[COMPETITION] Win a 7 night holiday in Majorca

TheFairy · 18-08-2010 10:15pm

We where in Almeria in 2004, my wife was packing a few bits as we where due to go home in a few days. She was on the floor sorting the kids clothes and my youngest daughter was lying on the bed. She says "Theres a spider above you mammy." Wife replies ok I'll see it in a minute. Daughter says this a few times and my wife without looking up calls me in to sort it out. I came striding in, the big man of course, to sort the spider and literally moon walked back out of the room. What she had seen was in the picture below :

This was around 5/6 inches across and could move like lightening. It was sheltering on the window cover outside and when my wife opened the window into the room this was literally above her head. If she would have looked up it would have scared the bejasus out of her. I'm happy to admit that I was really careful moving it out of the apartment. Any sudden moves it made had me screaming.

Einhard · 18-08-2010 10:34pm

I lived in Boston for the J1 a few years ago and, doing the typical Irish thing, shared a small two bedroom apartment with 8 other lads. This was on the top floor of a 16 storey building. Shortly after we arrived, another group of friends arrived, and managed to get an even smaller apartment on a lower floor. The way we worked it was that the top floor apartment would be our "hub", and the lower one used only for sleeping for those that rented it, and whenever anyone from the top floor got fed up with the noise and wanted a good night's sleep.

Anyway, one night towards the end of the trip, I came home absolutely smashed (funny how most of these stories involve alcohol...), and deciding I wanted nothing more than a sleep, I made my way to the lower apartment. Was having a good snooze until I fel something cold on my back. Opened my eyes groggily, noticed the sun was up and attempted to get my bearings. I turned around blearily and noticed another bed across the way- one which hadn't been there before. I also noticed a terrified Mexian dude peeping out at me from under his blankets. I was about to shout at him and run him out of the apartment when I turned around fully, and saw another Mexican felal standing over me with a can of Lynx- which he had been spraying on my back in a successful attempt to wake me. It was then I realised that not only was I in the wrong bed, but I was in the wrong apartment. Goldilocks indeed. Anyway, I hopped up out of the bed like a lunatic, staggered about still drunk (bearing in mind, I'm quite big and ginger!), sent one Mexican running into the kitchen and other cowering under his duvet, and ran in my boxers from the room screaming sorry as I left.

It was when I got outside, still in my boxers, that I realised that I had somehow entered the room two doors down from our apartment. And that i didn't have a key to get in. Not wanting to go back into my new friends, I had to go up the lift and along the hallway in the middle of the day in nawt but my boxers, scaring, and quite possibly scarring even more innocents.

Perhaps the oddest part of all is that, when I finally got into the lower apartment, there were my clothes folder neatly on the bed, socks in shoes & everything. Needless to say, I tried to keep a low profile after that. This wasn't helped though the next day when I encountered the Mexicans outside the building, only for them to start making BJ motions with their fists and slapping their arss in my direction!!

jimbooth · 18-08-2010 11:45pm

My wife and I went to Grand Canaria on our honeymoon and on our first nite we got in to out appartment about 8pm .We were wrecked after travelling so we just dumped our bags in the room and went out for some grub and a couple of drinks, we then headed back to our room early (11pm ish) and we went to bed, there was a key in the bedroom door so we locked it cos we had all our stuff in the bedroom with us, my wife then went to open it again to get a drink of water and the key broke in the lock ! We tried to open it but couldnt ad luckily we were on the ground floor so I climbed out the window went to reception where the girl on duty had little or no english and neither did the security guard, he came back to our room and climbed in to see what I was talking about and said they would get someone in the morning to sort it out.Now around 3AM we went to sleep.
At 8am the following morning we were woken to the locksmith climbing our window all smiles and laughing at the honeymooners locking themselves into their room on the first night, he then spent about 1.5hrs tearing the lock apart.
for the rest of the holiday we got giggles everytime we past reception but all we could do was laugh along:D

Mits · 18-08-2010 11:53pm

A gang us went to the USA for the world cup we were having a great time.

