[COMPETITION] Win a 7 night holiday in Majorca

StompToWork · 16-08-2010 07:56PM

Coming home from holidays, on the Ryanair flight just taxi-ing to the runway from Barcelona (well, Reus), the captain came on the intercom to say "Cabin crew, take your seats for departure". The guy sitting next to me turned to me in a horrible hungover stupor and asked me "Did he just say we ran over a Badger??"

Anyone who heard burst into laughter.

Guess you had to be there!!

pwd · 16-08-2010 07:58PM

I managed to really really really mess up the fairly simple task of getting a train from Schiphol Airport to Central Station in Amsterdam.
I got the tickets from a machine, paying with my credit card, and politely declined a man offering to help me work it. It produced two little slips of paper, with the details in Dutch on them.
On the train, an inspector came around. We gave him our tickets, and he laughed and explained that they weren't actually tickets at all, but notes saying that we hadn't paid; the transaction had failed I think.
That was ok though, just kinda funny, and the inspector was nice about it. So we carried on. We came to Leiden Centraal, and I just sort of decided that Leiden was Dutch for station, for some reason, and that we had arrived at Central Station in Amsterdam. "Here we are," I said, "Come on," and we got out.
My friend remarked that it seemed strangely quiet, looked different than when he'd been there before, and was I sure I knew where we were going. "Yeah yeah, of course," I reassured him, fully undaunted by my previous mistake with the tickets.
Eventually, unable to find any landmark or street name, I agreed to ask for directions. The first person we asked on the street looked completely bewildered by our queries, so we decided to talk to someone in a shop. The lady there looked a bit confused too. She told us we wouldn't be able to walk there. I said, "Yes we can, it's in the middle of Amsterdam." She said "Yes I know - Amsterdam is 50 miles away."
I said -oh right.

Laura1981 · 16-08-2010 08:27PM

We went to spain last year while we were there we took a trip to Barcelona Zoo, my husband and my oldest son were walking ahead of me and my 5 year old.

I saw some weird animals that I'd never seen before and said to my 5 year old "God they're crazy looking aren't they" he looked at me dead serious and said "Mam they're old ladies that's what you'll look like when you're 500".

I was talking about the animals he was talking about the crazy looking ladies beside us LOL, then he told me to sshhhh because talking about people was rude:):D

I could only just about keep a straight face LOL>

lel44 · 16-08-2010 08:30PM

i'll never forget this holiday, i'm 39 now an this was when i was about 6 or 7. We didnt have suitcases so we each got a black plastic bag and each of the 4 of us kids had to put the clothes that my mam had laid out for us into our bag an bring it down for my dad to load onto the roof rack of our little old gold fiesta ( no big 7 seater with luxury suit case).... We all put our bags on the sofa an then went to squeeze ourselvs into the car. When we got to Costa Del Wexford an time to unload there was no bag for my brother, who had apparently thrown it so far into the sitting room it went over the sofa... So here we were with no clothes for him (nowadays u'd prob run to a shop an pick up some gear on the cheap)... i was the nearest in age to my brother so i ended up havin to share all my clothes (the not too girlie bits).. I can still remember his face when we found his bag of neatly packed clothes at home on the floor behind the sofa ha ha so funny, i'm even laughin now remembering it again. I've 4 kids of my own now an i tell them that story every time we are packing to go to Wexford to make sure they hand their bags personally to dad LOL... their the stories that'll get handed down from gen to gen :0):D

tommy21 · 16-08-2010 08:34PM

I met the woman of my dreams (still my current woman:) ) just over 3 years ago. We'd only been going out about four months when I decided to take her on a surprise trip in an attempt to truly sweep her off her feet. This was the first proper holiday I'd ever organised myself period, never mind an excursion to impress, and so I guess a touch of alpha (;)) male came over me. I pulled out all the stops by picking one of the most romantic cities in the world - Venice. As anyone who has ever been knows, it is not a cheap city, to stay in or get to. Nonetheless I was determined to make my mark.

The first hitch arose when Aer Lingus began to threaten strike action a few weeks before our departure, as seems to be their pattern whenever I attempt to leave the country. Having spent a few hundred on the flights, a fortune on accommodation (about €800 for 4 nights!), and a bucket of sweat on not inadvertently giving the game away in the previous weeks, I panicked. This resulted in me spending another hundred and fifty on Ryan Air flights to a feeder airport about an hour outside Venice proper to insure against the potential strike (which never materialised).

My girlfriend was in Germany at the time, having gone over to help her sister who had injured her back. The second hitch arose when I was all a fluster on the phone about the strike and blurted out our destination :eek: Still all was not lost as she was delighted!

With the threat of a strike averted, we were able to fly in relative luxury (economy ahem) and touched down in the floating city, the plane a little lighter as a result of my battered wallet. As we wound our way through the narrow cobbled streets in semi-darkness, the gurgling canals added to the magic. However it would take more than conjuring to banish the third hitch.

After an increasingly anxious search of an hour, we eventually found our lodgings hidden away in a side-street, like so many parts of the city. It looked quaint on the outside, but like the photos on the website, promising in that the reception was lavishly furnished, if a little dated. Now as I mentioned earlier accommodation can be hard to find in Venice, particularly at short notice, so as soon as I had found something online I snapped it up. However I neglected to notice that this hotel specialised in themed rooms. This being the city of love, I experienced a sinking feeling as I signed the bill (in what felt like gold ink given the cost) as I noticed “Casanova Suite” printed at the bottom.

