Did You Have A Strict Upbringing?

Motley Crue

Last night I got into conversation with my Mum. I've never had the best relationship with her, although it's been strained over the years, it ironically got better once I'd moved out of the house and wasn't under her feet every day. My siblings still live there, but that's another story, and we spoke about finding out recently that a relative has gotten into trouble.

I won't say what the trouble was, but it was a big deal, big enough of a deal for her to call me and tell me.

This lead to the conversation of my upbringing, and her asking me for the first time in my life whether she taught I had been too hard on us (myself and my siblings) as a child. I always maintained, especially as a teenager, that my mother had been absurdly hard on me. She was never abuse, but her attitude towards me had always been stricter then with anyone else, and maybe because I was the oldest.

But it got me thinking, would people here say they've had good relationships with their parents - and continue to do so - or would people say that with childhood behind them their relationship with their parents is only beginning to get off on the right foot. I told my mother personally that I didn't hate her in the slightest, but I'm not sure if she believes me, I'm not sure that after everything that happens if we will ever have what you would call a "normal" relationship.

Reminds me of that song 'In the Living Years' by Mike and the Mechanics, although somewhat ironically, I've never had a problem with my Dad

pickarooney

Mine was just strict enough. More or less the perfect balance between keeping me from acting the eejit and stifling me.

homerun_homer

Mine wasn't too strict, it was stricter for my older sister's but by the time I came along my parents must have gotten softer. That's not to say I never got a good slap when I deserved one.
I didn't get into a whole lot of trouble growing up so they didn't need to be crazily strict all the time.

ejmaztec

My parents weren't too hard on me, I was never locked in that cupboard for more than two days at a time.

I had a pretty strict upbringing, but if I'm honest, it did me the world of good, I wasn't brought up in the most affluent area, I would know a few people my own age who are either dead or drug addicts, my Dad had a very very tough life and my mam's parents were very strict (she grew up on the same street I did). I'm glad they were strict because I wouldn't be the person I am now if they hadn't been. I wasn't allowed to "get in with the wrong crowd" and thank god, because the wrong crowd would have made my life very very different. We (my sister and I) were brought up to respect everyone, to have the best manners, to make the best of ourselves.

I have a brilliant relationship with my parents, I am lucky in that respect, they are always there for me, always have been, even when I did get into trouble, they stood by me and never made me feel like I had let them down.

Feck ya anyway, I've gone all mushy!

easyeason3

It was strict enough which is why I went a bit crazy in my teens.
It was boderline abuse too but my parents did the best they could at the time.

Adam

meh, had a happy childhood and didnt act the eejit too much!

alwaysadub

I never really thought i'd a very strict upbringing, they didn't give me free reign, but they weren't overly strict either. Being the youngest of 8, they'd done all the different types of parenting before i came along! They were more than likely a lot stricter on the eldest ones.

My dad died when i was a teenager, i was closer to him than my mam, but since then i've always had a close relationship with my mam too. I do get on better with her now i'm living away from home though!

Wouldn't call it too strict, no. Never been one to act out anyway so I'd say she had it easy

Kimono-Girl

Motley Crue wrote: »

This lead to the conversation of my upbringing, and her asking me for the first time in my life whether she taught I had been too hard on us (myself and my siblings) as a child. I always maintained, especially as a teenager, that my mother had been absurdly hard on me. She was never abuse, but her attitude towards me had always been stricter then with anyone else, and maybe because I was the oldest.

But it got me thinking, would people here say they've had good relationships with their parents - and continue to do so - or would people say that with childhood behind them their relationship with their parents is only beginning to get off on the right foot. I told my mother personally that I didn't hate her in the slightest, but I'm not sure if she believes me, I'm not sure that after everything that happens if we will ever have what you would call a "normal" relationship.

omg i could have written this exactly word for word! :O

but yeah my mum was tougher on me then my two siblings she even admits it now (recent development) i think the fact she had no money when i was younger and things were tough for us, where my brother and sister (BIG age gap between us) grew up in better times and still do live in a world where money is no object.

