On my own forever?

magneticimpulse wrote: »

...joining clubs and activities...no luck...

So in relation to that, of course I joined clubs because I was interested in that and it wasnt to meet a man...

You say that you joined clubs and activities and no luck, that shows your reason to join the club was to meet a man. Unless you mean you had no luck in liking the activity?

Listen, I was always the sort to deny to high heaven that I was doing anything to meet a man. I always did it for 'me'. I realised though that I WASN'T doing it for me when I used to come home from these clubs etc and have a small, vaguely empty feeling inside of me. Why was that feeling there? Because I hadn't 'met' anyone nice. Iwas a waste of my time, energy and money going to these clubs/activities because I had an expectation of meeting someone, which surprise surprise, never worked out.

So I stopped caring if there were going to be men at these clubs/activities. What happened was that I started enjoying my nights out instead and I wouldn't come home with that vague feeling that I had somehow missed out. Because I hadn't missed out.

I know it looks like I'm nit-picking with you, but your comment of 'no luck' with regard to clubs and activities really stood out. I'm far happier in myself since I stopped looking for someone. I'm still single, so I'm not smugly settled into a relationship looking down on all the poor unfortunates who can't meet someone. In fact, I think that there are so many things I want to do, god help those people in relationships who have to keep the other half in mind!

magneticimpulse wrote: »

This is so far off my point, its really a misinterpretation of my post.

The other posters were implying that maybe the OP was looking for "the one", "mr.right". I was suggesting that maybe the OP is finding it hard just find "mr.average". What I mean by that? Well maybe she is not looking for Brad Pitt like everybody thinks...maybe she is just looking for Daithi O'Se etc. (Me included).

As for joining clubs...the reason I said that was because Ive done the going to pubs/nightclubs...no luck...joining clubs and activities...no luck...and internet dating for 12 years (no luck after 60,000 guys viewed my profile).

So in relation to that, of course I joined clubs because I was interested in that and it wasnt to meet a man...but in my opinion as a single person I always take every opportunity to keep my options open. I met some nice friends etc. I mention this as, normally these are the usual "places" or things to do to get out there and meet men (hardly going to meet him if im indoors all the time).

Im not underselling myself at all...im fed up when men ask me what I do...i get their attention by being attractive. However the usual topics come up, what do you do where do you live...and I hate discussing that because I am very successful too. I think, men just want someone who is not so successful, that there is competition whatever.

Ive never mentioned marriage. Got im just talking about meeting a guy like OP here...let alone a relationship...hell marriage would be like winning a Nobel Prize. In fact in the line of work I do...id be closer to the Nobel Prize.

Anyway, besides that I go around my life being single and not having sex for years on end. Can you not blame someone for wanting the settled life? Something which is more stable? I dont think its automatic privlage in life, but im fed up with the attitude that if you "stop looking you will find him". I dont look...and i still havnt found...so its useless.

I am with OP in the frustration and I see it has been mentioned that OP has a child now. You know what I just think men are so fussy...they dont want women to have children...to be successful but not as successful as them, to be attractive but not so attractive that other men will be chasing you all the time. Basically men seem to want a plain Jane to bring home to Mammy....and sounds like OP just isnt that (and many of us women are in the same boat)

I'm not sure how you've managed to bring your own problems into the OP's thread, but anyway, from the way you are describing yourself, your wonderful looks and success wouldn't put me off, your over-elevated awareness of these traits would.

Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps you sell yourself differently in real life, but from the way you describe yourself and your situation here, there are very few men who would approach a woman who comes across as you do. Not being rude or meaning offence, just giving you a man's perspective of how you are coming across.

Men don't go out seeking specifically some plain jane character, it just so happens that a lot of these "beautiful successful women" are far too into themselves to allow anyone else in, their opinion of themselves is excessively high and they're generally just not worth the effort. Nothing will ever be good enough. They're expecting to be treated like some kind of princess because that's how they view themselves. Like some character from MTV's super sweet 16!

Easygoing is a huge turn-on for a lot of men. There is nothing in your post (or the OP's) that leads me to believe you are an easygoing woman.

I get a sense of desperation, neediness, this "WHEN WHEN WHEN WILL THIS MAN COME ALONG???? WHERE IS HE???? WHERE????" air which would make any man hotfoot the opposite direction.

