The Irish dating Scene

LegacyUser · 01-07-2010 07:35PM #1

I've lived away for a few years & moved back to Ireland recently.

Since then I've found that I meet men on a night out and that even after a few texts etc. during the week they're more likely to go down the route of asking if I'm out the following weekend - in the hope of running into each other - than to arrange a proper date.

I'm in Dublin - not a small town!

Is this the norm for the Irish dating scene or just the men I seem to be meeting? I never go home with a guy the first night - so it's not a case of wanting a repeat performance without going on a date.

Thanks

01-07-2010 08:13PM

yes thats my experience too best just to go with it dating here seems a dying art .

Rocky V · 01-07-2010 08:30PM

ya i agree, thats basically what happens.

mood · 01-07-2010 08:34PM

Not always. Maybe it depends on age.

Tchaikovsky · 01-07-2010 08:51PM

Personally, if I really liked the girl, I'd make sure to arrange a proper date. There are a few romantic souls left out there, don't worry!

AngryBadger · 01-07-2010 09:02PM

OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

LegacyUser · 01-07-2010 09:17PM

Since then I've found that I meet men on a night out and that even after a few texts etc. during the week they're more likely to go down the route of asking if I'm out the following weekend - in the hope of running into each other - than to arrange a proper date.

yep, definitely i've found this to be the case..I wouldn't say its an "irish dating" thing because oddly enough it only seems to happen to me in dublin?! When i lived in smaller towns guys seemed happy enough to suggest going on date, but its definately "a dublin dating thing".

I find it really odd, because its the kinda thing that went on when i was 16/17 lol, i thought at 26 that was all behind me! Its very immature and off putting, you could do what i do OP -when they ask me if i'm out the next weekend i just tell them straight out that i'm way past that at this stage in my life and then i'll suggest meeting in whatever pub for a proper date that weekend. It tends to rule out the boys from the men!, if the agree yeyy! if not well then its no big deal

Sound Bite · 02-07-2010 12:57AM

Ya, that's Irish men for you. Can't live with them, can't kill live without them!

You're right but I think that's usually just at first when they haven't decided whether they want you for a good time or a long time, then if/when they decide they might have more than a passing interest they'll usually organise a proper date.

Could be wrong! happened once before

greengiant09 · 02-07-2010 01:13AM

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

magneticimpulse · 02-07-2010 01:30AM

if he interested (even in dublin girlies) he WILL CALL YOU FOR A DATE

If he not interested and just wants a shag, i suppose this is the way they threat you.

Move on, not all men in Dublin are like this. Find a guy who does like dating and enjoys your company...no point playing mind games with a boy.

magneticimpulse · 02-07-2010 01:34AM

greengiant09 wrote: »

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

Only because women in general would be happy to date a man...but men are difficult to date...if a guy is really interested in a woman, he lets her know about it and the woman is happy to go along with it. Too many times, women end up wasting their time with men who are not truly interested in them. Sorry but humans were not just born yesterday...its called the mating game and its not just humans who participate in this sport...all animals leave it up to the man to make the 1st move

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 01:41AM

Originally Posted by AngryBadger
OP why don't you take some initiative with men instead of waiting for them to chase you down?

The passive attitude a lot of women seem to take only really serves to eliminate their control over the kind of man they wind up with.

Think about it; of the guys who are willing to chase women in the pub/club scene, only some of them are going to be looking for a long-term relationship, obviously then if you spend your time waiting for the men to come to you then you're effectively writing off all the potentially lovely guys who aren't great in the pub/club scenario, or who (like myself), just generally aren't bothered chatting up women in that particular setting.

Take the bull by the Horns!

......ok I just realised that last line is riddled with sexual innuendo, but sod it

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

with all respect, i don't see how this is relevant to the OP? She hasn't said she doesn't make the first move or that shes having trouble chatting up/pulling men, her problem is that once either she or the guy has made a move - ie they've progressed to texting/calling each other, the men seem to want to "meet up" again in a club, rather than suggesting a proper date...i don't see why you feel the need to make this into an "irish women never make the first move/irish women are inferior issue" when its clearly not.