We were shown to our room and entered. Silence reigned for an eternity and then I heard a titter, followed by the hysterical laughter of my girlfriend. Perhaps the pictures below will demonstrate why:

Not so much four-poster as four shades of gray

The room was like something out of Aladin’s cave gone wrong – gaudy erotic red curtains in an ancient room, candlestick chandelier with a faux gold intricate headrest on the bed. I can laugh now, but at the time only knowing each other four months, I felt a tad foolish and as if my intentions were blatantly less than pure

Either that or she might think there was a fourth hitch after a very short courtship! To top this off we felt as if we were being watched by “Emelene” the entire stay, which was the name we gave to the rather provocative woman hanging on the wall whose eyes seemed to follow us no matter where we went.

Emelene's watchful presence

Here is a picture of me attempting to recover my composure:

The destination was not a surprise, the room on the other hand ... Still after more than three years together I must have done something right!

Help me make Emelene a distant memory, and turn hysterical laughter into awestruck silence as we laze by the pool in sunny Majorca!

Yours sincerely
the man forever known as Casanova

baby and crumble · 16-08-2010 08:35PM

Myself and my friend went interrailing after the LC, I was only 17, he was the older, wiser one at 18!

We were pretty broke, going from London to Cologne in one day- pretty hectic, but we were arriving late so needed to book somewhere to sleep. I noticed a bit of a tickle in my throat, but nothing major. Rang a bunch of places from France, no joy til we got to the last one in our guidebook. They had a room, my friend spoke the German, so he translated the price and all that (this was before the Euro!). Bit pricey but we decided to go for it... They gave us directions from the train station, so we were all set.

Arrived in Cologne at about 11pm, following the directions... past the Cathedral, grand yeah... through the shopping street, no probs... over the bridge... should be round here somewhere... all of a sudden I start to see moving mannequins and men with trenchcoats... HOLY CRAP WE'RE IN THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT!! Ok, just keep walking, just keep walking... Ok, there's the hotel. PHEW!

Got in, made the usual chit chat (and by this stage my 'little tickle' in my throat had basically developed into flu thanks to hermetically sealed Belgian & German trains :rolleyes:) so I just wanted to get to bed. As the guy leads us to the room he casually asks "So, how was the wedding?"

Blank looks.
"Excuse me?"
"The wedding, how was it?"
"Emmm... what wedding? "
"Your wedding. You're booked into the honeymoon suite!"

Yeah, there went the budget! :P:P:P Turns out my friend had calculated the price with the Irish- France rate, and not the German one. Nice.

paultronix · 16-08-2010 08:44PM

I was in fuertaventura recently with my parents and daughter, we were on out way back to our hotel and my dad was a little worse for wear and was doing a few "speed wobbles" I thought "it's going to take ages to get back", we came across a lift which was in our complex so I said "lets take the lift, it's in our complex so surely it'll bring us to our floor" so we got in and pressed 2 (our floor) we got to the second floor and got out.. the lobby looked strangely empty but exactly like our lobby.. but it wasn't our lobby... we pressed the button to call the lift but nothing happened... we tried to open the door but it was locked... we were stuck in the closed down lobby of a hotel and the lift didn't work.. to make matters worse my mum was bursting for the toilet and there was no-where to go... we tried to get peoples attention throught the glass doors but people just waved.. 20 mins later my mum was dancing around dying to wee so she said I can't hold it any more and went to the corner for a wee (ugh) I used my eyeliner to write "help" on a piece of paper and held it to the window but noone came past... Dad was happy to stay there, my Daughter (11) thought it was great, We couldn't find the number for our hotel on our phones.. we were stranded.. 2 hours later we managed to get through to our hotel and they said they'd send the security guard to let us out.. then we finally got to our hotel all the staff were standing around the desk and all burst out laughing at us.. so embarresed, every time we past the desk for the rest of the holiday the staff smirked at us!

zuroph · 16-08-2010 09:44PM

Many years ago, My parents took me and my younger sister to Praia Da Rocha for a holiday. I was a little 6 year old terror, getting in fights with other kids by the pool, constantly running away and covered in scratches and bruises from my various adventures. I'm sure my poor folks needed another holiday after this one to recover from minding me 24/7.

Anyway, towards the end of the week, my folks fancied a decent meal out. Since the Hotel babysitters wanted nothing to do with me (mutterings of some words that sounded suspiciously like "devil"), they had no option but to bring me. The preparation started 2 days in advance, with my dad making many threats and pleads to me to be on my best behaviour. I was bribed, with promises of a supersoaker, and decided that I was going to be on my absolute best behaviour. Part of the challenge though, was I was to be dressed in a sailor suit so my parents would have "a cute photo opportunity"

The restaurant chosen was "The Titanic". My parents kept me amused and interested by telling me all the stories of the titanic, and how the restaurant was based on the dining hall in the first class section of the ship. I was pretty impressed by the place and eager to explore, but the promise of the supersoaker hung over my head, and kept me on my absolute best behaviour. I said "please" and "thank you" and did my best not to interrupt when someone else was talking. I could see my parents were impressed. That supersoaker was as good as mine, and those kids at the pool were going to pay tomorrow.
After our starters, I politely asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. I went about my business without diversion, even though I really wanted to check this amazing place out more. As I went to wash my hands though, disaster struck. the head of the tap came away in my hand, and the water gushed to the ceiling. I panicked and did my best to try jam it back on, spraying water EVERYWHERE. It was hitting the ceiling and spraying everywhere in the bathroom, and puddles were quickly forming. Soaked, I did what any guilty 6 year old would do. I ran.

"DAD DAD, COME QUICK!!" ..Seeing how soaked I was, my mother started "What the HELL IS GOING..." but I'd already dragged Dad halfway across the restaurant towards the bathroom. I could see his veins in his head start to throb, and I knew already this was going to be bad. When he saw the bathroom, floor now completely submerged in a few inches of water, with water pouring out into the hall, He knew the same. He gave up on one very quick attempt at replacing the tap, returned to our table, gathered our stuff, and we paid at the door on the way out before they discovered the mess. Night ruined, mother distraught, sailor costume saturated. We passed the next evening, and the restaurant was closed for "emergency renovations".