In Orlando 10 of us went to water world. In water world they have one of those vertical drop slides. Well one of the girls went down the slide, she had a bikini on. The problem is the bottom of her bikini did make it to the end of the slide. I can still see the smile on her face change from excitement to embarrassment when she stood up and realised what had happened.

For years after every time we met we had a laugh. This Christmas I went back to Orlando and brought my family to the theme park for old time sake.

TouchingVirus · 19-08-2010 12:06am

A few years ago I was on a lads holiday and we met these girls from England who stayed next door to us. Invited them over, shared a few drinks like some 80% absinthe that I drank way too much of. Out on the tiles we were having a laugh when I turned to the girl I was interested in and said I'd be back a minute....

Well it wasn't quite a minute. I wandered off, drunk off my ass, got some food judging by the foodstains on my shirt, walked all the way back to the apartment, got the key and went up to the room. The friend and the women came back around 5am to find me passed out right outside the door on the stairway with the key in the lock. They picked me up, asked me if I was all right and I said I was. They opened the door for me and I fell into the room like Del Boy in that episode of Only Fools and Horses and passed out again.

The friend said "Ah sure he does this all the time" and had only one thing on his mind, getting with one of the other women. Things were happenin on the couch and about to progress into the bedroom when all of a sudden I started wretching and got a tiny bit sick while still pretty much passed out. This completely c*ckblocked my mate as the girl left and told him to look after me. I woke up around 9am with no idea what had happened.

To just top off the whole eventful experience, the very next day around 6pm I was walking down to get something to eat when this man in a Cork jersey was looking in my general direction. And then he shouted toward me: "My god, you were in SOME state last night lad". "Me?", I replied. "Yes you! My daughters came home at 4am and were screaming, they thought you were dead. I had to lift them over you and move you over to the wall"

Well I don't think I've ever been as shamed in my life, the whole street was listening and chuckling away to themselves.

kraggy · 19-08-2010 12:04pm

When I was 15, I went on a trip to France with my school, which is still run by priests to this day.

While in a camping resort for a week of that trip, I fell in "love" with Vicky from Holland. Head over heels, we spent every waking hour together and each evening, we'd go down to the sand dunes and get jiggy with it, as teenagers do. On our last night together, Vicky gave me my first blow job.

On the morning of her departure, I was so heartbroken that her parents were taking her away from me and back to Holland, I couldn't eat breakfast and all the priests, teachers and my classmates knew I was upset over Vicky. One of the priests asked if I was going to miss her, and I said "Yes Father, I will. I really will...".

Fr. Franky then retorted with a wry smile..."Yeah, I'd say you will. I saw your "kiss goodbye" last night..."

Will never forget that as long as I live.

allanb49 · 19-08-2010 12:40pm

Have a few storys that where nice and funny

While also in Barcelona my fianceé and a friend where in a body shop, and saw a chocolate looking substance.

Lisa went over to try it (this was in a pump action bottle) squezzed some onto her finger tip and smelt it, said mmm this smells good

Sarah then comes over and does the same, I open my mouth to say don't but get sssshed down.

They put the brown liquid in there mouths and go mmm, followed swiftly by that look you get when you taste shampoo.

I had a two litre bottle of water with me and was not giving it to them,

Of course they knew better and had to wash away the soap in there mouth with water. This was followed the next day by being in a theme park

There was a ride with a plane going around on an arm, Lisa saw this coming around grabbed my arm tightly and shouted it's going to hit us in hysterics. Brief 5 second thing but funny as hell.