honestly adulthood did nothing to help my relationship with her, (but then i was undergoing counseling at the time for serious mental issues i had which helped me build our relationship back up slowly) but i found when i had my daughter EVERYTHING changed, i finally understood the things my mum did, we got on miles better and i was so grateful for her help and advise, i was stuck (still am) in this strange place between seeing things from my sisters point of view and my mums...its strange having this new parental perspective on life! :eek:

i know we'll never have a normal mother daughter relationship (if we spend too long together we'd kill each other) but i love our relationship as it is, so im not missing anything

iPlop

I had a strict up bringing ,but I was the eldest.My parents were softer on my sisters and I think parents are always more strict on their first born as it's their first time having a go at being parents! They learn from this then chillax a bit on the next child and so on...

kfallon

Strict in certain areas I suppose but looking back it was all for my own benefit, doing homework/study, not hanging round street corners til all hours etc.

However I've defo had it worse compared to the others in my family, sometimes (even to this day) I just can't do right for doing wrong.

Rabies

good balance for me.
Put back in line when deserved. Nothing like a bit of smack to wake a kids up and think about the stupid thing he or she did.
Kids now don't get enough discipline and too much freedom

Sanjuro

Yeah, mine was pretty damn strict. Guess that came from being the son of a former military man. Strict regimen of chores which were deliberately made difficult to... well I'm not sure why they were made difficult.

For example. We had a large back-garden with this massive tree that shat leaves all year round. As part of my scheduled tasks, I was made rake up the leaves every day. Being an enterprising 12 year old, I found that the rake I was given was a load of shite, so I got the lawn-mower, raised the blades so it wouldn't cut the grass, and basically hoovered up the leaves, completing the task in about a tenth of the time. I thought I was fucking Edison in how inventive I was. When my da found out, he banned the lawn-mower and got a rake that had less prongs on it so the task became twice as difficult. Sure, character building. But now I have an intense hatred for leaves. And rakes.

squeakyduck

I had a strict enough upbringing but I began to rebel against it when I was a teenager. I came alone 14 years after my sister so it seems like I was an only child or something! But, looking back they only did it for my benefit which is great because they are proud of what I have become!

Although I did miss out on a few sessions as a result of "you're not going out drinking in a field in the rain / you're not going to that disco there's too many boys" etc etc but hey, such is life!

GavRedKing

I had a good healthy balance of freedom and a bit of independence and a fear and respect fro my parents.

I knew they trusted me and gave mme the benefit of the doubt as they trusted my judgement but I knew that if I stepped outline what would have happened.

old_aussie

I wouldn't say to strict but I was kept in check.

Parents just wanted the best for me that they could provide without going over the top.

Had to do jobs(around the house) to earn most of what I got.

Hopefully I learned to meaning of good and fair.

stovelid

Quite strict with very clear expectations about behaviour and respect. Being from quite a rough area meant that huge importance was put on being "respectable" and not getting into trouble.

It being the 70s/80s, I did get belted a fair bit - usually merited as I was quite wild at times.

I got lots of freedom in my teens though: never a problem to go away or stay out.

Sea Sharp

Yes, I had a pretty strict upbringing.

scientific1982

Nah being the youngest I was spoilt rotten. Got a fair few hammerings though but deserved them. Great relationship with the auld ones.

I dont think overly strict parenting is beneficial at all. As long as your child has good manners, a thirst for knowledge and a bit of common sense, you're good.

brummytom

I always used to think my parents were really strict; but recently they've started being fairly sound.

I was terrified about them knowing I was going to parties, so I used to say I was stopping at a mates, until one time when the lad's uncle turned up and we were all kicked out - trying to explain why I was now staying at a different mate's was bloody hard, but they had me sussed.

And they're fine with drinking, which was always something I thought they'd be really strict about.

The only thing I'd say they're a lot stricter on than any other family I know is swearing - it's just something that's never been allowed in our house, and I wouldn't dream of ever swearing in front of them. But mom saw me swearing on facebook recently, and she wasn't annoyed about it, just unhappy that some of our more 'conservative' relations might see it.
Fuck em.