To this day, at every family occasion I have endure the telling of "The night Michael Sunk the Titanic", usually accompanied with this photo, which was taken an hour before the crime. Butter wouldn't melt.

I never got my supersoaker..

LeahBaby · 16-08-2010 09:54PM

4 years ago, I went to paris with my boyfriend. It was our first romantic holiday together!

after a hour and a half flight in which i cried and puked the whole way with fear, we landed in charled de gualle to find the airline had lost our baggage

we got to our hotel with no spare clothes and so our holiday got ont a romantic start. We found the funny side of taking pictures of us in hoodies and jeans with disposable cameras!

The night before we were due to fly home, we arrived to our hotel to meet an excited hotel porter jumping on the spot 'ooohhhh irish, you bag came,your bag came,yesss you have clean panties, i leave on your bed for you !'

we run upstairs all excited to finally shower and get into clean clothes, we open the door to find... A tricycle and a guitar lying on our bed!
i have never laughed so hard in my entire life!ended up getting my bag back 2weeks later with everything missing and i had no travel insurance but its worth it for the laugh i had!

glanman · 16-08-2010 10:34PM

I was in Vegas in 2007 and me and 2 of my mates were on the way home from a night out and the spirits were high to say the least. It was about 5 o' clock in the morning and the sun was already coming up. While passing treasure island hotel and casino I had a brainwave, I bet one of the lads $50 to jump into the "sea" in front and get onto the pirate ship...

so low and behold he took the dare on. He striped down to his tighty whities, left his clothes with us on the board walk and jumped into the "sea" from about 15ft high... Looking back it was pretty brainless as we had no idea how deep it was but it was fine and he went swimming towards the pirate ship. (You can see it well enough on google maps satellite if you want to get an impression of the setting...)

My mate and I then decide that this was the perfect opportunity to tear off with his clothes under our arm and back to our hotel, over 1km away, Circus Circus. We stayed out of sight but kept an eye on him all the time, making sure he got out of the water, being good friends and all!! He didn't have a clue where we were and decide it was best to run for it home before he drew too much attention, especially the cops. To aid him in this, he decided the fastest way was to run across the main strip in his tighty whities, now fairly translucent, stopping 8 rows of traffic in his wake!

We arrived back in the hotel, after stopping off in Dennys for breakfast, and then back to our room. No sign of our friend. The other lads with us had also not seen him so we got a little worried. About half an hour later he finally arrived back, banging on our door.

In the ensuing time he had been approached by the hotel security looking for ID... He tapping his absent pockets and was like, "ah, I left them in my pants" and he then ran off. A chase ensued through a car park and he finally got home.

So that was a hilarious moment on our trip.

If I win this, I promise I will put up the video we made, about 90 seconds long, of him swimming and running away. It is an epic video and a must see but I will only post it if I win and if I don't post it, I will forfeit the prize!

geraldino · 16-08-2010 11:08PM

We were on holiday in the Cinque Terra region of Italy and the Roughguide had particularly recommended a beautiful wild cove which intruigingly could only be accessed through a long tunnel where one pressed a bell to gain admittance. It did mention that some nudists liked to go there.

We decided to give it a go, proceeded through the long dark tunnel with increasing apprehension. On arrival at the end, we were met by a local demanding a hefty fee, but we haggled successfully and were admitted to the beach,climbing down a precarious ladder. We headed up the beach to the shade underneath a cliff. Himself then realised that he had urgent need of the sanitary facilities and headed off in haste. There I was all by myself, and gradually I noticed that I was completely surrounded by nude men, oiling, sunbathing and posing quite fetchingly on the rocks. One was right beside me, wisely sitting on a tiny slate and reading a newspaper. I averted my gaze and stared purposefully out to sea. After half an hour this became quite a strain. I was the odd one out being fully dressed.

The hubby arrived back traumatised- there were no facilities despite the hefty entrance fee and he too had suffered in the pursuit of decency!
But what a laugh!!!

irish_goat · 17-08-2010 03:52AM

Having sampled a few beers in Dusseldorf I decided it would be a good idea to climb up onto a statue of Bismarck and get my brother and our friend to take photos. Literally just as I had my arm around the statue I heard a megaphone shouting something loud(and angry) in German and a police car pull up beside us.

2 cops (one male, one female) jump out and stand watching as I climb back down(which took a while) and started asking us questions. They figured out we were Irish and the male cop was laughing and said "You have had a little to much to drink ehh?", quick as flash I replied "not enough!" and the three of us and the male cop were all havin a laugh. I'm pretty sure the male cop was ready to let us go once he realised we weren't English but the female cop was having none of it though and demanded ID off of us. I only had my Garda age card on me and the male cop asked what it was so I said "It's police ID" and he nodded and looked very impressed with me. I'm pretty sure he thought I must be an Irish cop. To confuse matters more my brother only had his Cook Islands driving license on him so the female cop took them into the car(probably trying to figure out if my brother was some sort of very pasty looking illegal Cook island immigrant) and we stood around for about 10 mins until they came back out and told us to "go home". Not sure if they meant for us to go back to the hostel or get out of the country but either way it was a terrible case of good cop/bad cop as the male cop was sniggering away the whole time. :pac:

At the end of it all too I didn't even get a good photo!

emzibob · 17-08-2010 11:21AM

There have been may funny mishaps over the years from an array of drunken girlie holidays but one that always brings back the kind of tear streaming unable to speak laughter is from the last night of a girls holiday to Zakynthos. Where not only did i get accused of trying to kill my best friend Cher, I made a good attempt at causing myself some serious harm. After a very drunken night out to end a crazy holiday, where we stayed in a tiny apartment in the ghetto of greece, which was found by turning left after the chickens and following the barbed wire behind the bushes. The kind of place where on arrival they give you a large glass of ouzo to get over the shock of being kicked off the main holiday coach to be told your staying up the mountain where da coach can't go hang on der at the side of that cliff and a van will pick you up!!
But back to the night in hand having survived a crazy holiday in greekender's and a week of heavy air conditioning I had acclimatised to the heat and feeling the cold decided to turn down the air-con. Which should be an easy task! However in my attempt to do this I managed to stub my toe on the bed fall over, wrap a bag around my foot, trip over a suitcase desperately grasp for the wall for support .. miss the wall, land on poor Cher's head while still reaching for the remote for the air-conditioning to finally fall off the bed!
At this point i then realised I couldn't work the remote!! Battered and bruised I headed back to my bed while Cher laughed so hard at the state of me I thought she might choke!

