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Is the pain of taking a crap the same as the pain of giving birth?

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Comments

  • #32
    Unique User Name
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 324 ✭✭Unique User Name


    funk-you wrote: »
    She only said girls don't have them.

    -Funk

    I almost sh*t myself laughing at that one... Nice :)


  • #33
    PeterIanStaker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭PeterIanStaker


    Ickle Magoo wrote: »
    Sounds like a sore one OP...perhaps swap your usual tipple for some bulmers pear tonight - that should remedy the situation.

    Is it still a laxative, even with the "new recipe"?


  • #34
    Dublindude69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 770 ✭✭✭Dublindude69


    My sister just screamed at me over the phone, probably cause she didn't have a proper answer, haha, I win.


  • #35
    CreepingDeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,015 ✭✭✭CreepingDeath


    I could've done with an epidural and an oxygen mask for some of my dumps.
    The contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was an inch dilated.


  • #36
    easyeason3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,102 ✭✭✭easyeason3


    So is that why men bring newspapers & magazines into the jacks?

    They know they're in for a rough time so not only do they have entertainment but also something to bite down on if the pain gets too much :rolleyes:


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  • #37
    Banned Account
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,553 ✭✭✭Banned Account


    Taking a dump is much like making love to an ugly woman. There's stretching and pushing followed by a strange sensation you are a bit guilty to enjoy and then an enormous sense of release before you hastily clean yourself up and run out of the room looking embarassed and hoping that no-one sees you.


  • #38
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    PeterIanStaker wrote: »
    Is it still a laxative, even with the "new recipe"?

    Not sure, I'm too scared to find out. :o


  • #39
    Prof.Badass
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,931 ✭✭✭Prof.Badass


    Ah, Dublindude69.

    Whatever would boards do without you?


  • #40
    Kellan Unimportant Arrowhead
    Posts: 81,308 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Kellan Unimportant Arrowhead


    AnonoBoy wrote: »
    Dude eat more bran. Seriously.

    Sigh, I read "eat more brain"...


  • #41
    frag420
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,161 ✭✭✭frag420


    Dublindude69 wrote: »
    My sister is always telling me I'll never know the pain of giving birth but I just took a massive crap and it was really sore, my ass still hurts from squeezing it out. Could this have been worse then the pain of giving birth, I'm going to ring her up and tell her not to talk to me about pain.

    You should eat a baby and find out!!


    frAg


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  • #42
    laugh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,745 ✭✭✭laugh


    AnonoBoy wrote: »
    Dude eat more bran. Seriously.

    Less bran if it hurts.


  • #43
    kelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    I hope your feeling better, Op - thanks for giving me the biggest laugh!

    Giving birth for me was painless, I just had to lie down and look at the ceiling while doctors worked hard to slice open my belly and push then pull the baby out. Then I was stitched and dosed with morphine for a couple of days, by which time the pain had subsided. The Posh Spice method of giving birth - I recommend it!

    So i can sympathise with you and say you definitely endured more pain than I did during childbirth.


  • #44
    limklad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,980 ✭✭✭limklad


    Dublindude69 wrote: »
    My sister is always telling me I'll never know the pain of giving birth but I just took a massive crap and it was really sore, my ass still hurts from squeezing it out. Could this have been worse then the pain of giving birth, I'm going to ring her up and tell her not to talk to me about pain.
    What was the weight of the crap you gave birth to?:eek:

    Next time ask for an epidural, before giving more birth to crap.


  • #45
    thetonynator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,234 ✭✭✭thetonynator


    Usually when they are that big the lodge before the u turn and the toilet won't flush. It usually involves lots of toilet paper and a toilet brush which needs to be dumped afterwards . . .but I doubt its as painful as giving birth.


    I heard that the equivalent for a man would be putting a tennis ball through the hole at the top of you knob. :eek:


  • #46
    lorebringer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,712 ✭✭✭lorebringer


    The best analogy for giving birth is "sh!ting a pumpkin" - the hole to "head" ratio is about the same, and I'm sure the tearing is about the same too.

    Or forcing a plum up your urethra... that would be about equivalent too.


  • #47
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Lads lads...load of rubbish.

    The female ..erm...snatch, is designed for giving birth,that's what the fcuker is for like...well apart from a few other things.

    So don't listen to women going on about tennis balls out the jap's eye and stuff, it's all bullsheet.

    likewise the nipsy is there to bonk out large logs, the fcuker stretches same as the flange.Tip a bit of olive oil on her if you are worried, work it well in to the crinkles:cool:

    I left a log like a Teddy Bear's arm in the jacks in Heuston Station, no pushing or shoving,no fcuk all,out like a four man bob and plopped into the pan like a bull walrus off a sea shelf.


    Don't listen to these women.:rolleyes:


  • #48
    Quackles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,484 ✭✭✭Quackles


    Meh, I didn't think giving birth was so bad. The whole labour part sucked a bit, but no worse than a really bad dose of diarrhea. Really, really bad. The actual giving birth part was grand.


  • #49
    Dublindude69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 770 ✭✭✭Dublindude69


    FlutterinBantam wrote: »
    Lads lads...load of rubbish.

    The female ..erm...snatch, is designed for giving birth,that's what the fcuker is for like...well apart from a few other things.

    So don't listen to women going on about tennis balls out the jap's eye and stuff, it's all bullsheet.

    likewise the nipsy is there to bonk out large logs, the fcuker stretches same as the flange.Tip a bit of olive oil on her if you are worried, work it well in to the crinkles:cool:

    I left a log like a Teddy Bear's arm in the jacks in Heuston Station, no pushing or shoving,no fcuk all,out like a four man bob and plopped into the pan like a bull walrus off a sea shelf.


    Don't listen to these women.:rolleyes:
    I agree, pack of moaners, blowing everything out of preportion.


  • #50
    Ann22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,006 ✭✭✭Ann22


    If you've ever had a bad dose of piles or an anal fissure, you may have an idea of what it's like for the head 'crowning' experience...eye wateringly, stingingly painful...but the labour pains are a different kind of pain. Did you ever wriggle your toes in the bed and your foot goes into spasm? Well multiply that by 100 and imagine it's your whole abdomen that's in spasm. There you go. That's about the size of it.


  • #51
    Lando Griffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,952 ✭✭✭Lando Griffin


    They have birthing pools now a days.


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