Alfresco Dumps

OutlawPete · 2010-09-22 02:13:37

.. for me, from this day forward! I can never sit on the toilet seat again :eek: Source So, if from now on I only have alfresco dumps, is there anything I should look out for? Have you ever had a close encounter of the turd kind? Any alfresco dumps that you particularly enjoyed or wished you never had?

22-09-2010 03:13AM

#1

OutlawPete

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.. for me, from this day forward!

I can never sit on the toilet seat again :eek:

Polish Woman Finds Six Foots Snake In Toilet!

A Polish pensioner got the fright of her life yesterday after lifting her toilet seat to reveal a 6.5-foot-long anaconda staring back at her.
The 73-year-old woman from Wroclaw immediately slammed the lid down and alerted authorities before the giant snake could sliver free.
Police spokesman Pawel Petrykowski said:
“She was certainly very frightened but managed to keep her wits about her.”
The anaconda, which is native to South America, was captured unharmed and taken to a local zoo, while police launched an investigation to identify its owner.

Source

So, if from now on I only have alfresco dumps, is there anything I should look out for?

Have you ever had a close encounter of the turd kind?

Any alfresco dumps that you particularly enjoyed or wished you never had?

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Comments

#2 22-09-2010 03:21AM

Neadine

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Hmmmm, Anacondas in toilets in Poland... interesting.

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#3 22-09-2010 03:50AM

Pdfile

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a 6 ft brown snake ??

ive done long without even trying...

Currys

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#4 22-09-2010 04:14AM

policarp

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Poor auld snake was only trying to get up a pole...

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#5 22-09-2010 04:46AM

Jev/N

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Meanwhile, in Wroclaw....

~~~~~~~:pac:

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#6 22-09-2010 06:18AM

Overheal

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At least she saw it before she shat down.

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#7 22-09-2010 08:19AM

FlutterinBantam

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Don't knock the alfresco dump.

Hosed out a nice bunch of 'copper bolts' when I was caught short on Portmarnock beach yesterday.

The squatting posture cleans out the bowel very effectively, and makes evacuation easier than the ceramic throne.

Gives the sphinct. more purchase, and so easy to nip off a log and dispense with wiping as there is a bit of 'spread' on the cheeks.

Good point poster.

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#8 22-09-2010 08:40AM

BluesBerry

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I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

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#9 22-09-2010 09:42AM

kfallon

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BluesBerry wrote: »

I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

That's why I like to shiite all over the back of the toilet bowl, it's harder to climb a pebble dashed wall than a normal one

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#10 22-09-2010 09:43AM

phill106

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Fyp

“She was certainly very frightened but managed to keep her sh*t inside her.”

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#11 22-09-2010 10:39AM

FlutterinBantam

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kfallon wrote: »

That's why I like to shiite all over the back of the toilet bowl, it's harder to climb a pebble dashed wall than a normal one

I would disagree strongly with your strategy and logic friend.

I think you need to re-visit that system and adopt some more effective measures

Like bring a few balls of tightly wound barbed wire around in your pocket and drop one of them in the pan before you expose brown freckle and crimp off a log.

Rats don't like barbed wire, I'm reliably advised.

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#12 22-09-2010 11:04AM

Trashbat

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I took an alfresco dump in Latvia once. Got bitten by a well targeted Mosquito and subsequently couldnt take any more Alfresco dumps for the next 4 days with the swelling. Never again. I stick to my Porcelain palace these days.

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#13 22-09-2010 11:06AM

orourkeda

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My dumps are the length of an anaconda.

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#14 22-09-2010 11:13AM

Aidric

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BluesBerry wrote: »

I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

I know a guy who this happened to. He was mid deposit when a rat bit him in the arse.

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#15 22-09-2010 11:14AM

AnonoBoy

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I thought this thread was going to be about illegal rubbish dumping.

Now I'm scared to go to the toilet.

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#16 22-09-2010 11:15AM

antodeco

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Snakes on a drain!

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#17 22-09-2010 11:15AM

_feedback_

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The scale of FlutterinBantams shíte talk is evident from his two postings already in this thread

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#18 22-09-2010 11:18AM

BluesBerry

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elviscostello wrote: »

The scale of FlutterinBantams shíte talk is evident from his two postings already in this thread

He sure can wax lyric on matters concerning poo

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#19 22-09-2010 12:04PM

KungPao

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"The 73-year-old woman from Wroclaw immediately slammed the lid down and alerted authorities before the giant snake could sliver free".

Slither?

Or was the writer from Laaahndan? "Awight Gaavnar, the snake slivered free it did".

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#20 22-09-2010 03:12PM

OutlawPete

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FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Don't knock the alfresco dump.

Nothing like fresh air flowing round the exposed buttocks, tis true.

However, I don't like the sensation of my eh .. ahem, member .. touching the foliage of an unknown nature.

What if some wild dog where to think it of it as it's dinner for instance?

I like the beach tip Flutt.

However, I hadn't planned on you, being part of my after life experience :D:pac:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=64359793&postcount=1

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#21 22-09-2010 03:19PM

chin_grin

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Pdfile wrote: »

a 6 ft brown snake ??

ive done long without even trying...

Currys

What does an Electronics Shop have to do with.....ooooh "curries".

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#22 22-09-2010 03:21PM

Dax Shallow Shampoo
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AnonoBoy wrote: »

I thought this thread was going to be about illegal rubbish dumping.

Now I'm scared to go to the toilet.

I thought it was going to be about alfresco cafes which were unpleasant.

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#23 22-09-2010 03:59PM

W.Shakes-Beer

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Surely the sight of a hairy, obese mans marmite motorway would make the snake double back?

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#24 22-09-2010 04:22PM

kfallon

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W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Surely the sight of a hairy, obese mans marmite motorway would make the snake double back?

Surely the snake offered to lick it clean, some sort of amzonian bidet :eek:

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#25 22-09-2010 04:26PM

phill106

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kfallon wrote: »

Surely the snake offered to lick it clean, some sort of amzonian bidet :eek:

MY BRAIN! The Image wont leave my brain!

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#26 22-09-2010 04:34PM

kfallon

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phill106 wrote: »

MY BRAIN! The Image wont leave my brain!

Imagine being asked to suck the poison out if the snake turns out to be venomous :eek:

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#27 22-09-2010 08:05PM

FlutterinBantam

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Look!

There was never a problem with this snake.

Water in the 'S' would be far too cold to enable the reptile to function properly.

The animal was probably in a stupor and barely able to move.

She could have bathed him in hot piss and not have to worry about her 'giblets' getting a nip, or a flick of the tongue on her 'jumping bean'.

never a chance.

Total over reaction here in my opinion.

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#28 22-09-2010 08:27PM

[Deleted User]
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How to remove snakes from the toilet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1Dzt0-gcJM

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#29 22-09-2010 11:20PM

Maja

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You are all idiots

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#30 22-09-2010 11:27PM

W.Shakes-Beer

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tell that to the snake mo'fúka!

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#31 22-09-2010 11:28PM

OutlawPete

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FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Total over reaction here in my opinion.

Not so sure about that man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvTDa1KPq_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbaC6zmqjSI

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