Margan · 17-08-2010 04:25PM

My funny story happened to me when I was inter-railing. My friend and I had just met two other girls in Paris and were going to Amsterdam next. Since we had a day free we said we'd check out Bruges inspired by the Colin Farrell movie "In Bruges". So, we go to the train ticket desk and asked for 4 tickets to Bruges-no problems there. However, little did we know that our trip was an ill-fated one and we had so many warnings. When we got the ticket, my friend asked, "How come it's taking 5 hours to get to Bruges?" (Alarm bell 1) and I answered "We're probably just crossing a time line or something" (I know, stupid or what!) So anyway, we got on the train for our 4 hour journey then switched over at Bordeaux to get the train to Burges. Alarm bell number 2. Anyone with a basic knowledge of French geography should know that Bordeaux is in the south of France (and Bruges-in Belgium-is the the North). More annoyingly, one of the girls we were with had actually spent a summer in Bordeaux! Then, as a joke, one of the girls says "Can you imagine if we were going to the wrong Bruges." Cue laughter but slight concern by the rest of the group. I grab our travel book and have a look at the map of France. "Guys" I said "You'll never guess but Michelle is right, Bordeaux is in the south of France so we're going the complete wrong direction!!". PANIC STATIONS! Jumped off the train at the next stop (by the way this train was moving so slow I could have gone faster than it walking). Now we're in Limbo stuck somewhere between Bordeaux and french Bruges! The place where we landed was deserted I mean I was waiting for the tumbleweed. Had a timetable with us. Great it's not too bad a train back to Bordeaux in a half hour. We'll grab that get back to Paris and then go to Amsterdam the next day. One day lost not so bad. A half hour came and went. Checked the timetable again. My friend had read it wrong, the next train was 2 hours away! So we sat there laughing at our stupidity for 2&1/2 hours waiting for the train. Okay, 2&1/2 hours to make a plan. We're all students, had paid for accommodation for Bruges (Belgium) and were refusing to pay again for the same night. Our plans were sleep in the park outside the hostel we had been staying in and take it in turns to watch out for muggars, go to an all night disco or just wander the streets. One of the girls hid her card in her top but about 10 minutes later got uncomfortable and took them out! Turns out your bra does not act as a good wallet. the train finally arrived. Got that then went to Bordeaux. Four tickets to Paris please. There're sold out?? Oh no, just what we needed! Blagged our way onto the train buying a ticket to an earlier stop and then used the Irish charm for the remainng ones! Okay so we're in Paris, it's midnight, we don't know the city and we've no where to stay so we approach the information desk. Parlez vous anglais? (our french wasn't the greatest so didn't want to go embarassing ourselves further) Yes, I speak english but you ask me in French and I'll answer in English. Aaaahh! It took us 10 minutes to explain and the longer we stood there the more people came over to hear our story and laugh! At this point we had chickened out of all the plans we had made to not book accommodation. The guys set us up with a place to stay. So then we try to book our tickets for the next morning. Sold out again?! Can anything go right for us?? Right get to the hostel, sleep for 2 hours then get back to the train station. Wandered from the train station to the hostel. Sleep. Beep beep beep. Two hours already?? Got back to the train station, queued for the ticket desk. Four defeated voices-ticket for Amsterdam please. Only four tickets left for the train-yes our luck is turning! Huzzah! Got on the train and had the soundest sleep ever. Got to Amsterdam and the rest was plain sailing!;) For anyone else out there that wants to go to Bruges, there are two Bruges-one in the South of France, one in Belgium. The one in the south of France is Bruges the one in Belgium is pronounced Brrrrruuuuges. Turns out our Irish accents were what let us down.:D

imgoinghome · 17-08-2010 04:41PM

Upon coming across this competition I felt compelled to share my holiday *embarrassing* moment.

A few years ago I went mountain climbing with a group of random people from Dublin as part of a tip to Germany to climb the Alps. After a few hard days of being up early and going to bed late it took its toll on the auld muscles so a large group of about twenty of us decided to go for a swim and sauna to loosen up those muscles.
After relaxing in the pool for a little while I noticed other people using this waterfall flowing thing. It was like a shower but really strong and it massaged your back as it gushed down over your head. I thought this was amazing and waited for the person in front of me to finish so I could use it too. At this stage everyone was back in the pool messing around and I proceed to use the waterfall. I closed my eyes and put my head under it, it was truly powerful and pressure was immense on your body and you couldn’t hear anything but the water.
Once I had decided that was enough I walked out and looked into the pool and everyone was looking up at me smiling and laughing, I didn’t know what was going on. Then one of the lads said “ah you might wanna check your strap there” my swimsuit came down at the front and my entire cleavage was on show from the moment the first gush of water ran down my body! The worst thing about it was I was there for about 15 minutes under the waterfall facing an audience in the pool rubbing my body. Needless to say the lads enjoyed it!
Upside- I pulled that night with a guy that was in the pool (I guess he did a bit of stocktaking).