I mean yeah I used to get a few smacks when I was little if I was bold, but I'm big enough to punch my dad back now so that's stopped; and as I'm the oldest I definitely get treated harsher than my brothers, but I'd have to say that on the whole, they're pretty good parents

Sanjuro

This other time, I was about 7 years old. My friend had just got an Apple computer and when I saw him playing Centipede on in, my mind was blown. So I raced home and went into my da and begged him to get a computer. Turns out we had one. A Commodore 64. I was over the moon. My da said I could certainly use it as long as I put it together by myself and set up the desk where the computer would be.

So, being supervised by my da, I went into the spare bedroom and tidied up the desk in preparation for the computer. I then raced downstairs to get the computer. Those of you who are old enough might remember the keyboard of the Commodore 64 being a bit of a behemoth, as it was actually the entire computer. So I struggle with the thing up the stairs, stopping every now and then to adjust my grip and be extra careful with the thing. I teeter down the hallway, all the while being watched by my da. I get into the bedroom, and suddenly I lose my grip. The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

Sanjuro

Sanjuro wrote: »

The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

Sanjuro

Deleted User wrote: »

To be honest, if it had been me as the da, I'd probably have broken my sides laughing. Of course, I'd have had the computer fixed then!

easyeason3

Sanjuro wrote: »

This other time, I was about 7 years old. My friend had just got an Apple computer and when I saw him playing Centipede on in, my mind was blown. So I raced home and went into my da and begged him to get a computer. Turns out we had one. A Commodore 64. I was over the moon. My da said I could certainly use it as long as I put it together by myself and set up the desk where the computer would be.

So, being supervised by my da, I went into the spare bedroom and tidied up the desk in preparation for the computer. I then raced downstairs to get the computer. Those of you who are old enough might remember the keyboard of the Commodore 64 being a bit of a behemoth, as it was actually the entire computer. So I struggle with the thing up the stairs, stopping every now and then to adjust my grip and be extra careful with the thing. I teeter down the hallway, all the while being watched by my da. I get into the bedroom, and suddenly I lose my grip. The computer drops to the ground and onto my foot, breaking my big toe and the F1 and F2 key off the computer. 'Well, you had your chance' my da said. We didn't get the computer fixed for about 3 years. Lesson learned. Not sure what the lessone was though.

Now if that had been my Da he would probably have picked up the computer to clatter me across the head with it.
Count yourself lucky.

anniehoo

No mine werent strict at all...the fear of the "wooden spoon" was enough to keep us in line. My Dad let me start drinking at 16 after a ridiculously mature conversation about "knowing your limits" and "ring me if you think you've drank too much". When i think of it that was really sound of him. I was also such a nerd i was told to "stop studying and go outside wil ya" so they never had to tell me to do my homework. I think the fear of disapppointing them was enough to keep me outta trouble..as well as the wooden spoon lol!

demakinz

When i was 13 / 14 my Da told me if he ever caught me drinking up the canal he would break my arms but he would always buy me drink to drink at home. his problem was with NACKER drinking as we call it. all the way up to the time i was 18 he would buy me drinks in the pub and the offy if i was having friends over.
And to be fair to him he was right i had no need to sneek down the fields or up the canal to neck bottles of vodka and get my self into woefull states.some of my friends parents didnt like the idea though.
Im 25 now and when i have kids of my own and there 13 /14 i think id rather introduce them to alcohol and let them have a few shandys at home if they wanted rather than be worrying about them acting the hoour with bottles of cheap vodka in a field somewhere.

mike65

Motley Crue wrote: »

Last night I got into conversation with my Mum. I've never had the best relationship with her, although it's been strained over the years, it ironically got better once I'd moved out of the house and wasn't under her feet every day. My siblings still live there, but that's another story, and we spoke about finding out recently that a relative has gotten into trouble.

Nothing ironic about that, its the quickest way to improve relations once you are you are old enough to vote

I was brought up just about right I'd say, not laissez faire but not unduly strict either. A middle path of common sense. Probably the best thing my parents did

On the other hand these people knew a hard upbringing.

