Alfresco Dumps

OutlawPete

.. for me, from this day forward!

I can never sit on the toilet seat again :eek:

Polish Woman Finds Six Foots Snake In Toilet!

A Polish pensioner got the fright of her life yesterday after lifting her toilet seat to reveal a 6.5-foot-long anaconda staring back at her.
The 73-year-old woman from Wroclaw immediately slammed the lid down and alerted authorities before the giant snake could sliver free.
Police spokesman Pawel Petrykowski said:

“She was certainly very frightened but managed to keep her wits about her.”

The anaconda, which is native to South America, was captured unharmed and taken to a local zoo, while police launched an investigation to identify its owner.

Source

So, if from now on I only have alfresco dumps, is there anything I should look out for?

Have you ever had a close encounter of the turd kind?

Any alfresco dumps that you particularly enjoyed or wished you never had?

Neadine

Hmmmm, Anacondas in toilets in Poland... interesting.

Pdfile

a 6 ft brown snake ??

ive done long without even trying...

Currys

policarp

Poor auld snake was only trying to get up a pole...

Jev/N

Meanwhile, in Wroclaw....

~~~~~~~:pac:

Overheal

At least she saw it before she shat down.

FlutterinBantam

Don't knock the alfresco dump.

Hosed out a nice bunch of 'copper bolts' when I was caught short on Portmarnock beach yesterday.

The squatting posture cleans out the bowel very effectively, and makes evacuation easier than the ceramic throne.

Gives the sphinct. more purchase, and so easy to nip off a log and dispense with wiping as there is a bit of 'spread' on the cheeks.

Good point poster.

BluesBerry

I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

kfallon

BluesBerry wrote: »

I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

That's why I like to shiite all over the back of the toilet bowl, it's harder to climb a pebble dashed wall than a normal one

phill106

Fyp

“She was certainly very frightened but managed to keep her sh*t inside her.”

FlutterinBantam

kfallon wrote: »

That's why I like to shiite all over the back of the toilet bowl, it's harder to climb a pebble dashed wall than a normal one

I would disagree strongly with your strategy and logic friend.

I think you need to re-visit that system and adopt some more effective measures

Like bring a few balls of tightly wound barbed wire around in your pocket and drop one of them in the pan before you expose brown freckle and crimp off a log.

Rats don't like barbed wire, I'm reliably advised.

Trashbat

I took an alfresco dump in Latvia once. Got bitten by a well targeted Mosquito and subsequently couldnt take any more Alfresco dumps for the next 4 days with the swelling. Never again. I stick to my Porcelain palace these days.

orourkeda

My dumps are the length of an anaconda.

Aidric

BluesBerry wrote: »

I remember reading in the newspaper that rats crawl up toilets it happened to a woman somewhere in ireland thats why I always keep the lid down

I know a guy who this happened to. He was mid deposit when a rat bit him in the arse.

AnonoBoy

I thought this thread was going to be about illegal rubbish dumping.

Now I'm scared to go to the toilet.

antodeco

Snakes on a drain!

_feedback_

The scale of FlutterinBantams shíte talk is evident from his two postings already in this thread

BluesBerry

elviscostello wrote: »

The scale of FlutterinBantams shíte talk is evident from his two postings already in this thread

He sure can wax lyric on matters concerning poo

KungPao

"The 73-year-old woman from Wroclaw immediately slammed the lid down and alerted authorities before the giant snake could sliver free".

Slither?

Or was the writer from Laaahndan? "Awight Gaavnar, the snake slivered free it did".

OutlawPete

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Don't knock the alfresco dump.

Nothing like fresh air flowing round the exposed buttocks, tis true.

However, I don't like the sensation of my eh .. ahem, member .. touching the foliage of an unknown nature.

What if some wild dog where to think it of it as it's dinner for instance?

I like the beach tip Flutt.

However, I hadn't planned on you, being part of my after life experience :D:pac:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=64359793&postcount=1

chin_grin

Pdfile wrote: »

a 6 ft brown snake ??

ive done long without even trying...

Currys

What does an Electronics Shop have to do with.....ooooh "curries".

AnonoBoy

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I thought this thread was going to be about illegal rubbish dumping.

Now I'm scared to go to the toilet.

I thought it was going to be about alfresco cafes which were unpleasant.

W.Shakes-Beer

Surely the sight of a hairy, obese mans marmite motorway would make the snake double back?

kfallon

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Surely the sight of a hairy, obese mans marmite motorway would make the snake double back?

Surely the snake offered to lick it clean, some sort of amzonian bidet :eek:

phill106

kfallon wrote: »

Surely the snake offered to lick it clean, some sort of amzonian bidet :eek:

MY BRAIN! The Image wont leave my brain!

kfallon

phill106 wrote: »

MY BRAIN! The Image wont leave my brain!

Imagine being asked to suck the poison out if the snake turns out to be venomous :eek:

FlutterinBantam

Look!

There was never a problem with this snake.

Water in the 'S' would be far too cold to enable the reptile to function properly.

The animal was probably in a stupor and barely able to move.

She could have bathed him in hot piss and not have to worry about her 'giblets' getting a nip, or a flick of the tongue on her 'jumping bean'.

never a chance.

Total over reaction here in my opinion.

How to remove snakes from the toilet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1Dzt0-gcJM

Maja

You are all idiots

W.Shakes-Beer

tell that to the snake mo'fúka!

OutlawPete

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Total over reaction here in my opinion.

Not so sure about that man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvTDa1KPq_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbaC6zmqjSI

Gillington

OutlawPete wrote: »

.. for me, from this day forward!

I can never sit on the toilet seat again :eek:



Source

So, if from now on I only have alfresco dumps, is there anything I should look out for?

Have you ever had a close encounter of the turd kind?

Any alfresco dumps that you particularly enjoyed or wished you never had?

Jeez,sounds like the shi**est promo ever for Samuel L Jackson's latest venture

OutlawPete

Gillington wrote: »

Jeez,sounds like the shi**est promo ever for Samuel L Jackson's latest venture

Actually, I'm just back from the cinema and I think I just seen his "shittiest" venture, The Other Guys.

FlutterinBantam

OutlawPete wrote: »

Not so sure about that man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvTDa1KPq_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbaC6zmqjSI

Not wishing to disagree but both of those reptiles are indigenous to the country where the incident occurred.

One in Texas and one I presume Australia.

Now the anaconda is not a native of Poland as far as I know and would have difficulty functioning in the Polish climate,especially outside a controlled environment.

Now even if the lady had squarted a stream of hot piss on the animal,or horror of horrors, expunged a 'loose load' after some spicy Polish sausage,in my estimation she would have come to no harm apart maybe from an involuntary spatther when she went to inspect and flush the load.

So I still maintain that even if one spys an anaconda in the 'S' one can safely 'empty the magazine' without getting in harms way.

Dublin Zoo may have some info on this occurrence.