Larianne · 02-07-2010 01:42AM

Loosely asking where you're going to be on a night out is a guy with no balls, tasting the waters, less harsh a rejection. I think if a guy is really interested in the girl they should go out of their way to make arrangements for a date. And vice versa. None of this half arsed business!

greengiant09 wrote: »

spot on man.....its funny, even though this is great advice, Irish women would rather jump off a cliff than give it a try.....i find it really annoying how a lot of Irish women are sooo rigid in sticking to these customs e.g the man must make the first move. i mean come on, it's the 21st century....get out of that little box your in!!!

I was actually called "desperate" by one of my male friends when I said I was thinking about asking a guy out! :cool: So I guess some guys don't like that forward approach from a woman either.

entropi · 02-07-2010 03:29AM

The Irish dating scene is not dead yet, but you will need to find the right people who will be interested in the first place before that can even happen. I've been on many dates with different women this year, things eventually didnt work out but we had fun and they were dates, not just meeting in some club/whatever trendy bar for a few pints...

The whole pub/club mentality that alot of people have is what puts them off from thinking outside the box and being able to make some sort of an effort to the opposite/same sex with regards to setting up a date, or even an approach! OP, all is not lost, you WILL find people who are interested, hopefully soon enough too so dont despair:)

p.s. Larianne...seriously...desperate? what planet is he living on if he thinks that way? its a wonder how some of us men manage to find a parter with a mentality like that...:rolleyes:

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 09:40AM

Hey,

OP here. Thanks for the replies.

I don't have any problem asking a guy out and have done in the past - but don't particularly want to end up with a really passive guy.

So I guess I'll have to get the thinking cap on & find another way of meeting men & getting out on a few dates!

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 11:12AM

With regards a bird asking a fella out....always a huge no no. Me and my mates see this as a warning. In pretty much all cases the girl in question turns out to be a headcase. If you meet a bloke out and the guy likes you he will call/text to ask you out during the week, that simple. If he doesnt contact you assume he is not interested and move on.

*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above
*If you keep hooking up with the same guy weekend in weekend out and he doesnt offer his number you are getting played- I've seen this happen loads of times but you'dbe surprised how many girls keep falling for this one
*See above, grabbing his phone and entering your number is a no no, offering your number is cool but let him contact you.
*texting to check whereabouts but no date might not mean he is only after his hole. You may have been very drunk the previous weekend and not sure about a one on one date yet. Also you'd be surprised how many ladies somtimes see a guy contacting them as being a stalker( no pleaseing some people!) If you do decide to meet up though and score you prob should expect some sort of date the following week.

seenitall · 02-07-2010 12:17PM

thewayitis wrote: »

With regards a bird asking a fella out....always a huge no no. Me and my mates see this as a warning. In pretty much all cases the girl in question turns out to be a headcase. If you meet a bloke out and the guy likes you he will call/text to ask you out during the week, that simple. If he doesnt contact you assume he is not interested and move on.

*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above
*If you keep hooking up with the same guy weekend in weekend out and he doesnt offer his number you are getting played- I've seen this happen loads of times but you'dbe surprised how many girls keep falling for this one
*See above, grabbing his phone and entering your number is a no no, offering your number is cool but let him contact you.
*texting to check whereabouts but no date might not mean he is only after his hole. You may have been very drunk the previous weekend and not sure about a one on one date yet. Also you'd be surprised how many ladies somtimes see a guy contacting them as being a stalker( no pleaseing some people!) If you do decide to meet up though and score you prob should expect some sort of date the following week.

The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off! :mad:

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

SarahSassy · 02-07-2010 12:22PM

seenitall wrote: »

The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off! :mad:

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

Quite a vicious response there for what is someone opinion. I have been around for a while and the truth of it is that men like to think they have won the prize and if a woman offers the prize before the men enter the competition then they dont get the sense of winning when they get their hands on the 'prize'.

AngryBadger · 02-07-2010 12:28PM

Date less wrote: »

I don't have any problem asking a guy out and have done in the past - but don't particularly want to end up with a really passive guy.

My point is that just because a guy doesn't make the first move doesn't mean he's passive.

