Did You Have A Strict Upbringing?

Motley Crue · 24-09-2010 09:12AM #1

Last night I got into conversation with my Mum. I've never had the best relationship with her, although it's been strained over the years, it ironically got better once I'd moved out of the house and wasn't under her feet every day. My siblings still live there, but that's another story, and we spoke about finding out recently that a relative has gotten into trouble.

I won't say what the trouble was, but it was a big deal, big enough of a deal for her to call me and tell me.

This lead to the conversation of my upbringing, and her asking me for the first time in my life whether she taught I had been too hard on us (myself and my siblings) as a child. I always maintained, especially as a teenager, that my mother had been absurdly hard on me. She was never abuse, but her attitude towards me had always been stricter then with anyone else, and maybe because I was the oldest.

But it got me thinking, would people here say they've had good relationships with their parents - and continue to do so - or would people say that with childhood behind them their relationship with their parents is only beginning to get off on the right foot. I told my mother personally that I didn't hate her in the slightest, but I'm not sure if she believes me, I'm not sure that after everything that happens if we will ever have what you would call a "normal" relationship.

Reminds me of that song 'In the Living Years' by Mike and the Mechanics, although somewhat ironically, I've never had a problem with my Dad

pickarooney · 24-09-2010 09:15AM

Mine was just strict enough. More or less the perfect balance between keeping me from acting the eejit and stifling me.

homerun_homer · 24-09-2010 09:17AM

Mine wasn't too strict, it was stricter for my older sister's but by the time I came along my parents must have gotten softer. That's not to say I never got a good slap when I deserved one.
I didn't get into a whole lot of trouble growing up so they didn't need to be crazily strict all the time.

ejmaztec · 24-09-2010 09:20AM

My parents weren't too hard on me, I was never locked in that cupboard for more than two days at a time.

24-09-2010 09:20AM

I had a pretty strict upbringing, but if I'm honest, it did me the world of good, I wasn't brought up in the most affluent area, I would know a few people my own age who are either dead or drug addicts, my Dad had a very very tough life and my mam's parents were very strict (she grew up on the same street I did). I'm glad they were strict because I wouldn't be the person I am now if they hadn't been. I wasn't allowed to "get in with the wrong crowd" and thank god, because the wrong crowd would have made my life very very different. We (my sister and I) were brought up to respect everyone, to have the best manners, to make the best of ourselves.

I have a brilliant relationship with my parents, I am lucky in that respect, they are always there for me, always have been, even when I did get into trouble, they stood by me and never made me feel like I had let them down.

Feck ya anyway, I've gone all mushy!

easyeason3 · 24-09-2010 09:20AM

It was strict enough which is why I went a bit crazy in my teens.
It was boderline abuse too but my parents did the best they could at the time.

Adam · 24-09-2010 09:21AM

meh, had a happy childhood and didnt act the eejit too much!

alwaysadub · 24-09-2010 09:22AM

I never really thought i'd a very strict upbringing, they didn't give me free reign, but they weren't overly strict either. Being the youngest of 8, they'd done all the different types of parenting before i came along! They were more than likely a lot stricter on the eldest ones.

My dad died when i was a teenager, i was closer to him than my mam, but since then i've always had a close relationship with my mam too. I do get on better with her now i'm living away from home though!

24-09-2010 09:23AM

Wouldn't call it too strict, no. Never been one to act out anyway so I'd say she had it easy

Kimono-Girl · 24-09-2010 09:25AM

Motley Crue wrote: »

This lead to the conversation of my upbringing, and her asking me for the first time in my life whether she taught I had been too hard on us (myself and my siblings) as a child. I always maintained, especially as a teenager, that my mother had been absurdly hard on me. She was never abuse, but her attitude towards me had always been stricter then with anyone else, and maybe because I was the oldest.

But it got me thinking, would people here say they've had good relationships with their parents - and continue to do so - or would people say that with childhood behind them their relationship with their parents is only beginning to get off on the right foot. I told my mother personally that I didn't hate her in the slightest, but I'm not sure if she believes me, I'm not sure that after everything that happens if we will ever have what you would call a "normal" relationship.

omg i could have written this exactly word for word! :O

but yeah my mum was tougher on me then my two siblings she even admits it now (recent development) i think the fact she had no money when i was younger and things were tough for us, where my brother and sister (BIG age gap between us) grew up in better times and still do live in a world where money is no object.

honestly adulthood did nothing to help my relationship with her, (but then i was undergoing counseling at the time for serious mental issues i had which helped me build our relationship back up slowly) but i found when i had my daughter EVERYTHING changed, i finally understood the things my mum did, we got on miles better and i was so grateful for her help and advise, i was stuck (still am) in this strange place between seeing things from my sisters point of view and my mums...its strange having this new parental perspective on life! :eek:

i know we'll never have a normal mother daughter relationship (if we spend too long together we'd kill each other) but i love our relationship as it is, so im not missing anything

iPlop · 24-09-2010 09:31AM

I had a strict up bringing ,but I was the eldest.My parents were softer on my sisters and I think parents are always more strict on their first born as it's their first time having a go at being parents! They learn from this then chillax a bit on the next child and so on...

kfallon · 24-09-2010 09:44AM

Strict in certain areas I suppose but looking back it was all for my own benefit, doing homework/study, not hanging round street corners til all hours etc.