specialk1977 · 17-08-2010 06:32PM

ok so it was day 4 of my honeymoon in Spain.I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time. My husband decide to go out for a few late night drinks down to de hotel lobby while I had an early night.So it must have been about 2.15 am when mmy hubby stumbled into the room and rudely woke me up(I love my sleep)Anywayz as I was trying to turn on de light i felt something crawl along my hand.Fumbling at de wall for de light switch I finally managed to turn to light on and to my horror there was a million and one ants in 4 perfect lines going from de window of our apartment:p,across the floor,up to our headboard adn down to de side of my bed.(There was a dead fly on de floor beside de bed):eek::eek::eek:.My worst nightmare,so I started screaming uncontrolably and freaking out.I grabbed de neares thing to me which was a glass of water and threw it at de ants.
What happens next you wont believe but as I was throwing de water at de ants it got into de light switch and next thing we see is sparks,ha ha:rolleyes:.What next can happen I hear you ask. So superman A.K.A my hubby steps in drunken and all and grabs de fire extinguisher, not only does he put out de fire,kill de ants ,but made an absolute mess of de apartment. The poor creator it was his first time using an extinguisher and kinda lost control of it.So after about 15 mins went by and we calmed down we had to get a little story together to complain to de receptionist.My husband went down drunk:D complaining that this fire was unacceptable and that his poor pregnant wife was so distressed over the situation and demanded another apartment .And we got it and it was wayyy bigger than de previous one.So that was our funny honemoon story

alanajane · 17-08-2010 06:54PM

My funniest holiday incident happened a few years back.

My 3 daughters were very young at the time, about 11, 9 and 5. We were staying in a caravan by the sea in Waterford, I cant remember the exact location.

One day we were all paddling in the sea and the girls were tip-toeing around terrified of getting bitten by crab or stung by jellyfish, my husband, the-big-man, was saying 'oh dont be silly, they more afraid of you than you are of them etc etc'

So I crept up behind him and tickled his foot with the net of the fishing net I was carrying, frightened the life out of him, he started going round in circles beating the water with a tennis racket and shouting oh jesus! oh jesus!

The girls and I were howling laughing (I still laughing remembering it), he was mortified when even a woman walking her dog on the beach laughed at him. Eejit!

cosmoqueen · 17-08-2010 08:30PM

Having used boards.ie for years as an uncommitted imposter I have finally bitten the bullet and become an official member just to allow me to share my funniest/most embarrassing holiday story with you and all at Alpha Rooms so I do hope you enjoy!

I was on a family holiday in Lanzarote and spending the day on the beach. He-whom-will-remain-nameless decided to take a dip in the sea to cool off from the mid-day sun. Unfortunately he-of-no-name cannot swim and is very cautious of the water. To compound matters, this very day was particularly busy on the beach with swarm like formations of sand castle constructing tiny toddles and parked up paddlers at the edge of the water. This human traffic congestion required himself to venture a little further out from the sea shore than one (well ok me) would like. He-of-no-name was cautiously concentrating on each incoming wave and ensuring that he was carefully anchored to the sea bed however us on the sea shore could see him drifting marginally but significantly further away from our view. Not wanting to necessitate a dramatic rescue of he who is not a small gentleman from the canarian waters, I began to approach the waterfront to encourage him back to ankle level waters. However as I approached the water, a tsunami like wave (well perhaps of waist height but certainly grossly huge for our non swimmer) rattled our man and the next thing I see are his very Irish yellow-submarine shorts around his ankles. Me not wanting to create any further embarrassment (for either of us) decided not to alert himself to the fact I had witnessed the incident and so quickly returned to my sunbed. Little did I anticate the scene out sea front when I returned to my viewing spot- himself-of-no-name so pre-occupied with his marine safety had omitted to notice his wayward garments! To my horror, the little ones by the water edge were being rushed and bundled away by their parental representatives from this dangerous man-of-no-name. Further commotion began when a particularly irate spanish man began to exclaim "fronté exposé" and motioning the coastguard to the scene. Now, I aint no spanish Chica but I got the gist of the complainant's remarks, assessed the potential consequences, imagined scenes from Banged up Abroad and quickly summonsed himself-of-no name, shorts or no shorts, to the shore, back up the beach and to the safety of our apartment at lightening speed.

It was only after our return from our canarian holiday that we could let a little giggle or many escape about Mr-Unintented-Indecently-Exposed and only ever in his absence of course!

didntgotoplan · 17-08-2010 09:53PM

My funniest holiday story happened many many years ago when I was 3. I don't remember it all but it's a story thats been told at every family get together the past 20 years!

My whole mam's side of the family (about 20 of us) had a big family holiday every year at Butlins in Dublin. So during this week holiday, we would go to one of the other relatives rooms for dinner every evening. One evening we were having dinner with my granny and her sister, who was a bit forgetful, said she would help out. So she was getting the drinks ready that evening before dinner.

So we sat down for the meal and I end up (greedy child I was) drinking all my drink before starting eating! So as we are going along, my aunt drank some of hers and turned around and said it was only lemonade. My granny's sister knew she poured out some west coast cooler for her and wondered who had the wrong drink. My other relatives thought she had just forgot, so we all went down to the entertainment that was there at night and everyone forgot about it.

