is probably one of the few situations where the atheist and devout catholic see eye to eye. Both sides would be better if these sham baptisms were ended. We wouldn't have the religious influence meddling in government/schools/hospitals etc. and they could have a better church full of people who actually genuinely believe.

CDfm · 30-09-2010 04:20PM

I am a believer and I think you are on the right track. If your sister was sincere in her belief she would not ask you -if you have a genuine objection.

EDIT - Do you know if there is a particular reason why she chose you ? Favorite brother or something???

You also should have a word with your brother and ask his opinion.

I am not going to let any cat out of the bag here when I say new Mums are a bit loopy for a few weeks and there even is a medical term for it that I can't remember but take that into account -so don't be to harsh on her reaction to you.

unreggd · 30-09-2010 05:04PM

I guess I'd be their fave as we're all scattered the last few years and Im the only one good at keepin in touch, so we'd be a bit closer

But 2 of my brothers are abroad, and she hasnt been gettin on with the eldest bro, so its really only me left as the option

I'm grateful I was asked (or not :P)

But they're doin it as a technicality as opposed to a part of their beliefs

CDfm · 30-09-2010 06:31PM

unreggd wrote: »

I guess I'd be their fave as we're all scattered the last few years and Im the only one good at keepin in touch, so we'd be a bit closer

But 2 of my brothers are abroad, and she hasnt been gettin on with the eldest bro, so its really only me left as the option

I'm grateful I was asked (or not :P)

But they're doin it as a technicality as opposed to a part of their beliefs

Its better not to be put in the spot in these things. As you are -there may be very little you can do other than go with the flow.

Her reason might even be potential school enrolement.

Its ashes and sackcloth for you if you are found out

Non-religious, but asked to be godparent

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