RMD

I had the perfect set-up I think. My parents trusted me enough to do practically anything I wanted that wans't absurd, because they knew I was sensible. If I ****ed it up or something happened, it never happened again, simple as, that was their view on it.

Worked for both of us, I got a lot of freedom and my parents love how independent I was.

PeterIanStaker

I was the oldest and a quiet but weird sort of kid, so they didnt need to yank my chain that often. I was more interested in sitting in my room with my guitar for most of my teenage years, so that when I did go drinking or act the bollox or whatever, it was seen as a once - off. Strict from an educational perspective but I agree with that, my parents valued education, and I also consider myself lucky there wasnt excessive religion.

My name is URL

Fairly strict alright.. one time my parents found out that I was hanging around with another kid who had gotten himself a bit of a bad name. As a punishment I wasn't allowed to go on holiday to Italy with the family, was sent to stay with my aunt instead. They were very imaginative with their punishments but i don't ever remember getting a slap or threatened with a broom etc.

anniehoo

My name is URL wrote: »

As a punishment I wasn't allowed to go on holiday to Italy with the family, was sent to stay with my aunt instead..

Wow...harsh!

Millie

My parents were relaxed enough but my Dad was a bit old fashioned and was a bit weird about boyfriends and drinking etc.
Other than that I had it pretty good, a nice bit of leeway but would be quickly put in my place if I went out of bounds.

starbelgrade

My parents are really cool. 3 years ago they let me have my own bedroom, so I no longer have to sleep in my parents bed.

Next year for my birthday, they promised to buy me my own television. I can't wait - I have been looking forward to it for nearly 30 years.

fabbydabby

God I don't know what I'd do if i had a kid like me... my poor mother. Patience of a saint that woman. I was constantly in trouble, but for fairly harmless stuff... not dealing heroin or anything... just constantly in trouble. Suspended from school, dossing, telling teachers to go fk themselves (only the ones that deserved it mind you)...

Incidentally, I see the approach some kids' parents on page 2 took with them with respect to alcohol, i.e. try a glass of beer at home and you'd be less inclined to drink a flagon of devil's bastard in a ditch somewhere... well I did both actually so I can safely say that approach didnt work. I used to ate the smokes as well so I did. What a fkin eejit, I suppose I thought I was deadly at the time.

I have seen kids with very strict upbringings go off the wall altogether in college (which is round the time I started getting some sense) so you have to hit the balance I suppose.

i guess I just can't stand getting told what to do.

Rebel021

My dad was very hard on me and my siblings.
To this day we all have a very strained relationship with him.

easyeason3

Rebel021 wrote: »

My dad was very hard on me and my siblings.
To this day we all have a very strained relationship with him.

Thank God someone else said they had a hard time.
I was feeling very lonely there for a while.

Flojo

Very difficult upbringing. Made me who I am today though so I wouldn't change it.

kfallon

Flojo wrote: »

Very difficult upbringing. Made me who I am today though so I wouldn't change it.

A double Olympic Champion???

Mint Sauce

Not overly strict, i got away with the odd thing, but got a slap or the sole of the shoe when i deserved it or if out of line. Grew up knowing the difference between right and wrong, learned to repsect people, and learned from my mistakes.

brummytom wrote: »

The only thing I'd say they're a lot stricter on than any other family I know is swearing - it's just something that's never been allowed in our house, and I wouldn't dream of ever swearing in front of them. But mom saw me swearing on facebook recently, and she wasn't annoyed about it, just unhappy that some of our more 'conservative' relations might see it.
Fuck em.

lets hope they never see your boards account then

bodun

kfallon wrote: »

A double Olympic Champion???

And dead?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flojo

apkbarry

I never had a strict upbringing.
I ran around naked on the streets, broke glass tables, hid under tables ins chool etc etc... Guards were called :S
That was when I lived in town.

We moved out into the countryside and in my new school (much smaller) there was more control over me,
I wasn't hyper.
Then as I got even older the only rule was:
"You can do what you like, just don't have the guards at my door"
Only rule mum had was no Motorbikes or drugs..
She doesn't mind me drinking (at 17) as long as I dont get wasted, or stay somewhere without telling her,
She even asked me did I try drugs ever... WHich i havent.