Until I stopped being quiet and began being really giddy, laughing at silly little things and messing, when they realized that they had mixed up mine and my aunts drink earlier on! Cue a night where I was singing Molly Malone and dancing around laughing. The redcoats heard me singing and decided it would be great to get me on stage and sing for everyone. But instead I told everyone there that I was after drinking wine! I was brought back to our room after that, when I fell asleep snoring pretty soon after that.

mfceiling · 17-08-2010 11:13PM

Went to south brazil on my way home from oz 9 years ago en route to rio for the carnival.
We were getting plagued by the locals in the small town we stayed in because we spoke english and looked different.
The lady on the beach with the sun loungers really took a shine to my missus as she had mentioned to her that she'd been university educated.
Every day we'd try to sneak past her and her husband just to try and get some peace and quiet.
The 2nd last day we get noticed by her and she tells us she is cooking dinner for us that night.
OK............she calls to the hostel that evening for us in a car that wouldn't pass the NCT here in a month of sundays and proceeds to drive for 40 odd miles like micheal schumacher while the hubby "holds" his safety belt around himself but never actually buckles it!!
We eventually arrive in the middle of a favela and get the guided tour of a house that has electric in one half but not the other.
Halfway through cooking her gas goes so she sends the hubby out in the dark to get a new gas bottle - he has only 20% vision in one eye we now learn.
Hubby arrives back 2 hours later with bottle.
Dinner is served at 1.15a.m...her 2 daughters sit there giving us weird looks.
She then pulls out a guitar and wants to know what hymns we can sing together!!
By this stage it's well after 2 so we thank her for the evening and decide to go home.....her car won't start!!
Eventually we get a taxi back to the bus station because it's "too far" for the taxi man to drive us as he wants to go home to give the missus some loving:eek:
We get on a night bus which is full of lads who are drunk and/or on cocaine...and are looking at me and herself like some sort of prey.
The missus tells me we need to look less touristy and we should take off our watches in case we get attacked for them.
Job done...but we are still being watched.
The missus takes out a large can of fanta, pulls the ringpull and the fcuking thing explodes covering us head to toe in fanta.
The people on the bus start breaking their arses laughing at us and i'm sure i hear the word gringo in there.
We make it back to the hostel at 5.30 to catch a 14hr bus journey to rio which leaves at 8.00

We still laugh about it to this day!!

Reeni · 17-08-2010 11:38PM

Funniest moment I can remember was when myself and sister and Mam and Dad went on a family holiday in Lanzarote. We had rented a lovely villa near the beach. All was well till we noticed a hole in the kitchen floor that cockroaches were coming in through! We kept making my Dad go in and kill them since we all hate them and I'm terrified if them.

One evening I went into the kitchen, turned on the light and screamed. About 20 feckin' cockroaches in there. I legged it out and my Dad was on hand with a rolled up newspaper but when he saw them he was like 'ah here no way'. I pushed him in and locked the door (terrible) i know. The Mam and sister gathered round after the commotion and for the next ten minutes we watched my Dads silhouette through the frosted glass door of the kitchen as he went mental with the newspaper, accompanied by various tones of 'aaaaaaaaaagh!!' and 'come on ye bastards!'. We were falling round the place laughing and when we unlocked the door it as like a scene from a massacre. but fair play to him he got them all

xxchloexx · 18-08-2010 04:20AM

Mine would have to be a hoilday we were on in Santa Ponsa actually! I went with my whole family , great laugh , we stayed in the sunbeach apartments .. now these apartments have so much stairs to climb up you would actually loose weight on your holiday! Anyways one night after a night on the town we headed back to the hotel fairly drunk! We were stumbling up the stairs which were located right beside the pool , beside where the evening entertainment was. So we were laughing and joking not really paying attention , when i noticed a cock roach , i started screaming my head off as im terrified of them! My dad doesn't no whats going on , he starts running after me thinking that i've stood on glass , my uncles runs after him and my auntie and mam follow , seems as its quite dark i think you all know whats coming next , yeah I ran straight into the pool , my dad falls in after me and my uncle next and my mam and auntie were left standing laughing at us! To make things worse people were out on their balconys looking at all this happening! The hotel staff got a complaint that a group of "teenagers" were messing about in the pool and when they came to our apartment they were surprised to see just adults there! My dad and uncle also went around the whole of santa ponsa with sandals and socks... the hotel staff soon named them the sock and sandle brigade! ..... Please give me this hoilday and make it a little less cringe worthy , or you never know i could come back with some better storys

frankied1 · 18-08-2010 11:10AM

So it was 2 years ago with my parents and two daughters aged at the time 6 & 7. We were at a small zoo type place in Lanzorote. As we walked past two tortoises mating and making unbelievable grunting sounds. So my eldest daughter turns to my mother "nana why is that tortoise on top of the other one are they fighting?".

My mother in her infinite wisdom decides it is time for the "BIRDS AND THE BEES" chat. Well Ellisa they are making babies. When two animals/ ppl are in love the male puts his penis into the females vagina to get her pregnant. The two girls fell silent and i could see there little minds digesting this new information. I then proceed to answer a few of the obvious questions, "but how does the baby get there?", etc. Sperm, eggs, etc.

Anyway we got though that fairly painlessly or so we thought...

On the bus on the way back to our resort our youngest a very bright young one pipes up very loudly, "so papa did you put your penis into nanas vagina?"
I thought my mother and father were going to die of embarassment as the whole bus including the bus driver burst into fits of laughter!!!

For the rest of the holiday other ppl who had been on the bus and were staying in our hotel would be sniggering as we past.

landsleaving · 18-08-2010 11:18AM

My funniest holiday moment... hmm, well it all started out fairly inconsequentially. I arrived in Copenhagen with a friend, and met someone else there. We went to a bar and were immediately greeted by a womanshouting 'Welcome to Copenhagen' and flashing her breasts. But thats not the funny part. Not even close.

After having a few beers we moved on to a nightclub which is hosting the launch of a pear flavoured vodka, and all drinks are free... So we all get ahem, somewhat tipsy before going into the part of the place thats made entirely of ice, and end up in giant coats that make us look like worms. We also do a lot of slipping as you can imagine.