Later that evening we went to the Hard Rock for food and of course the missus hadnt eaten all day and got a "large" cocktail she was wasted after it and while walking back to the hostel she grabbed a cone and started walking behind sarah saying "i will penetrate you with my giant plastic cock"

The three of us later in the year went to Disney World Florida and after a day in the magic kingdom and all the fireworks we where waiting on the monorail

Sarah tired and cranky and training to be a montasori teacher turns around to us at the station and says "when will this <SNIP - LANGUAGE!> monorail get here?" Surrounded by kids and horrified parents, we go psst sarah eyeing at the people looking at her and she goes oh shít

During this trip she had a habit of offending americans and canadians by mistake,

We where going into the Canada movie thing in i think Epcot, and as we where sitting there sarah turns around and starts making fun of george bush and american stupidity,

Sitting right beside her was this guy who all i can remember had a pair of sunglasses on and a texas belt buckle, he did not looked impressed

Now at the end of the canada show they had the national anthem playing Oh Canada, etc

Sarah's walking out in front of us singing a mock version of this song surrounded by cannucks who were beside us reciting it. Sarah was 20 at the time :S

<Boards.ie edit: Watch your language!>

empirix · 19-08-2010 1:08pm

Not sure if its the funniest but it was bizarre, happened in Santa Ponsa around 8 years ago, 3 of us sharing the hotel apartment, so we go out on the lash one night, doing the usual things 3 young men would do,a few jelly vodkas, cocktails etc etc, come the next morning, i walk into the bathroom, i see before me a pair of boxer shorts steeping in the sink, strange i thought, they weren't there last night and why would you do this, i go into the bedroom, my mate fast asleep with his jeans just about on, with one cheek sticking out, missing one pair of boxer shorts, wtf. Definitely an american pie moment, he still goes red to this day when the subject is brought up. Still no explanation though!

crink · 19-08-2010 3:08pm

For my first holiday abroad (about 20 years ago, God!!) I went to Morocco with a boyfriend and a group of friends. It was a great holiday, a complete culture shock for me at times, but truly memorable. As a group we befriended a Moroccan student Mohammed looking to improve his English. He was really genuine and ended up saving me from drowning! Towards the end of the holiday he invited us all to his Mother’s house for a meal. On arrival we were introduced to his widowed mother and younger sister who had prepared a lovely meal and were so gracious. We brought gifts and with, very little English, they were really welcoming. After the meal I needed to go to the toilet. Needless to say I had come across some awful toilets in restaurants but this was a large, gleaming tiled room with a bath at one side. Inside the bath was a bucket with a tap on the wall. The toilet itself was a ‘squatter’ with a channel in the middle of the floor leading to a hole. No problem as I was well used to this by now. However I managed to miss the hole with a rather large soft unsavoury specimen landing in the channel. I filled the bucket with water and proceeded to sluice it down the hole. Unfortunately I was somewhat vigorous in my actions and to my absolute horror whooshed everything up all over the pristine walls and floor! To this today I can remember the shock of seeing the terrible mess. I was in this lovely family’s home and had literally defiled it!!! It took me about an hour of scrubbing and what seemed like hundreds of buckets of water with many, many enquiries from my boyfriend and others before I eventually emerged from the bathroom completely and utterly mortified!!!!

JoJo_27 · 19-08-2010 4:44pm

Heading off on holiday at the train station at 5am waiting for some friends to arrive a few years ago on the way to Greece. It'd been a tough night the night before as we'd all just finished our exams, so spirits were high!
In my infinite wisdom I decided to sit on the edge of my wheelie suitcase. Of course as soon as my weight landed the case disappeared from underneath me and I landed with an almight bump! My friends all stood staring wondering when it would be ok to laugh. Then a passing worker at the train station decided to break the tension by announcing " aren't you grand...plenty of padding!". We all had a good laugh.
Three days later I slipped and slid down some wet marble steps on my ass whilst in Greece leaving the scariest bruise I've ever seen.
It's now referred to as the Sore Arse Holiday!

19-08-2010 5:17pm

Three years ago I went to China with my husband and brother-in-law. We were in Beijing in a hotel that was popular with business men.