Take me for example, I rarely bother chasing women in pubs/clubs unless I'm in a group I know, but I seriously doubt anyone would call me passive

dontworryop:

I'm saying that maybe the reason the OP winds up with guys like this is because she lets them do the chasing instead of going after guys herself and thus making it more likely they'll suit her, (notwithstanding poor character judgement which is impossible to avoid 100%).

A few people have mentioned not wanting passive men, feeling that a woman making the first approach is "a no no", I'd have thought such antiquated thinking was gone the way of the dinosaurs by now; you can't make a blanket assumptions about a whole demographic based on some idiotic and arbitrary "rules".

Some women that approach guys ARE going to be overbearing and a royal pain, similarly some guys that approach girls are not going to bother calling, that's just how it is, you have to kiss a few frogs to find that prince/princess as they say. (<- not a rule! Just a metaphor!)

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 12:30PM

I'm tired of the argument that Irish women expect Irish men to do all the running, and they expect everything to be handed to them on a plate. I was always one to take the bull by the horns and ask men out, initiate contact, arrange dates etc. End result was that texts and calls started drying up. These men didn't even have the basic decency to say it was over.

So I stopped initiating things with men.

There are very, very few men who will accept a woman being so forward. The reality is that most women would like to initiate things, but they either intuitively know or learn the hard way (like me!) that men do not like to be chased.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 12:38PM

Qoute:
The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off!

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

Fair enough, thats great.

Unfortunatly, there seems to be a topic on this board every week from some poor lassie who is confused because the romeo she met on the weekend hasnt contacted her or hasnt replied to her texts.

Im simply answering such posts by giving a blokes side of the story. You might not like it but thats the way it is for most part.

Im not saying every girl who has asked either myself or a buddy out first has been reminiscent of Glenn Close but most of them have been.

02-07-2010 01:23PM

thewayitis wrote: »

With regards a bird asking a fella out....

Interspecies dating is never a good idea

...
*Never text/call a bloke first for the same reason as above

:rolleyes:
Good advice if OP is 15, maybe

SarahSassy wrote: »

Quite a vicious response there for what is someone opinion. I have been around for a while and the truth of it is that men like to think they have won the prize and if a woman offers the prize before the men enter the competition then they dont get the sense of winning when they get their hands on the 'prize'.

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks women are a "competition" and a "prize"? I'd rather be with someone who views me as a person thanks

SarahSassy · 02-07-2010 01:25PM

bluewolf wrote: »

Do you really want to be with a man who thinks women are a "competition" and a "prize"? I'd rather be with someone who views me as a person thanks

Well it may be a wake up call but in the majority of cases, in the early days of a relationship, they dont... You may not even know it but they dont...

Floppybits · 02-07-2010 02:50PM

OP did you ever consider that the reason why he didn't ask you out on a date as he is not too sure and the text to see if you are out at the weekend so that you might bump into each other is to have a second look and after that he will ask you out?

This guy has probably been stung a few times by Irish women and is wary of jumping in with both feet and that is why he is trying to play it cool by not asking you out on a date yet.

LegacyUser · 02-07-2010 03:56PM

Qoute:

I'm tired of the argument that Irish women expect Irish men to do all the running, and they expect everything to be handed to them on a plate. I was always one to take the bull by the horns and ask men out, initiate contact, arrange dates etc. End result was that texts and calls started drying up. These men didn't even have the basic decency to say it was over.

So I stopped initiating things with men.

There are very, very few men who will accept a woman being so forward. The reality is that most women would like to initiate things, but they either intuitively know or learn the hard way (like me!) that men do not like to be chased.

Qoute,

Point Proven thank you.

seenitall · 02-07-2010 05:11PM

thewayitis wrote: »

Qoute:
The best and healthiest relationship I've had in my life, I approached him - and he was chuffed about it... the ferocity of double standards out there SO pisses me off!

Bottom line, someone who would think of me as a headcase for approaching him is no loss at all. It is a good way of separating men from the insecure, threatened boys.

"the way it is" - in YOUR world. Grow up.

Fair enough, thats great.