So yeah, amazing what a change in environment could do?

Lando Griffin

My parents were not strict but would lay down the law.
Myself and the brother were right little feckers, but raised on a farm we would be sent off doing the turf and milking the cows, but we would end up acting the eejit.
Fair play to Dad, when the bro hit 17 he bought him a banger for about 100 pounds and both of us got a job to pay to make it roadworthy and get insurance.
He got up once at 3.30am in the morning to pull us out of a drain coming home from the night club.
He then advised us that for every 1 mile of road there are 2 miles of ditches.
Mammy was the problematic one though, always comparing us to the other children in the neighbourhood and wanting us to emulate them. This caused grief because in the neighbourhood was an All Ireland Irish dancing family, A family who nearly won Mike Murphys quiz M and another one went really far on Know your Sport.
Us, in her ambitious mind, reduced ourselves to toppin thistles, milking cows, cutting silage and having the crack.

ToxicPaddy

Sanjuro wrote: »

Yeah, mine was pretty damn strict. Guess that came from being the son of a former military man. Strict regimen of chores which were deliberately made difficult to... well I'm not sure why they were made difficult.

For example. We had a large back-garden with this massive tree that shat leaves all year round. As part of my scheduled tasks, I was made rake up the leaves every day. Being an enterprising 12 year old, I found that the rake I was given was a load of shite, so I got the lawn-mower, raised the blades so it wouldn't cut the grass, and basically hoovered up the leaves, completing the task in about a tenth of the time. I thought I was fucking Edison in how inventive I was. When my da found out, he banned the lawn-mower and got a rake that had less prongs on it so the task became twice as difficult. Sure, character building. But now I have an intense hatred for leaves. And rakes.

Man thats harsh, I would have praised a child of mine (if I had any) for using their initiative and thinking of time saving solution like that rather than punish them.. then I would find some more mind numbing chores for them to do and see if they can come up with an alternative solution..

My parents werent too strict but they did make sure you knew the value of money and hard work.. I still get on very well with both of them.. even more so since I moved out on my own..

edwardhitler

Two words, WOODEN SPOON, i still quiver!!

ToxicPaddy

Lando Griffin wrote: »

..Mammy was the problematic one though, always comparing us to the other children in the neighbourhood and wanting us to emulate them...

Yup I had that too, but now its "I'm so glad you didn't turn out like such and such, you would have been such a disappointment to me if you did.. women eh? Ya can't win.. :P

Flojo

kfallon wrote: »

A double Olympic Champion???

You know it!

bodun wrote: »

And dead?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flojo

What can I say... I'm just that awesome!



PS: Didn't even know who she was until after I picked the name. Tis a nick my aunt gave me.

kfallon

Flojo wrote: »

You know it!



What can I say... I'm just that awesome!



PS: Didn't even know who she was until after I picked the name. Tis a nick my aunt gave me.

Obviously your aunt knew who she was tho!

ToxicPaddy

edwardhitler wrote: »

Two words, WOODEN SPOON, i still quiver!!

Used to happen to me, until my mother when to hit me with one, I put up my arm to defend myself and it broke in two.. she just stopped, looked at it, I turned and said, now thats what you get and stormed off.. she burst out laughing, I was about 8 at the time, that was the last if the wooden spoon..

Ahh the memories are flooding back in the thread..

Flojo

kfallon wrote: »

Obviously your aunt knew who she was tho!

Probably but my names Flóra so... yeah!

edwardhitler

ToxicPaddy wrote: »

Used to happen to me, until my mother when to hit me with one, I put up my arm to defend myself and it broke in two.. she just stopped, looked at it, I turned and said, now thats what you get and stormed off.. she burst out laughing, I was about 8 at the time, that was the last if the wooden spoon..

Ahh the memories are flooding back in the thread..

HAHA, i think it mostly mothers that were armed with the wooden spoon! My mam was defo not efficient with the WS, she broke a few on us. My dads weapon of choice was the the good old tried and tested fist!!!