At about 2am there was a knock on the door which woke me and Mr. 00112984. He answered to find a scantily-dressed Chinese lady with a bit of a twinkle in her eye and a very ominous man standing down the hall watching the exchange. My husband looked at her questioningly and she said "service, mister? I give good service for you" and licked her lips. Hubs quickly said "no thanks" (cheapskate :rolleyes:) and closed the door so the lady and her pimp moved off.

Next morning we were sitting down at breakfast and the brother-in-law joined us. The conversation went like this:

BIL: God, Bejing really is a 24-hour city isn't it?
Me: Yeah, it's mad.
BIL: Still, the night time cleaning would never catch on in Irish hotels would it?
Me: Hrm?
Bil: Well, I was in bed last night at 3am and there was a knock on the door. I got up and opened it. There was a hotel maid standing outside and she asked if I needed service so I just told her no, the room was fine. She looked a bit put out and confused so I just gave her the full waste bin and told her to drop it back when she gets a chance in the morning.

we'llallhavetea_old · 19-08-2010 7:42pm

mine is short and sweet

on holiday in spain, my mam had a dodgy belly, so we went into a chemist and asked for motilium. the lady couldn't understand us so we started trying to explain by charades. next thing we know the pharmacist, at the top of her lungs, shouted DIARRHEA?! DIARRHEA?!!

the whole shop turned to look, apparently "diarrhea" can be understood in any language.

RachPie · 19-08-2010 10:37pm

I was in Greece a couple of years ago with my family and there was some "evening entertainment" on so we went to see it - a hypnotist. I was a complete sceptic at time and of course, volunteered to go up and have a go.

Fifteen minutes later, the next thing I know, I'm standing in front of an applauding audience, who are bursting their proverbials laughing - apparently I'd just had "the best orgasm of my life", smoked a joint and emulated Santa Claus (I was a 14 year old girl), all in front of the family. Needless to say I'm no longer a sceptic, and never going back near that place!!

Oral Slang · 20-08-2010 9:28am

Back when I was 21 I went on holidays to Crete with the girls. My 18 year old brother had gone away with the lads that morning, but back then we didn't get on, so I'd no idea what country they were going to, let alone what resort.

Anyway, we arrive at 11pm at night & are walking up the stairs to our apartment in a small place with only about 20 rooms, when lo & behold my brother & all his mates come down the stairs towards us. I was fuming. :mad:

Couldn't enjoy the holiday at all. No matter whether it was by day at the pool or by night in pubs & clubs him & mates were there. Total disaster of a holiday, but funny now seeing as I'm good friends with my brother.

darragh16 · 20-08-2010 11:51am

In Tenerife this year with a few mates. Got friendly with a few lads who owned a bar so we always went there for pre-drinks. One night they decided to have an Irish themed night (basically an Ireland flag on the wall and Irish songs on the speakers).

This was a light for them to get us absolutely wasted and basically take our money. Had a few drinkin games and then some drinkin challenges (namely from vuvuzuelas, paddling pools and rubber dinghys). Anyway long story short, my mate totally smashed start workin behind the bar with them, ended up dropping bottles and glasses. I return from outside to see him passed out on the floor. I get one of the lads to drag him back to the hotel.

We return a few hours later to find;

-Vomit on the floor and walls off his room
-His bed collapsed with him lying in between it an the wall, in his own vomit
-his jeans also covered in vomit around his ankles
-Urine on the floor and the bin in the kitchen

(There are a few photos but I won't put them up to spare him)

After lettin his roommate stay in our room, we watched the cleaner head into his room (the next day), she walked back out 'effin and blindin' about 5 seconds later. We were in fits of laughter. He ended up cleaning it all himself and threw out his jeans...

He has no recollection of the night except reminders from the photos. In his own words "I'll not be doin that soon, I was like a box of lego... in bits"

Daffodil.d · 20-08-2010 11:57am

I went to Gran Caneria a few years ago and on the first day I got really burnt(stupid of me:(). I was raw that evening but decided I'd suck it in and go out anyway. So myself and my freind are walking down the street and we come upon a local man selling Aloe vera cream. He proceeded to use me in his sales speech! "like a look at this laaydy She a needing the Aloe Vera very baaadly" I was so embarrassed but No one could tell because I was already red!:D

stephendevlin · 20-08-2010 2:55pm

Ahhh few funny moment from holidays lol ..