Unfortunatly, there seems to be a topic on this board every week from some poor lassie who is confused because the romeo she met on the weekend hasnt contacted her or hasnt replied to her texts.

Im simply answering such posts by giving a blokes side of the story. You might not like it but thats the way it is for most part.

Im not saying every girl who has asked either myself or a buddy out first has been reminiscent of Glenn Close but most of them have been.

You are right, I don't like it, and you may be even be right in saying that's the way it is for most part. Which is why I would rather be single till the end of my days, than go anywhere near an insecure boy such as yourself and your mates, who would not have the maturity to give me the benefit of the doubt of not being Glenn Close, just cos I had the temerity(!) to approach first. Thank God we live in the 21st century and you and your kind are (hopefully) not all that I can look ffwd to in my dating future.

EDIT: sorry if post became too personal - I will leave it like this anyhoo as I have a feeling you won't be too bothered by it

I am definitely not going to change my outgoing MO on the strength of "that's the way it is for most part". If that means singledom forever more, then so be it.

jurgenscarl · 03-07-2010 02:39AM

The courtship ritual between men and women is relatively simple to explain.
Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.
The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice.
Women therefore are subject to endless unwanted sexual advances from men to the point that the more attractive a woman is, the more bored and unaffected she is going to be and the higher her standards are going to be before a man can have sex with her.
This means that the onus is entirely on the man to make the first approach.
If he is to be successful he must behave completely different to all the other men who are rejected remorselessly by attractive women.
Women are less attracted to men by looks because they have a surplus of men with goodlooks approaching them. However women have a limited number of times they can get pregnant and bear children and a higher price to pay if they have sex with the wrong man. A man can theoretically have sex with thousands of women in his lifetime. Women therefore put a bigger emotional investment in sex which thwarts the plans of men who see women solely as objects and make crude advances that alienate women.
In conclusion therefore, it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex. The more unattractive a man or women is the more they moralise about the morality of sex. In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake.

seenitall · 03-07-2010 10:28AM

jurgenscarl wrote: »

The courtship ritual between men and women is relatively simple to explain.
Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.
The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice.
Women therefore are subject to endless unwanted sexual advances from men to the point that the more attractive a woman is, the more bored and unaffected she is going to be and the higher her standards are going to be before a man can have sex with her.
This means that the onus is entirely on the man to make the first approach.
If he is to be successful he must behave completely different to all the other men who are rejected remorselessly by attractive women.
Women are less attracted to men by looks because they have a surplus of men with goodlooks approaching them. However women have a limited number of times they can get pregnant and bear children and a higher price to pay if they have sex with the wrong man. A man can theoretically have sex with thousands of women in his lifetime. Women therefore put a bigger emotional investment in sex which thwarts the plans of men who see women solely as objects and make crude advances that alienate women.
In conclusion therefore, it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex. The more unattractive a man or women is the more they moralise about the morality of sex. In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake.

:rolleyes: Here we go again... The only thing about your post that is relatively simple to explain is that it is another one of the increasing variety of PUA inspired BS posts (or as Wibbs puts it, layers and layers of BS wrapped around a kernel of truth about human reproduction).

"Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice." - I take it the news about women' increasing sexual competetiveness, be they beautiful or otherwise, and therefore their need to approach men hasn't reached you yet, has it? It figures, tbh.;)

Here's a newsflash for you: MEN are these days the ones who are spoilt for choice. They can get sex pretty easily when they go to a nightclub, courtesy of the sexual liberation of recent decades (women have sexual needs too, etc...). Whether they strike lucky with a beautiful or an ugly woman WILL be down to their looks too (sorry to shatter another illusion of yours),as women will be just as superficial when it comes to a quick coupling as men can. Since they don't want the guy's babies, why would they consider anything other than looks? (Or be able to do so, considering the noise pollution in nightclubs.)

It is true that uglier people are forced to have lower standards, but don't worry, it all works out in the end - I'm sure at some point you will get your leg over too (just pay attention now:)).