A girl who comes across as down to earth and doesn't describe herself as the most beautiful, successful female on the planet can look a lot more beautiful and successful to a man.

Also, your definition of beautiful may not be the same as what the average man sees. That expression can mean a thousand things to a thousand different men and women.

Finally I sense an air of bitterness coming from both yourself and the OP because you haven't been lucky in love thus far.. if I can sense that from words on a public forum, I'm sure men in clubs/bars/group activities can sense it too. Same goes for the neediness, desperation. These traits are perhaps more obvious to others than they are to the beholder..

I want to be very honest here but I don't want to cause offense.

How do I put this as nicely but as helpfully as possible..

I want to direct my response to both the OP and magneticimpulse as I see a similar air to both of your posts. Your attitudes come across very clearly in this thread and I believe the vast majority if not all potentially interested men would read them as very off-putting.

You both seem to take offense very quickly, and act very defensively. You don't seem to be willing to listen to advice or accept input, preferring to make excuses and offer great detail for why things are the way they are in your life (magneticimpulse feeling the need to tell us every detail of her clubs/social outings in someone else's thread) to justify yourselves. You both came in here claiming to be unhappy or seeking love, then when people offer advice and suggestions, you both seem to rear up and almost have an attitude of "Me? Unhappy? Who said I was unhappy? Maybe it's YOU that's unhappy!".

You both need to back down a bit and re-evaluate, or accept there could be a long, lonely road ahead.

OP, you aren't willing to listen to the advice or input from the few posters who were honest and brave enough to make some observations, instead you jump on your high horse and get nasty.

I'm going to assume this is your personality and you are carrying this through to normal daily life.

Men can't stand that.

Yes, if you are still single after that length of time/trying, it is time to re-evaluate one's self. It can't always be everyone else. It's very easy to blame men for not being interested or say all men are sleazy/boring/intimidated by your beauty and intelligence and job. Maybe it's time to look at yourself and your own shortfallings.

There are lots of successful and attractive women out there that DO have successful long-term relationships. Don't be so naive to say that they got the few good men out there. In general, men may initially notice a woman by her appearance, but after that, it's all about personality. I think it's the same for all relationships. It takes a very shallow person to put up with someone lacking in personality but attractive with looks. And even when that does happen, the man will only wait around so long, then realise the void a personality problem creates.

Looks don't keep you warm at night or console you when you're low. Neither do successful careers.

Men are a lot less complex than women seem to believe. There isn't usually deeper meaning. If a relationship doesn't work out, someone wasn't happy. If a pattern occurs where a man continually walks away, it's time to ask some questions of yourself. It's easy say it wasn't meant to be, but let's be honest, it's probably not him, it probably IS you.



Personality is key.

If you're describing yourself as the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, well then it can't possibly be your appearance that's the problem, so maybe you need to work on personality. Or maybe that's just not changeable. Maybe some people are highly strung and operate on a short fuse, and there's just little hope of ever changing that.

Magneticimpulse, the plain jane character you describe probably compensates for her "plainness" with a warm, bubbly, friendly, loving, cheerful personality. I can't think of anything more attractive in a woman than that.

In my experience, those people who were single for life have had personality traits that would've made it very difficult for anyone to live with them. Why should any man sacrifice his own happiness to make all of this effort for a woman who is never going to give as much back? A man will make sacrifices for someone who is worth it. But i takes more than a pretty face to make a woman worth it.

I just sense this air of a snappy, defensive personality from both of your responses in this thread, and if I'm truthful about it, as long as you both remain as you are now, there's little chance you'll have success with men, IMO.

Whether a personality is changeable is a whole other debate.

Not wanting to upset anyone, but I feel other people are quite possibly thinking the same going by the small amount of evidence offered here (magneticimpulse, I've seen your responses in other threads in the past and noticed the same attitude issues), but few are willing to be honest enough to tell you these things.

It's a lot easier blame others than to look at one's self.

Hope I'm not causing offense but I feel I may be able to offer a little more truth here than many are willing to tell you.

lallylolly wrote: »

I want to be very honest here but I don't want to cause offense.

How do I put this as nicely but as helpfully as possible..