One time my girlfiend and and I were on Hols to Rome. We got off the plane and the hotel organised a bus to come an pick us up. we dandered around to see the sign for the bus and saw this big coach and thought ... LOVELY :pac::pac::pac: .. decided to que up funny there was a lot of Chinese ones trying to push onto the bus .. I thought we would be left behind so I said to my girl PUSH ON PUSH ON THESE FECKERS WOULD WALK OVER YA... Turns out it was a guided tour bus from Japan / China ... Was wondering when we finally got a seat at the back of the bus everyone was looking at us .... We had to get our backs from the luggage compartment :rolleyes: and finally found our "mini" bus to the hotel....

clairemcbear · 20-08-2010 6:39pm

Decided to go camping in Wexford to experience the great outdoors. On starting to put up the tent we realised we were missing the pegs,it was too late to go back now!! So we looked around,and all we had was our picnic basket,so we put up our tent with our forks and knifes and spoons pegging it down!

That was grand,except we had a horrible nights sleep,there was a big stone right under my back and I just couldn't get comfortable...The next morning,after taking down the tent we realised that big stone was the bag of pegs!!!

20-08-2010 7:52pm

I once had a job playing guitar in Gran Canaria but it ended up more of a holiday so i hope it counts.

To say I am terrified of flying would be like saying that Gerry Ryan isn’t feeling the best these days. I was petrified and I was on my own for the first time on a plane. Worst of all, they sat me at the emergency exit, beside a nun. I hate nuns! Anyway, we took off and as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, I was asking the air hostesses for a beer. I must havelooked like a frightened child because they didn’t get angry at my incessant bell ringing. Quite the opposite. They took pity on me and actually gave me a few free beers.

As the plane landed, I began to actually look forward to this new adventure. I had no idea what to expect. My new boss was waiting in arrivals and after a brief introduction, we were on our way to my apartment.

It was a long drive to my new home and the silence was deafening. I’m not the best person in the world for small talk and trying to chat to a Spaniard with a basic grasp of the English language was like trying to masturbate to a picture of Mary Harney; not impossible but very difficult.

After what seemed like an age, we were there. The apartment was basic but feck it, it was free. He left me alone to settle in and then it hit me. I was alone, in a strange country, with a set list comprising of songs that even I didn’t want to hear. I had bitten off more than I could chew. I had two choices; practice my ass off or go out and get drunk. I deliberated for all of two seconds, threw my guitar in the wardrobe and went to the nearest pub I could find.

As luck would have it, the nearest pub was only 2 minutes from my apartment. Actually, it was more like a shopping centre full of bars. I walked into the first one I came to and nervously walked to the bar and asked for a drink. There was football on the telly and the bar staff seemed like decent lads. I sat at the bar and started chatting away. I ended up in a deep and insightful conversation with a lad at the bar about the state of modern football. This was brilliant. I had found my local already and it was only a stone’s throw from my apartment! HAPPY DAYS.

I explained to him why I moved over and explained my lovelife situation and he politely listened and reassured me. I had made my first friend in Spain and I was only there 5 minutes. We were sitting there, drinking, laughing, he had his hand on my leg, watching football and generally having a good time………wait…..!!! Oh DEAR!!!.

He had his hand on my leg?? Oh feck!

What followed was like the end of the usual suspects. Little things that my new friend said earlier started resonating around my mind. “I’ve not had a relationship with a girl in years”and “I like this bar, it’s full of guys like us”. These sentences seemed innocent at the time but when you have a guys hand creeping slowly up your thigh, the innocence quickly disappears.

“What the **** are you doing you *****?” I enquired.
A look of confusion spread across my new friend’s face.
“I thought you liked me” he replied.
“I’m not gay, you ****ing ****head” I helpfully interjected with tact and understanding.