However I've defo had it worse compared to the others in my family, sometimes (even to this day) I just can't do right for doing wrong.

Rabies · 24-09-2010 09:47AM

good balance for me.
Put back in line when deserved. Nothing like a bit of smack to wake a kids up and think about the stupid thing he or she did.
Kids now don't get enough discipline and too much freedom

Sanjuro · 24-09-2010 09:50AM

Yeah, mine was pretty damn strict. Guess that came from being the son of a former military man. Strict regimen of chores which were deliberately made difficult to... well I'm not sure why they were made difficult.

For example. We had a large back-garden with this massive tree that shat leaves all year round. As part of my scheduled tasks, I was made rake up the leaves every day. Being an enterprising 12 year old, I found that the rake I was given was a load of shite, so I got the lawn-mower, raised the blades so it wouldn't cut the grass, and basically hoovered up the leaves, completing the task in about a tenth of the time. I thought I was fucking Edison in how inventive I was. When my da found out, he banned the lawn-mower and got a rake that had less prongs on it so the task became twice as difficult. Sure, character building. But now I have an intense hatred for leaves. And rakes.

squeakyduck · 24-09-2010 09:55AM

I had a strict enough upbringing but I began to rebel against it when I was a teenager. I came alone 14 years after my sister so it seems like I was an only child or something! But, looking back they only did it for my benefit which is great because they are proud of what I have become!

Although I did miss out on a few sessions as a result of "you're not going out drinking in a field in the rain / you're not going to that disco there's too many boys" etc etc but hey, such is life!

GavRedKing · 24-09-2010 10:10AM

I had a good healthy balance of freedom and a bit of independence and a fear and respect fro my parents.

I knew they trusted me and gave mme the benefit of the doubt as they trusted my judgement but I knew that if I stepped outline what would have happened.

old_aussie · 24-09-2010 10:14AM

I wouldn't say to strict but I was kept in check.

Parents just wanted the best for me that they could provide without going over the top.

Had to do jobs(around the house) to earn most of what I got.

Hopefully I learned to meaning of good and fair.

stovelid · 24-09-2010 10:21AM

Quite strict with very clear expectations about behaviour and respect. Being from quite a rough area meant that huge importance was put on being "respectable" and not getting into trouble.

It being the 70s/80s, I did get belted a fair bit - usually merited as I was quite wild at times.

I got lots of freedom in my teens though: never a problem to go away or stay out.

Sea Sharp · 24-09-2010 10:25AM

Yes, I had a pretty strict upbringing.

scientific1982 · 24-09-2010 10:25AM

Nah being the youngest I was spoilt rotten. Got a fair few hammerings though but deserved them. Great relationship with the auld ones.

I dont think overly strict parenting is beneficial at all. As long as your child has good manners, a thirst for knowledge and a bit of common sense, you're good.

brummytom · 24-09-2010 10:31AM

I always used to think my parents were really strict; but recently they've started being fairly sound.

I was terrified about them knowing I was going to parties, so I used to say I was stopping at a mates, until one time when the lad's uncle turned up and we were all kicked out - trying to explain why I was now staying at a different mate's was bloody hard, but they had me sussed.

And they're fine with drinking, which was always something I thought they'd be really strict about.

The only thing I'd say they're a lot stricter on than any other family I know is swearing - it's just something that's never been allowed in our house, and I wouldn't dream of ever swearing in front of them. But mom saw me swearing on facebook recently, and she wasn't annoyed about it, just unhappy that some of our more 'conservative' relations might see it.
Fuck em.

I mean yeah I used to get a few smacks when I was little if I was bold, but I'm big enough to punch my dad back now so that's stopped; and as I'm the oldest I definitely get treated harsher than my brothers, but I'd have to say that on the whole, they're pretty good parents

Sanjuro · 24-09-2010 10:37AM

This other time, I was about 7 years old. My friend had just got an Apple computer and when I saw him playing Centipede on in, my mind was blown. So I raced home and went into my da and begged him to get a computer. Turns out we had one. A Commodore 64. I was over the moon. My da said I could certainly use it as long as I put it together by myself and set up the desk where the computer would be.