I want to direct my response to both the OP and magneticimpulse as I see a similar air to both of your posts. Your attitudes come across very clearly in this thread and I believe the vast majority if not all potentially interested men would read them as very off-putting.

You both seem to take offense very quickly, and act very defensively. You don't seem to be willing to listen to advice or accept input, preferring to make excuses and offer great detail for why things are the way they are in your life (magneticimpulse feeling the need to tell us every detail of her clubs/social outings in someone else's thread) to justify yourselves. You both came in here claiming to be unhappy or seeking love, then when people offer advice and suggestions, you both seem to rear up and almost have an attitude of "Me? Unhappy? Who said I was unhappy? Maybe it's YOU that's unhappy!".

You both need to back down a bit and re-evaluate, or accept there could be a long, lonely road ahead.

OP, you aren't willing to listen to the advice or input from the few posters who were honest and brave enough to make some observations, instead you jump on your high horse and get nasty.

I'm going to assume this is your personality and you are carrying this through to normal daily life.

Men can't stand that.

Yes, if you are still single after that length of time/trying, it is time to re-evaluate one's self. It can't always be everyone else. It's very easy to blame men for not being interested or say all men are sleazy/boring/intimidated by your beauty and intelligence and job. Maybe it's time to look at yourself and your own shortfallings.

There are lots of successful and attractive women out there that DO have successful long-term relationships. Don't be so naive to say that they got the few good men out there. In general, men may initially notice a woman by her appearance, but after that, it's all about personality. I think it's the same for all relationships. It takes a very shallow person to put up with someone lacking in personality but attractive with looks. And even when that does happen, the man will only wait around so long, then realise the void a personality problem creates.

Looks don't keep you warm at night or console you when you're low. Neither do successful careers.

Men are a lot less complex than women seem to believe. There isn't usually deeper meaning. If a relationship doesn't work out, someone wasn't happy. If a pattern occurs where a man continually walks away, it's time to ask some questions of yourself. It's easy say it wasn't meant to be, but let's be honest, it's probably not him, it probably IS you.



Personality is key.

If you're describing yourself as the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, well then it can't possibly be your appearance that's the problem, so maybe you need to work on personality. Or maybe that's just not changeable. Maybe some people are highly strung and operate on a short fuse, and there's just little hope of ever changing that.

Magneticimpulse, the plain jane character you describe probably compensates for her "plainness" with a warm, bubbly, friendly, loving, cheerful personality. I can't think of anything more attractive in a woman than that.

In my experience, those people who were single for life have had personality traits that would've made it very difficult for anyone to live with them. Why should any man sacrifice his own happiness to make all of this effort for a woman who is never going to give as much back? A man will make sacrifices for someone who is worth it. But i takes more than a pretty face to make a woman worth it.

I just sense this air of a snappy, defensive personality from both of your responses in this thread, and if I'm truthful about it, as long as you both remain as you are now, there's little chance you'll have success with men, IMO.

Whether a personality is changeable is a whole other debate.

Not wanting to upset anyone, but I feel other people are quite possibly thinking the same going by the small amount of evidence offered here (magneticimpulse, I've seen your responses in other threads in the past and noticed the same attitude issues), but few are willing to be honest enough to tell you these things.

It's a lot easier blame others than to look at one's self.

Hope I'm not causing offense but I feel I may be able to offer a little more truth here than many are willing to tell you.

In fairness to the OP She did admit that the problem is probably hers and not all the men she has dated. So to give a lecture on looking at oneself as opposed to blaming others just shows that you didnt even bother to read the OPs original post.

OP it sounds like youre willing to have a good hard look at yourself which is very admirable, theres a not a lot of folks who'll be brave enough to honestly appraise their own behaviour in a no nonsense manner. Its a tough thing to do, but well worth the effort. Good luck to you.

Unregistered wrote: »

I know PLENTY of women who are as ugly as sin and have the personality of a golfball

This is true and 9 times of of 10, when you look at their men, they are not fellas you would go for anyway....

OP, I am pretty much in the same position as you and think a lot of it is down to luck as well - right time, right place etc and just being open to meeting someone. Its not all about looks but I also think that men our age have an issue with women our age as they think there must be something wrong with us for still being single...