I looked around and realised that perhaps I should have been maybe a bit more aware of my surroundings. There were no women in the pub and the guys behind the counter were maybe a little TOO friendly and a bit effeminate. Or maybe the fact that there was a 70 year old bald man with a full grey beard sitting in the corner wearing a white dress and sipping a sex on the beach COULD have given me an indication that something just may be rotten in the state of Denmark.

Something like this wouldnt bother me these days but I was only 18 and was not used to being around gay people, never mind being chatted up by one. Chance would be a fine thing these days!!!

I made my excuses and left, looking back only to see the name of the bar for the 1st time.

Man-Oh-Man.

For feck sake!!

I stopped the first taxi that came my way and jumped in.
“Bring me somewhere with women” I pleaded.
He looked at me blankly. I made the universal ‘outline of an hourglass’ shape with my hands and repeated “LAY-DEE” . He smiled and nodded and we were on our way.

We arrived at a horrible looking bar and my heart sank. No self respecting women would drink in here. I voiced my concern with the taxi driver but he reassured me by thrusting his hips like an arthritic genetic jackhammer and saying “SENORITA” over and over again. Feck it, maybe this pub wouldn’t have women but as long as it didn’t have this probable sex offender inside, it was the lesser of two evils.

I walked in and it was as horrible inside as it was outside. A sweaty overweight greaseball in a dirty vest behind the bar glared at me as I walked in. I was about to leave when I noticed 3 women walk towards me. They were wearing sweet f.a and seemed pleased to see me. Yes, I am aware that even a blind dog with a stick up his backside would have realised that this was a brothel, but, after the previous experience in the gay bar, I was oblivious to this fact.

They sat beside me, chatted to me, made me buy them expensive cocktails and then when I explained that I had no money to actually pay to pay for their "services", I was unceremoniously thrown out onto the street, with no money and with no fecking clue where I was. The only point of reference I had was the gay bar I was in earlier. Walking about the island having to ask people how I could get to “Man-O-Man” was a humbling experience. After 5 hours and many insults, I was home and already broke.

what a bad first night

Domscard · 21-08-2010 2:47am

In a fit of madness a few years ago, I booked a surprise coach trip to Blackpool for myself and my husband to celebrate our wedding anniversary. You can imagine how overcome with gratitude he was as a hard rock fan to discover himself on a bus full of Daniel O’ Donnell loving pensioners! On both sides of the ferry crossing - for eight interminable hours - we were treated to every song Daniel ever recorded ... over and over again. They clearly knew every word by heart – and by journey’s end, so did we! As if that wasn’t enough torture, when we finally reached the hotel the guide announced that a trip to the set of Coronation Street was arranged for all of us the following afternoon. I knew that serious amends were needed if we were to stay married until our next anniversary.
Like a couple of teenagers playing hooky, we hid when the bus arrived to take everyone to Granada studios and sneaked back to our room for some much more ‘street wise’ entertainment. Some time later (ahem) while himself was drifting contentedly off to sleep, I noticed a strange smell ... like burning rubber. And what was that peculiar noise out in the hall? My concern elicited only a grunted ‘everything’s grand, relax’ from the other side of the bed, but I decided I’d better get dressed. I was only one foot into my unmentionables when the key turned in the lock and the hotel manager accompanied by two burly firemen burst into our room. I was frozen to the spot like a rabbit trapped in headlights.
Quick as a flash, however, himself arose from the bed, ‘streaked’ past me into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. With no hiding place for me, I was left standing there, burning with embarrassment (appropriately enough) and fumbling desperately to cover my bits. ‘Excuse me’, muttered the agitated manager, ‘I thought everyone was away to Coronation Street. Didn’t you hear the fire alarm?’ The two firemen - in full fire-fighting regalia with axes in hand - were grinning from ear to ear and making no attempt to hide their amusement. ‘We need to get to the emergency water tank, madam’. And where was this water tank? In the attic in of our bathroom, of course!
I knocked on the door loudly but I knew there was NO chance himself would emerge buck naked, even if the fire was licking at his bare arse. A pathetic voice from inside begged me for his clothes, adding a whispered ‘Daniel’ as a reminder of what I owed him. Still half-dressed, I had to collect his underpants, socks, trousers and shirt from the four corners of the room where he’d flung them in his earlier enthusiasm. He opened the door just enough to grab them, then slammed and re- locked it. I was then left to finish dressing with three impatient male voyeurs, who didn’t even have the decency to look away!
When the pensioners finally arrived back later that evening, we were both still sitting - unkempt, sheepish and shoeless - at the front door waiting for the all clear to get back into our room. It turned out there wasn’t even a real fire – just a faulty cable! Cringing with mortification, I watched the manager enlighten the tour guide about the events of the day and the tale spread like ... um ... wildfire among the whole coach party. All heads turned in our direction, including those of the entire fire brigade who were rolling up their unused hoses and getting ready to leave. I can still hear the loud guffaws to this day.
For the rest of that ‘holiday’ the highly amused senior citizens couldn’t get enough of telling everyone in the hotel (and anyone who would listen on the ferry back home) about the HOT young couple who set off the fire alarm with the flames of their passion!
Should have gone to Corrie!