So, being supervised by my da, I went into the spare bedroom and tidied up the desk in preparation for the computer. I then raced downstairs to get the computer. Those of you who are old enough might remember the keyboard of the Commodore 64 being a bit of a behemoth, as it was actually the entire computer. So I struggle with the thing up the stairs, stopping every now and then to adjust my grip and be extra careful with the thing. I teeter down the hallway, all the while being watched by my da. I get into the bedroom, and suddenly I lose my grip. The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

24-09-2010 10:41AM

Sanjuro wrote: »

The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

Sanjuro · 24-09-2010 10:43AM

Deleted User wrote: »

To be honest, if it had been me as the da, I'd probably have broken my sides laughing. Of course, I'd have had the computer fixed then!

easyeason3 · 24-09-2010 10:46AM

Sanjuro wrote: »

This other time, I was about 7 years old. My friend had just got an Apple computer and when I saw him playing Centipede on in, my mind was blown. So I raced home and went into my da and begged him to get a computer. Turns out we had one. A Commodore 64. I was over the moon. My da said I could certainly use it as long as I put it together by myself and set up the desk where the computer would be.

So, being supervised by my da, I went into the spare bedroom and tidied up the desk in preparation for the computer. I then raced downstairs to get the computer. Those of you who are old enough might remember the keyboard of the Commodore 64 being a bit of a behemoth, as it was actually the entire computer. So I struggle with the thing up the stairs, stopping every now and then to adjust my grip and be extra careful with the thing. I teeter down the hallway, all the while being watched by my da. I get into the bedroom, and suddenly I lose my grip. The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

Now if that had been my Da he would probably have picked up the computer to clatter me across the head with it.
Count yourself lucky.

anniehoo · 24-09-2010 10:48AM

No mine werent strict at all...the fear of the "wooden spoon" was enough to keep us in line. My Dad let me start drinking at 16 after a ridiculously mature conversation about "knowing your limits" and "ring me if you think you've drank too much". When i think of it that was really sound of him. I was also such a nerd i was told to "stop studying and go outside wil ya"

so they never had to tell me to do my homework. I think the fear of disapppointing them was enough to keep me outta trouble..as well as the wooden spoon lol!

demakinz · 24-09-2010 10:55AM

When i was 13 / 14 my Da told me if he ever caught me drinking up the canal he would break my arms but he would always buy me drink to drink at home. his problem was with NACKER drinking as we call it. all the way up to the time i was 18 he would buy me drinks in the pub and the offy if i was having friends over.
And to be fair to him he was right i had no need to sneek down the fields or up the canal to neck bottles of vodka and get my self into woefull states.some of my friends parents didnt like the idea though.
Im 25 now and when i have kids of my own and there 13 /14 i think id rather introduce them to alcohol and let them have a few shandys at home if they wanted rather than be worrying about them acting the hoour with bottles of cheap vodka in a field somewhere.

mike65 · 24-09-2010 11:01AM

Motley Crue wrote: »

Last night I got into conversation with my Mum. I've never had the best relationship with her, although it's been strained over the years, it ironically got better once I'd moved out of the house and wasn't under her feet every day. My siblings still live there, but that's another story, and we spoke about finding out recently that a relative has gotten into trouble.

Nothing ironic about that, its the quickest way to improve relations once you are you are old enough to vote

I was brought up just about right I'd say, not laissez faire but not unduly strict either. A middle path of common sense. Probably the best thing my parents did

On the other hand these people knew a hard upbringing.

RMD · 24-09-2010 11:13AM

I had the perfect set-up I think. My parents trusted me enough to do practically anything I wanted that wans't absurd, because they knew I was sensible. If I ****ed it up or something happened, it never happened again, simple as, that was their view on it.

Worked for both of us, I got a lot of freedom and my parents love how independent I was.

PeterIanStaker · 24-09-2010 11:15AM

I was the oldest and a quiet but weird sort of kid, so they didnt need to yank my chain that often. I was more interested in sitting in my room with my guitar for most of my teenage years, so that when I did go drinking or act the bollox or whatever, it was seen as a once - off. Strict from an educational perspective but I agree with that, my parents valued education, and I also consider myself lucky there wasnt excessive religion.

My name is URL · 24-09-2010 11:26AM

Fairly strict alright.. one time my parents found out that I was hanging around with another kid who had gotten himself a bit of a bad name. As a punishment I wasn't allowed to go on holiday to Italy with the family, was sent to stay with my aunt instead. They were very imaginative with their punishments but i don't ever remember getting a slap or threatened with a broom etc.

Did You Have A Strict Upbringing?

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