The Mess - Military Forum Off Topic Thread!

Skyhawk1990 · 27-01-2010 01:16PM

iceage wrote: »

Reminds me of a guy who pitched up on an exercise once with only one mess tin when we were being sorted with similar but with the added bonus of a pudding as well....you guessed it, all in the one messtin!!! All goes down the one way eh.:) he said it looked like cat puke so thats what we'd ask for everytime after that.:)

Can ya remember what you were given? On the brightside at least if they were both hot they would have stayed warmer longer! He would have had the last laugh!:p

iceage · 05-02-2010 11:59AM

Oldies but goodies..

Grizzled old Sgt Maj

The Army found they had too many personnel and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any one who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzled old Sergeant Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my todger to my testicles.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider; explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old Sergeant Major insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant Major to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Sergeant Major's todger and began to work back. Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'

The old Sergeant Major replied,............ ' Basra .'

I know, I know......one more.

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)
These boys will be dropped off in Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
6. They think Daisy Duke is a slut.

The Pentagon hopes the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday

Craigsy · 23-02-2010 09:06PM

Just a few questions about army cadets (or rather herself has a few questions

)

Am i right in saying you only get Sunday off?

Do you get any leave other than Christmas?

Are there communication facilities? i.e. phone and email

And you do live on base yeah?

Do you have to live on site after commissioning?

Are the answers to those questions any different if asked in relation to a married man?

Cheers in advance

menapia · 03-04-2010 06:51PM

This is a long shot but does anyone out there remember 6th platoon Support Coy. Cathal Brugha 1973.

Poccington · 03-04-2010 11:10PM

Craigsy wrote: »

Just a few questions about army cadets (or rather herself has a few questions )

Am i right in saying you only get Sunday off?

Do you get any leave other than Christmas?

Are there communication facilities? i.e. phone and email

And you do live on base yeah?

Do you have to live on site after commissioning?

Are the answers to those questions any different if asked in relation to a married man?

Cheers in advance

Bit late getting to this but anyway...

1. You don't get the day off in a walking around the Curragh in civvie's having the craic kinda way but Sunday is usually a handier day. Depending on who the Orderly Sergeant for the day is.

2. Weekend passes and evening/day passes are granted at the discretion of your CO. Tradition seems to be that your first bit of leave is at Christmas. Then once you become the Senior Class, it usually seems to be that you get one weekend pass a month, on top of the odd day and evening pass.

3. You can bring your own phone with you, assuming you own one. Although it may not always be available to you, you will have it.

4. You'll be staying in the Cadet School for the duration of your Cadetship.

5. No, although that depends on where you end up based really.

6. From what I know, no they're not.

Craigsy · 06-04-2010 06:58AM

Thanks for that poccington,

do you know how long the cadetship is? I always thought it was 15 months but in the last issue of an cosantoir it said "14 month course".

Cheers

hippoman · 06-04-2010 04:44PM

Poccington wrote: »

Us Vikings are just misunderstood :pac:

so is the church and look at them:p

iceage · 02-05-2010 01:26PM

Lads check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haHXgFU7qNI&feature=player_embedded

LOL some good drills.:D

Local-womanizer · 04-05-2010 01:06AM

Haha!

Found this one way back,have a load more aswell:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R89vhiua35A

And Another

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6WVMfmMse0

cjohnenglish · 22-05-2010 10:10AM

well everyone ive a few questions...

as of right now i'm a sgt in the american army...i get out in a year or so and really want to move back home. is the pdf recruiting right now? also, would i have to start as a private you think or do you think they'd let me stay as a sergeant (6 years active duty, 1 1/2 years in iraq).

what does the cadetship program require, a college degree? i havent got one but im interested in pursuing the program if they're recruiting.

thanks in advance

up da deise!

Local-womanizer · 26-05-2010 01:40PM

Manic Moran, if you happen by Iraq anytime soon you should take this kid back home with ya!!

Local-womanizer · 29-05-2010 09:50PM

Whoever thought Poitin was suitable for human congestion obviously had a taste for paint stripper and dementia! I havent stopped sweating for the last 2 days and I am convinced there is someone hiding in my room watching me!!!!

Never again

iceage · 29-05-2010 10:20PM

Lololololol. How do I put this without hurting your feeling dude.....ya fcuking Eejit.:p

Mate of mine swears by it, but he uses it as a muscle rub down.:pac: For god sake don't stike a match anywhere near yourself for at least the next 48 hrs.