mcgrailg · 21-08-2010 8:54am

Well the funniest holiday memory is actually from my stag – so I’ll keep it as clean as I can.
We were in Hamburg, Germany – been drinking since Dublin airport so you can imagine that we were in a pretty bad state. So we ventured out to check out the... ehhhhmmmm.... local hot spots, and really started enjoying ourselves, and the lads were plying me with drink – lots of it – pints, shots you name it.
So we had ventured into ... how will I describe it... an entertainment venue that was only open at night and tended to be frequented by male customers only!!, and forced ourselves to enjoy the entertainment available. At some stage, we decided to leave, and as we were leaving again under much influence of alcohol, and perhaps a backwards glance at the “staff” resulted in me completely missing the three steps going out, and fell landing smack on my bum.
Of course the lads though that this was hilarious, and were rolling about laughing, tears rolling down their faces,, and were laughing so bad that they could not help me up, instead I had to be helped up by two... ladies who belonged to the oldest profession ..... and they gripped me so hard on the arms that I still had bruises a week later!!!!!
Anyway – given the fact that I was so drunk, I managed to hobble around the rest of the night on a very sore and now very inflamed ankle, and at some stage we headed back to the hotel – although things for me were are very blurry at this point.
So, when I wake up the next morning, I have the world’s worst hangover, but worst – my ankle is absolutely throbbing – and is now the colour of plums (and my white room is now completely blue, but that’s another story!).
My brother decided that all it needed was a bandage and I’d be as good as new, so strapped a bandage on me and off we went – me limping behind, consuming the best pain killer – alcohol and lots of it!!
Managed to get through the rest of the weekend without causing any further injuries to myself, so we arrived back in Dublin airport and managed to get home. My fiancé took one look at the ankle and threw me – a dirty look – into the car and we headed off to the hospital. So we waited in hospital and went for x-ray and then eventually seen by a doctor and his first words were “I think it may be broken”................
Well, my fiancé went white and walked out of A & E, and returned a short while later – not saying much!
But by this stage the doctor had examined me and actually looked at the x-ray and decided that I’d ONLY torn the three main ligaments in my ankle, and narrowly missing tearing my Achilles Tendon!!! ONLY!
Well, its crutches for me for a week, and a week off work, but still managed to make it up the aisle, and do the first dance (once SHE started speaking to me again!) – but it cost me a fortune in physio to get my ankle right and it turned out that the bandage did more harm than good !
All I can say is ....... lads make sure that your stag is enough in advance of the wedding that broken bones/ torn ligaments will heal!!!
We both manage to laugh about it now – unfortunately my bad luck continues – now recovering from broken leg on the other leg – so I really hope that this is the funniest holiday memory – and trust me there is a lot of other incidents that have been left out – coz I really need a holiday now!!

errlloyd · 21-08-2010 11:21pm

Not so much a holiday, just a school trip.