The place stopped giving out free drinks after a while, possibly because of the sheer amount they'd given us already, so we go on to another bar. It's all getting a little hazy now. There were 4 of us, and we split up and 2 of went to one place, and 2 to another. Inside I try to pay7 for a drink, but am bamboozled by my wallet, it appears to have been sewn shut, so I empty my pockets on the bar, but the wallet still has my number. The person I'm with pays for my drink as I realise my wallet is in fact, upside down, and I decide to finish it and head to the other bar for a while.

This is where it all goes wrong.

I can't find the other bar, I have no idea where it is. I just walk, assuming I'll see it, but in my completely ridiculous drunken stupor I end up walking quite some distance after getting completely lost. Too stupid and plastered to admit defeat and call a taxi, I keep going and end up in a park with a lake in the centre. As I'm walking around it I slip on the sandy path and sort of slide in, feet first.

Fantastic. Its about 4am, in a city I don't know, it's freezing, and I'm knee deep in very very smelly water. So, like any right minded drunken buffoon, I try to drag myself out, by grabbing a nearby tree. But trees are deceptive creatures, and in this case it was actually a thorn bush. Once I feel the pain hit my hand I fall backwards and end up completely underwater, head to toe, floundering as only a drunk idiot can, before making it ashore.

Completely soaked, covered in yellow sand and mildly delirious from a drunken near death experience, I wander until I find what appears to be Nassau st. and two girls stop me to ask if I'm ok. 'I've lost my friends, where am I?' I'm sure they heard 'I'm a drugged up lunatic, I'm all wet for no reason, give me your money' because they call the Police. Or else they just wanted someoene to help me find my way back to the hostel, who knows.

Unlike Ireland, the police arrive in about 30 seconds and two large Danish men get out. 'Are you ok?' 'Em... yes, but I'm a but lost... I think I'll just walk back to my hostel..' 'Have you taken any drugs?' 'No... I'm just looking for my friends... ' 'Ok, have a good evening.'

That was it, they ignored me being completely dripping, literally, with water and covered in sand. As I walk away I notice they're slowly following me in their squad car, so I hail a taxi and say 'Danhostel' to which the taxi driver replies 'which one?' With all my communication skilles used up on the police I somehow manage to make all the right hand gestues and end up at the right place. I walk into the lift as another girl does. 'You're all wet.' 'Unnnhhhhh.' At this point I was half asleep and cold. She got off at the next floor.

Next morning I wake up and notice the bed is covered in sand. I'm confused for a minute until the memories start... flooding back. The friend I was in the hostel with told me he'd spent about 2 hours wandering the city looking for me. I then realised my passport was missing. This led ot the next 4 hours being a franrtic race against time to find the Irish embassy, which is cleverly enough, not at the address listed, but 2 doors down. I finally make it there as they're closing and they have to stay open an extra half hour while I go get a passport photo.

Relieved about the passport situation we meet the person I was in the last bar before I got lost with, who produces my passport. I'd left it on the bar as I went mano a mano with my wallet, and not, as I thought, at the bottom of a lake.

We then go to the bar I was trying to get to when I got lost, and they point out the place I'd been... about 30 feet across the street. Directly opposite. All I needed to do was walk forward and I'd have made it there.

This of courese, led to me being slagged by the staff of the place and anyone else the people I was with, who live in Copenhagen, could tell.

My friends still call me 'Lakey'

bobbytables · 18-08-2010 11:26AM

Myself and my girlfriend were in Gouves, Crete a few years ago. Gouves is a fairly quiet place with a few bars / restaurants / shops / etc, not a resort per se, but not too far from the capital city of Heraklion. One night we were taking a romantic stroll along the promenade and were generally taking it easy because we were up the next morning around 7am for an excursion. So no beer or partying for us that night.

Right next to our apartments was a lovely little cafe / restaurant that we had eaten in many times at this stage and had got chatting to the owner who seemed very polite, and in hindsight a little overly so. We ordered an iced coffee each and sat down. At this stage it was about 10pm, and the place was empty. There was just us, the cafe, the owner working away in the back and the ocean, it was lovely, but the coffee was a little strong. "Ah not too bad", we thought.

So we finished our drinks and I headed up towards the owner to pay the bill. He gestured for me to sit back down and I thought "He must be bringing the bill down to me". So I sat down. 5 mins later he comes out of the kitchen with two large iced coffees and puts them down in front of us, on the house. We thought wow, that's very generous, but thought "Oh crap, that's a lot of coffee and we have to head to bed early so we can get up early for our excursion". The owner was clearly trying to impress us because he had whipped cream, sparklers, etc in the drinks. So saying "No thanks!" in this case would have been a slap in the face, so we felt that it was best if we just accepted the drinks.

We drank up and soon started to feel a little wired from all the caffeine. While we were "enjoying" our free drinks the owner came down and pulled up a chair and started chatting with us. All very friendly and polite chit chat. At that stage we hear a noise in the kitchen and realize someone else is in there. Out comes his wife a few minutes later with 2 more large iced coffees, on the house. I think "Oh crap, No we can't take these" and I tell the owner why, thinking he'll understand. Nope, not a chance, his hospitality was going to be more important that our early morning schedule so he insisted we kick back, relax and enjoy the free drinks. So we drank the coffees.

At about 12:30am we left the cafe, as high as kites on caffeine, knowing fine well that sleep is the last thing our bodies were ready to do, yet we had to be up in less than 6 hours. For the entire night we rocked back and over cursing the owner and his wife and could not get to sleep at all. So 7am came and we got on our tour bus, sat up the front, but absolutely wrecked tired and still a little jittery.