Local-womanizer · 29-05-2010 11:38PM

iceage wrote: »

Lololololol. How do I put this without hurting your feeling dude.....ya fcuking Eejit.:p

Mate of mine swears by it, but he uses it as a muscle rub down.:pac: For god sake don't stike a match anywhere near yourself for at least the next 48 hrs.

Haha! I know!

I know of plenty of people who use it for muscle and joint pain,its mad stuff!

Local-womanizer · 09-06-2010 01:14AM

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0608/army.html

Just seen this today.

Do you think that the numbers involved are small,or is their much change from before A7 was introduced?

Interesting that 37 complaints relate to promotion procedures.

Has anybody here serving or previously served encountered such problems?

concussion · 09-06-2010 04:46PM

A maximum of 0.29% of the PDF or a maximum of 0.19% of the DF reported bullying - that's pretty darned low.

PDF taken at 10,500
Total DF taken at 16,000
These figures assume one complaint per individual, if one person submitted several complaints it would bring the percentages down (slightly)

Local-womanizer · 11-06-2010 01:52PM

Lets get a bit of banter started in here,World Cup starts in 10 minutes.

Who's your tip for it?

For me Italy,they always do well with a scandal going on at home!

And USA will beat England.

And I think Ivory Coast will go far enough.

4 weeks of football,nice!

Local-womanizer · 11-06-2010 09:39PM

So,did anybody here watch the football today or am I the only one interested in it?

Poccington · 15-06-2010 06:49PM

The World Cup has been shocking so far.

However, get in there New Zealand!

Local-womanizer · 16-06-2010 01:05AM

In fairness I think there has been some good games as well as crap ones! It is kinda expected with the first games in a group too,lose the first game and the pressure is on.

North Korea put up some fight today though!

Anyway,come on the Italians

iceage · 19-06-2010 12:05PM

Football was never my thing, so the Wold Cup can come and go and I'd not be too upset but...WTF is England playing at? My local town U12 football team would have given a better proformance than theirs last night. And in particular Rooney....what is the story whith him? Looked like he just couldn't be bothered going for some of the passes

Local-womanizer · 08-08-2010 11:13PM

I forgot how good crisp sandwiches are!!!!

Hunky Dory Chedder Cheese and Onion

Poccington · 11-08-2010 11:38PM

Local-womanizer wrote: »

I forgot how good crisp sandwiches are!!!!

Hunky Dory Chedder Cheese and Onion

I'm more of a King man when it comes to the crisp sandwiches!

Local-womanizer · 12-08-2010 12:24AM

Poccington wrote: »

I'm more of a King man when it comes to the crisp sandwiches!

Jesus,I wouldent venture near crisp unless they are McCoys with a few drinks,Bacon fries,again with drinks or Rancheros for any occasion!

I was never a man for King crisps but every mess in the country seems to have enough to give away for free!

Does anyone else remember them Sam Spudz crips? The smokey Bacon version they did was amazing.

Zambia · 12-08-2010 12:29AM

Jesus lads enough your making me homesick.

The crisps here are not great, you cam get tayto from an irish pub in the CBD but for like 3 dollars a bag...

Local-womanizer · 12-08-2010 01:20PM

Tayto are not worth 3 cent a bag imo!

Sure if ya want we can start a collection and send them over to ya!

On a more serious note,I heard the tea situation over there is catastrophic!

Zambia · 12-08-2010 03:41PM

Its not great

Nerada is the closest we got to good tea. The standard tea bag has that stupid string on it like 80% of all the tea on the shelves has a string.

Lucky the wife has her relies all set and we recieve a care package of Pratts tea from Belfast. A good northern tea made from tea shavings collected on the docks.

iceage · 12-08-2010 04:11PM

Making me bloody hungry now all this talk of Tayto sandwiches...I'm trying to cook a Spagbol. NOW I have to make a sandwich while I cooking!!

BigDuffman · 12-08-2010 04:15PM

Before I got into the whole "body is my temple" lark :P I used to be fond of a ham and salt and vinnegar king crisp sambos. Or was even known to venture into dangerous territory and sample the likes of chip stick or monster munch on brennans!

Poccington · 12-08-2010 05:27PM

BigDuffman wrote: »

Before I got into the whole "body is my temple" lark :P I used to be fond of a ham and salt and vinnegar king crisp sambos. Or was even known to venture into dangerous territory and sample the likes of chip stick or monster munch on brennans!

One of the reasons why Sunday is my favourite day of the week is that I get to pig out after a week of training twice a day.

Everybody should have one fat day a week. Fact :pac:

The Mess - Military Forum Off Topic Thread!

Comments