We were meant to go ice skating on one day of the school ski trip, unfortunately the rinc was broken. So instead we hit the cinema and some cafe place as a group with teachers. We went to see ERAGON (which btw, is awful) and then went for hot chocolate.

The moment in question was the moment one of the better looking blonde girls got hers, the waiter gave her a wink, and she smelt it before she drank. She immediately re-coiled and goes "This has vodka in it".

Well one of the teachers in a moment of pure genius runs over, grabs it, goes "this must be mine" and downed the whole lot.... Came out of it with serious blisters on his tongue and couldn't speak properly for the rest of the trip.

BrokenArrows · 22-08-2010 12:36am

I spent a 9 days kayaking and camping in poland with a group of friends.
On the last night we came to a camp site who also had cabins for rent.

All of us sick of camping decided to stay in the cabins full of toilet and shower facilities. ah bliss.

Anyway the following morning, after over a week of dodgy bbq's and random food needless to say the digestive system was taking a hit.

I sat down on the toilet only for the loudest, messiest **** id ever taken to erupt from me. This was followed by shouts of disgust and laughter from everyone in the cabin.

Turns out the next wall was paper thin and right beside the headboards of all the beds. I was in stitches laughing on the toilet. Good times.

surrealname · 22-08-2010 12:47am

A few years back, me and my bestfriend booked a holiday to Hawaii. However on arrival we realised we both forgot to pack sunscreen but somehow ended up packing the same shirt....

madonna123 · 22-08-2010 1:16am

Oh Holidays... Dont the Irish on holidays make you so proud..??

I LOVE LOVE LOVE spain and every holiday I book is with Alpharoom..

Iv also had plenty of mental moments, couldnt choose the funniest but this is most recent.
Just this year we went to Tenerife with Alpharooms , I took my little sister, her friend my boyfriend and my daughter.
My sister had a security blanket with her since she was a baby. She calls it her "Mackey". She snorts it up her nose and takes a sniff when shes leaving the house, its fairly bizzare, but while we were in Tenerife i told her to leave it in the safe. If a maid came to clean the room she would of thought it was a rag for sure.. Its about the size of a tissue now as my sister is 13 now.
We were heading out for a day at the beach and my sister went to take a sniff of her "mackey" but she couldnt find it. There was mayhem in the apartment looking for this bit of a rag my sister cannot live with out..
I thought for sure the maid had found it and through it out with the rubbish.
I went to reception to see if anything which resembled a "mackey" had been found.. Oh lord.. what confusion...
The man at reception hadnt a clue what I was on about.. between the launage barrier and the difficulty in trying to even explain what a "mackey" was, (I was saying.. its like a blacket, but tiny like a tissue)..
After about 20mins of complete madness, four receptionists, two security guards and all the house keeping staff gathered around me trying to understand what exactly I was raving about, My sister strolls down to reception with her bit of a rag of a security blanket stuck up her nose.
It turned out she had left it under her pillow!!!
All my family snook out of the hotel leaving me at reception and very red faced after causing a major man hunt for the blanket.

25-08-2010 7:27pm

Hmmm... My funniest moments aren't really suitable for a family-friendly site. There was the time I was in New York with a couple of friends of mine. Hanging out in the Village on a night out, looking cool. Walking down the street, decided to lean against one of the newspaper stands. You know the ones, put in a quarter, get a paper, cemented into the ground, very solid. Or so I thought. Unfortunately, in the Village, they have a lot of 'independent' newspapers, which have their own newspaper stands, and they are not as sturdy. In fact, they're just plastic, and could be blown over by a strong wind. Certainly, when I leaned against it, it wasn't going to support me. I went sprawling head-over-heels into the middle of the road (thankfully, no car coming). Didn't really help my 'cool' factor