The crux of it is that the onus is on the man to make an approach, IF he wants to be with a beautiful woman. If he just wants to get a leg over, well, it is not so hard to do these days (sorry:o). However, if a beautiful woman wants to be with a handsome man, the onus is on her to make the approach, otherwise he might just get off with an uglier but more direct one, before she has had time to stop fluttering her pretty eyelashes.

We are talking about sex here, yes? Not exactly rocket science. So my best tip to you is there is no need to be desparate and read a load of PUA nonsense, just lower your standards until you attract somebody who could conceivably consider you, and you're laughing...

"it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex." -

thanx for the lulz

"In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake." - wow, deep. Poetic. However, less poetry and more nightclub action will get you laid MUCH quicker.

jurgenscarl · 03-07-2010 11:57AM

seenitall wrote: »

:rolleyes: Here we go again... The only thing about your post that is relatively simple to explain is that it is another one of the increasing variety of PUA inspired BS posts (or as Wibbs puts it, layers and layers of BS wrapped around a kernel of truth about human reproduction).

"Women do not need to take the lead because if a women is very physically attractive she attracts men without any effort.The less attractive the woman, the less successful she will be at attracting men and the more she will have to work at altering her appearance.
Put an attractive woman in a room of 100 men and without her even speaking to them at all they will want to have sex with her.
Women are spoilt for choice." - I take it the news about women' increasing sexual competetiveness, be they beautiful or otherwise, and therefore their need to approach men hasn't reached you yet, has it? It figures, tbh.;)

Here's a newsflash for you: MEN are these days the ones who are spoilt for choice. They can get sex pretty easily when they go to a nightclub, courtesy of the sexual liberation of recent decades (women have sexual needs too, etc...). Whether they strike lucky with a beautiful or an ugly woman WILL be down to their looks too (sorry to shatter another illusion of yours),as women will be just as superficial when it comes to a quick coupling as men can. Since they don't want the guy's babies, why would they consider anything other than looks? (Or be able to do so, considering the noise pollution in nightclubs.)

It is true that uglier people are forced to have lower standards, but don't worry, it all works out in the end - I'm sure at some point you will get your leg over too (just pay attention now:)).

The crux of it is that the onus is on the man to make an approach, IF he wants to be with a beautiful woman. If he just wants to get a leg over, well, it is not so hard to do these days (sorry:o). However, if a beautiful woman wants to be with a handsome man, the onus is on her to make the approach, otherwise he might just get off with an uglier but more direct one, before she has had time to stop fluttering her pretty eyelashes.

We are talking about sex here, yes? Not exactly rocket science. So my best tip to you is there is no need to be desparate and read a load of PUA nonsense, just lower your standards until you attract somebody who could conceivably consider you, and you're laughing...

"it is just as hard for an attractive women or man not to have sex as it is for an ugly women or a wimpy man to have sex." - thanx for the lulz

"In the ugly the attraction sleeps and in the beautiful it is wide awake." - wow, deep. Poetic. However, less poetry and more nightclub action will get you laid MUCH quicker.

Don't know what this pua stuff your talking about is but you seem to know more about it than me. I'll leave you to it.

I have no problems in the ladies department thank you very much.

seenitall · 03-07-2010 01:16PM

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Don't know what this pua stuff your talking about is but you seem to know more about it than me. I'll leave you to it.

I have no problems in the ladies department thank you very much.

Riiiight...

mitsy · 03-07-2010 02:04PM

Hi OP, there are no hard and fast rules to what should and shouldnt be done in terms of dating. If you were to apply rules to things like that i fear you could miss out on so much and whats the point in that.

In my experience it comes down to a personality thing, if a guy wants to ask you out they will, if they are laid back and like to go with the flow, they are more than likely to not arrange something in advance but will probably scope out if you will be out and meet up with you then. There are no rules, its just the way it is.

If you like someone it is always nice if they ask you out first, its something girls like but there isnt anything stopping you asking to meet a guy for a drink or whatever.

Applying rules and regulations to the do's and donts of dating is, in my opinion, immature. You have to go with how you feel and give things a go. if they dont work out, so be it but at least you will know you gave it a shot instead of dilly dallying around consulting a non existent rule book.

Best of luck:)

The Irish dating Scene

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