About 20mins in to our journey the tour guide starts yapping on about the history of what we are about to see and all that jazz. It was interesting, but we now felt like sleep was coming fast. Within minutes we were both fast asleep, and I start snoring really loudly (which I rarely do). So where I was trying to be polite to the cafe owner by accepting his drinks, I was now sitting right in front of the tour guide and snoring in his face, literally making a mockery of his presentation. My snoring was so bad that it could be heard over the bus' PA system as I was so close to him and his microphone. Minutes later I get a jolt from the tour guide, while he announces to the rest of the bus that he will try and keep his talk a little more interesting as it appears he was putting people to sleep.

With everyone knowing exactly where I was sitting, mortified was not the word, and I had to literally hold my eyes open sitting right in front of him for the rest of the trip

.

Goldenlady · 18-08-2010 04:22PM

Ok, as mentioned previously sometimes these stories don't appear so funny when written down, but Ill start and I hope ye enjoy!:)

My BF and I were celebrating our first anniversary together, so we headed for a city break to Glasgow, we decided to book into a really nice hotel just for that particular night having been on a budget every other night! So it was a Sunday in September and Cork were playing Galway in the All Ireland Final, off we went in our Cork Jerseys (BF not from Cork so that was kinda funny!) and we stumbled across a pub that was showing the match. A great day was had by all, Cork won and we decided to celebrate instyle.... fast forward to two very drunk people stumbling out of the pub hours later still on a high from our magnificient victory, aided by copious amounts of Beer! So we went back to the hotel and fell straight into bed, into a little coma, both of us still in our Cork jerseys.................

Next we woke and there at the end of our bed shouting at us was a Fireman (No it was not my BF dressing up!) It was a real life, larger than life fire man, hose in one hand shouting at us that the hotel was on fire, you must realise we were only in bed about two hours so the alcohol was still quite fresh in our systems, we spent about 3 minutes (Long time when the hotel is on fire!) roaring laughing, and rollling around the bed (still in our Cork jerseys!), until the fireman had enough and screamed at us to leave...........

We jumped up, ran out the door, heading for the stairs (Still laughing - obviously the extent of the situation still hadn't made it past the alcohol in our systems!!!) Off we went in search of the stairs, finally found them and ran down them really quickly..... till we came to the emergency exit door - for a minute I seemed to sober up and realise what was going on, my BF went to push the door open and I started screaming at him saying you cant' open that......... and he said "Eh hello its an emergency!!"..... Which resulted in the two of us laughing our heads off (Still inside the hotel!!) and pushing the door with all our energy, and the door flung open and everyone was outside the hotel lying in the grass and crying etc and we turn up (Still in our Jerseys!) laughing and joking!

And it turned out............... there was no fire, someone had been smoking in their bedroom and set the alarm off for the entire hotel...........

Its one of the funniest memories for us, but again, you probably had to be there!!:)

metrovelvet · 18-08-2010 04:47PM

Driving to catch a plane from Marseille you are going to miss when your engine goes on fire and then to boot run into traffic due to a farmer strike protest. Is that funny?

Or how about the time my two year old pulled my pants down at the Shannon check in desk.

KarenR1981 · 18-08-2010 05:36PM

Went to Greece a few years ago with my boyfriend - I had my towel on the sun lounger and decided to go for a quick bite so left my towel on the lounger (as you do) on returning from lunch I was greeted by the sight of a dog standing on my towel one leg cocked relieving himself on my lovely new towel - now at the time I was not to happy but I can look back now and laugh -
Moral of the story - dont leave your towel down - I was lucky I caught him in the act or else it wouldn't have been funny at all to find myself lying in dog pee -NICE :P

imokyrok · 18-08-2010 06:32PM

My husband and I and our then two year old son booked a gite in France some years ago and decided to travel by driving through England and getting the ferry from Dover to Calais. We stayed the night before the ferry in a pleasant guest house in Dover and got up bright and early to pack our belongings back into the car - everyone who travels with a toddler will know how much "stuff" you need!

Just as I closed the car door on the last piece of luggage I realised I'd locked the keys into the car! Panic ensued as guests and staff rallied around to try and get the car opened so we could catch our ferry. We managed to get a mechanic to hotfoot it down to our location and he found he needed to break in through the boot (which was packed to the gills) so that he could take out the back seat and thereby get access to the keys in the ignition!

The crowd by this stage were trying very hard to be supportive and keep a straight face as everything but the kitchen sink was removed from the trunk - but when the mechanic unloaded the garden hose every body finally cracked up and fell about the place with tears running down their faces.

Well we hadn't packed a kitchen sink but we did pack a paddling pool so we needed that garden hose!!!

Anyway we made it to the ferry as the last car on board and our son had a wonderful two weeks splashing around in his paddling pool. And it was worth reinforcing the "Gormless Paddy" stereotype for that and for the story to tell when we got home.:D

alisond · 18-08-2010 07:43PM

We were on a familly holiday to Eurodisney. Given that we had flown into Ryanair's airport which is miles away we decided to hire a car. We got to the resort without too much hassle but on the second day we rolled over a little kitten's leg. We took the kitten to a vet who said he would put the leg in a splint. He took my number and said he would ring me later on. That evening he rang to say the cat had internal injuries and that it would cost a lot of money and maybe he should just put him to sleep. I agreed and he said to call in later to settle up. 150 euro charge for euthanasia and cremation dampened the euphoria of saving a few bob by going it alone outside of travel agents. Next day we left Eurodisney to travel to go to airport with me as navigator. Husband was rattling off junctions for me to look out for and as we sailed past one that I thought might be it I told him that we had missed it. Never mind he replied politely, we can get off at the next one. The motorways in France are not the same as the motorway in Ireland. We ended up back in Eurodisney 6 hours after we left it. Screaming at each other like lunatics and the children struck dumb in the back. Needless to say we missed the flight and had to rebook for that night flying into Dubllin when we are from Cork and had flown out of Shannon. Moral of the story - dont always go for the cheapest option.

[COMPETITION] Win a 7 night holiday in Majorca

Comments