I farted during a massage today

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 07:56PM #1

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

SadieSue · 27-07-2010 07:57PM

I guess you didn't have a happy ending.

dvpower · 27-07-2010 07:58PM

Pope Benedict wrote: »

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

That's more than a fart.

mike65 · 27-07-2010 07:59PM

I just farted in the general direction of this thread, but I don't think it was inappropriate.

Einhard · 27-07-2010 07:59PM

I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.

bonerm · 27-07-2010 07:59PM

Did you follow through?

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 08:00PM

dvpower wrote: »

That's more than a fart.

What?

dave 27 · 27-07-2010 08:00PM

haha brilliant!

after that u should have turned over on your back and demand a hand job, she would have been so offended from the fart a hand job would have seemed appropriate!

ejmaztec · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

Pope Benedict wrote: »

Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

No, you're the only one, your eminence-ship.

dilallio · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

Why do farts smell? - for the benefit of the deaf!

ElaElaElano · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

Hi Jake,

Contrary to your other pseudonyms, I think not everyone will hate you this time. No, this stuff is right up Flutt's street.

bonerm · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

dave 27 wrote: »

haha brilliant!

after that u should have turned over on your back and demand a hand job, she would have been so offended from the fart a hand job would have seemed appropriate!

He has Altar boys for that.

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

bonerm wrote: »

Did you follow through?

No although there was a brown streak on the towel when I was finished, very faint mind you.

elius · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

dvpower wrote: »

That's more than a fart.

Anything 5 seconds or over = a SHART:D:D

Strange Loop · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

Accidentally let one rip during a particularly difficult stretch in a yoga class once.

'Ah, sure no-one'll have noticed', I thought. They'll never pinpoint me in this crowd.

The looks in the mirror said otherwise.

messymess · 27-07-2010 08:01PM

Can you PM us on the details and rate of your masseuse? I'd murder a good thai massage! If I go to the same one I might even fart for laugh

ya-ba-da-ba-doo · 27-07-2010 08:03PM

elius wrote: »

Anything 5 seconds or over = a SHART:D:D

No. A fart with shíte splutters in it is a shart.

To be precise.

blinding · 27-07-2010 08:04PM

Pope Benedict wrote: »

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

Give her permission to plug your holiness's hole before the next massage !

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 08:31PM

ya-ba-da-ba-doo wrote: »

No. A fart with shíte splutters in it is a shart.

To be precise.

As embarrassing as a fart was a shart would be crushing.

caseyann · 27-07-2010 08:34PM

Dont worry about it, Masseuses are used to that and it is not uncommon.

AckwelFoley · 27-07-2010 08:35PM

Alls well that ends well.

You could have mistaken and completely **** your togs.

That would be a little more awkward.

Of course it would be even more awkward if she then ate it

evil_seed · 27-07-2010 08:36PM

Done it in the physio while getting my back worked on. The strech used caused it.. I swear. Also once in the gym while the instructor was beside my instructing on how to lift the weights I was doing properly. I was proper embarrassed cos she was soooo hot.

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 08:40PM

caseyann wrote: »

Dont worry about it, Masseuses are used to that and it is not uncommon.

Really? Are you a masseuse Ann?

caseyann · 27-07-2010 08:41PM

Pope Benedict wrote: »

Really? Are you a masseuse Ann?

No i go to them regular,told me if i fart its cool it natural.Means the toxins and digestive system is been cleansed

Oh and your bowel movement become more frequent so if your alot more thirsty dont worry about it

easyeason3 · 27-07-2010 08:45PM

I got food poisoning two months ago.

I've been afraid to fart/ burp since

Pope Benedict · 27-07-2010 08:51PM

caseyann wrote: »

No i go to them regular,told me if i fart its cool it natural.Means the toxins and digestive system is been cleansed
Oh and your bowel movement become more frequent so if your alot more thirsty dont worry about it

Ok cool. Didn't think massages would have any link to the digestive system.

Archeron · 27-07-2010 08:52PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

I got food poisoning two months ago.

I've been afraid to fart/ burp since

You havent farted in two months???

Someone get that man a video camera, a match and access to Youtube.

easyeason3 · 27-07-2010 08:57PM

Archeron wrote: »

You havent farted in two months???

Someone get that man a video camera, a match and access to Youtube.

I've farted, but on the throne. Still finding it difficult to tell the difference between a loaded missile & friendly fire.

It's a well known fact that ladies don't fart unless absolutely necessary & only when in the bathroom. Our farts also tend to smell like roses.

NoHornJan · 27-07-2010 08:59PM

Holey Smoke. Your Eminence is flatulently excused...

laugh · 27-07-2010 09:06PM

Aaarrgghh all the female farters on this thread.

jackiebaron · 27-07-2010 09:09PM

Let rip a bubbler in a job interview once. Combination of what I'd eaten the night before and nerves meant I was a friggin' windbag. Interviewer cracked a joke and we both started to laugh. The one I'd been painfully holding blasted out of me. He laughed harder but I was fairly embarassed.

I farted during a massage today

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